Bones - 'The Secret in the Seige' (season finale)

I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM OH MY GOD I HATE HIM!!!!!!
And by 'him' I mean Pelant, I mean in the history of all my years watching TV I have never hated a serial killer as much as I hate this one!!! Not only is he smug and arrogant, and an evil sonofabitch, but he frames Bones, tries to make Hodgins kill him, breaks into their homes, AND he makes it so they can't trust their own equipment!! I have to give the writers some serious props for this, but at the same time I HATE THEM SO MUCH FOR CREATING THIS SONOFABITCH!!!

At least he's hideously deformed and blind in one eye now... If only he'd go out in public he'd be easy to find...

So a bunch of FBI agents have been killed, they were all linked because they were a part of this big, deadly compound siege that Booth was also a part of. They, naturally, assume that Booth is the next target. They find a girl who witnessed the second murder and she describes someone matching the son of one of the people killed during the siege. They track him down, and he pulls a gun on Booth, but then he notices all the other agents, who have guns, and tries to shoot himself but Booth wrestles the gun from him and they take him in.
He just starts rambling about being 'close to God' and then they find out he has an alibi so he couldn't have killed the agents. But Sweets realizes that Pelant is referencing a bunch of papers he wrote (really? Throwing his own research back in his face? That's kind of douchey, even for a psycho serial killer..) Oh and he also calls Booth to taunt him, saying Booth 'crossed the line' for shooting him. Riiight... Because killing people and threatening others, that's totally fine. Jackass.
In the midst of all this stress, Brennan decides to make an important decision and asks Booth to marry her!!!! And he is terribly confused as to the suddenness (and why she decided to do such a dramatic gesture with a bag of beef jerky) but immediately agrees and I made a squealy noise - except for the fact that I'm incredibly worried about the whole serial-killer thing.

Ahh, so romantic... Although what do you give a man when a woman proposes??? Probably not a diamond ring..

Booth casually brings up the marriage thing while she and Cam and Angela are discussing the case, and when Booth tells Sweets about it, he has a hilarious reaction about 'not knowing how to react to that, but congratulations!'
Sweets also figures out that the shooter (who is not actually Pelant, he's sending a shooter around from his room full of screens where he's spying on everyone) was the child of an FBI agent who was killed during the raid. And one of them was the guy who we earlier saw that Pelant had turned himself into on a video. He was giving someone he called 'kiddo' directions for something, and now we know who - the daughter of an agent murdered was actually the girl that Booth spoke to at the second shooting! But he's already gone to meet her because she said she had more information - and no one can call Booth because the cell reception where he is has been blocked. DAMNIT PELANT!!!
Sweets was on his way there, but he too is stuck - in traffic because Pelant had hacked the traffic lights and created a traffic jam... I HATE HIM!!! The FBI gets to the girl's house and finds her computer so Angela analyses the video and figures out it's fake (Hodgins noticed a bird in the background that wouldn't have been native in the area when the father had been alive, and upon further analysis it became more obvious). She also cracks an encrypted e-mail that says 'Booth decoy target Sweets' and this was my reaction:

That much rage. White rage. So incredibly pissed.

HOW DARE HE GO AFTER MY DARLING SWEETS!!!!!!!! IF SOMEONE DOESN'T KILL THE BASTARD SOON, I WILL JUMP INTO MY TV AND KILL HIM MYSELF!!!! I might have actually screamed if my family wasn't sleeping.
The team is wary that this code might be a decoy, but Angela was brilliant about staying 'on the grid' because then when Pelant noticed that they had cracked his code, he hacked in himself and tried to change the message to show that Booth was the target.

The rest of them may all be Dr. this and doctor-that, but I swear Angela is the most clever of all of them!!

Meanwhile, Booth found a pay phone (brilliant!) and called the lab so they tell him that the witness is the real shooter, and that Sweets is the real target, so he runs to where Sweets is (over some cars, pissing off some drivers), and Bones runs in from the other direction, and the shooter is in the middle and right before she shoots, Booth shoots her, she falls, and Sweets hops out of the car and EVERYONE IS OKAY!!!! Well, the killer is injured, but that's better off than most bad people who end up on the wrong end of Booth's gun. I was so relived! NOBODY messes with my baby!!

Land lines!! Saving the day since 1876.

Then I realize there are about 10 minutes left in the episode, so something has to go wrong.. Crap. What goes wrong is this: Booth Brennan and Christine are at the park, when Booth gets a call from Pelant. Pelant says that he has to tell Bones that he can't marry her - without giving the real reason why - or else Pelant will kill five random people, who he then points out to Booth as various strangers in the park. He says that he knows Booth will 'do the right thing' rather than have five innocent people die, because remember, he's the expert on EVERYTHING, he's read Sweets' papers.  I am rolling my eyes.Then Booth says 'I will kill you' and hangs up, and I'm silently applauding.
Later at their house, Booth sits Brennan down and says he thinks getting married is something he just can't do, that they don't need to, because what they have is enough, and she laughs because she's glad he has finally come around to her side of things, says she only made the gesture because she knew it was what he wanted, and that it's fine, but then she brushes him off and when she leaves the room she starts crying.
And I know Pelant said 'if you tell her, I will know', but SERIOUSLY?!! He couldn't think of a way to possibly slip her a message where there are no cameras?? Good greif, he's not omnipresent!! Even if it does seem that way because he's a huge asshole creeper.
So that's that. I know I hate a cliffhanger, but I really prefer one where the characters are sad to onw where they might be dead. And at least Sweets, Cam, Hodgins, Angela, and the interns are fine (speaking of whom, why no squinterns this episode?). Aaand Pelant lives to piss me off for another season. CURSE YOU PELANT!!!!!!!

I hope you go blind in the other eye, you evil bastard!!!

Bones - catching up (Eps 20-23)

Hey y'all, I've been super-busy with exams and whatnot, so it's been really hard to catch up on EVERYTHING, so here's what I'm doing - a short recap of every episode I've missed, all in one post. Here goes!!

The Blood from the Stones (episode 20, aired March 25th)
They found a body in a car with a really freakishly decomposed face (I know they're all freakish, but this one is like his skin became plastic and then kind of melted and then hardened again). The guy had a balloon in his stomach but was not what you'd think, it was diamonds rather than drugs.
During this episode there was a special guest I was very happy to see - none other than Dave Thomas (or as I call him, the guy from Bob & Doug McKenzie who is NOT Rick Moranis), playing a documentary filmmaker who is doing a video on the crime-solving team to raise money for the Jeffersonian.

The guy on the right. He's aged a LOT...

Anywho, he doesn't think Brennan comes across well on camera, more kind of condescending, so they bring out Clark, who is apparently more likeable. You know, even though he works in a completely different part of the museum, they find a lot of reasons to drag him out. Good grief he's so boring. I was watching Season 4 recently, and I noticed they haven't had Fisher on in a while. Where is he?? Probably off filming Avatar 2. Ugh I only like 2 of the 5 interns they have on these days!! (Finn and Wendell, I hate Clark and Daisy, and Vasiri has gotten more interesting with the whole Cam thing, but I still find him boring.) AND I REALLY REALLY MISS VINCENT!!!!!
Anyway, turns out the dead guy was an undercover cop, so naturally Booth gets all pissed, and he (the cop) was on the trail of these two high-tech robbers who were stealing from ATMs.
They find the two robbers, who turn out to be college students, one of whom had her foot shot off by the undercover officer (Oh lord, it was gross!!) and shockingly they find her alive at her house - which is rundown, you'd think the money they stole would get them better housing? Anyway - and then after all of that and Booth stopped the DYING girl from going to the hospital in order to press her for information about her partner, and then after all of that, the cop's wife ends up being the one who killed him because she was jealous of his job. Which was disturbing because she was played by the woman who played Miss Tutweiler on Suite Life on Deck (don't judge, I used to watch it with my sisters) and now I will never be able to look at her the same way because she was evil!!
Oh, and then the filmmaker guy meets and falls for CAROLINE of all people haha (much to Cam's discomfort, as she was standing there when they were introduced) which I still found really adorable!! Good for her! She never gets a decent plotline!

So cute!! Old people love!!

Other than the fact that she was married to ERNIE FREAKING HUDSON!!!! Dang she gets awesome dudes. Love it. Sorry for the run-on sentences. Off to the next one.

The Maiden in the Mushrooms (episode 21, aired April 1st)
There's a body of a lady found in a patch of mushrooms. Which I have learned more than I care to about in biology class this past semester (mushrooms, not bodies). She is found to be the producer of a fake Judge Judy-type show (not very original, the title was Judge Trudy) and the people on this show, I feel, belonged more on Maury, but whatever.
Anywho, the suspects range from psycho people who'd been on the show (you gotta watch this episode just for the scene where Booth mimics a lady's crazy emphatic arm movements - it was hilarious!), to the judge's assistant (played by the same girl who was Mindy on Drake & Josh years ago), to the judge herself, and then lands on the baliff who had dated the victim, and then strangled her because she was neglectful and let their shared dog die. Lovely.

The courtroom might be fake, but the nutcases are real.

In an entertaining secondary plot, Bones goes utterly insane when her daughter Christine is accused of biting another kid at daycare, and even enlists the help of the forensics department, and suggests conspiracies and whatnot. She is super-pissed (and somewhat conceited) when people would think her progeny is 'average', even though it's completely normal behavior. I remember my sister doing a number on my cheek when she was 2...
And at the end, it is revealed that Christine bit Bones, so she's kind of going to shut up about that. For now.
The 'squint-plot', as I have come to call them, features my second-favourite living intern Finn, who gets all upset when Hodgins eats the last of his granny's hotsauce, and Hodgins adorably works really hard to replicate it (using the mass-spec, might he get in trouble for that??!) and then they end up selling it to a lady to market and produce, with them getting 80% of the profits, and the name 'Opie & Thurston's Hot Sauce'. Say it with me now - AWWW!!!!

The Party in the Pants (episode 22, aired April 15th)
This episode was hilarious. I just KNOW the writers have been thinking about a way to work male strippers into the show ever since Magic Mike came out, and they finally did it!
So first of all, the kid brother from Freaky Friday, all grown up, was in the opening part, where they found a body at a construction site, and then when they figure out it was a male stripper, Hodgins does a little striptease for Angela in her office - which Cam walks in on and makes her 'this is very awkward' face about, what's even funnier is that when she backed out slowly they didn't even notice! Poor Cam is always the awkward bystander lately!!
 At another point in the show, Booth's pants get pulled down by a bunch of excited, drunken sorority girls, when he's trying to interview one of the stripper's coworkers. Awkward! Although Bones was there and found the whole thing hilarious, so he's all good on that front.

Not that I blame them for mistaking him for a stripper at all hahaha...

 In addition, the dead stripper had a day job as a stockbroker, and his girlfriend (in case anyone cares) was in Fired Up. He ended up getting killed by that same coworker because he took all his money and lost it in some kind of insider trading where you rip off your clients because you're a jackass.
And Booth's mom showed up, which was absolutely touching, seeing her with Christine and talking about Booth as a kid - until she dropped the bomb on him that she's getting remarried and has been living with her new husband's kids for the past several years, being a mother to them even though she had left her own children. Which was really sad, they have a fight and she leaves. But then Booth, being Booth, and having Brennan to talk to him, decides to do the right thing and shows up at her wedding. What I want to know is - WHERE THE HELL IS JARED?? (Also someone we haven't really seen since Season 4! I miss that handsome devil!) Oh, and at the wedding, Brennan 'accidentally' catches the bouquet, which is some veeerrrryyy interesting foreshadowing, methinks.

The Pathos in the Pathogens (episode 23, aired April 22nd)
'We're talking about bio-terrorism here' which is why the lab is covered in a biohazard box and the CDC is bringing in a body with some sort of toxin in it. It's a woman blogger, and her fiance was really handsome and familiar-looking. So is the guy from the CDC. I swear, sometimes I am a walking IMDb. Also, Vasiri is back.
But there are no airborne pathogens so the tent is safe but it turns out she was writing an expose on people mutating pandemic diseases like Yellow Fever and SARS. The doctor she was interviewing doesn't like Sweets. How rude! And then Vasiri gets cut by a microneedle embedded in the humerus, so he's in danger! Damnit Arastoo, get your shit together!!  Cam is freaking out about saving him and then he gets all macho 'I could be the key, this is what needs to be done' etc. Good grief.
They think it's a mutated strain of some kind of African virus (I can't take the name seriously, it sounds like 'chickpea'), but they have a serum something to do with rabbits that might help Vasiri. This is reminding me so much of that episode of Criminal Minds with the anthrax...

Not going to lie, I cared a bit more about them saving my beloved Reid...

And then the rabbit serum doesn't help and makes his heart race out of control.
The victim was sleeping with a man whose racehorse farm she was trying to expose for illegal horse steroids. And she accidentally sent an email intended for him to her boyfriend, giving them both motive.
Hodgins concocts an herbal remedy that he thinks might somehow help Vasiri, and Brennan jumps on board but in the meantime, Cam is crying and the CDC doctor says he has about 4 hours to live and won't give them permission to use the herbal medicine. Cam puts her foot down and they inject him. It turns out that the creepy doctor lady Sweets spoke to earlier had been fired from a different lab for stealing vials of the same virus - but then Hodgins realises the virus was combined with bacteria, one that wouldn't have been at the lab when she worked there. So it was her boss.
Booth arrests the boss and drags him (literally) over to the lab to show him the body of his victim, and to show him what he was doing to Vasiri. Cam pleads with him to give them the anti-serum, because Vasiri is a good man, and she is in love with him. WELL that's news to us!! The bastard still won't tell them where it is, so Bones tells him that she's managed to recreate the virus from the victim, and has a syringe of it - AND THEN SHE STABS HIM IN THE NECK WITH IT!! I was shocked but laughing my head off, I must admit - only on Bones!!
And then they do one of those wrap-up things where everything is going to be fine, Vasiri is getting better, and the CDC doctor and Brennan are still friends after all their disagreements.Oh, and the syringe actually didn't have any virus in it. Bones is so clever.

Also, they can save Vasiri, but Vincent gets killed??? Not cool guys!!! (No I won't forget that!)

SNL - Melissa McCarthy & Phoenix

We open, naturally, with a sketch about Kim Jong Un. Apparently he's more progressive with same-sex marriage than the USA - which is unrelated to the fact that he wants to bomb them. Aaaaand now he's talking about all the women he's slept with. And now his NCAA pool. And in between everything he says, there are shots of North Korean army people applauding. Holy crap they actually brought out Dennis Rodman!! Who I have been watching on Celebrity Apprentice for several weeks... He's as crazy as you'd expect.
Melissa McCarthy is having some trouble getting down the stairs in some crazy high shoes hahah 'are you sure that intro song wasn't shorter than last time?' And then she takes the saxaphone player's chair. And faceplants on the stage! Well, I must say that's probably a first for the monologues on this show.
Taran pops out in a vest and hat and bowtie because apparently they were supposed to be doing a musical number, but she can't stand up - HOLY CRAP THAT GUY CAN DANCE! He jumped and did a split midair!! And he can sing too!! How come he never gets any musical sketches?! PS it was his Taran's birthday on Monday (April Fool's day, coincidentally... Not surprised!) Happy Birthday Taran!!! Love you!!! :)

And he's engaged to Cobie Smulders from How I Met Your Mother!!! What a hilarious couple!!!

Bill Heder is a super-serious news anchor talking about a basketball coach who is even worse than the violent asshole who was fired from Rutgers University for swearing, hitting, and belittling his team this week. She's Tasering a teacher, insisting that the teams serve her meals.. And threw a toaster at someone. Well that was unpleasant. Parody of The Voice, Melissa squeals out a 'song' that I didn't quite understand.. Bill does a remarkable impersonation of Adam Levine! And everyone loved her kinda-singing but she kinda doesn't understand what any of them want from her. And she decides to go with Cee-Lo, even though he's not a judge this season! Ahahaha...
Next she's a chef who takes the ham bake-off way too seriously, and does a song and dance routine with Taran and Bobby dressed like pigs to try to influence the judges... 

Somehow pricelessly weird. Maybe it's Taran's face. Or the caption.

And then places 7th out of 8, which is good enough for her!
A fauxmercial for something that allows you to have an entire office workstation in the stall of the bathroom - which is a hilarious idea hahaha plus I love things that fit into a tiny space! Except then it's a 'fake' fauxmercial and at the end it says 'don't let it come to this. Stop texting and checking e-mail on the toilet. Nothing's that important. And it's disgusting.' Well said, SNL, well said!!
I have never heard of this band Phoenix. Is that me being out of touch, or SNL being all hipster again? Not sure.
But anyway, speaking of phoenixes (phoeni? I was never sure, that was my highschool mascot and we never knew how to pluralise it), here's the awesome second song off the new Fall Out Boy album - I give you 'The Phoenix'!!!!

AND OH MY GOD IT WOULD BE SO AWESOME IF FALL OUT BOY WENT ON SNL TO CELEBRATE THE END OF THEIR 'HIATUS'!!! *fingers crossed this happens soon*
As for people I love almost as much as Pete Wentz (really close race guys), here's Seth Meyers!! I think I missed a joke somewhere, because Seth made a cute smiley face at the camera and the audience loved it.
Jacob the bar mitzvah boy is back!! So cute!!
I was too busy enjoying Seth's cuteness to remember any of his jokes to quote.. But now we have Charles Barkley on as a guest to talk about the NCAA tournament! And about that one player who broke his leg HORRIBLY (I saw the video, and photos, and it made me - someone who regularly looks at decomposing bodies - feel nauseous) he says 'You know how he broke his leg? He jumped. If you hurt yourself that badly just from jumping, basketball may not be the sport for you'.
OH MY GOD DRUNK UNCLE!!!! He's my third-favourite recurring Weekend Update guest, after That Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started A Conversation With At A Party, and this guy:

STEFON!!!! I can never get enough of him!!!

At one point, Drunk Uncle just looks at his glass and starts singing: 'I wanna know what love is...' Seth interrupts and then 'I want you to show me!!!!' AND THEN OH MY GOD DRUNK UNCLE HAS A BROTHER AND IT'S PETER DINKLEDGE FROM GAME OF THRONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS PRICELESS!!!!!

"People are all 'Tumble me, Tumble me'" and then they both started singing and I had to bury my face in a pillow to stifle my laughter and not wake up my roommate. Damn you, SNL, for being on so late at night!
The next sketch is a ripoff of Wheel of Fortune and Bill is the awesome host and Melissa is the Vanna White replacement who doesn't know what she's doing and flips over all the letters on the board when she's trying to find the D's because she doesn't know where anything is, but she manages to do it all while flipping back and forth and gesturing and it's just so silly - especially Bill's reactions to everything! Then she flips over everything because she's trying to 'concentrate' and Fred goes 'I'd like to solve the puzzle' and Bill says 'I'd imagine you would' haha and he guesses the wrong quote.. what a dumbass.
Melissa goes into a bank and asks Jason for a loan so that she can start her own business - to eat pizza. She wants to eat people's leftover pizza, as her job, and keeps repeating her full name and trying to hand him a pen to sign a cheque. I am so confused. Somehow I'm both hungry for pizza and really nauseous at the same time. So she leaves (after shoving a slice of old pizza in her mouth) and then Fred walks in with a box of pizza and says he wishes there was a better way to get rid of old pizza instead of just throwing it out - then Jason stares at him and goes 'oh my god' and back in she comes! Takes the pizza and runs out - in slo-motion, no less.
Kate and Cecily are hosting a fake 90s era show about how women should act to impress men at parties. I love it when they let the new girls carry the sketch! These two are golden! And apparently topics that will attract men include sports scores, blazers, travel mugs, and sports rumours. No wonder I don't have a boyfriend! I have definitely never talked to a guy about travel mugs - or done their next tip, which is 'cupping his elbow in both your hands while raising one knee'. What the hell?!
That was a pretty awesome episode - not quite the 'best ever' as Taran tweeted earlier, but pretty damn good nonetheless!!!

Big Bang Theory - 'The Closet Reconfiguration'

I have been super-busy with school and the like, so I am very sorry I am so behind with everything - trying to catch up! This episode originally aired March 14th, and there is one more to go until I'm caught up - the next new one doesn't air until the 25th.
Howard is throwing all his stuff in Bernadette's closet, and she says they need to tidy it up, unless - Howard suggests - they show the closet to Sheldon and 'the demons in his head take over' and he'll tidy it!
Then the gang comes over for dinner and despite the fact that Bernadette made Thai food from scratch, Sheldon brought his own takeout.
Sheldon is organizing Howard's stuff by season, not by colour like Howard wanted, which confuses me - I don't think Howard's clothes have 'seasons', he wears the same kind of outfit year-round. Turtleneck under a button-up shirt, with skinny jeans and an awesome belt buckle. That's it. 

It's kind of a uniform...

Sheldon finds a letter in the closet from Howard's dad. Which, naturally, he opens, because he needs to know whether it would be classified under 'personal correspondance' or 'memorabilia'.
Howard refuses to read the letter, which showed up on his 18th birthday, because he still won't forgive his father for abandoning him. So he decides to burn it, which sets off the smoke alarm, and that causes another problem because neither of them can reach the ceiling to turn it off.
Leonard and Penny decide to have a dinner party, but a fancy one, not one where people 'dress up' in capes and costumes. Teehee.
Bernadette wants to know what the letter said, but can't bring herself to ask Sheldon about it, so Penny agrees to ask him about it while Bernadette is there.
The girls corner him in the laundry room and ask about the letter. After some haggling, he agrees to tell them.
Raj is helping Leonard plan the dinner party and wants the theme to be 'turn of the cantury Moulin rouge' hahah. Then Sheldon comes into the room with his laundry and tells Leonard sarcastically that he was 'pulling off a heist at the museum of laundry baskets'. Then Leonard and Raj inquire about the letter and he decides to tell them too because Penny would have told them anyways.
When Bernadette and Howard arrive at the party, she decides to tell him that she knows about the letter, and he storms in to the apartment to scream at Sheldon - who then decides to use Amy as a human shield.
When everyone tells Howard that they know about the letter too, he storms out.
Eventually Bernadette finds him in the closet looking at photos of him and his father when he was young, and she tells him she has a surprise for him, and leads him out into the living room -

where the gang is waiting, so somber-looking you'd think they were at a funeral.
They tell him that they came to a decision, to all tell him things that could have possibly been the contents of the letter, that way he would know, and not know at the same time. And maybe a funeral is an appropriate analogy, because what they all said made me cry!! Here they are:
Raj: "It was a card for your 18th birthday, inside it said 'happy birthday Howard, I love you, Dad.' And it was a Far Side card? The one where the frog has his tongue stuck to the bottom of an airplane? He thinks it's a fly. Silly frog." (That sounds made-up, typical Raj's imagination to be so detailed haha)
Sheldon: "It was a map, leading to the famous buried treasure of a pirate named One-Eyed Willie". (Nice try Sheldon, Howard knew that was the plot of Goonies)

Come on, of course he would have seen Goonies and known the reference Sheldon was making!!!

Amy: "You didn't know it, but your father was in the auditorium at your highschool graduation, and he cried because he was so proud of you." (Lots of tears at that one)
Penny: "It was a letter, explaining that your dad wasn't who he said he was. Eventually his old life caught up to him, and the only way to keep you and your mom safe was to leave." (That one's so sad, I hope it's not true!)
Leonard: "Your dad wrote about how family is the most important thing, and you should never throw it away like he did." (Wise words, even if Leonard made them up)
Bernadette: "In the envelope was a picture of your dad holding you on the day you were born. On the back he wrote 'Howard, my son, my greatest gift.'" (SO MANY TEARS!!)
They decide to go back to the party, and on the way Sheldon tells Howard that there are some 'saucy bits' in Bernadette's diary HAHAHAHA!!!
Then Sheldon goes and cleans Penny's closet... And finds some 'interesting' things in there too... But we'll leave that for next week.
This episode was a lot more emotional than I expected, but it was nice to see one centered around Howard as a grown man with real emotions, rather than just his typical, horndog self. I actually felt bad for him. But damn, I really want to know which one of the 'letters' was real!!!