NCIS: LA - Expiration Date

You know when they begin an episode with a 'previously on...' from MONTHS ago, shit's going down in this episode.

Oh hey it's that Gurkha guy with the sword from the intro! Who'da thought he'd show up again?! AND SAM HAS BEEN SHOT BY A SNIPER OH MY GOD!!!! (That shock is sarcastic. It was in the promos.)

I should warn you, I now have a large quantity of Jon Stewart reaction GIFs at my disposal. Sorry in advance.

Oooooh we see Kensi and Deeks in bed and she's all smoochy and cuddly with him, he's giggling in his sleep, and she says "introducing you to my friends was a bad idea". Hold up - what's this? Kensi has friends? Who are female? And like drinking? And her nickname is Kay-Kay?!!

And I really want to know who the male equivalent of Bridget Jones is. Because I would watch the hell out of that movie. (Especially if it featured Colin Firth and/or Hugh Grant). Also Kensi loves Love, Actually brunch, and fantasy engagements. We have more in common than I thought..

Bridget Jones is me if I were British and smoked.
So hopefully I eventually marry someone as precious as Colin Firth.

Callen and Deeks trust Gurkha guy, Kensi is suspicious. And he or this Ella chick apparently was the target, and I REALLY wish they would have shown us all the backstory with her, because we are eight minutes in and I'm already confused.

Everyone's concerned about Sam, but they've got the best surgeon on it. Granger compares Hetty to a mother, say it with me now: AWWWWWE

Deeks and Kensi are spending pretty much every night together - and we don't get to see any of this?!! Thapa (the Gurkha guy) has a lot of sound relationship advice for a guy who carries a giant sword around at all times. I'm not sure why that would hamper his love life, although women might be a little frightened by it.

The first number on that list of algorithms on the window looks like the format of a classroom number at my school. DUN DUNNNN plot twist the nukes are stored at a tiny university in Canada!

This lady already has a handler, so therefore she's just not gonna talk to Callen. Because that makes sense. And oh dear, Sam's dead! (Rolls eyes) If they didn't bother to give Callen a big dramatic 'getting the news' scene, it's clearly not true - and this is confirmed literally 5 seconds later. NCIS:LA writers know we're not stupid, so they're not even bothering to try and trick us.

Considering she barely knew Sam, I don't think this lady has any guilt over him 'dying'.

Kat, Mindy, Mandy, Tiffany and Tiffany. Typical girly-girl nicknames brought to you by silly male TV writers. (Also I'm guessing at least one of those Tiffanys is spelled with an 'i' but I hate that so I'm gonna leave them both as 'y's)

Is 'crazy' really the ONE thing a woman never wants to be called? I mean sure it's bad, but I don't think it's the one thing. 'Ugly' and 'bitchy' would be up there... Maybe 'hormonal'... Not going to turn this into a feminist rant, I swear. And now Thapa is telling Kensi exactly what she wants to hear too. Clever tactic. Maybe Deeks is too hasty calling him 'brother'.

Deeks is now able to look at a blood pool and determine how recently it got there! And who were these detectives anyways?!

YES LET'S USE AUTOMATIC GUNS IN A ROOM FULL OF GASOLINE AND HIGHLY FLAMMABLE THINGS! THAT IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA!!! Terrorist logic is the worst.

Kensi being a freaking badass, pulling a knife out of nowhere and hitting that guy dead-center.

Sarah Walker would be proud.

He and Thapa have a bonding moment, then he tells him something important that I missed because my washing machine chose that second to make a LOT of noise. Damn spin cycle. According to Twitter, Thapa was actually the sniper target, not Ella. Plot twist!


OOHHH SNAP there are more warheads in India than they said! She tries to tell them the info is faulty and Callen is like 'weeellll I counted myself, so I think it's pretty damn accurate.' And India has been keeping secrets. Damn, is the US at war with EVERYBODY?!! And Sam is alive, so Ella knows that now, because her CIA handler chose that exact moment to show up. Callen says 'I didn't make the best first impression'.

(I'm aware this is Watson. But he gives such good side-eye).

HOLD ON A SECOND!! We just had Sarcastic Granger make an appearance!! Shhh, don't spook him! (His joke was even better than mine - plus he used the phrase 'understatement', which always earns points in my book)

And I know I'm not the expert here, but I don't think screaming at your suspect is a good way to get them to cooperate.

Deeks tells Thapa that 'he'll always have a home here' and I think I smell a new (at least temporary/recurring) team member... And "home is not in the heart, home is the heart"... Why so sappy Deeks?!!! Thapa thinks that he has an 'expiration date'. ROLL CREDITS!

Hetty compares spies to used car salesmen. There's an analogy I've never heard before. And Ella is a 'hot commodity' that the CIA just 'has to have'. Said with a Callen eyebrow waggle. Interesting phrasing. And she's a double agent. Even those children that I told to stop watching this show could have seen that coming.

Sam is suddenly a germophobe - but only Deeks-related germs. And he's not supposed to have visitors, but as we all know, this team don't play by the rules. ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?! Ella planted a GPS tracker on Thapa, and nobody noticed it?? Except Sam?

I think drugged-up Sam is funny. And he has a scale of 'bad people places and things'. So if an angry Gurkha ranks as 'very very bad', then would six of them be very very very very very very very very very very very very bad? Is that how this math works? Because I love ranking things on scales!

Deeks works his magic with the blood again, innocent doctors and nurses are killed (damnit, civilian casualties are the worst). Do Gurkhas actually assume this cheesy kung-fu group position in real life? Methinks not.  Knives and shit are thrown, a fire axe is involved (good resourceful thinking Deeks!), Callen shoots one of them in the toe because Sam tells him to 'save the hostage'. One of the bad guys decides that throwing things is more effective than up-close combat with a man in a hospital bed. (Although that'd be my choice too, if said man was Sam's size).

OK, I've been watching too much CinemaSins. Because otherwise I would have found this scene pretty intense and badass. But, while we're discussing CinemaSins, I have to say - roll credits x2.

And Thapa is hit. Fatally. Oops. Guess I was wrong about them adding him to the team. Deeks is in disbelief about this. Poor Deeks.

Callen gets his 'nyah nyah' moment with the double-agent lady. Kensi is glad that Deeks wants to take a night off (at least until midnight) and he thinks her smile is perfect and he's gonna cry and I'm gonna cry and he's 'already home' and *squealy noises*...

Chris Pine also finds this moment very touching.

But all I can think of is, it's a good thing they haven't moved in together yet. Because then they'd have no choice if they wanted to 'take a night off'. Other than the couch. Deeks would look like a puppy sleeping on a couch.

AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SOME ERIC/NELL SCENES NEXT EPISODE?!!!  I AM HAVING NELLRIC WITHDRAWAL HERE