SNL - Dakota Johnson

I must start by saying this: I am 100% against 50 Shades of Grey being made out to be a huge thing. It normalizes and romanticizes abusive relationship behaviour, and that's not a message that needs to being going out into the world. It's personal to me because I have a close friend who was in a terribly manipulative/abusive relationship, and that guy displayed a lot of the controlling behaviour that Christian does in the book. I don't want to rant on this here, but there are plenty of articles explaining the issue. Go read one. Educate yourself.

Having said that, I figured that sooner or later one of the stars of an extremely popular movie would be hosting SNL, sooo... I guess, at least, they didn't pick Jamie Dornan? After all, he's #NotMyChristian...

Bless John Oliver. Love that man.

OK, so according to Rudy Guiliani, you're allowed to say bad things as long as beforehand you say 'this is going to be horrible'. And they're parodying Birdman! I really want to know who's doing his in-head voiceover, because I do not recognize that voice. Might be Beck.
Note to self: WATCH BIRDMAN!!

Why so creepy, birdman Beck?

I don't know why, but I don't really like Dakota Johnson very much... She just seems very awkward and kinda whiny... And now we're applauding her for who her parents are. Aww and they're actually there! That's sweet!

Taran playing Dakota's dad is a really odd concept, because I don't think he's significantly older than her... And oooookay, making jokes about young people joining ISIS? Is that really OK? Like I definitely don't think that's very funny...

I think this next bit is a spoof on Cinderella... Holy god, I'm jealous of that dress Dakota is wearing. That is beautiful... And I can't remember who that chain-smoking character of Cecily's is, but she's definitely done it before. I love the way she drunkenly over-enunciates things. Hilarious. Apparently her brother wore pants too tight, and now he's 'all twig and no berries' ahaha. And the clock has struck midnight, so she (Dakota) has to inform the prince that 'I don't have time to tell you my name' three times.

Somehow, I don't think Sara Bareilles' 'Brave' is actually about being blunt and honestly rude to people. But this is kind of hilarious, how excited they all are to be honest. But here's what's bugging me about Dakota - she just has one happy face, she doesn't do the exaggerated joyful expression that the other ladies have mastered (especially Kate and Leslie). But seriously, I love that song.

Look how happy she is!!!

We're 20 minutes in, and they're already doing a 50 Shades-related sketch. And poor little Kyle, having to play a child again. He's a middle-schooler who's interviewing Dakota (playing herself) and getting WAAAAY too into detail about the movie. Oh hey, she and I actually have something in common! Her favourite dessert is pie too!

Basic white girls (and Bobby) sitting around discussing how cold it is out, overusing the word 'literally' and discussing how much they 'can't even'. This could have been lifted off of Tumblr. And poor Aidy LITERALLY cannot do anything, because her arms are actually broken! And the other bee-otches won't help her! How rude!!!

I have literally only heard of Alabama Shakes in the context of them being on SNL another time, about two years ago. And all I remember about them was their lead singer-lady having really big hair. She appears to have cut it since then.

UPDAAATE!!!! *Gasp* Colin is team White&Gold on The Dress. WHYY COLIN WHYY??!!!!

He favourited one of my tweets last week!! I had such high hopes for him!!!

They're making more ISIS jokes.. Am I the only one finding this timing awkward?!
I also love it when the audience laughs/cheers for a long time while the camera is on Colin, so he's forced to just sit there and smile and be cute. AND HIS FACE as Ruth Bader Ginsburg (Kate) is dancing is just so adorable. Although I think her catchphrase 'ya ginsburnt' is borrowing a little too heavily from something Seth does on his show...

She gets points for the pun though.

Wait, Kanye apologized to Beck? How did I miss this? Finally... AND I LOVE JAY PHAROAH AS KANYE!!! He's the new Bill Hader. So good at the impressions.

OH MY GOD IT'S RIBLET!!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!! I love this guy!! When they introduced him the first time, I was like 'good god, I hope they bring him back'. AND THEY DID!!!! I'm crying with laughter right now. Apparently his pigtails are detachable. And they had a mike delivered to him so he could drop it.. #RibletForUpdate2015 #UnlessThatMeansReplacingJostThenNevermind #JostCheAndRibletForThreeManUpdate2015

The Star Trek reference in this sketch is a little weird given the fact that Leonard Nimoy died yesterday... But also I'm distracted by one-note Dakota. YOU'RE AN ACTRESS WOMAN STOP BEING SO MONOTONE, WHO ARE YOU, KRISTEN STEWART?!!! But then she started cracking slightly, and so did Leslie, so I'll forgive her.. Keenan is just nuts. Awww but then they ended the sketch with a picture of Nimoy with 'Live Long and Prosper' written on it. That's sweet.

Oh hey they're talking about Net Neutrality!! A bunch of people who don't actually know what it is... Pete doesn't want people to comment neutrally 'this is fine.' that reminds me of a Demetri Martin joke...

Let's be honest, though, most things remind me of Demetri Martin jokes.

Damn. Leslie is team white and gold dress too?!! But Pete's on my side!! Woohoo!! Also, I hate to bring up John Oliver again (I totally do not, because he's awesome) but his show actually broke the internet when he did a piece on net neutrality and explaining how important it was. He got people interested in the debate, and got them to care. GO JOHN!!!

Beck and Kyle are making a 'viral video' about people not reacting to a sad situation - bullying, women's pay inequality, kids being lost- and they just start lecturing people about nothing. At least Kyle didn't have to dress like the child in this one. But he did have to dress like a woman. And a dog.

And everyone during the goodbyes (including Dakota's dad) did the 'Live Long and Prosper' salute, that's so sweet...

Also Colin was wearing a tight black t-shirt again. Hot damn.

Public service announcement: Someone finally listened to me and gave the lovely and hilarious SNL alum Will Forte his own TV show - it's called The Last Man on Earth and it's premiering tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m. eastern on FOX. WATCH IT!!! I've missed seeing his face on my TV, I'm so excited for this!!!

I think I've had Forte withdrawal...