NCIS: LA - Internal Affairs

So Deeks was arrested, and taken to jail, and some guy comes in and smacks/chokes him while a lady-detective from Internal Affairs was trying to interview him. Ugh.

Boyle (the dead cop) was the guy Deeks explained earlier had put a gun in his mouth, he ended up shot by a hooker he'd assaulted... Supposedly. And the guy attacking Deeks in the interview room was Boyle's old partner.

There's no caption, but you get the gist. 

So the team is gonna investigate, naturally. Deeks kept asking the woman interviewing him for some kind of coffee. So full of the sarcasm and wittiness, as per usual. And Callen may or may not be having relationship issues.

Some dirty cop guy named John Quinn escaped from prison. The police are tearing up Deeks' house and his mom is freaking out. The dead guy's partner, Steadman, was a degenerate gambler and had a female partner who then was killed during a drug bust, which is a little too convenient for Steadman...

Deeks' mom comes to visit him and mentions the fact that he'd had to shoot his father in order to protect her, which is really freaking sad, but didn't we already know that?  

Or is that just a really common character background story? I am confuse!

There was a girl named Julie, a.k.a. Tiffany, who Deeks' cover persona keeps sending money to - she was a hooker who used to be Deeks' informant. She was the one who had supposedly killed Boyle - but says she didn't, she was working with Quinn to bust Boyle, she says Quinn must have killed him - and Deeks helped her get back on her feet because he was the only cop she could trust.

Unless Deeks pleads guilty to the murder he didn't commit, he will be put in a county jail. And Kensi is pissed. She lectures Hetty and says she doesn't care how she does it, she has to get Deeks out. That was... kind of insane.

Kensi and Mrs. Deeks share a nice touching moment - but while Deeks was being interrogated, the lieutenant in charge of the IA department (he'd stopped Steadman from attacking him earlier) comes in and helps him escape. Well this is unexpected - and exciting!

I love a good plot twist!! 

Deeks goes to the house of Quinn's girlfriend, who Sam and Callen had talked to (reluctantly on her part) the day before - but Steadman beat him there and is attacking the girl, Monica - then Deeks is a smartypants and says the stash of whatever he was looking for is under the trap door in the floor of the interrogation room.

Then he brilliantly gets the door open and tells Monica to dive through it, he follows her and they get away! Steadman runs outside - right into the rest of the team. And Kensi points her gun right at him, all badass-like until the rest of the team calls her off - then she realizes where Deeks is and she runs and embraces him which is adorable. And then this happened:

Callen: How come you're never that happy to see me?
Sam: I carry my joy inside
Callen: What does that even mean?
Sam: Means you won't be getting a hug anytime soon.

Those two are the absolute best. I think Granger said it best

Oh, and it turns out Quinn hadn't escaped at all - Hetty had him relocated and faked his escape, and she got the 'stash' and had it planted in Steadman's garage.

But Deeks actually did kill Boyle. Wow. Didn't see that coming. Hetty basically tells him he should break up with Kensi if he can't tell her about the whole killing-a-guy-to-protect-a-hooker thing.

Bones - The Promise in the Palace

OH MY GOD IT'S THE TODD!!!!! From Scrubs!! In the opening scene! He's one of the guys who was biking through the forest and found the body.

That dude. Whose underwear I have seen entirely too many times.

Christine lost her first tooth, but Brennan doesn't want them to pretend to be the Tooth Fairy - BTW when I was a kid, my Tooth Fairy was hella cheap. She only gave me a dime per tooth, and a quarter for molars. These kids are getting whole DOLLARS?!!

Angela's handsome photographer mentor friend is handsome. And Cam thinks he might be interested in *something more* than just a mentor-mentee relationship. Oh great, another reason for Hodgins to be jealous.

The victim was not a magician, but rather an escape artist, and yet she still worked at a place called the Magic Palace, which I swear is the same name all TV shows use when they need a name for a secret magician's clubhouse.

I'm pretty sure, when they were scrolling through faces very rapidly on the Angelatron, that one of those was just Olivia Wilde...

She could totally be the dead girl, right?? 

Clark is back. He likes magic - Brennan does not. Aubrey thinks that Brennan might have a point about the Tooth Fairy thing, simply because she's smart and an advanced thinker.

OK I know the whole 'zoom and enhance' thing on crime shows is ridiculous, but right there it was also unnecessary - Angela and Aubrey were looking at security footage from an ATM, and they saw the victim go into a building directly across the street. So Angela 'zoomed and enhanced' the building's address number - BUT YOU KNOW WHERE THE ATM IS, SO YOU COULD HAVE JUST USED A MAP!!! Oy vey.

Clark is trying to do magic tricks to impress Brennan, but she doesn't give a damn.

The son of the guy who owned the Magic Palace got jealous because his dad taught Clarissa, the victim, his old tricks, but he thought they were supposed to be passed down to him. So he stalked her for a few days, and saw her kissing some random dude.

OMG hahaha Cam had her signals crossed - Angela's hunky photography mentor wasn't crushing on Angela, he was crushing on her, Cam!! And he's British! But she says no-go, cos she just got out of a long relationship with Arastoo... Awks. But she smiled! Good for her!

You go, Cam! Be happy!! Move on!!

Wait, are you telling me Booth sits reading in a chair beside, and slightly lower than, the bed, rather than, oh, I don't know, ON the bed?? Beds are the most comfortable place to sit reading, hands down. But I guess you'd better not rumple those perfect sheets, eh?

Clarissa's roommate's boyfriend is a caterer, and he was using some kind of fancy truffle oil (which Booth only knew about because Mr. Foodie Aubrey pointed it out) which Clarissa had a reaction to, because truffles are a fungus, and Clarissa was allergic to fungi.

Sucks to be her, because mushrooms are a fungi and they are delicious

The roommate doesn't have an alibi for the night of the murder, but they quickly brush over that, because she was moving to Las Vegas to work in a casino, so the owner of the Magic Palace got ad because he'd invested so much in her and she was taking off... So he killed her. But he was so sad when they arrested him, kept screaming 'Why did she break her promise?'. I almost feel bad for him.

Bones relented on her Tooth Fairy stance, and gave Christine a dollar. Awww... And Booth did a fancy trick thing that I don't understand and Bones doesn't understand, but he somehow replicated a paper that had 'three US attorney's signatures on it'

And Cam called the British guy!! Yaaay!!! 

Bones - The Senator in the Street Sweeper

Nooo don't run over the little raccoon! Oh, it ran away. OK. We're good. Except there's a dead body in the street sweeper - as promised by the title. Ewwww.

So, wait, the murderer just left a dead body on the side of the road? Where anyone could have stumbled upon it? That's dumb.

Duh. Everyone knows this. 

Booth wants to put a TV in their bedroom, and Brennan disagrees because she thinks it'll get in the way of their sexytime.

Jessica (the redheaded intern) has apparently been watching Battlestar Galactica with Aubrey, which first made me say 'awww' but then made me roll my eyes because they're just instilling all of Sweets' traits in him - he was a sci-fi nerd, too. But she swears that's all that's happening, no Netflix and chilling for them, I see.

Brennan is, for some reason, comfortable talking about their sex life in front of Caroline. Hahaha love Caroline so much.

As implied in the title, the dead guy was a senator. Aubrey wants to be a politician and I love it. He's so ambitious!! He also mentioned Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, a classic movie that has been at the top of my 'movies to watch' list forever.

How can you not love Jimmy Stewart?! 

Caroline's boss wants Aubrey to run a background check on Jessica, which is kind of awkward being that she's kind of almost his girlfriend (I think?) and hopefully he doesn't fund anything too sketchy.

Brennan does an imitation of Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, and I'm starting to wonder if the writer of this episode is a fan of classic movies. 

Oh dear. Jessica was a member of Greenpeace and was present when a bomb exploded near a protest  - even though they hadn't planted it - and also was on the road with the band Phish, where there were a lot of drugs, and she says "I know, I had a great time" and he made this face

This is one of the great facial expressions in the history of facial expressions

So Aubrey seems all uncomfortable about the fact that she's being all honest and that it's technically his job to tattle on her, but they he's like 'OK let's just pretend this never happened' and oh Aubrey I'm so disappointed in you... 

Then he tells Caroline (half of) what he found out, realizes that she assigned him this task to show him what he's getting himself into and what followed is the funniest conversation I've seen in a while. I couldn't find it in GIF format, so bear with me.  

Caroline: You have a bright future ahead of you, but first you need to find yourself the right kind of woman

Aubrey: You asking me out? 

Caroline: Chere, you couldn't handle me.

Aubrey: *awkward snort/laugh*

Can we get a spinoff of these two, please??

The senator ran on a platform of supporting coal miners, and then was about to sign a bill about reducing coal emissions. Which naturally upset a lot of coal miners, including a big giant dude that Caroline tried to prosecute for something before, but the witness disappeared.

Bennan is all proud of herself because she figured out that Jessica and Aubrey were seeing each other but now having problems. The senator made a sketchy 2000$ withdrawal every month and also used to go see a young lady at a restaurant on a regular basis, including the night he died. They think he was having an affair, but Brennan figures out the girl is his daughter!!

The senator's wife is somehow now going to take over his seat, because apparently that's a thing, and she's been accused of poisoning him, since she was a diabetic and had access to the kind of needle that had been used to poison him. And the axe used to hack up his body. as was the senate majority leader.

Apparently if you cut yourself on coal, your skin will turn blue. The senator was going to vote against the party, and his assistant was having an affair with his wife so he was the killer.

Brennan got Booth a TV! It's a nice big one, now they're bickering over the remote cos they're adorable.

Speaking of adorable, let's see that Aubrey face one more time

Bones - The Carpals in the Coy-Wolves

OK so the opening scene was kind of funny, with a man taking his son hunting and berating the kid for not 'acting like a man' since the kid watches Project Runway - then they find a body and the dad is the one who screams. Very clever, Bones writers. But kid? DON'T SHOOT THE FREAKING EVIDENCE!!!

Brennan killed the guy in her books who was based on Booth and that's depressing... Remember to alert your spoilers, Booth!

Dr. Wells' hair/beard is super-long and with it, so is his douchieness. And he's mad that he has to deal with a new female intern who may or may not be attractive. Does he just hate everything?

Coy-wolves are apparently a coyote-wolf hybrid. Which is disappointing to me, because I was hoping they were wolves that were extremely bashful.

I mean, they COULD be both... 

Following the death of Agent Andy, Brennan is going to replace him with another, younger, more handsome FBI agent sidekick. Aubrey thinks she was inspired by him and I don't think he's too far off the mark, because that's BASICALLY WHAT THEY DID WITH SWEETS!!! *sobs*

Is he gonna keep referring to himself in the third person?? Cos every time he says 'Agent James' I'm tempted to add 'Bond'...

Wells is grumpy because he's been having issues... shall we say... 'pitching his tent' lately. Awks. 

BETTY WHITE!!!!!! I knew she'd been on an episode but I didn't realize it was this one!! I'm especially excited because I've been watching reruns of The Golden Girls lately. She's the best!! \

This is relevant. Betty White ain't no banana.

The dead guy might have been murdered over fantasy football. Why am I not surprised... Those things can get heated. And of course Betty White's character plays fantasy football hahaha

She also figured out Wells' problem oh my god I love this woman. 

An actual football player got in a Twitter fight with the victim, which is stupid. There are haters all over the internet and the famous people don't respond to it. BTW Booth still has it, and by 'it', I mean his aim with a gun. Badass. 

Brennan is feeling a little inadequate, because Dr. Mayer (Betty) is much more perceptive than she is. And Wells accidentally shot Hodgins with a tranq dart and now he seems kind of drunk and it's hilarious. 

The angry guy who was a part of the league's wife was sleeping with the victim, and he flips out when Aubrey and Booth go to talk to him, all because he was 'in the middle of a trade'. PRIORITIES, PEOPLE!! But it wasn't him, it was the other guy, the one who worked at a sandwich shop. Dr. Mayer figured it out because of the traces of ham that were left on the body. 

Aaaand Hodgins went out in the woods and shot Wells with a dart. IN THE HAND. I cringed and squirmed and it was gross. 

But Dr. Mayer (who apparently has been working for more years than Angela, Brennan, Cam, and Hodgins COMBINED, but I don't see how that works) gave Brennan some good advice about her relationship with Booth, so she agreed that maybe it was a good idea to bring Agent Andy back from the dead. AWWWE

NCIS:LA - Driving Miss Diaz

Is it weird that I see 'Miss Diaz' in the title and all I think of is this lady?

No? OK. 

So the episode starts with a girl alone in the dark on a university campus and a security officer approaches her and offers to escort her home.. But then another officer approaches them and says the first guy's an imposter. THAT IS LITERALLY ONE OF MY WORST FEARS!!! They shoot each other and she runs away.

Sam's changing the toner in the copier. But he goofed. Nell is helpful, Eric is not. 

I usually find this to be most helpful.

The bad guy was from Peru and was a member of a death squad from the 90s. There was a massacre carried out by said death squad, and a witness survived - a young girl, who the bad guys thought was the one at the university (it wasn't). Instead, it might be some model who wears lingere for a living and Deeks and Kensi have been sent undercover to protect her. She's the aforementioned Miss Diaz, and Deeks is doing the aforementioned driving. 

Elmslie from the global tribunal is back, I hate when they bring back people who were in like 2 episodes 3 years ago, how the hell are we supposed to remember them?!

Pop quiz: who hosted the Olympics the year Elmslie was last on this show??

She's pissed and doesn't want to talk to him. They're trying to set up a trial for the leader of the death squad, while he's trying to run for leader of Peru, and there must be a leak in the tribunal to know who the girls are that could have been the witness. 

God this model chick is so annoying, she gets mad at Kensi for apologizing. What a diva. But she's an orphan so I have some sympathy for her. 

Callen and Sam go undercover as tech support guys, and Sam kinda-sorta flirts with the receptionist which is creepy because she's WAAAAY too young for him. Now Callen is mocking him by making him actually install something. Elmslie gets arrested because he's accused of being the leak in the tribunal. 

Deeks subscribes to Steven Hyde's hairstyling philosophy

One of the other tribunal people who was a suspect is now dead, so somehow that means Elmslie was innocent? He had threatened the NCIS team because his family was in danger (I don't remember that) and now his family has left him... Awks. 

ERIC AND NELL HAVE BOARD GAME NIGHTS!!! AT HIS HOUSE!!!! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MY LITTLE NERD CUTIES

Hetty showed up at the photo shoot and scared the shit out of Deeks. She's going undercover... as herself. As a director of the photo shoot - then she literally blows everyone's cover and convinces Diaz to cooperate. Hetty's the best. 

Sam and Callen go to Diaz's house and scare the crap out of a cleaning lady - but they send Eric a photo and he goes 'Wait a minute, there is a cleaning lady, but that's not her!' (Saw that coming) 

I want to know why she even bothered dressing up in the first place, was she expecting someone to show up? 

She was supposed to torch Diaz's house. Kensi gave Catalina advice from her soap. Busted... And then they pull their guns on Catalina's boyfriend. Awkward. 

THE WATER BOTTLE. I SAW THAT AGES AGO. Granger's smarter than everyone else, I'm so disappointed. But Catalina isn't actually the girl who witnessed the massacre. Aaaand now she's missing. 

So the boyfriend isn't a boyfriend, he's her adopted brother and much much younger than her. Ew.

Nell's dress this week is really incredibly cute. I would love to raid her closet (we're probably close to the same size too). Somehow Elmslie didn't know Catalina had a brother. It's possible that Gabriel (the brother) is the son of the general, who supposedly died in a house fire along with his mother, but - PLOT TWIST! - the mother is totally that not-a-maid they arrested earlier!! 

SO. The woman was a witness to the murders as well, and Catalina was her daughter. The general spared her because he liked her and she had his kid, but then staged the fire so she and her children could escape. So Catalina and Gabriel were actually related. Mega ew. And the DNA was only compared to the dead people so that's why there was no match! 

The bad guys show up Gabriel's apartment. Oh dear. 

For the first time ever, Callen runs out of bullets. And the girl has to run in heels. This is a stupid plan. But then Deeks shows up and hits a bad guy with a car. PS Kensi has been wearing a burgundy blazer all episode and it's really nice. 

Hetty has a future in directing photo shoots (and modelling in them). And Deeks has a present nd a future in putting his foot in his mouth. 

Bones - The Brother in the Basement

The beginning is basically a flashback to what happened before the case the team investigated in the last episode - they're shown torching the van with Jared's dead body in it. Except for the fact that the guy in the van is CLEARLY not Brendan Fehr.
But whatever.

Jon is not pleased with the continuity errors. 

I completely forgot that Cam and Booth had romantic history! So obviously she knew Jared. So she's sad. Aww poor Cam. 

Brennan wants her job back!! We all knew that was coming but still, it's pretty nice. She and Aubrey go with Miller to Miller's missing partner's house. Aubrey goes into the fridge (of course) Brennan chastises him for looking for a snack (of course) and then this happens:

We know you too well, Aubrey.

And then they find A FINGER!! EWWWW

I thought I was done being grossed out by this show, but Cam removing the bone from the inside of a finger, and then inserting her own (gloved) finger inside the skin made me gag hardcore. The finger belonged to the missing agent's fiancee.

The bad guys are all mocking Booth for hemorrhaging - nice partners in literal crime you have there, Booth. He ends up taking matters into his own hands and cauterizing the wound with silver nitrate - Don't do that at home, kids! - and he screamed and I cringed.

Aubrey and Miller find two dead bodies being ravaged by vultures in an abandoned barn, doused in battery acid. One is identified as the fiancee of the missing agent but we don't know about the other.

HOT NERD ALERT!!!
Sorry. This handsome guy showed up looking for Angela, Brennan waved him off as a stripper or something, and then he held up a brace-wrapped wrist and informed her he was a digital forensic scientist with the FBI, but "I usually wear my glasses, if it helps. Also I have carpal tunnel and two cats at home named Stephen and Hawking." CATS!! The man has CATS!!! I'm in love already.

I, too, has a kitty. 

The other body is finally confirmed to be Bannerman, Miller's missing partner. And the new guy, Dr. Metzger, starts sniffling like he's going to cry and awwww... Angela feels bad for him, Hodgins is suspicious that the two of them are talking (of course).

Oh snap, Booth's sketchy criminal pal just got a text saying Booth can't be trusted and he has to kill him. Dun dunnn...

Christine calls Brennan because she's all worried about Booth. Aww. Sad. There was a sketchy blue van following Bannerman around in a few weeks before he disappeared. The driver was a member of the Aryan Brotherhood because this only thing this episode was missing was white supremacists! Said asshole for some reason has a problem with Caroline. But apparently he was a CI for Bannerman. Caroline and I are equally disgusted.

They figure out that Miller and Bannerman were a couple, and he had left her for his fiancee. Oooh. Messy.

Brennan offered Arastoo an unsolicited compliment (awww) and they figured out that the person who beat Bannerman to death was wearing brass knuckles! They gave us an interesting fact - contrary to their name, brass knuckles usually aren't made of brass, rather steel. But this person must have an injured hand. Ohhh dear. Not the hot nerd!

The other two bad guys turn on Booth and the head honcho, something about the 'deal' being cancelled. Apparently the main guy had refused to kill Booth, but the others saw the text messages and decided the money was what they wanted so they try to kill him instead. Bastards.

Caroline should know that Brennan never does what she's told - and that includes not going into interview rooms if her husband's life is in danger.

Here's something I don't get - one of the bad guys was shooting an automatic weapon at Booth, and Booth locks himself in some kind of boiler room and opens the window to try and get out. The window shows that it's broad daylight and they're in the basement of a building that looks to be downtown somewhere, with tons of people walking around. So nobody on the street heard all the shooting?!!

Booth is a smarty pants, using the old 'hide from the bad guy and make it look like you've escaped, then sneak up on him from behind' trick. And then he emerges from the basement just as Brennan shows up outside. Timing!

So after Angela and Hodgins leave in the perfect image of married bliss, Cam and Arastoo have a little heart-to-heart, and I'm pretty sure they're breaking up. Also pretty sure he's leaving because he doesn't want to be an intern for the rest of his life. That makes me very very sad, even though I never really liked him that much... But I love Cam and I love the fact that he made her happy. How many more new interns are we gonna need?! They're dropping like flies (not literally... Except Vincent. And now I'm sad)

Miller is leaving, but she brought Aubrey a peace offering. That's sweet. His favourite whiskey is the cheapest kind, and it causes Caroline to choke, which is adorable. I love that their dynamic is starting to mirror that of her and Booth.

NCIS:LA - Field of Fire

Fights breaking out in hospital rooms - totally run-of-the-mill for this show.
I always feel bad for the casual innocent naive bystanders who are nice to criminals without knowing who they are. Case in point: that hospital security guard.

Deeks wants to mentor a kid who's like an exact Deeks Mini-me.
And naturally, the escaped guy is insanely dangerous AND a trained killer. Because why not? And if he's having mental issues which lead to him being confused and hostile. LOVELY.

The escaped guys' teenage daughter is a total snotfaced brat and I want to slap her... Although Deeks doing the *hastag* thing made me giggle.

The (nurse? orderly?) guy at the hospital is less-than-helpful, considering they're looking for the dude who attacked him. Callen and Sam also find a bag of suspicious drugs under the bed.

Apparently the missing sniper Connor was also obsessed with Charles Whitman (the University of Texas tower shooter). Greeeeat. I can see where this is gonna end up.

Apparently Kensi is an expert sniper again, something they mention so infrequently I'd nearly forgotten about it. Granger doesn't think Deeks 'cleans up well'. I DISAGREE, GOOD SIR.

Pictured: Granger's words being eaten. 

Kensi does what she does best - lie and gain people's trust to get information - and Deeks does what he does best - antagonize people - while undercover at the VA.

Sam gives a pep talk to that random homeless guy outside the hospital that we saw at the beginning - turns out he is an excellent witness and gives them some good information.

Deeks realizes that the sketchy nurse-man from earlier was totally giving away drugs illegally. Then chases him down the hallway, arrests him in the stairwell. He thinks admitting to it (after he's already caught) should 'count for something'. Not exactly how it works, pal.

A former marine who was a right-wing extremist had been visiting Connor in the hospital, and after his visits Connor began sliding into crazyville. The drugs were also a zombie drug that kind of control people's minds. That dude, Simmons, was picked up by a car service right before the same driver picked up Connor at the VA.

Some nice comic relief for a moment while Kensi and Deeks go to interview that driver, he mistakes Kensi for a stripper and she teaches him a lesson of how to LISTEN.

Deeks tells this dude to take several chill pills, and Kensi thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever heard. 

So Sam and Callen go to visit the right-wing assholes (complete with Confederate flag! The props department is really getting their money's worth out of that thing) and stare down the little weasel working at the counter. Said weasel tells them he doesn't know where their leader is, but Sam spots a conveniently-placed flyer advertising a hate rally at a mosque.

JUST as they get there, with the most convenient timing, one of the guys gets shot. By a sniper! And then in the time it takes Callen and Sam to realize this and cross the street, said sniper managed to grab his gun, go down at 6+ flights of stairs, get into a car, and speed away.

Kensi getting all up the business of disturbing this crime scene, and realizes the shooter is left-handed. Connor isn't. Uh-oh.

The leader of the hate group denies calling the hit on a Muslim, but he hates them regardless. This jerk belongs on FOX News. He says 'there's no such thing as an innocent Muslim'. This episode is setting a record for minor characters I want to slap.

Me, to that guy. 

Deeks is not here to criticize peoples' parenting styles. Callen, however, is here to deliver possibly the sassiest 'mmmmhm' I've ever heard.

Oh, Sassy Callen, I love you so

They find Simmons in and identify themselves just as he has the chance to run away (my dad points out that announcing themselves perhaps when they're closer to him MIGHT be a good idea) Also, considering there were four of them, they could have easily closed him off like they've done many times before. Why all come at him from the same angle?? They trap him in an ally, then he pops out shooting and they hit him easily. Suicide by cop?

They somehow figure out where the next target is - yet another prominent Muslim, he's sniping on the roof and Kensi is counter-sniping him. WHY are Sam and Callen taking the elevator?!! Granger and Sam in her earpieces are like the proverbial devil and angel - Granger telling her to take the shot, Sam telling her to hold on.

Because SOME PEOPLE still have faith in humanity. 

Kensi manages to shoot his gun, and Callen and Sam manage to take him down safely. And the dangerous sniper is returned to the low-security hospital and reunited with his family.

Deeks' new little brother assignment has been changed to a little nerd kid who looks suspiciously like a male version of Hetty - and he's not happy! He knows nothing about German opera! Oh dear! Adventures of Deeks as a babysitter next week, PLEEEASE!! Also Hetty tells Deeks he should get used to handling kids he doesn't have much in common with, because "when he has kids he will never know who he's going to get". FORESHADOWING. SO MUCH FORESHADOWING. Kensi is pregnant and Hetty's the only one who knows.

NCIS: LA - Beacon

Not going to lie, I definitely read the title as 'bacon' when I first saw it. Probably as a result of the bacon I just had for dinner. Nom.

Oh look, Arkady is back! Oh look, he's wrestling with someone. Oh look, an explosion! Oh look.. I'm pretty sure he's dead.

Thank you for the re-enactment, Jon.

Callen is dropping off his lady friend and she's all skeptical about whether he'll actually be around that evening like he says. Makes me wonder what exactly these people do on their days off. Work out? Target practice? Sit around practicing their quipping? She says "I'm still getting used to this". You've had four months lady! Why is this complaining only happening now? Also where the heck have you been for the last four months?!

MISSING: Have you seen this woman? Oh, nevermind. There she is.

Granger doesn't want Kensi and Deeks in the field together. Because they have fun when they're together, and Granger is against that. (Just kidding. It's actually because of that LAPD investigation about him. That hasn't been mentioned for weeks, I'd almost forgotten about that). Hetty says Callen is sad not because Arkady was his friend, but because he was possibly the last link to his father and his family. *Cue the sympathetic tears for the misunderstood orphan hero*

Callen finds a pocketwatch from the KGB on the body, which apparently Arkady always carried with him. He also looks at the burned body and says "There's no way of knowing who this is." THAT'S BULLCRAP. BONES WOULD HAVE IT DONE IN FIVE MINUTES. Actually, Angela would probably scan the head and be like "well various parts of the face burn at different rates so I reverse-burnt them and here's his face."

Not that Angela isn't a genius, but COME ON WHERE IS THE REALITY?!

Apparently Eric has taught Callen that origin stories tend to disappoint. He's not wrong. But Callen likening himself to a superhero is so cheesy... Ugh. Also, apparently Callen has been to Arkady's house a few times. Because "he has a nice pool". Suuuuuuure Callen.

Deeks found some fingerprints and ran through a crime scene scenario. Which Kensi finds pretty hot. I concur, Kensi. Also pretty observant of him. He and Kensi found a deed to a yacht hidden in a frame.

Eric is a little resentful of Deeks and I don't know why... Apparently he's jealous of his hair. But Eric has nice hair too!

Be proud of your hair, Eric. Actually, be proud of your face, too.

He and Nell figure out something smart and then Eric says "I love you!" OH MY GOD. Which obviously was because of how excited he was about her idea, but then he covers it by saying "By that, I mean your mind. Your beautiful, gorgeous mind." AWWWWEEE!!!! And then he makes it creepy/weird again by saying he wants to take some of it home with him and she says that's like a lobotomy and he realizes she's right and I am still squealing internally because THIS IS THE ERIC AND NELL BANTER I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR ALL SEASON!!

I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!

Callen is eating tofu. Voluntarily. That's weird. Apparently it was Joelle's idea. And he actually listened? We finally address the stuff Callen does on his day off, and I was right, it is all work-related stuff. He has no hobbies. And he also sleeps on the floor. What a weirdo.

After Eric has freaked out about the person they discovered in the video footage - we cut to Callen and Sam and Arkady walks up to them all casual and says hi. Which I totally called. Clearly he's alive. It's right in the episode description that a 'murder victim shows up alive and asks for their help.' SHOCKING!

Arkady is funny. He wants bagpipes for his funeral. And the guy in the car is the guy we saw him struggling with at the beginning of the episode, he ended up shooting that guy with his own gun. AND his car was already rigged to explode. What the shit?! Who does that?!! What if he accidentally hit that button on the remote? What if someone rear-ended him?? That is insane.

Arkady is not being helpful, he doesn't want to be in the interview room, he wants coffee, he calls kayaks 'canoes'. But seriously, the boatshed is nice. The Coast Guard finds that the yacht might actually be a cargo ship, because it has a transponder.

Arkady is worried about a random girl who's on his phone, and admits that he set up a deal between American people with ships, and Russians with cargo. Also the guy whose fingerprints were in Arkady's ransacked house was a suspended LAPD officer who now works for the sketchy shipping company. He was the one who Arkady shot and then blew up, but he was working with another guy, also an ex-cop, who they can't find.

Deeks is all sad and sighing and gloomy and Kensi asks him if there's anything bad that IA might find, and he doesn't know how to answer that. Sad Deeks face.

Arkady tells Hetty that's it's 'nice to see her again', and she responds "I wish I could say the same, but my mother raised me not to tell lies."

Haha so witty Hetty. Although that in itself was a lie, because she lies all the time. PARADOX ALERT!

The ship was full of oil. 100 million dollars' worth of oil, to be exact. HOLY SHIT. Damn oil. Apparently that's enough to start a war. No kidding.

I'm sorry, did someone say 'oil'?

The sketchy siblings who own the sketchy shipping company are stereotypically sketchy to the max. And the bad cop who Kensi and Deeks were tailing is on his way to meet them. For some more sketchy dealings, no doubt. Turns out the bad guy is not the one who they were looking for, he's dead and in the trunk of his own car. But they go into the stairway so naturally that concrete interrupts their radio and Callen and Sam can't hear them. Somehow yelling 'gun' and causing mass panic lets all the civilians know who the BAD guy with the gun is... No one ducks and runs from Sam. He didn't even try to shoot Arkady, he just shoots the shipping company owners. And then Sam shoots him. He was a Russian contract killer.

Callen returns the pocketwatch to Arkady and they exchange Russian phrases. Yaaaay symbolic gestures! And Arkady calls Callen 'my friend' as he leaves, so THEY TOTALLY ARE FRIENDS.

Hetty has a feeling that 'the day is not yet over'. And Nell says that the tanker is not where it's supposed to be. So now Hetty wants to talk to Arkady again, but that's gonna be easier said than done.

I really wish there'd been more resolution to the Nell/Eric awkward cuteness, but hey, those few scenes we had with them were a lot more than we've had in recent weeks. I'll take it!
Also, someone give Deeks a hug.

Bones - The Baker in the Bits

Hey hey hey, finishing up on the catching-up on Bones. Yay! This is the episode from last week (April 9th).

A guy who has clearly been stabbed is being chased by a guy with a knife, escapes by climbing over a fence, gets blown up. See, THAT is why you always pay attention to warning signs.

Booth is freaking out because he lost a photo, Brennan finds it, and shows off it's because of archaeology. The explosion was from a mine, it's illegal to blow things up after dark but that doesn't really help him now...
Vaziri is being weird, Brennan won't let him talk to Cam about personal stuff at work, because Brennan.

What happened to Cam with this attitude?? (Bonus: live Sweets)

Aubrey is eating again and apparently he believes in reincarnation. What a cutie.

Angela IDs the victim, he was an ex-convict, cos he had a prison gang tattoo. Also they finally figure out he was stabby-stabbed. Turns out Vaziri's brother in Iran is dying of cancer, and he wants to go back to Iran to see him even though he was expelled from the country and he'd be risking his life because he left before that happened so on a technicality he might be allowed back in.

The victim's girlfriend surprises Aubrey in a towel at the victim's house, and he's clearly been taking some lessons from Booth in the wry-delivery of bad news department. On an unrelated note, Hodgins has tied Angela up in bed but doesn't want to return the favour. Interesting... (She also doesn't want to do it again)

The victim, Connor, worked at a bakery, one that employs exclusively ex-cons. They all look stereotypically tough and muscular, because typecasting! Brennan correctly points out that if Aubrey went with them to visit the bakery, he'd "eat everything in sight. But not literally."

Pictured: Aubrey around any type of baked good. 

Cam and Vaziri argue some more, he says that leaving is the only choice he has because he has to help and he doesn't care if something bad happens to him. Which also means he doesn't care if he leaves Cam all alone. So she ends the argument by very formally calling him 'Mr. Vaziri'. Ouch.

Turns out the victim was involved in a convenience store robbery, and the clerk at the store got shot (not killed, but she was paralyzed) and even though the other robbers testified that Connor wasn't in on the plan to rob the store, the clerk's brother had been harassing and threatening Connor ever since he got out on parole. And he would come into the bakery and cause trouble (which I think is a dumb idea considering all the tough guys that work there had him outnumbered... But whatever). Aubrey does not support the concept of vigilante justice.

Oh lord. Cam and Angela are talking about ATP. As a former science student, I hate ATP. ATP is evil. Just thinking about that and cellular respiration and crap gives me a headache. Turns out Connor was on a lot of drugs at the time he died. His girlfriend knew about it, he was taking all her money to feed his drug habit.

Brennan think's it's silly for Vaziri to go back to Iran, Booth is also worried about it, Cam is resourceful and has spoken to a bunch of people (including the always-pleasant Alex from Homeland Security, but that conversation happened off-screen) who told her the same thing - THE RISK IS TOO DAMN HIGH!

Apparently Connor was also discussing robbing a place, to get more money for his drug habit. Angela does some computer magic, and something to do with parking meters, and they realize that he was casing out a check-cashing place. We have this adorable exchange between Hodgins and Aubrey:

SO MUCH HODGINS SASS. Poor Aubrey.

Then Angela looks at the staff list for the check cashing place to see if he had 'someone on the inside' and they recognize a name - which Hodgins show-offishly informs everyone "That's the victim's girlfriend!" Um, yeah, Aubrey already knows. He's the one who's already met her...

She still says she didn't help him.

Cam confronts Vaziri because he was looking for tickets to Iran on a work computer and left the browser open (subtle, dude) and he gives her a beautiful speech about how much he loves his country and needs to be there holding his brother's hand. Very touching and then they kiss and Hodgins walks in and it's awkward again.

Although I guess Cam has been on the RECIEVING end of her fair share of awkward moments.
About time she turned the tables. 

Angela works her magic based on some particulates, then Booth and Aubrey go to an abandoned metalworks plant, which, just from the angle they're shooting at, looks an awful lot like the abandoned factory from Season 1 episode 15 'Two Bodies in the Lab' (don't ask me why I thought of that randomly, probably because it was the episode Adam Baldwin AKA Chuck's John Casey was in). Are they recycling shooting locations? Shame on them,

Anyway, Aubrey is really creeped out by this place, and they find blood, and then they see THREE MORE SKELETONS in an incinerator - WOAH did not see that one coming!! And then Booth sees something even creepier, a bunch of tattoos that have been CUT OUT of people and strung up to dry. Now, CSI already did an episode like this way back in the day - someone was 'collecting' the tattoos cut out of people's bodies - but other than that, I must say...

To the writers of course. For that plot twist. I never 'Bravo!'-tea-GIF a serial killer. 

DUUDE I think the killer is the owner of the bakery. I think the victims are all ex-cons who worked at the bakery. Brennan suspects a weird ritualistic angle to the killings. One of the victims was a priest. (Priest with a tattoo? Rock on). The second victim was an ex-con who was in the same prison as Connor and some of the guys at the bakery. They think it's one of the guys from the bakery - because when he was a kid he'd belonged to the church that the priest worked at,

Booth and Aubrey have the bakery owner plan a meetup with the missing guy in a parking garage, he freaks out before he even sees them, attacks his boss, and Booth has to shoot - but only to injure. And now I feel bad for the boss guy - partly for accusing him of being a serial killer, and partly because he seemed to crushed to find out one of the guys he vouched for and trusted turned out to be a serial killer. Poor guy.

And the ending scene is with Cam and Vaziri this time around - he tells her his brother is getting worse, she gives him some research she did because she wants his brother to get better, he tells her he booked a flight and he's leaving in a few hours. She starts crying and tells him to come back to her and someone must have let an onion ninja into my room because I need a tissue.  So I guess we won't be seeing much of him for a while.
Although while we're on the topic of squinterns -  where the hell has Finn been?!! I need more of him!!

So that's it for last week's episode, hope you enjoyed it! I'll get tonight's episode done and up as soon as possible, I promise (just have to wait for someone to upload it!) I didn't watch it live because I wasn't finished this one yet and also there was a Blue Jays game on that I wanted to watch - turned out to be a massive disappointment. But that's how it goes.