NCIS: LA - Internal Affairs

So Deeks was arrested, and taken to jail, and some guy comes in and smacks/chokes him while a lady-detective from Internal Affairs was trying to interview him. Ugh.

Boyle (the dead cop) was the guy Deeks explained earlier had put a gun in his mouth, he ended up shot by a hooker he'd assaulted... Supposedly. And the guy attacking Deeks in the interview room was Boyle's old partner.

There's no caption, but you get the gist. 

So the team is gonna investigate, naturally. Deeks kept asking the woman interviewing him for some kind of coffee. So full of the sarcasm and wittiness, as per usual. And Callen may or may not be having relationship issues.

Some dirty cop guy named John Quinn escaped from prison. The police are tearing up Deeks' house and his mom is freaking out. The dead guy's partner, Steadman, was a degenerate gambler and had a female partner who then was killed during a drug bust, which is a little too convenient for Steadman...

Deeks' mom comes to visit him and mentions the fact that he'd had to shoot his father in order to protect her, which is really freaking sad, but didn't we already know that?  

Or is that just a really common character background story? I am confuse!

There was a girl named Julie, a.k.a. Tiffany, who Deeks' cover persona keeps sending money to - she was a hooker who used to be Deeks' informant. She was the one who had supposedly killed Boyle - but says she didn't, she was working with Quinn to bust Boyle, she says Quinn must have killed him - and Deeks helped her get back on her feet because he was the only cop she could trust.

Unless Deeks pleads guilty to the murder he didn't commit, he will be put in a county jail. And Kensi is pissed. She lectures Hetty and says she doesn't care how she does it, she has to get Deeks out. That was... kind of insane.

Kensi and Mrs. Deeks share a nice touching moment - but while Deeks was being interrogated, the lieutenant in charge of the IA department (he'd stopped Steadman from attacking him earlier) comes in and helps him escape. Well this is unexpected - and exciting!

I love a good plot twist!! 

Deeks goes to the house of Quinn's girlfriend, who Sam and Callen had talked to (reluctantly on her part) the day before - but Steadman beat him there and is attacking the girl, Monica - then Deeks is a smartypants and says the stash of whatever he was looking for is under the trap door in the floor of the interrogation room.

Then he brilliantly gets the door open and tells Monica to dive through it, he follows her and they get away! Steadman runs outside - right into the rest of the team. And Kensi points her gun right at him, all badass-like until the rest of the team calls her off - then she realizes where Deeks is and she runs and embraces him which is adorable. And then this happened:

Callen: How come you're never that happy to see me?
Sam: I carry my joy inside
Callen: What does that even mean?
Sam: Means you won't be getting a hug anytime soon.

Those two are the absolute best. I think Granger said it best

Oh, and it turns out Quinn hadn't escaped at all - Hetty had him relocated and faked his escape, and she got the 'stash' and had it planted in Steadman's garage.

But Deeks actually did kill Boyle. Wow. Didn't see that coming. Hetty basically tells him he should break up with Kensi if he can't tell her about the whole killing-a-guy-to-protect-a-hooker thing.

NCIS: LA - Expiration Date

You know when they begin an episode with a 'previously on...' from MONTHS ago, shit's going down in this episode.

Oh hey it's that Gurkha guy with the sword from the intro! Who'da thought he'd show up again?! AND SAM HAS BEEN SHOT BY A SNIPER OH MY GOD!!!! (That shock is sarcastic. It was in the promos.)

I should warn you, I now have a large quantity of Jon Stewart reaction GIFs at my disposal. Sorry in advance.

Oooooh we see Kensi and Deeks in bed and she's all smoochy and cuddly with him, he's giggling in his sleep, and she says "introducing you to my friends was a bad idea". Hold up - what's this? Kensi has friends? Who are female? And like drinking? And her nickname is Kay-Kay?!!

And I really want to know who the male equivalent of Bridget Jones is. Because I would watch the hell out of that movie. (Especially if it featured Colin Firth and/or Hugh Grant). Also Kensi loves Love, Actually brunch, and fantasy engagements. We have more in common than I thought..

Bridget Jones is me if I were British and smoked.
So hopefully I eventually marry someone as precious as Colin Firth.

Callen and Deeks trust Gurkha guy, Kensi is suspicious. And he or this Ella chick apparently was the target, and I REALLY wish they would have shown us all the backstory with her, because we are eight minutes in and I'm already confused.

Everyone's concerned about Sam, but they've got the best surgeon on it. Granger compares Hetty to a mother, say it with me now: AWWWWWE

Deeks and Kensi are spending pretty much every night together - and we don't get to see any of this?!! Thapa (the Gurkha guy) has a lot of sound relationship advice for a guy who carries a giant sword around at all times. I'm not sure why that would hamper his love life, although women might be a little frightened by it.

The first number on that list of algorithms on the window looks like the format of a classroom number at my school. DUN DUNNNN plot twist the nukes are stored at a tiny university in Canada!

This lady already has a handler, so therefore she's just not gonna talk to Callen. Because that makes sense. And oh dear, Sam's dead! (Rolls eyes) If they didn't bother to give Callen a big dramatic 'getting the news' scene, it's clearly not true - and this is confirmed literally 5 seconds later. NCIS:LA writers know we're not stupid, so they're not even bothering to try and trick us.

Considering she barely knew Sam, I don't think this lady has any guilt over him 'dying'.

Kat, Mindy, Mandy, Tiffany and Tiffany. Typical girly-girl nicknames brought to you by silly male TV writers. (Also I'm guessing at least one of those Tiffanys is spelled with an 'i' but I hate that so I'm gonna leave them both as 'y's)

Is 'crazy' really the ONE thing a woman never wants to be called? I mean sure it's bad, but I don't think it's the one thing. 'Ugly' and 'bitchy' would be up there... Maybe 'hormonal'... Not going to turn this into a feminist rant, I swear. And now Thapa is telling Kensi exactly what she wants to hear too. Clever tactic. Maybe Deeks is too hasty calling him 'brother'.

Deeks is now able to look at a blood pool and determine how recently it got there! And who were these detectives anyways?!

YES LET'S USE AUTOMATIC GUNS IN A ROOM FULL OF GASOLINE AND HIGHLY FLAMMABLE THINGS! THAT IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA!!! Terrorist logic is the worst.

Kensi being a freaking badass, pulling a knife out of nowhere and hitting that guy dead-center.

Sarah Walker would be proud.

He and Thapa have a bonding moment, then he tells him something important that I missed because my washing machine chose that second to make a LOT of noise. Damn spin cycle. According to Twitter, Thapa was actually the sniper target, not Ella. Plot twist!


OOHHH SNAP there are more warheads in India than they said! She tries to tell them the info is faulty and Callen is like 'weeellll I counted myself, so I think it's pretty damn accurate.' And India has been keeping secrets. Damn, is the US at war with EVERYBODY?!! And Sam is alive, so Ella knows that now, because her CIA handler chose that exact moment to show up. Callen says 'I didn't make the best first impression'.

(I'm aware this is Watson. But he gives such good side-eye).

HOLD ON A SECOND!! We just had Sarcastic Granger make an appearance!! Shhh, don't spook him! (His joke was even better than mine - plus he used the phrase 'understatement', which always earns points in my book)

And I know I'm not the expert here, but I don't think screaming at your suspect is a good way to get them to cooperate.

Deeks tells Thapa that 'he'll always have a home here' and I think I smell a new (at least temporary/recurring) team member... And "home is not in the heart, home is the heart"... Why so sappy Deeks?!!! Thapa thinks that he has an 'expiration date'. ROLL CREDITS!

Hetty compares spies to used car salesmen. There's an analogy I've never heard before. And Ella is a 'hot commodity' that the CIA just 'has to have'. Said with a Callen eyebrow waggle. Interesting phrasing. And she's a double agent. Even those children that I told to stop watching this show could have seen that coming.

Sam is suddenly a germophobe - but only Deeks-related germs. And he's not supposed to have visitors, but as we all know, this team don't play by the rules. ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! Ella planted a GPS tracker on Thapa, and nobody noticed it?? Except Sam?

I think drugged-up Sam is funny. And he has a scale of 'bad people places and things'. So if an angry Gurkha ranks as 'very very bad', then would six of them be very very very very very very very very very very very very bad? Is that how this math works? Because I love ranking things on scales!

Deeks works his magic with the blood again, innocent doctors and nurses are killed (damnit, civilian casualties are the worst). Do Gurkhas actually assume this cheesy kung-fu group position in real life? Methinks not.  Knives and shit are thrown, a fire axe is involved (good resourceful thinking Deeks!), Callen shoots one of them in the toe because Sam tells him to 'save the hostage'. One of the bad guys decides that throwing things is more effective than up-close combat with a man in a hospital bed. (Although that'd be my choice too, if said man was Sam's size).

OK, I've been watching too much CinemaSins. Because otherwise I would have found this scene pretty intense and badass. But, while we're discussing CinemaSins, I have to say - roll credits x2.

And Thapa is hit. Fatally. Oops. Guess I was wrong about them adding him to the team. Deeks is in disbelief about this. Poor Deeks.

Callen gets his 'nyah nyah' moment with the double-agent lady. Kensi is glad that Deeks wants to take a night off (at least until midnight) and he thinks her smile is perfect and he's gonna cry and I'm gonna cry and he's 'already home' and *squealy noises*...

Chris Pine also finds this moment very touching.

But all I can think of is, it's a good thing they haven't moved in together yet. Because then they'd have no choice if they wanted to 'take a night off'. Other than the couch. Deeks would look like a puppy sleeping on a couch.

AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SOME ERIC/NELL SCENES NEXT EPISODE?!!!  I AM HAVING NELLRIC WITHDRAWAL HERE

NCIS: LA - SEAL Hunter

This episode is already looking pretty interesting, because a) someone gets framed and b) Chris O'Donnell directed. Yaaaay! I would also like to applaud them for going 6 episodes in without any reruns. That's longer than pretty much any other show this season... which is kinda disappointing. But anyways...

Sam gets arrested, at gunpoint, by the FBI, on a bridge. For MUUUUURDER. (That was my Shawn-from-Psych voice, there).

Deeks is eating a superfruit that's part aphrodisiac and looks like a giant sea urchin. Then he hits on Kensi, because 'the fruit made me do it' is an awesome excuse... Right?
Who are all these random people who suddenly work in Ops?? Typical of Hetty to be all 'by the book' and then sneak around behind Granger's back.

Kensi made a Ghostbusters reference, and Deeks has the revelation that vegetarians don't tend to eat at delis. I'm still confused about what this case is and who the person is that Sam may have killed.
Callen is also sneaky and hides in the FBI agent's car. I love how, depending on the viewpoint of the show, FBI agents are either arrogant jerks (CSI), heroes (Bones, Criminal Minds) or incompetent morons (Chuck, NCIS).

But one thing's the same:

They. Always. Wear. Suits.

Eric just compared hacking to sex and Nell made a face I've never seen on her before. It was priceless. Hetty also had a comeback to his analogy, but I'm afraid I missed it because I was still laughing at Nell. (But seriously, does anyone know what she said?? Leave the answer in comments & I'll be forever grateful!!)

Apparently you can now compare DNA samples virtually. *Science*

According to Deeks, toupees can be formidable. Also Deeks claims to be an expert on Judaism because of dating Jewish girls? How does that work, exactly? Don't pretend like you actually listened to them, dude.

Callen shows up - disguised as a waiter - at the restaurant where the FBI agents go for lunch. And Sam's apparently 'disappeared' into the federal jail system. Callen's pissed. He took the FBI lady's gun. And he recommends the lobster. But BAM now Granger's there too. WHAAAAT!? How do they do that?

Deeks scales up a house to climb in the window, and Kensi was definitely looking at his butt. Aaaand now he's trapped. Smooth move, Deeks. "If you shoot me in the back, that's murder!'" So... he just keeps his back to the guy. Oh man I love Deeks. Kensi happens to save the day from outside. And toupee man was definitely staring at Deeks, too... But not his ass. His hair. 

This is relevant.

Toupee-man, when interviewed, says he doesn't trust SEALs, then after he lists all their sneaky accomplishments in that rhetorical-question manner that is OH SO annoying ('You know who did ____? SEALs') Deeks cuts him off by saying 'otters?' and I want to high-five the TV because dude read my mind. (But I didn't, because that would be weird. Not that that's stopped me before..)

This guy approved of that joke.

Toupee-man also claims to have endured 36 hours of 'self-induced' waterboarding, and Deeks is well aware that he's full of it. Well, come on, Deeks, you are the expert on being full of it. 

Surprise, non-surprise, the two FBI people (OK apparently one of them's a lawyer) are sleeping together, and Callen casually finds them, again. I'm cracking up. I think someone on the NCIS: LA writing team has been watching Psych, this is exactly how Shawn operates. Or maybe I've been watching too much Psych. That's also a possibility. (But you can never watch too much Psych.) Granger snaps some photos of them sneaking off together and tells them that it wouldn't bode too well for them if word got out - because he wouldn't be Granger if he wasn't spoiling somebody's fun!

BOOM, Sam is back. And now he's talking to toupee man, who is probably wishing he could pull off the chrome dome like Sam does. Product placement... They have a new Windows phone. It's shiny. My dad is a tech geek and he always pointed it out when Eric had the Surface tablet before they were publicly available. They always manage to get such nicely-framed shots of them, too.

Voila! Side note: check out that adorable selfie. 

Totally reminded me of when they did this on Chuck. Who holds a sandwich like that?

Apparently it's not a toupee, his hair is just really thick and - ooh! Explosion! The non-toupee man's boat blew up. But it was pretty far away. (He wasn't on it). Apparently Sam has a 'doppelganger' who must have been the one who actually committed the murder - but that guy barely looks like him. And Granger tells Callen to 'keep an eye on Sam', knowing fully well that SAM DOES WHAT HE WANTS!

Kensi and Deeks go undercover at a self-defense class, they mess up their over story about whether they're cousins or together (they settle on cousins from Kentucky, it's a good overlap) and the lady teaching the class is totally Hotchner's wife from Criminal Minds.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's play the 'how many other TV shows can Emily mention in one post?' game. So far, I'm up to six. And one movie. I feel like this would be a good game for me to play on all my other posts. Must remember that for later.

Every time self-defense lady makes a move on him, Deeks goes "Okay, that's happening" hahaha what a guy. Apparently she remembers him as a detective because she was a working girl and he helped her out. Say it with me now: Awwwe. But then he has to tell her he's investigating her boss, and she's sad. OH CRAP they use her to lure in her boss and then he has a laser beam trained on her. Crapola.

Sam has to play the hero and runs in front of her so that Deeks and Kensi can follow the guy she handed off the bag to - he was obviously wearing a vest, so he's fine - but then he just LEAVES her there and runs off after the sniper who could possibly still shoot at her... Where's the logic in that??

An abandoned theater is a great place for a showdown. What with the dramatic lighting and all. And I'm still bothered by the fact that THIS DUDE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE SAM!!!

Calm Sam is the scariest Sam. The guy (who is not scary, and looks nothing like Sam) starts crying so then Sam and Callen just start laughing, because real SEALs don't cry. 

No word on the otters, though.

And toupee-or-not guy took all the credit and then referred to Callen and Sam as his backup. Rude!

Update: that sea-urchin-looking fruit stinks. Hetty's not having any of that in her Ops!
Foolish Callen invites Granger for a drink with them - why would you do that! He will prevent you from having fun!

So, to sum up:
-Excellent banter this episode (although a little lacking on Nell & Eric again, what's up with that?)
-Deeks has a nice butt
-Don't mess with Sam
-Toupees are obvious
-Affairs with coworkers are also obvious *cough* Densi *cough*
-Callen is sneaky
-Otters are adorable
-The writers need to learn what 'doppelganger' means
-I wish Chris O'Donnell could direct every episode

And I managed to make six TV and one movie references. Not sure if that's a good thing...