NCIS:LA - Field of Fire

Fights breaking out in hospital rooms - totally run-of-the-mill for this show.
I always feel bad for the casual innocent naive bystanders who are nice to criminals without knowing who they are. Case in point: that hospital security guard.

Deeks wants to mentor a kid who's like an exact Deeks Mini-me.
And naturally, the escaped guy is insanely dangerous AND a trained killer. Because why not? And if he's having mental issues which lead to him being confused and hostile. LOVELY.

The escaped guys' teenage daughter is a total snotfaced brat and I want to slap her... Although Deeks doing the *hastag* thing made me giggle.

The (nurse? orderly?) guy at the hospital is less-than-helpful, considering they're looking for the dude who attacked him. Callen and Sam also find a bag of suspicious drugs under the bed.

Apparently the missing sniper Connor was also obsessed with Charles Whitman (the University of Texas tower shooter). Greeeeat. I can see where this is gonna end up.

Apparently Kensi is an expert sniper again, something they mention so infrequently I'd nearly forgotten about it. Granger doesn't think Deeks 'cleans up well'. I DISAGREE, GOOD SIR.

Pictured: Granger's words being eaten. 

Kensi does what she does best - lie and gain people's trust to get information - and Deeks does what he does best - antagonize people - while undercover at the VA.

Sam gives a pep talk to that random homeless guy outside the hospital that we saw at the beginning - turns out he is an excellent witness and gives them some good information.

Deeks realizes that the sketchy nurse-man from earlier was totally giving away drugs illegally. Then chases him down the hallway, arrests him in the stairwell. He thinks admitting to it (after he's already caught) should 'count for something'. Not exactly how it works, pal.

A former marine who was a right-wing extremist had been visiting Connor in the hospital, and after his visits Connor began sliding into crazyville. The drugs were also a zombie drug that kind of control people's minds. That dude, Simmons, was picked up by a car service right before the same driver picked up Connor at the VA.

Some nice comic relief for a moment while Kensi and Deeks go to interview that driver, he mistakes Kensi for a stripper and she teaches him a lesson of how to LISTEN.

Deeks tells this dude to take several chill pills, and Kensi thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever heard. 

So Sam and Callen go to visit the right-wing assholes (complete with Confederate flag! The props department is really getting their money's worth out of that thing) and stare down the little weasel working at the counter. Said weasel tells them he doesn't know where their leader is, but Sam spots a conveniently-placed flyer advertising a hate rally at a mosque.

JUST as they get there, with the most convenient timing, one of the guys gets shot. By a sniper! And then in the time it takes Callen and Sam to realize this and cross the street, said sniper managed to grab his gun, go down at 6+ flights of stairs, get into a car, and speed away.

Kensi getting all up the business of disturbing this crime scene, and realizes the shooter is left-handed. Connor isn't. Uh-oh.

The leader of the hate group denies calling the hit on a Muslim, but he hates them regardless. This jerk belongs on FOX News. He says 'there's no such thing as an innocent Muslim'. This episode is setting a record for minor characters I want to slap.

Me, to that guy. 

Deeks is not here to criticize peoples' parenting styles. Callen, however, is here to deliver possibly the sassiest 'mmmmhm' I've ever heard.

Oh, Sassy Callen, I love you so

They find Simmons in and identify themselves just as he has the chance to run away (my dad points out that announcing themselves perhaps when they're closer to him MIGHT be a good idea) Also, considering there were four of them, they could have easily closed him off like they've done many times before. Why all come at him from the same angle?? They trap him in an ally, then he pops out shooting and they hit him easily. Suicide by cop?

They somehow figure out where the next target is - yet another prominent Muslim, he's sniping on the roof and Kensi is counter-sniping him. WHY are Sam and Callen taking the elevator?!! Granger and Sam in her earpieces are like the proverbial devil and angel - Granger telling her to take the shot, Sam telling her to hold on.

Because SOME PEOPLE still have faith in humanity. 

Kensi manages to shoot his gun, and Callen and Sam manage to take him down safely. And the dangerous sniper is returned to the low-security hospital and reunited with his family.

Deeks' new little brother assignment has been changed to a little nerd kid who looks suspiciously like a male version of Hetty - and he's not happy! He knows nothing about German opera! Oh dear! Adventures of Deeks as a babysitter next week, PLEEEASE!! Also Hetty tells Deeks he should get used to handling kids he doesn't have much in common with, because "when he has kids he will never know who he's going to get". FORESHADOWING. SO MUCH FORESHADOWING. Kensi is pregnant and Hetty's the only one who knows.

NCIS:LA - Savoire Faire

The manly men are having a pissing contest about who's been shot more, and Kensi only has been once, but it was with a vest, so it 'doesn't count'? I call foreshadowing...

There's a dead guy at the beach, and Eric does not have a beach body. Granger does not have a joking face. But he wants Sam to do burpees to prove that he's fit to be back at work.

The victim was an Afghani soldier in some exclusive DEA training program. I need to pay better attention at breifings...
The lady they're supposed to be talking to about this is absent from the crime scene, and the guy who's there is not helpful. So Callen threatens him with Hetty's scariness.

NELL AND ERIC ARE TALKING!!! He wants to know if she's busy, and she is all impatient with him (What's up with that, Nell?) Eric has female friends. Shocking! Although they all owe him favours, hmm..

What kind of favours has he been doing for them, I wonder?

The AWOL Agent Richards is tracked to a bar by the clever Eric and Nell, and Kensi and Deeks track her down. Apparently the other soldiers in her program have also disappeared - and it very much looks as though they're the ones who killed the dead guy.

Hetty uses the royal 'we'. And Eric and Nell are watching her super-awkward car accident of a phone conversation. Nosy children.


SARCASTIC CALLEN MAKES A RETURN!!! A guy from the army that they're interviewing says the Afghanis are not at all suspicious, and that they wouldn't do anything wrong. Sam and Callen aren't buying it, so he asks "Are you insinuating I knew something about this?" 

"I'm sorry if I was insinuating it, I meant to be very clear."
Callen, you beautiful sarcastic bastard, you!

Eric, you can't believe everything you believe on social media!
It turns out one of the other soldier guys was nearly kidnapped, and the other one was successfully kidnapped (in a white panel van, no less). 

Literally the only kinds of cars criminals on TV ever drive. It's like they don't care about the environment.

Agent Richards is still drinking, on a work day, which she's apparently been doing every day for the last month. But I don't get it, the program only blew up in the last 48 hours - what was her reason for being an drinking before then??

Callen and Sam are realizing they have like nothing in common. Not even breakfast foods. And I have to say I have more in common with Sam - I prefer champagne to beer (although barely) and waffles over pancakes. But I like baseball way more than either of their favourite sports. So there.

Go Jays!

Deeks has an interesting sense of style... We think. And apparently a black shirt and baseball hat says 'Milwaukee'. The missing soldier bought one. I'd say it's more suspicious wearing long sleeves in sunny LA, but Sam and Deeks do it all the time, so nevermind. 

A point for Callen here: he and I have the same roll-em-up attitude toward shirt sleeves.
His forearms are much more impressive than mine, though.

Sam and Callen track down the missing guy just at the same time as the bad guys in their van show up and start shooting.
That's one of the problems with having painted-out windows on the van you use for your criminal activities - you can't see giant Sams coming up to your front door to bash the window and drag you out. But he got into the van and they all got away (although I doubt Eric will have a hard time tracking it down with his magical cameras, considering it's all shot up).

The jihadist who Sam pulled out of the van is a 'lousy consolation prize' according to him (I coulda sworn that guy was driving, but whatever...). Eric is very impressive and wants someone to acknowledge this.

Deeks likes pancakes! He makes s'morecakes - pancakes with marshmallows and chocolate chips - and Callen is scared that he has more in common with Deeks than Sam. Now Deeks is jealous that no one is acknowledging how impressive he is - which Eric and Nell and Granger all overhear. The jihadist apparently 'got rid of' his girlfriend... Is she dead? Did he just dump her? They need to track her down...

Meanwhile, I'm still drooling over those s'morecakes...

SAM SAID TOUCHE!!!! THIS IS A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN!!!! Also I have noticed that Kensi does the same half-pushed up sleeves things as Callen - maybe they should be partners!

They manage to catch up to the third soldier, who is still on the run. He didn't know that the first guy was dead, either.

Turns out that girlfriend isn't dead, and neither is the second soldier. And they just shoot the bad guys and that's the end of that. And when Sam says 'take care of yourself', he really means 'don't do anything stupid'. But he says it with affection.

MONET! Callen and Sam both like Monet. Hetty tells them this. She finds his paintings a little 'dainty' (hahahahahahaha) but that's what they have in common. Which is precious.

In Hetty's book: Tea = not dainty, Monet = dainty. Good to know.

And Nell thinks she didn't do a good enough job of profiling, but I wish they took this end scene with her and Hetty and made it one with her and Eric instead... I really really really need more of those two!!!!

NCIS: LA - Forest for the Trees

Hello everyone!!! I am super tired because I wrote a 1,200 word essay over the weekend, and then wrote a misterm today, on 4 hours of sleep. What'd y'all do today?
I'm in desperate need of a nap...

Firstly, let me say I love the title of this episode. I love the phrase that title comes from. I love this show. I love everything. But maybe that's just the caffeine talking.

Sam and Callen are meeting some dude in a sketchy truck at the side of the road in the middle of nowhere ("Why do they never want to meet at Starbucks?" Callen asks) and then *poof* some smoke comes out from underneath the truck and it somehow blinds and/or deafens them and down they fall...


Deeks paid eighteen dollars for his lunch. I know everything is expensive in LA, but sheesh... Suddenly amongst the cute bickering over whether or not he can actually cook, he and Kensi notice that Callen and Sam are missing.

Granger finds out that he wasn't invited to the Christmas party. Know why? BECAUSE GRANGER ALWAYS RUINS THE FUN!!!

See, this looks like fun! And Granger is conspicuously absent...

Sam and Callen wake up from taking a nap on a dirt floor.  About time, boys, you need to escape! But seriously, how many times this season can the two of them be taken hostage/trapped somewhere?? First the submarine, then in Mexico... Other than Eric in the mole episode, nobody else has taken a turn. Oh, and I guess Callen in that office building episode - then Kensi and Deeks voluntarily made themselves hostages. But that's not the same.


Eric has problems staying on topic when he's worried. Me too, buddy. Also, this show has finally caught up to the real-world terrorist problems, and they're talking about ISIS.


Callen and Sam manage to open an escape hatch out of their prison, and after some quality married-couple-type banter, Callen needs to go get the screwdriver.

Turns out nobody tried to steal Sam's super-nice car after they were kidnapped, so Kensi and Deeks manage to easily find the location and the crucial evidence. Did the kidnappers lock up the car afterwards? What nice kidnappers.

Hetty and Granger have one of those tense conversations where she puts her people first and he puts the operation first, she says "I'm one step ahead of you Owen" and he goes "You always are, Henrietta." and she smiles like 'you know that's right'. Then he mentions that he might actually have feelings, and everyone at home does a collective *gasp*.

"I'm as concerned about them as you are. But my tone of voice will not change at all to reflect this."

Meanwhile, back at the ranch... Sam and Callen are walking around outside and they're in a forest. They see a fence and say 'it's too easy' and I called it - ELECTRIC FENCE!! Then a random handsome guy in a suit shows up behind them and yells 'don't move or you'll be dead'. AAH!
Not to worry, he's actually a GOOD handsome guy who (from 20 feet away) managed to spot that Callen stopped conveniently JUST brushing up against a tripwire. He's the missing NSA agent they were supposed to be getting info about - but he didn't go missing until that very morning. While on a Starbucks run.

This episode brought to you by Starbucks.
Starbucks: The best place to meet up with sources and/or get kidnapped.

Deeks and Kensi go to a trailer of a drug/weapons dealer or something purporting to be a 'management solutions' business, and Deeks starts quizzing the guy about importing fiddleheads and such. Then the guy runs and poor Deeks is forced to dive into some water that 'looks cold' to catch him. 

You'd think a surfer like Deeks would be more graceful with water... This reminds me of that scene from City Slickers where Billy Crystal has to rescue that cow.

Ops gets the information in on the NSA agent who was abducted - AND IT'S NOT THE SAME GUY FROM THE FOREST!!! UH OH!!!  Then Deeks and Kensi threaten to take the drug/weapon whatever guy into the middle of the sketchy part of town and loudly thank him for snitching to them. Which is a pretty genius plan if you think about it. Also allows for optimal sarcasm.

Still walking through the forest, then the handsome fake-NSA guy says 'Sorry guys nature calls' and he walks off into the forest. With a smile. And then they cut to commercial. Because that's not ominous at all... And then Sam just kinda follows him, clearly thinking something's up, and we notice that he's got a gun stashed in a tree trunk but can't grab it with Sam watching. Seriously dude? Peeing? That was your plan? Dudes pee next to other dudes all the time, if you weren't up to no good, you would have just picked a tree and told the other two to turn their backs!!

Callen and Sam find a crappy rundown building with the circuit breaker for the fence, and then Sam finds the REAL NSA agent tied up and bloody in the back room.

Deeks and Kensi are undercover at a restaurant where Granger is meeting some double-agent guy. The cooking sucks. Shocking.

Why did the bad guy let Sam go into that room where the real NSA guy was? Where the hell did Callen find that gun?? And why would he have told the NSA guy where the meeting was taken place? Even if they did trust him, why did he need to know where it was?? Why does it take 6 bad guys to storm a teeny restaurant to kill 2 guys?? There is so much logic missing here... BUT OHHH MAN they gave him the ole switcheroo - told him the wrong location for the meeting, so the ISIS agents that show up at the fake one were surrounded and gunned down, thank god. Granger and the informant and Kensi and Deeks are all safe.

Sam is a genius - instead of running after the fake guy when he took off, he runs back into the building and flips ON the electric fence, so he runs into it and explodes.
Apparently the bad guys left Sam and Callen's guns and phones just lying around in the building, and the fake guy didn't even move to stop them. And in the amount of time they were in the building, Callen texted the fake meeting location, they cleared the building AND set up the agents to swoop in? Playing it fast and loose with timing there, but ookaaaay...

Granger likes Deek's nachos. Everyone else lied about liking them, to be polite 'because it was Christmas' but now it's February and you can all be mean? Aww. I'm not sure who I feel bad for - Deeks because he can't cook, or Granger because everyone's laughing and he's not in on the joke.

OK we got a little more screentime for Eric and Nell this week, but over the last couple episodes were seriously lacking in Nellric banter. I NEED MORE NERD LOVE!!!

NCIS: LA - Black Wind

Some dudes didn't stop at a border checkpoint, one of them ran away and the other one is 'bleeding' from the nose... Green. Green blood. Didn't CSI do an episode about green blood??

Deeks is going all environmentally-friendly. And not letting them flush their pee. I'm with Callen, that's hella unsanitary. He got stabbed in the butt by a cactus. And no one will help him remove it.

Apparently it's something to do with anthrax. Uh-oh. Hetty has also surfed every corner of Mexico.

Hetty is not impressed by your beach-bum ways, Deeks!!

Marty shouted 'Morgan Freeman' when Kensi pulled the cactus out of him. I'm not sure whether that was a reference to the 40-Year-Old Virgin chest-waxing 'Kelly Clarkson!' thing, or....

Maybe Deeks was just taking the name of the Lord in vain?

5L of anthrax is enough to take out most of southern California. Does that scare anyone else? Scares the hell out of me... Although I don't live in California, so I think I'm safe.

Callen and Sam go to meet with Agent Fuentes, who I thought was the dude from their first Mexican adventure, but apparently not.. Because it's a girl. Who kinda looks like Cecily Strong.

I think Mexico brings out Sam's inner calculator - as he and Callen bond over knowing the exact tax percentage on something.

Then they start arguing (rather adorably) about the proper way to cook something. Some sketchy police officer comes along and tries to bribe them into 'renewing their license' until some construction guy who also conveniently works on the health department steps in. And he tells them they should 'pay for some protection'. That doesn't sound creepy at all... BUT THAT'S OK BECAUSE HE'S THIS GUY:

How about a member of a gang? Do they call you that?

Kensi and Deeks (who I'm pretty sure are wearing matching couple outfits) find the driver of the truck from the beginning, the passenger was his son. He shoves some pipes onto them and Deeks gets grass stains catching him (poor baby) and then proceeds to ask him a bunch of plumbing questions.

This is not the first time Eric has magically been able to find people, but how the hell does he know that one dude eats lunch at the same place every day? Said dude is a scientist who works with pesticides. He tells Sam and Callen that you do not 'congregate with groups of Americans'. Well ok then.

Apparently there's a tunnel that's used for drug smuggling, which is how the father and son at the beginning got into the country. Deeks cracks wise and Granger gives him a blank face.

Callen and Sam go to move their truck - and then the truck won't stop moving. They try putting it in neutral, turning off the ignition, everything - EXCEPT FOR THE DAMN EMERGENCY BRAKE WHICH CALLEN ONLY USES AT THE VERY LAST SECOND. Like c'mon guys, that would have been my first instinct. I'm just confused about how you can disconnect the ignition so it turns the car on, but then the car continues running even when you try to shut it off.. But oh well, I never claimed to be a mechanic.

They get into the tunnel and someone shuts off the power and then starts shooting at them. The father gets hit, then refuses to go to the hospital (where his son is, isn't that counter-intuitive?!) Then we're treated to a rare moment of Granger sass - Deeks tells him 'control the bleeding!' and he retorts with 'control the shooter!'

Not bad. But we all know who the sassiest Granger of them all is...

Granger also tells them not to do anything stupid, which they take to mean 'go on ahead and attempt to shut down a factory full of ANTHRAX and who knows how many armed dudes on your own'. Ugh. They also find the body of the taxi driver that was working with Agent  Fuentes - although they'd have no way of knowing who he is. As soon as she finds out, she feels all guilty, and then 'the show must go on' and Kensi & Deeks show up and they do the whole 'split up and search for clues' thing.

O-ho, the 'no congregating with Americans' guy is dead. Raise your hands if you saw that coming.

CHILDREN!! I told you to stop watching this show!! Isn't it past your bedtime?!!

Kensi and Deeks get safely to the family of the anthrax victim, and even though the little boy is scared, Deeks bonds with him over Mighty Mouse.

Cartoons are the perfect way to calm down a scared child right before they're attacked.

But then Eric and Nell call to say that the scientist guy just crossed the border - a little odd because they're looking at his body. Apparently his car had some kind of special clearance with the border, because that's not a glaring hole in national security. With the touch of a button, Eric Photoshops the fake facial hair off photo of the guy crossing the border, and...

DAMMNIT ESTEBAN!!!!

And I'm confused, aren't dangerous drug-smuggling Mexicans dangerous enough? Why do they have to be linked to middle-Eastern terrorists as well?? And why did this dude not use the readily-available smuggling tunnel to smuggle the anthrax?? Why risk being caught with it at the border??

"I only have two left" - Oh sure, NOW Callen's gun has a limited supply of bullets...

Callen can count! Archer would be proud!

CALLEN AND SAM JUST MADE A GHOSTBUSTERS REFERENCE YOU GUYS LIKE A LONG ONE AND IT WAS REALLY OBVIOUS AND I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF THIS SHOW!!!!

*SOB* Weird timing, too, because I watched Groundhog Day today.

Then Homeland Security arrives and is mean and takes away the grandfather and everyone's all sad and the little boy yells and Deeks that he's 'supposed to be the good guys'. Oops. No amount of retro animation is gonna fix this one.

But good-guy Granger to the rescue!! And so Deeks hugs him. Awwwe. Plus the cactus blooms, which is.. important, I guess?

BTW, my reference game is on FIRE today. 3 TV shows and 5 movies. *self-five*

NCIS:LA - In the Line of Duty

An embassy is attacked, and the terrorists waste roughly ten seconds shooting into the air as a warning before they actually aim at any people. The ambassador (guest star Julie Chen!) managed to escape, but her head of security was killed (Sam happened to know that guy, of course).

I recognize the guy they're talking to, probably he's one of those random actors who plays a cop on every crime show. Anyway...

Sam and Callen go to Tunisia to investigate - sans backup, because that's how they roll - and Kensi and Deeks go to talk to a really angry bald guy who, for some reason, thinks Deeks thinks terrorists might possibly be 'excusable'.. um, what?! Do you know what this guy does for a living?! Of course he doesn't think that, you daft imbecile!!

Or - as Max Brennan would say, 'bombastic twit'! 

Let's show these bad guys smoking so they look even more like assholes. Sam and Callen need night vision goggles even though there's enough light in that room for us to pretty clearly see what they're doing. The bodies of the murdered security agents were left in the room where they were killed. So now Sam and Callen go all CSI on us.

Even though nobody saw them when they came in, the terrorists somehow became aware of their presence and alerted the other guards, came in firing - and apparently Eric, Nell, Hetty and Granger are just standing around to talk Callen and Sam through their mission. Couldn't Hetty be doing something more useful? Some kind of plotting?? And Granger could be off spoiling someone's fun??

Now they have a giant 3D printer thingy that they've set up in the gym, to print out an exact replica of the crime scene. This is cool and all, but what exactly is the shape of things going to tell them? If they can't see the colours or whatever, they can't really tell what everything is..

And I'm still confused about how Callen said they needed to get the dead guys' bodies home.. And then they just LEFT THEM THERE!!! If that's a priority, this is why you don't send just 2 guys in, and then have the bad guys discover those two guys, and shoot up the room (and presumably the victims) further...

But that's none of my business...

Kensi and Deeks storm into the angry bald guys' office because they find out he lied to them about the last time he saw the victim. Apparently information being 'above your pay grade' and 'above your security clearance' are different things. Who knew?

There's no blood pool, no entrance or exit wounds on the bodies. SUSPICIOUS!!! Somehow this leads them to think they were killed by smoke inhalation.

No blood? Shame, we won't have to call in Finn.

Kensi and Deeks just so happen to be leaving the office when some random sketchy guys show up and are clearly trying to shoot up the building. They are thwarted. And I don't know about you, but I always carry bundles of money around with me in my bulky briefcase with my gun...

Eric does his best Shamwow guy impression and 'but-wait-there's-more' throws in extra information on those guys that Kensi and Deeks killed/scared off. I dunno about you, but I would buy anything he tried to sell me.

Although, nobody does it like the King.

Turns out the bad guys from the shooting are probably going to try to kill the ambassador because she's in town to attend the funeral of one of the guys killed.

ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT SCANNER THINGY PICKED UP A FULLY DETAILED SHOE PRINT?!! I CALL BULLSHIT!!! Also, Eric and Callen are both surprised by the ability of the printer, I'm surprised neither of them (especially tech geek Eric) have never seen it at work before.

Deeks and Kensi have a retro-off, even though they're the same age. Deeks tells the random consultant guy that he'll come to love the 'adorable partner banter' hahaha. Turns out the CIA is related to something happening in Tunisia - code name 'dogleg'.

Granger asks Hetty if she hasn't gotten sick of drinking tea all the time. RUDE! 'All the tannins are going to turn her into suede' he says, and my mind goes here

Must be said in one's best Jason Segel voice.

Instead of using Eric's fancy software, they have Sam do an old-fashioned tally count (come on, there were more pictures than that) through all the terrorist's surveillance photos, and they realize the dead guy Sam knew was the actual target, not the ambassador. And they were trying to kidnap him, not kill him, in Tunisia. Well that went well. Aaaand now they're after the angry bald guy, because he was the boss of the security guy, and therefore knew all about the Dogleg operation.

Various things compromising various top-secret things, the angry bald guy has been kidnapped, and we can eliminate anyone wearing flip-flops or clogs because Kensi found a boot print matching the one from the Tunisian crime scene. 'Mockery' is Deeks' middle name!

Marty Mockery Deeks sounds like a nursery rhyme.

Going through the main gate is too obvious, so the terrorists will not be expecting it! They literally used a BLOWTORCH to open the gate, while the bad guys stood patiently on the other side waiting to shoot whoever was coming through. THEY ACTUALLY USED RAPPELLING ROPES OK THAT WAS COOL! Even though they were just going over a hedge.

Slightly more entertaining than this movie.

They had a whole staircase-on wheels for Sam and Callen to get to the top of the hedge, but Deeks is dainty so he can just use a ladder. 

Although they could have just asked the Bluths to borrow this.

For some reason, the kidnapped guy was really happy to get Callen's praise, even though he'd already demonstrated he did not respect NCIS, like, at all. Weird. 

Deeks really wants a Hetty bobblehead. I smell a CBS merchandising opportunity... I would buy the crap out of that. Especially if they made it talk and she said 'oh bugger'. And was holding a cup of tea. YES. GET ON THAT GUYS!!!

NCIS: LA - Spiral

Sorry for the late post, I had a MASSIVE headache last night and wanted to get to bed early (of course, this did not happen).

Callen's undercover as a mailman and the evil boss guy is onto him and suddenly threatening him - and suddenly there's a hostage situation in the office building. Well that timing was convenient (for Callen anyway). The boss asshole decides to try and negotiate with the hostage-takers and they kill him. Well, duh. Raise your hand if you saw that one coming.

Good job, children! Although this might be too violent for you... Go watch Spongebob.

Meanwhile Kensi is meditating (in her jeans...) and Deeks is messing with her. So she takes him down with one hand, without even looking. The terrorists are demanding the release of prisoners in Guantanamo Bay. An office building seems a really random target for such a thing. Especially  on a Saturday. Then again, so did that cafe in Australia... That was really scary stuff. And this was filmed before that even happened, which is a messed-up coincidence - these terrorists are hanging jihadist flags on the walls too, but Callen notices 'half of them are upside-down'. Brilliant!

The security guard for the building gets the crap kicked out of him by one of the terrorists because he stepped in to protect the stereotypical hysterical woman who won't stop sobbing. Callen, and a doctor-lady who he asks to help him, thinks that the guard has a broken rib. Said security guard is played by none other than Patrick Gallagher, a.k.a. the former Coach Ken Tanaka from Glee. 

I guess now we know why he was always on that cart.

Kensi, Deeks and Sam attack some of the terrorists outside the building (they're apparently not communicating with the ones inside, so they don't even know anything's happening?) and they discover that the whole thing is rigged to blow up in the event of an attempted rescue (in which case I really call bullshit on them not having some kind of walkie-talkie action happening with the people upstairs).

OK so the bad guys upstairs did find out somehow, and Callen just keeps walking around without them seeing him. Although he's watching hunched over, so I guess it's like *sneak* mode in Skyrim and he's invisible.

I miss Skyrim logic.

When looking through the dead arms dealer's credit card records, they find out he shopped at a lingerie store, which causes Eric to say the word 'panties' which causes Nell (and me) to look at him funny.  Then they discuss underwear and she gets all flirty and breathy and he starts talking really fast. HAHAHAHA I love it when Nell has the upper hand. Let's face it, she ALWAYS has the upper hand.

Who remembers this?! This was adorable!

Kensi and Deeks also do sneak mode and join the hostages, although apparently no one notices 'hey, those two weren't there before'. Or is watching the stairwell they snuck up. Must've failed hostage taking 101. And then some guy comes in and puts on a bomb-vest with a dead-man switch (one of the ones that will cause a detonation if the person lets go).

The only guy who's not wearing his mask suddenly decides to hit one of the other terrorists and point his gun at another one. That'll make them respect your leadership. They found the doctor-lady trying to sneak away, and decide to bring her to the head honcho rather than just killing her. This gives Callen time to play hero, and Sam bursts in at just the right time and kills a bunch of the terrorists (but the head guy gets away and no one hears the shots and comes running). Doctor-lady gets away too. Then the team figure out that the hostage-taking wasn't just a random building, but they were specifically targeting the arms dealer that Callen was following. Deeks forgets the important part from earlier - that thing about them blocking all cell service - and decides to take pictures of the bomb - WHICH NO ONE NOTICES! Are those masks obstructing their vision or something?Then he ducks out down the stairs again - come on...

Apparently the arms dealer was very specific about renting the office on that specific floor of that specific building. That's not suspicious or anything... Nell apparently forgets the no-cell-service thing too, and tries to call Callen and Sam, then acts disappointed when she can't reach them. And she wouldn't even know that Sam had located Callen by that point! Unless she's omnipotent. Which is entirely possible.

Well we know Hetty is all-knowing, and she's taking Nell on as her special project...

Deeks is still struggling with the same problem, so he shoots out a window (WHICH NO ONE HEARS?!) and hangs out of the building with his phone. Considering how afraid of heights I am, this part made me all shaky. But it was funny when he said 'That's a terrible idea, let's do that'. I think it's his new catchphrase. His own version of 'Imma risk it'.

Pictured: My worst nightmare. (Not ECO, of course. He's a good dream)

The security guard used to be a police officer, he figures out Kensi is law enforcement, and offers to help her. Sam leaves his phone on the floor, with a timer, to ring and lure in the confused terrorists - GENIUS!! Then he pops out of an open elevator and chucks one of them down the shaft. One of the hostage takers is Irish? And that's significant? Before he dies he says that 'this wasn't supposed to happen'. Conveniently, they manage to get through to Sam, and then Deeks (albeit fuzzily).

Then two of the terrorists come into the room, don't see Deeks, have some kind of vague argument, take off their masks and leave. Not sure of the point of that. But Nell manages to send Deeks instructions on disarming the bomb. Cos she's awesome.

Callen and Sam find the pharmaceutical lab that the arms dealer was targeting, and the doctor-lady is there too. She tells them that she'd worked at the lab and they'd developed a vaccine that has a problem and then became some kind of bioweapon - code name Spiral. I know I've been watching too many CinemaSins videos, but...

Roll credits!

The hostage-takers were former IRA members. Deeks apparently failed the EOD course he took at Quantico, but he swears he'll be fine disarming the bomb. Sam needs Eric to be more specific than 'Ebola on steroids'. Deeks panics momentarily, Kensi is the calm one and tells him to 'trust his training'. She's definitely going to mock him for that later though. I can feel it. My video froze. Damn Internet. Deeks' meddling worked! No explosion!

Hetty tells Granger he's not allowed to report the stuff about the Spiral virus, because that would lead to the army incinerating the building with missiles. Because it's her team in the building. Doctor-lady trying to destroy the virus doesn't wear gloves or a mask or anything else to protect herself. Deeks and Kensi attack the vest-bomb dude, who is roughly the size of a bear, and proceeds to kick and elbow Kensi while she prevents him from letting go of the detonator. Deeks bashes him in the head with a fire extinguisher, and the security guard (who was faking a heart attack) opens the elevator shaft, they shove him in and he explodes halfway down. No one else gets hurt. 

A+ work done by those elevators today. So useful.

The two maskless guys don't care about the explosion, they just want the virus - and look away just as Callen ducks out of  a doorway and shoots them both. Also, none of these stray bullets puncture any vials of deadly chemicals/viruses. OMG GUESS WHAT! Doctor-lady is evil! Saw that coming, she was waay too helpful earlier! Guys, she had red hair, how did you not figure out she was Irish! She goes on and on about how 'expendable' everyone is, then throws the vial and it shatters and Callen starts coughing up blood. SHIT! But Sam couldn't have shot her after she threw the vial/before she left the room?! If she was planning on throwing it anyways... 

NCIS owes the security guard guy drinks for life, Sam follows evil-lady-doctor to the roof, kills her and the pilot trying to helicopter her out of there. She drops the case with the vials, and Sam calls in the CDC. Then everyone watches really sad through the window as they treat Callen, and Hetty says 'this is not the end'. I believe her. And oh look! Still 5 more minutes in the episode!

*Two weeks later*

Callen wakes up in a hospital, in Georgia apparently. However, apparently there had already been an antidote developed. How convenient. Callen remembers Hetty being the last thing he saw before he passed out. He also decides to be all honest and tell Sam he can't sing, and that he hates Michelle's casserole.

Kensi and Deeks are meditating together and using the word 'zen' as a substitute for 'sex'. Nell and Eric decide to join them to make things even more awkwardly hilarious. I love it. 'Group zen'. Sounds interesting.