Saturday Night Live - Martin Freeman

It wasn't until 5:00 today that I remembered it's Saturday, and therefore SNL was on tonight...
I have no idea what day of the week it is anymore. Exams are the Britta of school.

They're the worst.

For that reason, my BBT blog is late this week, and my NCIS:LA one probably will be too. Sorry. And I may just fall asleep in the middle of this one.

The opening interview is with two guys (Bobby and Kyle, who finally gets to play an adult) who are the guys who invented all the torture methods for the CIA. They also invented the self-checkout lane at grocery stores, and the customer service at the cable companies. And auto-correct. Damn these guys.

Martin Freeman is adorable. He'd be perfect for an elf - doesn't even need the prosthetic ears! He proceeds to list every single role on his IMDb page... Except Sherlock, oddly enough... Give it up for racial unrest!! (No one does). Apparently all famous British people hang out together. I got really excited for a second that the real Maggie Smith would be there, but it's just Kate doing an impersonation - Taran got to do an Alan Rickman-worthy Snape. And yea, Maggie Smith is classy enough to wear the Downton Abbey costume as pyjamas. She's the best. And if Martin embarrasses himself, I'll need to change the title of this post to 'SNL - Colin Firth' hahaha.

Bow down to this woman. Do it. It's the law.

Keenan stars in a wannabe Digital Short piece called 'Sump'm Claus' about a dude who will give everyone some money even if they've been naughty enough for Santa Claus to cross them off his list. It's an odd concept, but I will say this - incredibly catchy.

Martin is like a head shorter than Leslie. Even moreso with her hair all pouffy like that. And they're getting married! By Beck. She's a basketball player, he's... tiny. All their wedding guests are objecting to them getting married. Apparently they have only known each other for five days. And have done it like 50 times. Then they fight when they're not... getting busy. And apparently he's already married. I'm so confused. The bride has a lot of kids (double three, plus four), and Kenan is her dad - who's the mother? Kenan is a LOT shorter than she is. Genetics. Apparently Martin lied and told her he was the king of England. but they're good. I think the bride's name is Alberta. And if so, that's the second time they've used that name for a character this season. Branch out a little - try another Canadian province. Nova Scotia, perhaps? Sooo a bunch more people object, then he says he 'needs his chocolate' and they are pronounced husband and wife without saying 'I do' or anything. There was like zero resolution to that sketch.

OH DEAR GOD HE'S WEARING THE HOBBIT COSTUME!! They're doing an Office parody, Middle-Earth-style. Bobby sounds nothing like Gandalf. And Taran is Gollum, which is such an insane disguise that I had to stare at him to figure out who it was. Kyle is Legolas. And he's cute, but c'mon, he's no Orlando. It wasn't a bad concept for a sketch.

Taran and Cecily are a couple with their own talk show and they all talk like stereotypical sassy gay men (including Cecily) and Martin is a handyman they're going to interview later on but they keep throwing to him, keeping the camera on him for an awkwardly long time, then talking about how cute he is. Then he dances for no reason. And Kate is playing Keith Urban, and Taran's license plate is apparently DRAMANQN.

Fauxmercial for church, and I'm just nodding and laughing - especially at the priest who alternates talking speeds, and the sweaty-palmed guy who gives the sign of peace. I'm not going to lie, my mom has definitely been that over-enunciating reader lady. And Kyle's a kid again.

MUUUUUUUUUUUUTE. I hate this song. And she's not wearing pants. They're probably supposed to be shorts, but they're white and puffy, so they kinda look like a diaper. Isn't she cold?? IT'S WINTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! She also has like, zero facial expression. Which is weird.

OK I might just be going crazy because I'm so tired, but the announcer voice saying 'Weekend Update' sounded a lot less like Darrell Hammond and a lot more like Bill Hader. WHICH I WOULD LOVE BY THE WAY!! #HaderForSNLAnnouncer 
I noticed the price of oil was lower lately - it was like 96 cents (Canadian) a liter this week and everyone was freaking out. Sasheer is mad that there are no black people in emoji. She has a point. Especially that the moon face looks like a baby Charles Barkley. Colin does not understand their equations, so Michael has to translate.
Cecily is a one-dimensional female character from a male-driven comedy. She's discussing the lack of important female roles in Hollywood. And then she gets upset with Colin and he's really confused (although I think she's actually laughing). What record store?? And she took off her glasses!! So he noticed her! That was a good bit.

I don't see her...

Apparently Colin's high school yearbook picture got made fun of. But I think he's adorable (although I've seen the *after* photo, so I'm biased).

HAHAHAHAHA ok the hair's unfortunate. But that's a good solid chin. He grew into the chin.
And no one looks good in black and white.

 Hasn't this Jacob kid had his bar mitzvah 'recently' like 3 years in a row? Michael calls him on the fact that he doesn't actually have a lawyer. And then he starts crying about Derek Jeter. And can't high-five Michael properly.

Martin is training Taran on his first day at a new job (an assembly line that puts the labels on ketchup bottles) and literally all he has to do is move a lever. EASIEST JOB EVER. But Taran doesn't understand anything. "So I don't touch it?" "I'm miming!"
"Pull the lever when the light turns green, if it turns yellow push it back up." "Blue?" "There is no blue!" A little reminiscent of Who's on First. Also the slowest-moving assembly line ever. And then is turns blue! Oh no!

My TV has turned all stripey. Or maybe that's my eyes that have turned all stripey. They hurt. I've been staring at a sketchbook for the last 3 hours, and a computer screen studying for 3, then an exam paper for 2 before that. Ow.

Martin has hilarious hair. He's a saxophone player (reminiscent of Kenny G) in Kenan's lodge house band, and he has something weird going on with some dude named Roman in his personal life that he doesn't walk to talk about. During a performance, of a song with only like 6 words. Kenan was staying with him and there was a break-in and his red boots were stolen. They look like the boots from Kinky Boots. There was no resolution there either. What's up with that? (I wish...)

Wrong red boots. Wrong person whose name begins with a T. But they've both kissed Cobie Smulders...

MUUUUUUTE AGAIN. She's actually wearing pants now. But they have... Things hanging off of them. And she's flailing her arms and I'm afraid she's going to dislocate a wrist. Her guitar players (who I've just only now noticed are women in suits, rather than long-haired dudes) look very angry.

Martin is an over-enthusiastic waterbed salesman. Aidy is his jingle-singing wife, who is slightly cross-eyed and extremely overdressed. The Doritos clown is not a real thing. Aidy is awesome. Jay and Taran are shirtless, looking pissed and holding sparklers. Martin's American accent is really excellent. He reminds me 100% of Niles from Frasier. Uncanny.

Colin in a T-shirt again during the goodbyes. *Swoons*. Those arms are like tree trunks. In a good way. And now, I'm off to bed!