SNL - Donald Trump

I have a lot of feelings about this. Most of them are rage. I hate Donald Trump so much. He's racist, sexist, homophobic, classist- just about every 'ist' there is. It was mildly entertaining when he was on the Celebrity Apprentice and didn't actually have any power over anyone. It pisses me off so much that this show would give him a platform just for the sake of their ratings. Ironically, many of his supporters wouldn't even watch it because it's 'liberal swill'. Everyone else (like me, admittedly) is watching solely hoping it will be a train wreck.

I considered boycotting it and watching online, but then I realized that I live in Canada so my viewing doesn't count for NBC's ratings anyways.

But I still maintain that this episode should have aired last week, on Halloween - because the possibility of President Trump is scarier than any horror movie.

Larry David is back! I thought that was actually Bernie for a second.

Darryl Hammond does a better imitation of Trump than Trump does. 

"Trump's a racist!" Larry David is just saying what we're all thinking.

Here's a cameo from Ivanka Trump that nobody asked for, and nobody applauded. Awkward. I actually don't hate her, she seems much nicer and more intelligent than her dad. Unfortunately, she still has his last name and is only famous because of him.

The girls are rapping again, now a parody of M.I.A.'s 'Bad Girls' in which they demonstrate ways they're rebelling in everyday situations. But my favourite is when they said "Our waitress was terrible, it's time to leave a tip... Of 20% because being a server is hard and we don't know what's going on in her day."

The next bit was kind of original, Trump 'live tweeting' on screen the cast members in a sketch (Kate, Cecily, Keenan, Vanessa and Taran) while they try not to react to it.

I knew they were going to do a Hotline Bling sketch!! I knew it! It was great! Jay is the best impressionist they have on the cast right now, love that dude. And a Martin Short cameo!! Love it!!

Sometimes you just gotta do the Ed Grimley. #SNL https://t.co/CqxOk5LcuK

— Saturday Night Live (@nbcsnl) November 8, 2015

#SNL 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 sneaky 🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠

— Jose Bautista (@JoeyBats19) November 8, 2015

Jose Bautista approves of the name of one of those dance moves in the video. I'm guessing he feels differently about Trump, however.

Commercial break - I love that commercial with Mary J Blige, Taraji P Henson, and Kerry Washington talking about mix tapes. They look like they'd be so much fun to hang out with!

I was kinda hoping that Kristen Wiig would be dancing with Sia. No such luck.

UPDAAAATE TIME!!! C'mon boys, please restore my faith in your show...
Of course they're taking aim at Ben Carson this week, that's just too easy. But Che did manage to throw some scripted shade at Trump. Good.

LESLIE!!! Called Colin a 'tall glass of egg whites' hahaha. I like that they at least acknowledged the protesters outside... Che manages to bring up more stupid Trump shit. Drunk Uncle is a fan of Trump, which is not news to anyone. Did you know that Drunk Uncle has the power to break a glass in his fist, reach offscreen and just summon another one?

I'm reminded of a little anecdote - my grandma and I were discussing american politics once, and she said to me "I was telling your grandfather the other day, and now I shouldn't use this language, but Trump is the personification of the word 'asshole'." Needless to say, I laughed for about five minutes. But I can't think of a better way to sum him up.

The next bit is kinda funny considering that one Democratic candidate who kept griping about not getting enough time - it's Trump playing 'the laser harp' in a crappy little band and complaining that no one is letting him do a long enough solo because all the other performers keep going really long ones.

Pete Davidson makes his first appearance in this episode - in a sketch where he's Aidy's boyfriend and Beck Bennett is her father, who keeps playing various songs that he himself is singing. And then he gets all angsty and offended when he thinks everyone hates them.

Apparently the band on the show the last time Trump hosted was called 'Toots and the Maytals'. I hope that was planned just to get Trump to say 'Toots' a dozen times. They're a real group. Kinda seem like something Jimmy Fallon would have on his 'Do not Play' list. And this is how you'd dance for it:

The two girls who aren't pornstars anymore are now doing ads for Donald Trump (Tramp?) 

Well. Thank god that's over. At least he was barely in any of the sketches. More like cameos. 

SNL - Dakota Johnson

I must start by saying this: I am 100% against 50 Shades of Grey being made out to be a huge thing. It normalizes and romanticizes abusive relationship behaviour, and that's not a message that needs to being going out into the world. It's personal to me because I have a close friend who was in a terribly manipulative/abusive relationship, and that guy displayed a lot of the controlling behaviour that Christian does in the book. I don't want to rant on this here, but there are plenty of articles explaining the issue. Go read one. Educate yourself.

Having said that, I figured that sooner or later one of the stars of an extremely popular movie would be hosting SNL, sooo... I guess, at least, they didn't pick Jamie Dornan? After all, he's #NotMyChristian...

Bless John Oliver. Love that man.

OK, so according to Rudy Guiliani, you're allowed to say bad things as long as beforehand you say 'this is going to be horrible'. And they're parodying Birdman! I really want to know who's doing his in-head voiceover, because I do not recognize that voice. Might be Beck.
Note to self: WATCH BIRDMAN!!

Why so creepy, birdman Beck?

I don't know why, but I don't really like Dakota Johnson very much... She just seems very awkward and kinda whiny... And now we're applauding her for who her parents are. Aww and they're actually there! That's sweet!

Taran playing Dakota's dad is a really odd concept, because I don't think he's significantly older than her... And oooookay, making jokes about young people joining ISIS? Is that really OK? Like I definitely don't think that's very funny...

I think this next bit is a spoof on Cinderella... Holy god, I'm jealous of that dress Dakota is wearing. That is beautiful... And I can't remember who that chain-smoking character of Cecily's is, but she's definitely done it before. I love the way she drunkenly over-enunciates things. Hilarious. Apparently her brother wore pants too tight, and now he's 'all twig and no berries' ahaha. And the clock has struck midnight, so she (Dakota) has to inform the prince that 'I don't have time to tell you my name' three times.

Somehow, I don't think Sara Bareilles' 'Brave' is actually about being blunt and honestly rude to people. But this is kind of hilarious, how excited they all are to be honest. But here's what's bugging me about Dakota - she just has one happy face, she doesn't do the exaggerated joyful expression that the other ladies have mastered (especially Kate and Leslie). But seriously, I love that song.

Look how happy she is!!!

We're 20 minutes in, and they're already doing a 50 Shades-related sketch. And poor little Kyle, having to play a child again. He's a middle-schooler who's interviewing Dakota (playing herself) and getting WAAAAY too into detail about the movie. Oh hey, she and I actually have something in common! Her favourite dessert is pie too!

Basic white girls (and Bobby) sitting around discussing how cold it is out, overusing the word 'literally' and discussing how much they 'can't even'. This could have been lifted off of Tumblr. And poor Aidy LITERALLY cannot do anything, because her arms are actually broken! And the other bee-otches won't help her! How rude!!!

I have literally only heard of Alabama Shakes in the context of them being on SNL another time, about two years ago. And all I remember about them was their lead singer-lady having really big hair. She appears to have cut it since then.

UPDAAATE!!!! *Gasp* Colin is team White&Gold on The Dress. WHYY COLIN WHYY??!!!!

He favourited one of my tweets last week!! I had such high hopes for him!!!

They're making more ISIS jokes.. Am I the only one finding this timing awkward?!
I also love it when the audience laughs/cheers for a long time while the camera is on Colin, so he's forced to just sit there and smile and be cute. AND HIS FACE as Ruth Bader Ginsburg (Kate) is dancing is just so adorable. Although I think her catchphrase 'ya ginsburnt' is borrowing a little too heavily from something Seth does on his show...

She gets points for the pun though.

Wait, Kanye apologized to Beck? How did I miss this? Finally... AND I LOVE JAY PHAROAH AS KANYE!!! He's the new Bill Hader. So good at the impressions.

OH MY GOD IT'S RIBLET!!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!! I love this guy!! When they introduced him the first time, I was like 'good god, I hope they bring him back'. AND THEY DID!!!! I'm crying with laughter right now. Apparently his pigtails are detachable. And they had a mike delivered to him so he could drop it.. #RibletForUpdate2015 #UnlessThatMeansReplacingJostThenNevermind #JostCheAndRibletForThreeManUpdate2015

The Star Trek reference in this sketch is a little weird given the fact that Leonard Nimoy died yesterday... But also I'm distracted by one-note Dakota. YOU'RE AN ACTRESS WOMAN STOP BEING SO MONOTONE, WHO ARE YOU, KRISTEN STEWART?!!! But then she started cracking slightly, and so did Leslie, so I'll forgive her.. Keenan is just nuts. Awww but then they ended the sketch with a picture of Nimoy with 'Live Long and Prosper' written on it. That's sweet.

Oh hey they're talking about Net Neutrality!! A bunch of people who don't actually know what it is... Pete doesn't want people to comment neutrally 'this is fine.' that reminds me of a Demetri Martin joke...

Let's be honest, though, most things remind me of Demetri Martin jokes.

Damn. Leslie is team white and gold dress too?!! But Pete's on my side!! Woohoo!! Also, I hate to bring up John Oliver again (I totally do not, because he's awesome) but his show actually broke the internet when he did a piece on net neutrality and explaining how important it was. He got people interested in the debate, and got them to care. GO JOHN!!!

Beck and Kyle are making a 'viral video' about people not reacting to a sad situation - bullying, women's pay inequality, kids being lost- and they just start lecturing people about nothing. At least Kyle didn't have to dress like the child in this one. But he did have to dress like a woman. And a dog.

And everyone during the goodbyes (including Dakota's dad) did the 'Live Long and Prosper' salute, that's so sweet...

Also Colin was wearing a tight black t-shirt again. Hot damn.

Public service announcement: Someone finally listened to me and gave the lovely and hilarious SNL alum Will Forte his own TV show - it's called The Last Man on Earth and it's premiering tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m. eastern on FOX. WATCH IT!!! I've missed seeing his face on my TV, I'm so excited for this!!!

I think I've had Forte withdrawal...

SNL - J.K. Simmons

(Note: My roommate had some people over so I was unable to watch the beginning of the episode, but when it goes up online I'll watch it and fill in that part)

 There was a pretty awesome article for my inner TV-production nerd regarding the set preparation for last week. Read it here: http://www.vulture.com/2015/01/how-saturday-night-live-gets-built.html

I love Keenan's character (even though I have no idea how to spell his name) who hosts the 'Cinema Classics' bit, his emphasis of random syllables. It's the alternate ending of Casablanca and Simmons is Humphrey Bogart and Kate is Ingrid Bergman. His impersonation is excellent, and she just keeps whining and saying 'nooo, no, no nooo...' and then as soon as he mentions the concentration camps, she's totally OK with leaving. Eager, in fact. And she keeps interrupting his dramatic monologue. Then she shouts 'byeeee' and scampers away. (I'd do that too in her situation... although this reminds me that I totally still need to see Casablanca).

They're still trying to find a followup to the Digital Shorts. This one is called 'Teacher Snow Day' and is pretty hilarious - all the teachers are at the school going crazy, doing lines of chalk, having a rave in the teacher's lounge, Kyle is a chem teacher (wearing two pairs of glasses) and cooking meth in his classroom. And J.K. Simmons is the principal who actually RAPS (never thought I'd see that day!) and isn't wearing any pants. Pete is a student and showed up at the school accidentally and now has all kinds of blackmail material. Excellent concept, except for the fact that teachers get to stay home on snow days too...

Bobby has a hall pass. His desk, on the other hand... does not.

UPDAAATE!!! Colin is wearing a striped tie with a plaid shirt. Are we ok with this? I'm ok with this. And he smiled when talking about Mitt Romney not running for president (also, thank god for that).
Colin makes a good point about the Superbowl having that anti-domestic-violence ad on when the NFL players can't watch it.. OH MAN I love the Cecily character the one-dimensional girl character from a male-driven comedy!!! She thinks Colin needs to grow up. Aaaand she's pregnant. But her body doesn't show it. And the baby is Colin's. But clearly fake.

She's a girl. But also hot. And she likes sports. It's so confusing.

PS I don't understand the whole Tom Petty/Sam Smith thing. I don't think they sound anything alike. (Although I might be biased because I love the Sam Smith one and I've hated 'I Won't Back Down' since I was a kid). Here are the two songs in question, so you can decide:

JEBEDIAH ATKINSON IS BACK!!!!! I was just thinking the other day, why hadn't he been around lately?? And here he is!!!! "All about that bass, bout that bass, no talent". BOOM! And the U2 thing reminds me of my unpopular opinion #47 - I didn't hate the entirety of that free album... NEXT!!! "If anything, the Beatles ruined Yoko" hahahahaha... He reminds me of a guy I went to highschool with whenever he reacts to the audience cringing... YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON JEBEDIAH!!

J.K. as an old man trying to use Microsoft Word to type a letter - and Bobby is dancing in as the new paperclip guy (he's a pushpin now). And he's super irritating. And apparently voice-activated now. And then he gets all sad when they try to disable him, which is apparently synonymous with murdering him. Damnit they just made me feel bad for a little help icon. And it looks so funny because they greenscreened out Bobby's legs so he's just balancing on the point.

Ahh, nostalgia. I do not miss this little bugger. 

Seriously, how many pretaped bits are they going to do? This one is a biopic on Jay-Z, but for some reason they've got Mike O'Brien playing him (I thought he got fired?) and being all dorky and Sasheer as Beyonce (totally nailed it) and OH MY GOD JASON SUDEIKIS AS KANYE WEST!!! JASON I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!! J.K. is Nas. Is he going to rap again? OH DEAR GOD Jay Pharoah's impression talent knows no bounds. He just 'gave him the idea' for Empire State of Mind and SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE HIM. Damn. If they ever do actually make a Jay-Z biopic, (or a Kanye one, or a Will Smith one for that matter) I nominate Jay for the role!!!

JASON!!!!!! #SudeikisHostSNL2015

Is it just me, or do they use the same set for all the classroom sketches? J.K. is Pete's dad at 'career day' and he's telling the kids that he's a 'Japanese Messy Boy' which apparently means he has to wear underpants and a bib and eat messy food while rich Japanese ladies watch him. For $45,000/day. And Pete's embarrassed. Naturally. And I know that SNL has never been one for racial sensitivity, but that caricature of a Japanese voice they did on the phone there was just BRUTAL...

Anyways, that's it for this week!

SNL - Blake Shelton

I don't know a lot about Blake Shelton, other than he's a country singer, a judge on The Voice and has a bromance with Adam Levine.  No idea how he'll do as an actor, but I guess he can't do any worse than Justin Beiber...

Teehee.

The cold open is about that weird football inflation scandal.. I think Taran is channeling his own Ashton Kutcher impression for this Tom Brady impression. And Kate got to scream at someone, Bobby got to scream back at her... Basically, this whole thing being blown out of proportion (I see what I did there).

Yeeeah, nobody thought you were.

Blake referred to himself as the 'Justin Beiber of country music' and oh dear, that's really not a compliment, you know... Oh so now he's going to sing the monologue hahaha. I wonder if he's gonna be able to hide his accent at all in the sketches? Leslie's wearing a blonde wig and wants to be excused.

Parody of The Bachelor with Blake as a country guy from Iowa trying to convince a bunch of girls to marry him and move to Iowa with him. They're basically all clones of each other and don't care about how crappy his hometown is. This is pretty much like what the actual Bachelor is like, I swear. And then Aidy throws a loop in the pattern and starts crying about her dad dying (ten years ago). I'm surprised they didn't have any of the guys dressed in drag for this sketch.

Pictured: Literally any season of The Bachelor. Ever.

Now Blake (in a bad wig), Kate, and Aidy (in a wig reminiscent of one of the Judd sisters) are singing a song about a 'wishing boot' that comes to answer the prayers of people... this is so weird... The song almost sounds like a commercial. For food. (PS Seth Meyers tweeted that he loved this sketch. So who am I to question the master?)

(Commercial break) What the heck, they made another Spongebob movie? This one kinda/sorta live action?? But... why?!

FAMILY FEUD!!! I love Keenan's impression of Steve Harvey!! And everyone else's impressions of other people!! Really, Blake's playing himself? They couldn't pretend he was some other country singer? Taran's impression of Adam Levine is awesome. I forgot Keith Urban (Kate) was Australian... Sasheer's pretty funny as Nicki Minaj! Beck looks nothing like Harry Connick Jr. (Or Michael Buble, for that matter). And I love Kyle, but his Steven Tyler could use some work. Although A+ job by the costume department on him!! Very accurate!! And apparently Adam and Blake just want to make out (off-camera, of course).

He DID steal it from Smokey the Bear!! I knew it!!

I've never liked country music. A lot of people at my university do, and for some reason there are a disproportionate number of country bars in my hometown, but it has 100% never been my thing. Other than a little Martina McBride and Shania Twain when I was really small. But that was more pop than country...

UPDAAATE!!! Everyone's so excited about the State of the Union - especially him LITERALLY BURNING JOHN BOEHNER WHICH WAS AN AWESOME JOKE!!! More football jokes... And all I could think of is this:

Bobby plays Riblet, Michael's friend from childhood, mocking his job, who apparently has been reading 'since he was 15'. So he does a bunch of the jokes. Is this Bobby auditioning to take over Update? As long as he doesn't take Jost's job, I'm cool.
Colin too deadpannly said that joke about his dad never hugging him... AND THEN HE SMILED AND NODDED VIGOROUSLY AFTER ONE OF MICHAEL'S JOKES!! I'LL TAKE IT!

Pete is apparently afraid he might be gay, he wrote this piece just to convince his girlfriend that he isn't - and says Colin's a straight 8, and a gay 10. I think he's more of a straight 9... And I can't speak for gay people. But his reaction to the audience screaming over him was adorable. And Michael thinks Colin look stupid in instant reply, but I DISAGREE!!

Michael's ex-girlfriend (Sasheer) is reporting for them and they just keep arguing - Colin doesn't want to be dragged into this, so he wheels offscreen - NO COLIN SWEETIE COME BACK WE WANNA SEE YOU! Turns out this girl is dating someone new - AND IT'S RIBLET!! Hahahah

Good job Riblet. I hope we see more of this guy.

 (Commercial break) OK can we seriously stop putting covers of famous songs into commercials?!! It's driving me nuts! Don't get me wrong, I love peanut butter, but I don't need to associate Elton John's 'Your Song' with those Kraft teddy bears!!!! Grrr...

I don't really see the point of this next sketch, Cecily, Bobby and Blake on a parole board, emphatically refusing parole to Keenan, who is a prisoner who ate people and is deluded into thinking they're all still 'on the fence' about their decision. And apparently he'd eat his younger self if he could. I have to say, I can't decide which was funnier, Keenan's casual obliviousness or the other three being so damn emphatic.

I'm a little uncomfortable about the next one, Taran as an old man who wrote a song (sung by Blake) about his dead wife which was all sweet and then turned really unpleasant.. And I'm just wondering why they don't have any more recent photos of the wife?? Those were all 50s-era sepia shots. But the makeup team did an awesome job making Taran look old.

This is actually an unusual amount of in-sketch singing they've gotten Blake to do. Maybe they had as much faith in his acting abilities as I did. But he's done pretty well!

Last sketch of the night, Taran as a magician, who Blake keeps heckling from the audience. He wants Taran to use his powers to make him rich. And know what women are thinking. And he wants to be a black guy. Or have Wolverine claws. Or guns for hands. Or chicken nuggets with ranch. Or the power to go down on himself (hey, didn't you know, all you need for that is to remove two sets of ribs, just ask Marilyn Manson... Right?)

The end!! J.K. Simmons, a.k.a. the greatest male parental figure in Juno (I know he's been in other things, but I love that movie and I love him in it, so shhh...) is hosting next week, with a musical guest I've never heard of. So... yay! See you then!

Saturday Night Live - Martin Freeman

It wasn't until 5:00 today that I remembered it's Saturday, and therefore SNL was on tonight...
I have no idea what day of the week it is anymore. Exams are the Britta of school.

They're the worst.

For that reason, my BBT blog is late this week, and my NCIS:LA one probably will be too. Sorry. And I may just fall asleep in the middle of this one.

The opening interview is with two guys (Bobby and Kyle, who finally gets to play an adult) who are the guys who invented all the torture methods for the CIA. They also invented the self-checkout lane at grocery stores, and the customer service at the cable companies. And auto-correct. Damn these guys.

Martin Freeman is adorable. He'd be perfect for an elf - doesn't even need the prosthetic ears! He proceeds to list every single role on his IMDb page... Except Sherlock, oddly enough... Give it up for racial unrest!! (No one does). Apparently all famous British people hang out together. I got really excited for a second that the real Maggie Smith would be there, but it's just Kate doing an impersonation - Taran got to do an Alan Rickman-worthy Snape. And yea, Maggie Smith is classy enough to wear the Downton Abbey costume as pyjamas. She's the best. And if Martin embarrasses himself, I'll need to change the title of this post to 'SNL - Colin Firth' hahaha.

Bow down to this woman. Do it. It's the law.

Keenan stars in a wannabe Digital Short piece called 'Sump'm Claus' about a dude who will give everyone some money even if they've been naughty enough for Santa Claus to cross them off his list. It's an odd concept, but I will say this - incredibly catchy.

Martin is like a head shorter than Leslie. Even moreso with her hair all pouffy like that. And they're getting married! By Beck. She's a basketball player, he's... tiny. All their wedding guests are objecting to them getting married. Apparently they have only known each other for five days. And have done it like 50 times. Then they fight when they're not... getting busy. And apparently he's already married. I'm so confused. The bride has a lot of kids (double three, plus four), and Kenan is her dad - who's the mother? Kenan is a LOT shorter than she is. Genetics. Apparently Martin lied and told her he was the king of England. but they're good. I think the bride's name is Alberta. And if so, that's the second time they've used that name for a character this season. Branch out a little - try another Canadian province. Nova Scotia, perhaps? Sooo a bunch more people object, then he says he 'needs his chocolate' and they are pronounced husband and wife without saying 'I do' or anything. There was like zero resolution to that sketch.

OH DEAR GOD HE'S WEARING THE HOBBIT COSTUME!! They're doing an Office parody, Middle-Earth-style. Bobby sounds nothing like Gandalf. And Taran is Gollum, which is such an insane disguise that I had to stare at him to figure out who it was. Kyle is Legolas. And he's cute, but c'mon, he's no Orlando. It wasn't a bad concept for a sketch.

Taran and Cecily are a couple with their own talk show and they all talk like stereotypical sassy gay men (including Cecily) and Martin is a handyman they're going to interview later on but they keep throwing to him, keeping the camera on him for an awkwardly long time, then talking about how cute he is. Then he dances for no reason. And Kate is playing Keith Urban, and Taran's license plate is apparently DRAMANQN.

Fauxmercial for church, and I'm just nodding and laughing - especially at the priest who alternates talking speeds, and the sweaty-palmed guy who gives the sign of peace. I'm not going to lie, my mom has definitely been that over-enunciating reader lady. And Kyle's a kid again.

MUUUUUUUUUUUUTE. I hate this song. And she's not wearing pants. They're probably supposed to be shorts, but they're white and puffy, so they kinda look like a diaper. Isn't she cold?? IT'S WINTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! She also has like, zero facial expression. Which is weird.

OK I might just be going crazy because I'm so tired, but the announcer voice saying 'Weekend Update' sounded a lot less like Darrell Hammond and a lot more like Bill Hader. WHICH I WOULD LOVE BY THE WAY!! #HaderForSNLAnnouncer 
I noticed the price of oil was lower lately - it was like 96 cents (Canadian) a liter this week and everyone was freaking out. Sasheer is mad that there are no black people in emoji. She has a point. Especially that the moon face looks like a baby Charles Barkley. Colin does not understand their equations, so Michael has to translate.
Cecily is a one-dimensional female character from a male-driven comedy. She's discussing the lack of important female roles in Hollywood. And then she gets upset with Colin and he's really confused (although I think she's actually laughing). What record store?? And she took off her glasses!! So he noticed her! That was a good bit.

I don't see her...

Apparently Colin's high school yearbook picture got made fun of. But I think he's adorable (although I've seen the *after* photo, so I'm biased).

HAHAHAHAHA ok the hair's unfortunate. But that's a good solid chin. He grew into the chin.
And no one looks good in black and white.

 Hasn't this Jacob kid had his bar mitzvah 'recently' like 3 years in a row? Michael calls him on the fact that he doesn't actually have a lawyer. And then he starts crying about Derek Jeter. And can't high-five Michael properly.

Martin is training Taran on his first day at a new job (an assembly line that puts the labels on ketchup bottles) and literally all he has to do is move a lever. EASIEST JOB EVER. But Taran doesn't understand anything. "So I don't touch it?" "I'm miming!"
"Pull the lever when the light turns green, if it turns yellow push it back up." "Blue?" "There is no blue!" A little reminiscent of Who's on First. Also the slowest-moving assembly line ever. And then is turns blue! Oh no!

My TV has turned all stripey. Or maybe that's my eyes that have turned all stripey. They hurt. I've been staring at a sketchbook for the last 3 hours, and a computer screen studying for 3, then an exam paper for 2 before that. Ow.

Martin has hilarious hair. He's a saxophone player (reminiscent of Kenny G) in Kenan's lodge house band, and he has something weird going on with some dude named Roman in his personal life that he doesn't walk to talk about. During a performance, of a song with only like 6 words. Kenan was staying with him and there was a break-in and his red boots were stolen. They look like the boots from Kinky Boots. There was no resolution there either. What's up with that? (I wish...)

Wrong red boots. Wrong person whose name begins with a T. But they've both kissed Cobie Smulders...

MUUUUUUTE AGAIN. She's actually wearing pants now. But they have... Things hanging off of them. And she's flailing her arms and I'm afraid she's going to dislocate a wrist. Her guitar players (who I've just only now noticed are women in suits, rather than long-haired dudes) look very angry.

Martin is an over-enthusiastic waterbed salesman. Aidy is his jingle-singing wife, who is slightly cross-eyed and extremely overdressed. The Doritos clown is not a real thing. Aidy is awesome. Jay and Taran are shirtless, looking pissed and holding sparklers. Martin's American accent is really excellent. He reminds me 100% of Niles from Frasier. Uncanny.

Colin in a T-shirt again during the goodbyes. *Swoons*. Those arms are like tree trunks. In a good way. And now, I'm off to bed!

Saturday Night Live - James Franco

My cousin was just saying that Keenan's getting too fat to play Al Sharpton - and then they addressed it hahah. Apparently the problem with the video of the Eric Garner case was that it wasn't high enough resolution. Oy.

I used to love James Franco, and you can't deny he's a good actor, but lately he's just gotten... weird. Also I don't like the short hair. And he's not cuter than his brother! Dave wins.
Oh hey! It's Seth Rogen!! Yaaaaay cameos!! That was a really short monologue.

Maybe because James can't read...

Oh thank god they're making fun of the live Peter Pan show. It's such a weird idea. Especially with a girl as Peter. And they brought back Aidy as Tonkerbell and it's hilarious. Franco's imitation of Walken as Captain Hook is actually really good! Good for him!

Tonkerbell is back.. And she has a boyfriend!

All the characters from Star Wars are really old.. And Han Solo left the Millennium Falcon's blinker on. I wasn't aware you had to signal a turn in a spaceship.

The next part is hilarious - it's an MTV Nativity scene - rappers as the 3 kings (Taran did an awesome Eminem, James as Sean Paul, Keenan as Rick Ross), Justin Beiber (Kate) as Joseph, and Beyonce (Nicki Minaj) as Mary. And then, of course, Kanye as Jeezus, and Jay actually made us all laugh.

I thought they fired Mike O'Brien? As an actor, at least. Why is he always in the pre-taped sketches? Beck is playing an asshole who keeps asking people uncomfortable questions, then Mike as to 'grow' a person to prove that he has another friend, and then train him to be a human... But they see through his identity because he asks about what the deal is with hashtags.

The next bit is about a pair of people stuck in the forest, trying to cross a bridge and the troll (James) who lives in the bridge wants to kiss them. But Kyle says he can't kiss Aidy, his fiancee, and Cecily steals the scene with her random character Kathy-Anne who lives with the bridge troll and complains about her life. So he kisses Kyle (I'm slightly jealous of either of them...) and then decides he's bisexual and I didn't really see a point of the whole scene.

UPDAAATE! They started with a bit about Michael pretending to be surprised about the details of the Eric Garner case. He suggested that they play the videos in photo-negative so that the victim would be white and the cop would be black. That's not a bad idea... Anthony Crispino thinks Mariah Carey sounded like Drew Carrey - and that 'he forgot whose line it was anyway, sooo...'
Then they bust out a poorly-timed Bill Cosby joke that even makes Michael Che uncomfortable. And Bobby's voice went pretty high on that, I was impressed by that, if not by the joke itself.
Leslie's back! Commenting on a new dating website set up to cater to stoners. She's telling Colin that she would try anything once, and that she's very 'open'. He actually laughed because he wasn't surprised. And Leslie keeps talking to him, called him a 'Peppermint Patty' and he keeps pressing his lips together to keeps from laughing - IT'S OK TO LAUGH, COLIN!
They then decided to have Nicki play Kim Kardashian. No one will ever top Nasim's impersonation!!! Apparently all her naked photos were supposed to be educational/public service announcements. And Colin enjoyed them.

Take notes ladies - this is how it's done. (With bonus Seth)

Pete has too much stuff in his brain to remember a new password. So James is directing various things to leave - like Kyle doing a great Chris Kirkpatrick impression doing the Bye-Bye-Bye dance. And Jay brings out his Will Smith impression to do the Fresh Prince theme. Nicki played herself singing only the first two lines of Anaconda. That was a pretty good sketch. I wish I could selectively throw things out of my brain so I could remember important things - like FOR SCHOOL!

Nobody needs the word 'rhombus', anyway.

James is playing a dude who's pissed off that a four-year-old beat him in an election for mayor. He apparently has bigger muscles than this kid - and hated Frozen and 'only thought the parts with Olaf were funny'. This guy's really intense - and then James started laughing. Priceless.

The not-porn-stars-anymore are back! And advertising yachts (which they pronounced yuck-its)
And James and Seth are the random dudes - Seth's character is named James Franco.  And they pronounce Sunseeker Yachts as Seersucker Yaks. Very nice. I don't get why they always put those sketches at the end of the episode - they're always funny.

This episode was hit-and-miss. But I love when Leslie interacts with Colin. She either makes him really uncomfortable or makes him laugh so hard. And I love it either way.

Saturday Night Live - Woody Harrelson

My apologies for this being a late post, I had a lot of school-related stuff in the last few days, and next week's SNL post will likely be late as well, since I'm going home to visit my family this weekend and probably won't be watching. Hope it was worth the wait!!

The cold open following the US election is a political one, no surprise there.. Jon Stewart does a much better Mitch McConnell impression than Taran. And then drunk McConnell and Obama decide to prank-call Hillary Clinton. And scream when she calls back. The only thing they agree on is doing the opening.

Taran, you gotta do the face.

Take notes.

For some reason, Darrell's announcing has gotten all quiet again. Can barely hear him over the music. SPEAK UP, MAN!! (I'm aware it's probably a technically issue and not his fault).

Apparently Woody last hosted in 1989 - back in his Cheers days. Man, he was adorable when he was younger on Cheers. He decided to sing about the year 1989 in honour of Taylor Swift's new album. But he doesn't remember those years (because of all the drugs). OK the internet totally spoiled this for me, the Hunger Games showing up, but if I was actually watching, I would have been so excited because I love 2 of them and I'm indifferent toward the third. I'll let you guess who that one is. (Nevermind, I'll tell you. It's Hemsworth.) I'm reminded that Hutcherson is my age. And Woody thinks Jennifer is Taylor Swift. Jennifer can't talk and then they all dissolve into giggles. That's actually kind of adorable.

Oh hey, Hemsworth is the only one who hasn't hosted yet. Innnnteresting.

Fauxmercial for a sitcom that keeps getting changed because of people complaining on Twitter. If they actually did that, it'd be so confusing... They've changed the actors like 3 times. Including one of the actresses from OitNB. And Woody and Keenan are making out.

Next sketch is a fake dating show where Ceciley is a girl who is trying to pick between three disgustingly inappropriate guys (Kyle, Beck, and Taran) and it's grossly obnoxious - BUT THEN there's a plot twist because Woody's the host and he reveals she's his daughter. And then they become really respectful and polite. "On our date, I would start by making sure she's fully clothed." "I would take her to a war memorial, because it's important to respect our war heroes." This is freaking hilarious. Woody goes 'backstage' and gives them a moment alone, so they go back to being assholes. Then he returns and announces they're going to watch that footage after this commercial break. That was hilarious. A+ sketch. I loved watching Taran get all squirmy.

Stoners in NYC, beginning with Pete, start getting excited that you can have pot in public (but not smoke it) and one of their means of celebration is waving around a Funyuns flag.

Pictured: Woody Harrelson during his college years.

Football players at a highschool are being taught about the new rules about tackling (to protect against brain damage) and Keenan comes in as an old player who keeps repeating fragments of the same sentences. THIS COULD BE YOUR FUTURE!! BECAUSE THIS HERE IS REAL! Oops. Wrong sketch.


They used another real song - one of Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett's duets - to introduce a fauxmercial for a 'young tarts and old farts' CD, kind of in the same vein as that awesome Michael Buble Christmas duet album they did a few years ago.
This just in: KEENAN DOES AN EXCELLENT LIONEL RICHIE IMPERSONATION!! I'm astonished. AND A B.B. KING ONE TOO!!! WOW!!! How have they never used his musical talents before?? Sam Smith doesn't know how to be happy. It's kind of funny that they're making fun of all their former musical guests - including Miley Cyrus (I'm reminded of why I love Vanessa Bayer) who is the 'old person' in a duet with Lorde hahaha.

One of the best things about watching online (aside from no commercials, and rewinding to catch any jokes you missed because you were laughing too hard) is you can skip through the musical guest if you want. But I caught a few seconds and it kind of looked like Kendrick was having a seizure right there on the stage... Someone should turn off the strobe lights and make sure he gets medical attention.

WEEKEND UPDATE!!! Michael has no comment on any of the actually IMPORTANT news, because of Kim Kardashian's ass. But Colin has his priorities in order, taking about the new Healthcare.gov website - "But no one could do that, because someone broke the Internet!" HE SMILED DELIVERING THAT LINE!

Couldn't find a picture of the full smile. We'll settle for the half-smile.

Leslie's back, and she told Colin to look at her breasts and he started laughing again. He's so cute... She then says women have to let men inside them - inside their hearts, their houses, and their Netflix accounts!! That's pretty brave! She also calls Colin a 'tall glass of almond milk'. They have a fascinating dynamic.

Taran does an incredible Matthew McConaughey impression. Even though he looks nothing like him. Woody just looks amused. And at one point, he did the music from Super Mario Brothers and I guess you have to be on drugs to understand his thinking..

But I'm totally down with calling Colin 'CoJo'.

Dudes at a bar (looks a little like Cheers...) talking about the classic NYC food they miss the most - and Woody misses crack. This dude needs to get in touch with Rob Ford.

Woody pulls a song about apples out of nowhere at a campfire and he insists everyone else knows the song but they don't. He 'tosses' his guitar into the lake, but it was his 'only possession'! And they say they actually know the song. Then he gets all sulky because he threw the guitar into the lake - but you did that! And dude, you could totally just go get it.. I'm sure guitars float, right?

Oh look, they're in a different bar! With a different set! This is not at all a Cheers thing, is it?? And oh lord, it's that sketch where Kate and the male host are the last 2 people left at a bar and they start hooking up and they're really weird. And Keenan's the bartender and he gets increasingly disgusted.
'I noticed you because you're so breathing'.
"Are you feeling what I'm feeling?"
"If that's an impulse to retch, then yes, but I'm willing to ignore it." Ok that line was pretty gold.
Alright, now they're making out through cling wrap... And Keenan's just reading the Bible...

This is so much better. This is adorable.

Leslie did not want to let go of Liam Hemsworth during the goodbye hahaha.. And Jennifer kept talking to... someone, I have no idea who. But that was adorable.

Overall there was a lot of great material this episode. It's kind of awkward that Harrelson only really got to play one type of dude.. And the sketches at the end (post-Update) weren't great. But that's why they put them at the end!

SNL - Chris Rock

Apparently Chris Christie (Bobby) thinks of himself as a Kevin James-type. And apparently he's 'everywhere' *Cue shot of Emily looking behind the couch for him*

The first time I ever heard of Chris Rock was when he was in Madagascar... So every time I hear his voice, I see a zebra in my mind.

AFRO CIRCUS AFRO CIRCUS!!

Making Boston Marathon jokes, dude? Really? Who approved this monologue, exactly? (Also, the audience seems pretty uncomfortable too). And Twitter agrees.

Sasheer (a.k.a. Janelle) is making a dance tutorial video and Kyle is her adorably in-love-with-her friend... But she doesn't consider him a boy. Poor kid. This '15-year-old' is taller than her dad (Chris). And I think he was standing in the way because when Jay (her brother) came in the door you couldn't see him.. I've said this before, but Kyle playing a young kid is always adorable.

Fauxmercial for the GoPro... colonoscopy edition? Kyle, Beck and Taran are a bunch of 40+ extreme athletes talking about getting colonoscopies. It's so weird.

Technology has come a long way.

 Woody Harrelson is hosting in 2 weeks! I have a theory that he's just Matthew McConaughey from the future who invented a time machine and sent himself back in time. Also, I've been watching Cheers lately, so that's a nice coincidence.

Since the host is a black guy, they're doing that talk-show sketch where Keenan interviews black people on how they think Obama is doing. Also why do white people like kissing their dogs on the lips??? And they're still talking about that dude who ran into the White House. I'm glad, because that was just ridiculous.

To be perfectly honest, I don't like Price that much just on principle - he's always been such an ass to Weird Al Yankovic, and I mean COME ON IT'S WEIRD AL!!! You can't hate Al!!  Also I think he (Prince) tries too hard to be 'different'. Changing his name to that symbol thing... Why are you wearing three-lens sunglasses, dude?? You do not have another eye on your forehead!!
Weird Al totally gets him back though.. About halfway through this awesome song: 

SNL is giving Prince a longer-than-normal chunk of time to perform. So I'm taking this opportunity to mute the TV and listen to some Weird Al. Priorities.

Side note: remember that guy Hozier who was the musical guest when Bill Hader hosted? I'm still obsessed with that song he performed. It's called 'Take Me To Church'. So thanks for that one, SNL!

UPDATE!! Michael really likes the new Pope and so do I! But for different reasons.
Pete is back! As the 'resident young person'! Aaaaand... talking about his dick. Sending pictures of said dick to his mother. Oh good grief. She must be so proud. And then he mentioned his dad coming back, as a joke... Who died in 9/11... That's just awkward. Especially considering the 9/11 jokes in the monologue. What the hell is up with this??
Michael flubbed a joke, but then recovered very well!

Also he apparently only voted for Mayor Bill DeBlasio because he liked his son's afro. That's good a reason as any!

Jay Pharaoh is wonderful at everything he does. How has that man not been nominated for an Emmy by now??

I didn't know who Katt Williams was when I first saw this impression, but now I do and it's spot-on.

The Shark Tank sketch is back and... Good greif! They're asking for money for ISIS, what the hell? And Chris Rock has roped my boy Kyle into this offensive crap, too! WHY?! (Although they did point out that the whole ISIS/ISIL thing is confusing). But then they turned them over to the Secret Service, so... I guess it's all ok now?

Apparently, realizing you like Taylor Swift is the leading cause of vertigo in adults. She even got Leslie!! This is very dangerous!! (But luckily, there's now a pill for that).

Beck as a doctor reminds me of Chris Parnell as Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock.

I'm so confused by this next sketch, it's basically Chris and Leslie as a married couple getting ready to go out (and being driven by Uber) and fighting a whole bunch... Apparently Sasheer is their daughter. And at one point, I think there was a mix-up with the cue cards cos Leslie just walked away and then came back for no reason, stared off to the side for a minute looking confused and then there was shuffling and then they resumed. Awkward.

The next bit is a pre-taped bank robbery scene that's really intense and totally looks like something out of Criminal Minds or something. Kyle has a man-bun! But the robbers (Kyle, Bobby, and Beck) are all super considerate of everyone and this is actually hilarious. Their dramatic acting is totally convincing and intimidating and then they flip around to being super-nice and that sketch was A-plus. Well done.

Cecily and Kate now acting as women from the eighties teaching an instructional video on dealing with diversity in the workplace. I've definitely never heard the phrase 'diverse person' before. Cecily's voice is hilarious. BTW, apparently the solution is to 'out-diverse' people. Cos that's a thing.

Well that's it for this week! Best part - no second Prince performance! I'm kidding - the best part was definitely that bank robber sketch. For those of you who missed the Bill Hader/Hozier episode, it's on as a rerun next week! WATCH IT! It was great!!

SNL - Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey is one of my favourite funny people. He's Canadian, which is awesome of course, and he cracks me up so much, what with the voices and the faces and the improvisation. Full disclosure -  because he's on the show promoting the new Dumb and Dumber sequel, I decided to watch the original one today (I'd never seen it before).

...What the hell is he wearing??? A red jumpsuit and devil horns... Singing. Bobby's face is creepy. Apparently he's 'Helvis' hahaha I'm so confused.

That's quite the getup, dude.

 The first fauxmercial took me a few seconds to realize it wasn't an actual commercial - Jim does a surprisingly incredible impression of Matthew McConaughey. They parodied that car commercial he does. Although I don't get why he does. And neither does Matthew/Jim, apparently.

 

Also I wanna wish congrats to Leslie Jones, who's officially a new cast member!! Yaay!! This is clearly along the lines of that family reunion sketch that Christopher Walken did back in the day. HE DID 'ALLLLRIGHTY THEN!!!' And Keenan does an AMAZING impression of him - Kyle's isn't bad, either! Vanessa and Beck have the Ace Ventura hair and it's pretty awesome. And THEN JEFF DANIELS SHOWS UP!! And asks him if he 'wants to hear the most annoying sound in the world' which made me laugh so hard because a) I'd just seen the movie today and b) apparently Jim improvised that line in the movie, and knowing that, Jeff's reaction face was hilarious.

It's the real Harry, playing a guy named Lloyd, talking to the real Lloyd. I'm so confused.

Lincoln commercial Part 2 - his kids in the backseat tell him he's only driving 5 miles an hour, and he asks whose kids they are.
I definitely thought the next sketch was going to be one of those 'Merryville Brothers' sketches - the music was the exact same! But I guess they didn't have Bill anymore, so it wouldn't be right. Anyway, it was still pretty funny - all these creepy figures in a cemetery where Sasheer and Pete are hanging out, and two of them are just random dead guys named 'Paul and Phil' (Jim and Taran) and they just keep singing their own names instead of the creepy song, so all the other things get mad at them. Especially Keenan - as a tree.

Paul and Phil! He wants none of your crap, guys.

 Once again, they fooled me with the commercial thinking it was a real one - until Keenan as the Allstate Insurance guy started talking. And then Jim/Matthew drove out of his driveway and ran him over. Whoops. *Lincoln* 

Iggy Azalea...MUTE MUTE MUTE MUTE. Can't stand her. Incredible that they've had 4 episodes and already managed to put on the two musicians that I hate the most right now. If they have Miley or Beiber by Christmas, I'm done.

UPDATE TIME!!! This just in: Ebola is silly, everyone freaks out over it. And Colin is a homebody just like me (teehee). Vanessa is brought on as their new 'romantic comedy expert' and she manages to enact a stereotypical meet-cute rom-com in like 2 minutes with Michael (70 seconds, according to him).
[Side note - is romantic comedy expert a real job? Because I would totally do that. I would be amazing at that job.] Colin's laughing at his own jokes this week and I'm loving it.

DRUNK UNCLE!!! YAAAAY!!!! But I'm so sad he isn't interacting with Colin - NOBODY EVER INTERACTS WITH COLIN!! Nevermind, he's now interacting with Colin, and apparently he likes him better. "More like 'whoreoween'" for once I agree with him a little bit... And he would like to apologize for not being 'a graveyard smash' - with a spot-on voice. And Colin prevents him from being racist. Well done, Colin.

Yeah, little bit.

The next sketch is a 'Secret Billionaire' show where Cecily has to figure out which of 4 guys is actually rich. And Jim is an old guy and it's hilarious. But a little creepy. He's a secret member of the Illuminati (oops).

DAMMIT these fauxmercials are TOO CONVINCING, I keep stopping paying attention. Taran is leading a team of people to check out a haunted house. And Leslie is just like 'nope, there's no such thing as ghosts' and then she's the first one to take off. Aaaand lock herself in the car. To be honest, that'd totally be me in that situation. All the scoffing when it's safe, then as soon as there's a noise, I bust out my not-at-all intimidating karate moves and scream.

I missed the beginning of the next sketch (I was making popcorn, sorry...) but it's a kinda Walking Dead thing where Jim's son Pete is a zombie but he keeps trying to convince the other people that he's not actually - and keeps hitting him with things - I think Pete is gonna start laughing. And then he bites Jim (who else saw that coming?) and he kinda sounds like Scooby Doo when he says 'Brains?'

Pete's dreams are coming true right now. (That bat was totally foam)

The next bit is a costume party where Kate is dressed as the girl from the Sia 'Chandelier' video - and so is Jim - and then they just dance around the whole studio!! Including with Iggy haha and Lorne! Lorne who starts laughing and looks like he doesn't know what to do. Jim is so tall and gangly and I definitely didn't need to see him in a leotard....

Ooh guess what! Commercial for Dumb and Dumber To!! I can't wait, it looks so funny... And how did Jim get the rights to wear a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey when introducing Iggy for the second time?? (MUTE MUTE MUTE). I mean I hate the Leafs (Go Habs Go!) but I like that a red-blooded Canadian represented our national sport - and our national laughingstock at said sport - on an American show.

Cecily and Vanessa playing what they do best - gum-chomping ditzes advertising things. And Jim's the Halloween Store owner who was possessed by a demon. That was relatively short and pointless. But the bumper card right after was him leading a llama through a lobby. And that was pretty awesome. (I'll post it here once they throw them up on their FB page in the next few days.)

LLAMA!!! Reminds me of the MB20 video for 'Real World' where Rob is leading a camel through a bowling alley.

All in all, this was a hilarious episode. I love Jim, and the sketches were better than normal! Happy Halloween everyone, I'll see you next week for Chris Rock and Prince! :)

Happy Halloween!! I can't tell which is the real Jim...