SNL - J.K. Simmons

(Note: My roommate had some people over so I was unable to watch the beginning of the episode, but when it goes up online I'll watch it and fill in that part)

 There was a pretty awesome article for my inner TV-production nerd regarding the set preparation for last week. Read it here: http://www.vulture.com/2015/01/how-saturday-night-live-gets-built.html

I love Keenan's character (even though I have no idea how to spell his name) who hosts the 'Cinema Classics' bit, his emphasis of random syllables. It's the alternate ending of Casablanca and Simmons is Humphrey Bogart and Kate is Ingrid Bergman. His impersonation is excellent, and she just keeps whining and saying 'nooo, no, no nooo...' and then as soon as he mentions the concentration camps, she's totally OK with leaving. Eager, in fact. And she keeps interrupting his dramatic monologue. Then she shouts 'byeeee' and scampers away. (I'd do that too in her situation... although this reminds me that I totally still need to see Casablanca).

They're still trying to find a followup to the Digital Shorts. This one is called 'Teacher Snow Day' and is pretty hilarious - all the teachers are at the school going crazy, doing lines of chalk, having a rave in the teacher's lounge, Kyle is a chem teacher (wearing two pairs of glasses) and cooking meth in his classroom. And J.K. Simmons is the principal who actually RAPS (never thought I'd see that day!) and isn't wearing any pants. Pete is a student and showed up at the school accidentally and now has all kinds of blackmail material. Excellent concept, except for the fact that teachers get to stay home on snow days too...

Bobby has a hall pass. His desk, on the other hand... does not.

UPDAAATE!!! Colin is wearing a striped tie with a plaid shirt. Are we ok with this? I'm ok with this. And he smiled when talking about Mitt Romney not running for president (also, thank god for that).
Colin makes a good point about the Superbowl having that anti-domestic-violence ad on when the NFL players can't watch it.. OH MAN I love the Cecily character the one-dimensional girl character from a male-driven comedy!!! She thinks Colin needs to grow up. Aaaand she's pregnant. But her body doesn't show it. And the baby is Colin's. But clearly fake.

She's a girl. But also hot. And she likes sports. It's so confusing.

PS I don't understand the whole Tom Petty/Sam Smith thing. I don't think they sound anything alike. (Although I might be biased because I love the Sam Smith one and I've hated 'I Won't Back Down' since I was a kid). Here are the two songs in question, so you can decide:

JEBEDIAH ATKINSON IS BACK!!!!! I was just thinking the other day, why hadn't he been around lately?? And here he is!!!! "All about that bass, bout that bass, no talent". BOOM! And the U2 thing reminds me of my unpopular opinion #47 - I didn't hate the entirety of that free album... NEXT!!! "If anything, the Beatles ruined Yoko" hahahahaha... He reminds me of a guy I went to highschool with whenever he reacts to the audience cringing... YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON JEBEDIAH!!

J.K. as an old man trying to use Microsoft Word to type a letter - and Bobby is dancing in as the new paperclip guy (he's a pushpin now). And he's super irritating. And apparently voice-activated now. And then he gets all sad when they try to disable him, which is apparently synonymous with murdering him. Damnit they just made me feel bad for a little help icon. And it looks so funny because they greenscreened out Bobby's legs so he's just balancing on the point.

Ahh, nostalgia. I do not miss this little bugger. 

Seriously, how many pretaped bits are they going to do? This one is a biopic on Jay-Z, but for some reason they've got Mike O'Brien playing him (I thought he got fired?) and being all dorky and Sasheer as Beyonce (totally nailed it) and OH MY GOD JASON SUDEIKIS AS KANYE WEST!!! JASON I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!! J.K. is Nas. Is he going to rap again? OH DEAR GOD Jay Pharoah's impression talent knows no bounds. He just 'gave him the idea' for Empire State of Mind and SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE HIM. Damn. If they ever do actually make a Jay-Z biopic, (or a Kanye one, or a Will Smith one for that matter) I nominate Jay for the role!!!

JASON!!!!!! #SudeikisHostSNL2015

Is it just me, or do they use the same set for all the classroom sketches? J.K. is Pete's dad at 'career day' and he's telling the kids that he's a 'Japanese Messy Boy' which apparently means he has to wear underpants and a bib and eat messy food while rich Japanese ladies watch him. For $45,000/day. And Pete's embarrassed. Naturally. And I know that SNL has never been one for racial sensitivity, but that caricature of a Japanese voice they did on the phone there was just BRUTAL...

Anyways, that's it for this week!

SNL - Blake Shelton

I don't know a lot about Blake Shelton, other than he's a country singer, a judge on The Voice and has a bromance with Adam Levine.  No idea how he'll do as an actor, but I guess he can't do any worse than Justin Beiber...

Teehee.

The cold open is about that weird football inflation scandal.. I think Taran is channeling his own Ashton Kutcher impression for this Tom Brady impression. And Kate got to scream at someone, Bobby got to scream back at her... Basically, this whole thing being blown out of proportion (I see what I did there).

Yeeeah, nobody thought you were.

Blake referred to himself as the 'Justin Beiber of country music' and oh dear, that's really not a compliment, you know... Oh so now he's going to sing the monologue hahaha. I wonder if he's gonna be able to hide his accent at all in the sketches? Leslie's wearing a blonde wig and wants to be excused.

Parody of The Bachelor with Blake as a country guy from Iowa trying to convince a bunch of girls to marry him and move to Iowa with him. They're basically all clones of each other and don't care about how crappy his hometown is. This is pretty much like what the actual Bachelor is like, I swear. And then Aidy throws a loop in the pattern and starts crying about her dad dying (ten years ago). I'm surprised they didn't have any of the guys dressed in drag for this sketch.

Pictured: Literally any season of The Bachelor. Ever.

Now Blake (in a bad wig), Kate, and Aidy (in a wig reminiscent of one of the Judd sisters) are singing a song about a 'wishing boot' that comes to answer the prayers of people... this is so weird... The song almost sounds like a commercial. For food. (PS Seth Meyers tweeted that he loved this sketch. So who am I to question the master?)

(Commercial break) What the heck, they made another Spongebob movie? This one kinda/sorta live action?? But... why?!

FAMILY FEUD!!! I love Keenan's impression of Steve Harvey!! And everyone else's impressions of other people!! Really, Blake's playing himself? They couldn't pretend he was some other country singer? Taran's impression of Adam Levine is awesome. I forgot Keith Urban (Kate) was Australian... Sasheer's pretty funny as Nicki Minaj! Beck looks nothing like Harry Connick Jr. (Or Michael Buble, for that matter). And I love Kyle, but his Steven Tyler could use some work. Although A+ job by the costume department on him!! Very accurate!! And apparently Adam and Blake just want to make out (off-camera, of course).

He DID steal it from Smokey the Bear!! I knew it!!

I've never liked country music. A lot of people at my university do, and for some reason there are a disproportionate number of country bars in my hometown, but it has 100% never been my thing. Other than a little Martina McBride and Shania Twain when I was really small. But that was more pop than country...

UPDAAATE!!! Everyone's so excited about the State of the Union - especially him LITERALLY BURNING JOHN BOEHNER WHICH WAS AN AWESOME JOKE!!! More football jokes... And all I could think of is this:

Bobby plays Riblet, Michael's friend from childhood, mocking his job, who apparently has been reading 'since he was 15'. So he does a bunch of the jokes. Is this Bobby auditioning to take over Update? As long as he doesn't take Jost's job, I'm cool.
Colin too deadpannly said that joke about his dad never hugging him... AND THEN HE SMILED AND NODDED VIGOROUSLY AFTER ONE OF MICHAEL'S JOKES!! I'LL TAKE IT!

Pete is apparently afraid he might be gay, he wrote this piece just to convince his girlfriend that he isn't - and says Colin's a straight 8, and a gay 10. I think he's more of a straight 9... And I can't speak for gay people. But his reaction to the audience screaming over him was adorable. And Michael thinks Colin look stupid in instant reply, but I DISAGREE!!

Michael's ex-girlfriend (Sasheer) is reporting for them and they just keep arguing - Colin doesn't want to be dragged into this, so he wheels offscreen - NO COLIN SWEETIE COME BACK WE WANNA SEE YOU! Turns out this girl is dating someone new - AND IT'S RIBLET!! Hahahah

Good job Riblet. I hope we see more of this guy.

 (Commercial break) OK can we seriously stop putting covers of famous songs into commercials?!! It's driving me nuts! Don't get me wrong, I love peanut butter, but I don't need to associate Elton John's 'Your Song' with those Kraft teddy bears!!!! Grrr...

I don't really see the point of this next sketch, Cecily, Bobby and Blake on a parole board, emphatically refusing parole to Keenan, who is a prisoner who ate people and is deluded into thinking they're all still 'on the fence' about their decision. And apparently he'd eat his younger self if he could. I have to say, I can't decide which was funnier, Keenan's casual obliviousness or the other three being so damn emphatic.

I'm a little uncomfortable about the next one, Taran as an old man who wrote a song (sung by Blake) about his dead wife which was all sweet and then turned really unpleasant.. And I'm just wondering why they don't have any more recent photos of the wife?? Those were all 50s-era sepia shots. But the makeup team did an awesome job making Taran look old.

This is actually an unusual amount of in-sketch singing they've gotten Blake to do. Maybe they had as much faith in his acting abilities as I did. But he's done pretty well!

Last sketch of the night, Taran as a magician, who Blake keeps heckling from the audience. He wants Taran to use his powers to make him rich. And know what women are thinking. And he wants to be a black guy. Or have Wolverine claws. Or guns for hands. Or chicken nuggets with ranch. Or the power to go down on himself (hey, didn't you know, all you need for that is to remove two sets of ribs, just ask Marilyn Manson... Right?)

The end!! J.K. Simmons, a.k.a. the greatest male parental figure in Juno (I know he's been in other things, but I love that movie and I love him in it, so shhh...) is hosting next week, with a musical guest I've never heard of. So... yay! See you then!

Saturday Night Live - Cameron Diaz

I'm really sleepy, so this is going to be breif (sorry it's so late, but I went home for the weekend and had no free time to watch it since!)

Poor Kyle playing a little kid again.. Talking to Keenan as the bill from the that little song. Then Obama shows up and brings in Bobby the executive order, pushing Keenan down the many steps. This sketch is kinda starting to sound like it was written by FOX News... Wonder what Jon Stewart would have to say about this?

"I'm an executive order and I pretty much just happen"

I never noticed before - but on the opening credits, Colin is hanging out with firefighters... Why? Is that a thing that New Yorkers do? Seems kinda random, like in the old credits where Keenan was standing on the Brooklyn Bridge high-fiving random passers-by.

What movie exactly is Cameron promoting? Ohh Annie apparently, I didn't know she was in that movie.

I've heard so much about this 'back home baller' sketch with all the ladies rapping and it's pretty funny.. We already had Canadian Thanksgiving, and I can confirm that the pampering happens (haha just kidding, I get questioned about why I need to do laundry).

The next sketch is a parody of the new Annie movie where Jamie Foxx (Jay) keeps saying his real name when introducing himself, and there's 'Black Annie' (Leslie) who's actually 43, and a 'white Annie' (Vanessa). And she doesn't like it when they sing - then it ends with Keenan coming out and singing 'Black Annie' (basically this song with the name switched)

Fauxmercial for something that's basically a Keurig for hatching eggs. But the lady showing her friends has no idea how it works. And Keenan killed one!! Boooo...

The next bit is a low-budget 'creative' school play that totally just reminds me of the episode 'Stuff' from How I Met Your Mother:

You know, the one with Lily's play? And 'consumerism'?
And Barney's play? Which was actually funnier than Lily's play?
And Marshall never gets picked for audience participation?

Updaaaate... And Angela Merkel is back! And got a laugh out of Colin!! And then comes really close to kissing him and he laughs AGAIN!! More of her please!!!
And Charles Manson and his fiancee... (Taran and Cecily) and Taran does a good crazy dude. Apparently he told her she was in jail for income tax evasion (and she doesn't have access to the internet to verify this) - and then THEY actually start making out on the desk.

Oh god, they're back to that guy with the baby's body... and we're at his house now! I'm  totally confused as to why they continue with this sketch, it's so awkward... And I don't really like Beck Bennet all that much, I'm surprised they kept him in the cast over some of the people they let go from last year. Although he does do a pretty convincing baby-body performance. Cameron's his wife, and Keenan works for him and is bringing his wife (Sasheer) over to the boss' house for dinner. And Cameron's pregnant. Sasheer looked like she was close to cracking which reminds me, I don't think she has yet... And he keeps eating a lemon.

Now Keenan is doing an 'animal hour' show with a monkey who apparently ripped his you-know-whats off. And I'm just reminded that I miss this Tracey Morgan sketch:

THAT'S CRAZY!!

The monkey actually looks kinda terrified. And Keenan just keeps going on and on about the last episode. Cameron gets to hang out with a lemur on her shoulder! I'm jealous!

AWW YES! Kyle's re-recorded bit with his character Chris Fitzpatrick is back. I love this dude. He's trying to fight some preppy dude (Beck) and then after neither of them hit each other, Kyle freaks out cos he can't breathe since he has heart problems and then it gets broken up by a teacher (Cameron) and they both cry.

Pete makes his first appearance this episode, as a student in the class taught by Vanessa's weird awkward hippy poet-teacher lady. Keenan's character (after making hilarious faces in the back of the class) has a poem about Friends that was pretty hilarious. And Phoebe is his favourite.

But come on, isn't she everyone's favourite?

Cameron is her friend that has an overly-sexual poem about the UPS man which Pete is loving and causes Keenan to make another hilarious face.

Cecily and Cameron and Kate are in a commercial for some kind of phone sex line and they're asking for weird things like 'meeting me in a dark parking lot and hiding a package for me until things with the police die down'. Not a bad sketch, although it was a little longer than necessary.

I really did like the majority of the material this week! Although I was a little surprised there were so many pre-recorded sketches (does 3 seem like a lot to anyone else?) Cameron was great, as usual. Update was hilarious. Time for bed, see you in a few weeks!