SNL - Dakota Johnson

I must start by saying this: I am 100% against 50 Shades of Grey being made out to be a huge thing. It normalizes and romanticizes abusive relationship behaviour, and that's not a message that needs to being going out into the world. It's personal to me because I have a close friend who was in a terribly manipulative/abusive relationship, and that guy displayed a lot of the controlling behaviour that Christian does in the book. I don't want to rant on this here, but there are plenty of articles explaining the issue. Go read one. Educate yourself.

Having said that, I figured that sooner or later one of the stars of an extremely popular movie would be hosting SNL, sooo... I guess, at least, they didn't pick Jamie Dornan? After all, he's #NotMyChristian...

Bless John Oliver. Love that man.

OK, so according to Rudy Guiliani, you're allowed to say bad things as long as beforehand you say 'this is going to be horrible'. And they're parodying Birdman! I really want to know who's doing his in-head voiceover, because I do not recognize that voice. Might be Beck.
Note to self: WATCH BIRDMAN!!

Why so creepy, birdman Beck?

I don't know why, but I don't really like Dakota Johnson very much... She just seems very awkward and kinda whiny... And now we're applauding her for who her parents are. Aww and they're actually there! That's sweet!

Taran playing Dakota's dad is a really odd concept, because I don't think he's significantly older than her... And oooookay, making jokes about young people joining ISIS? Is that really OK? Like I definitely don't think that's very funny...

I think this next bit is a spoof on Cinderella... Holy god, I'm jealous of that dress Dakota is wearing. That is beautiful... And I can't remember who that chain-smoking character of Cecily's is, but she's definitely done it before. I love the way she drunkenly over-enunciates things. Hilarious. Apparently her brother wore pants too tight, and now he's 'all twig and no berries' ahaha. And the clock has struck midnight, so she (Dakota) has to inform the prince that 'I don't have time to tell you my name' three times.

Somehow, I don't think Sara Bareilles' 'Brave' is actually about being blunt and honestly rude to people. But this is kind of hilarious, how excited they all are to be honest. But here's what's bugging me about Dakota - she just has one happy face, she doesn't do the exaggerated joyful expression that the other ladies have mastered (especially Kate and Leslie). But seriously, I love that song.

Look how happy she is!!!

We're 20 minutes in, and they're already doing a 50 Shades-related sketch. And poor little Kyle, having to play a child again. He's a middle-schooler who's interviewing Dakota (playing herself) and getting WAAAAY too into detail about the movie. Oh hey, she and I actually have something in common! Her favourite dessert is pie too!

Basic white girls (and Bobby) sitting around discussing how cold it is out, overusing the word 'literally' and discussing how much they 'can't even'. This could have been lifted off of Tumblr. And poor Aidy LITERALLY cannot do anything, because her arms are actually broken! And the other bee-otches won't help her! How rude!!!

I have literally only heard of Alabama Shakes in the context of them being on SNL another time, about two years ago. And all I remember about them was their lead singer-lady having really big hair. She appears to have cut it since then.

UPDAAATE!!!! *Gasp* Colin is team White&Gold on The Dress. WHYY COLIN WHYY??!!!!

He favourited one of my tweets last week!! I had such high hopes for him!!!

They're making more ISIS jokes.. Am I the only one finding this timing awkward?!
I also love it when the audience laughs/cheers for a long time while the camera is on Colin, so he's forced to just sit there and smile and be cute. AND HIS FACE as Ruth Bader Ginsburg (Kate) is dancing is just so adorable. Although I think her catchphrase 'ya ginsburnt' is borrowing a little too heavily from something Seth does on his show...

She gets points for the pun though.

Wait, Kanye apologized to Beck? How did I miss this? Finally... AND I LOVE JAY PHAROAH AS KANYE!!! He's the new Bill Hader. So good at the impressions.

OH MY GOD IT'S RIBLET!!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!! I love this guy!! When they introduced him the first time, I was like 'good god, I hope they bring him back'. AND THEY DID!!!! I'm crying with laughter right now. Apparently his pigtails are detachable. And they had a mike delivered to him so he could drop it.. #RibletForUpdate2015 #UnlessThatMeansReplacingJostThenNevermind #JostCheAndRibletForThreeManUpdate2015

The Star Trek reference in this sketch is a little weird given the fact that Leonard Nimoy died yesterday... But also I'm distracted by one-note Dakota. YOU'RE AN ACTRESS WOMAN STOP BEING SO MONOTONE, WHO ARE YOU, KRISTEN STEWART?!!! But then she started cracking slightly, and so did Leslie, so I'll forgive her.. Keenan is just nuts. Awww but then they ended the sketch with a picture of Nimoy with 'Live Long and Prosper' written on it. That's sweet.

Oh hey they're talking about Net Neutrality!! A bunch of people who don't actually know what it is... Pete doesn't want people to comment neutrally 'this is fine.' that reminds me of a Demetri Martin joke...

Let's be honest, though, most things remind me of Demetri Martin jokes.

Damn. Leslie is team white and gold dress too?!! But Pete's on my side!! Woohoo!! Also, I hate to bring up John Oliver again (I totally do not, because he's awesome) but his show actually broke the internet when he did a piece on net neutrality and explaining how important it was. He got people interested in the debate, and got them to care. GO JOHN!!!

Beck and Kyle are making a 'viral video' about people not reacting to a sad situation - bullying, women's pay inequality, kids being lost- and they just start lecturing people about nothing. At least Kyle didn't have to dress like the child in this one. But he did have to dress like a woman. And a dog.

And everyone during the goodbyes (including Dakota's dad) did the 'Live Long and Prosper' salute, that's so sweet...

Also Colin was wearing a tight black t-shirt again. Hot damn.

Public service announcement: Someone finally listened to me and gave the lovely and hilarious SNL alum Will Forte his own TV show - it's called The Last Man on Earth and it's premiering tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m. eastern on FOX. WATCH IT!!! I've missed seeing his face on my TV, I'm so excited for this!!!

I think I've had Forte withdrawal...

SNL - J.K. Simmons

(Note: My roommate had some people over so I was unable to watch the beginning of the episode, but when it goes up online I'll watch it and fill in that part)

 There was a pretty awesome article for my inner TV-production nerd regarding the set preparation for last week. Read it here: http://www.vulture.com/2015/01/how-saturday-night-live-gets-built.html

I love Keenan's character (even though I have no idea how to spell his name) who hosts the 'Cinema Classics' bit, his emphasis of random syllables. It's the alternate ending of Casablanca and Simmons is Humphrey Bogart and Kate is Ingrid Bergman. His impersonation is excellent, and she just keeps whining and saying 'nooo, no, no nooo...' and then as soon as he mentions the concentration camps, she's totally OK with leaving. Eager, in fact. And she keeps interrupting his dramatic monologue. Then she shouts 'byeeee' and scampers away. (I'd do that too in her situation... although this reminds me that I totally still need to see Casablanca).

They're still trying to find a followup to the Digital Shorts. This one is called 'Teacher Snow Day' and is pretty hilarious - all the teachers are at the school going crazy, doing lines of chalk, having a rave in the teacher's lounge, Kyle is a chem teacher (wearing two pairs of glasses) and cooking meth in his classroom. And J.K. Simmons is the principal who actually RAPS (never thought I'd see that day!) and isn't wearing any pants. Pete is a student and showed up at the school accidentally and now has all kinds of blackmail material. Excellent concept, except for the fact that teachers get to stay home on snow days too...

Bobby has a hall pass. His desk, on the other hand... does not.

UPDAAATE!!! Colin is wearing a striped tie with a plaid shirt. Are we ok with this? I'm ok with this. And he smiled when talking about Mitt Romney not running for president (also, thank god for that).
Colin makes a good point about the Superbowl having that anti-domestic-violence ad on when the NFL players can't watch it.. OH MAN I love the Cecily character the one-dimensional girl character from a male-driven comedy!!! She thinks Colin needs to grow up. Aaaand she's pregnant. But her body doesn't show it. And the baby is Colin's. But clearly fake.

She's a girl. But also hot. And she likes sports. It's so confusing.

PS I don't understand the whole Tom Petty/Sam Smith thing. I don't think they sound anything alike. (Although I might be biased because I love the Sam Smith one and I've hated 'I Won't Back Down' since I was a kid). Here are the two songs in question, so you can decide:

JEBEDIAH ATKINSON IS BACK!!!!! I was just thinking the other day, why hadn't he been around lately?? And here he is!!!! "All about that bass, bout that bass, no talent". BOOM! And the U2 thing reminds me of my unpopular opinion #47 - I didn't hate the entirety of that free album... NEXT!!! "If anything, the Beatles ruined Yoko" hahahahaha... He reminds me of a guy I went to highschool with whenever he reacts to the audience cringing... YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON JEBEDIAH!!

J.K. as an old man trying to use Microsoft Word to type a letter - and Bobby is dancing in as the new paperclip guy (he's a pushpin now). And he's super irritating. And apparently voice-activated now. And then he gets all sad when they try to disable him, which is apparently synonymous with murdering him. Damnit they just made me feel bad for a little help icon. And it looks so funny because they greenscreened out Bobby's legs so he's just balancing on the point.

Ahh, nostalgia. I do not miss this little bugger. 

Seriously, how many pretaped bits are they going to do? This one is a biopic on Jay-Z, but for some reason they've got Mike O'Brien playing him (I thought he got fired?) and being all dorky and Sasheer as Beyonce (totally nailed it) and OH MY GOD JASON SUDEIKIS AS KANYE WEST!!! JASON I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!! J.K. is Nas. Is he going to rap again? OH DEAR GOD Jay Pharoah's impression talent knows no bounds. He just 'gave him the idea' for Empire State of Mind and SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE HIM. Damn. If they ever do actually make a Jay-Z biopic, (or a Kanye one, or a Will Smith one for that matter) I nominate Jay for the role!!!

JASON!!!!!! #SudeikisHostSNL2015

Is it just me, or do they use the same set for all the classroom sketches? J.K. is Pete's dad at 'career day' and he's telling the kids that he's a 'Japanese Messy Boy' which apparently means he has to wear underpants and a bib and eat messy food while rich Japanese ladies watch him. For $45,000/day. And Pete's embarrassed. Naturally. And I know that SNL has never been one for racial sensitivity, but that caricature of a Japanese voice they did on the phone there was just BRUTAL...

Anyways, that's it for this week!

Saturday Night Live - Martin Freeman

It wasn't until 5:00 today that I remembered it's Saturday, and therefore SNL was on tonight...
I have no idea what day of the week it is anymore. Exams are the Britta of school.

They're the worst.

For that reason, my BBT blog is late this week, and my NCIS:LA one probably will be too. Sorry. And I may just fall asleep in the middle of this one.

The opening interview is with two guys (Bobby and Kyle, who finally gets to play an adult) who are the guys who invented all the torture methods for the CIA. They also invented the self-checkout lane at grocery stores, and the customer service at the cable companies. And auto-correct. Damn these guys.

Martin Freeman is adorable. He'd be perfect for an elf - doesn't even need the prosthetic ears! He proceeds to list every single role on his IMDb page... Except Sherlock, oddly enough... Give it up for racial unrest!! (No one does). Apparently all famous British people hang out together. I got really excited for a second that the real Maggie Smith would be there, but it's just Kate doing an impersonation - Taran got to do an Alan Rickman-worthy Snape. And yea, Maggie Smith is classy enough to wear the Downton Abbey costume as pyjamas. She's the best. And if Martin embarrasses himself, I'll need to change the title of this post to 'SNL - Colin Firth' hahaha.

Bow down to this woman. Do it. It's the law.

Keenan stars in a wannabe Digital Short piece called 'Sump'm Claus' about a dude who will give everyone some money even if they've been naughty enough for Santa Claus to cross them off his list. It's an odd concept, but I will say this - incredibly catchy.

Martin is like a head shorter than Leslie. Even moreso with her hair all pouffy like that. And they're getting married! By Beck. She's a basketball player, he's... tiny. All their wedding guests are objecting to them getting married. Apparently they have only known each other for five days. And have done it like 50 times. Then they fight when they're not... getting busy. And apparently he's already married. I'm so confused. The bride has a lot of kids (double three, plus four), and Kenan is her dad - who's the mother? Kenan is a LOT shorter than she is. Genetics. Apparently Martin lied and told her he was the king of England. but they're good. I think the bride's name is Alberta. And if so, that's the second time they've used that name for a character this season. Branch out a little - try another Canadian province. Nova Scotia, perhaps? Sooo a bunch more people object, then he says he 'needs his chocolate' and they are pronounced husband and wife without saying 'I do' or anything. There was like zero resolution to that sketch.

OH DEAR GOD HE'S WEARING THE HOBBIT COSTUME!! They're doing an Office parody, Middle-Earth-style. Bobby sounds nothing like Gandalf. And Taran is Gollum, which is such an insane disguise that I had to stare at him to figure out who it was. Kyle is Legolas. And he's cute, but c'mon, he's no Orlando. It wasn't a bad concept for a sketch.

Taran and Cecily are a couple with their own talk show and they all talk like stereotypical sassy gay men (including Cecily) and Martin is a handyman they're going to interview later on but they keep throwing to him, keeping the camera on him for an awkwardly long time, then talking about how cute he is. Then he dances for no reason. And Kate is playing Keith Urban, and Taran's license plate is apparently DRAMANQN.

Fauxmercial for church, and I'm just nodding and laughing - especially at the priest who alternates talking speeds, and the sweaty-palmed guy who gives the sign of peace. I'm not going to lie, my mom has definitely been that over-enunciating reader lady. And Kyle's a kid again.

MUUUUUUUUUUUUTE. I hate this song. And she's not wearing pants. They're probably supposed to be shorts, but they're white and puffy, so they kinda look like a diaper. Isn't she cold?? IT'S WINTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! She also has like, zero facial expression. Which is weird.

OK I might just be going crazy because I'm so tired, but the announcer voice saying 'Weekend Update' sounded a lot less like Darrell Hammond and a lot more like Bill Hader. WHICH I WOULD LOVE BY THE WAY!! #HaderForSNLAnnouncer 
I noticed the price of oil was lower lately - it was like 96 cents (Canadian) a liter this week and everyone was freaking out. Sasheer is mad that there are no black people in emoji. She has a point. Especially that the moon face looks like a baby Charles Barkley. Colin does not understand their equations, so Michael has to translate.
Cecily is a one-dimensional female character from a male-driven comedy. She's discussing the lack of important female roles in Hollywood. And then she gets upset with Colin and he's really confused (although I think she's actually laughing). What record store?? And she took off her glasses!! So he noticed her! That was a good bit.

I don't see her...

Apparently Colin's high school yearbook picture got made fun of. But I think he's adorable (although I've seen the *after* photo, so I'm biased).

HAHAHAHAHA ok the hair's unfortunate. But that's a good solid chin. He grew into the chin.
And no one looks good in black and white.

 Hasn't this Jacob kid had his bar mitzvah 'recently' like 3 years in a row? Michael calls him on the fact that he doesn't actually have a lawyer. And then he starts crying about Derek Jeter. And can't high-five Michael properly.

Martin is training Taran on his first day at a new job (an assembly line that puts the labels on ketchup bottles) and literally all he has to do is move a lever. EASIEST JOB EVER. But Taran doesn't understand anything. "So I don't touch it?" "I'm miming!"
"Pull the lever when the light turns green, if it turns yellow push it back up." "Blue?" "There is no blue!" A little reminiscent of Who's on First. Also the slowest-moving assembly line ever. And then is turns blue! Oh no!

My TV has turned all stripey. Or maybe that's my eyes that have turned all stripey. They hurt. I've been staring at a sketchbook for the last 3 hours, and a computer screen studying for 3, then an exam paper for 2 before that. Ow.

Martin has hilarious hair. He's a saxophone player (reminiscent of Kenny G) in Kenan's lodge house band, and he has something weird going on with some dude named Roman in his personal life that he doesn't walk to talk about. During a performance, of a song with only like 6 words. Kenan was staying with him and there was a break-in and his red boots were stolen. They look like the boots from Kinky Boots. There was no resolution there either. What's up with that? (I wish...)

Wrong red boots. Wrong person whose name begins with a T. But they've both kissed Cobie Smulders...

MUUUUUUTE AGAIN. She's actually wearing pants now. But they have... Things hanging off of them. And she's flailing her arms and I'm afraid she's going to dislocate a wrist. Her guitar players (who I've just only now noticed are women in suits, rather than long-haired dudes) look very angry.

Martin is an over-enthusiastic waterbed salesman. Aidy is his jingle-singing wife, who is slightly cross-eyed and extremely overdressed. The Doritos clown is not a real thing. Aidy is awesome. Jay and Taran are shirtless, looking pissed and holding sparklers. Martin's American accent is really excellent. He reminds me 100% of Niles from Frasier. Uncanny.

Colin in a T-shirt again during the goodbyes. *Swoons*. Those arms are like tree trunks. In a good way. And now, I'm off to bed!

Saturday Night Live - James Franco

My cousin was just saying that Keenan's getting too fat to play Al Sharpton - and then they addressed it hahah. Apparently the problem with the video of the Eric Garner case was that it wasn't high enough resolution. Oy.

I used to love James Franco, and you can't deny he's a good actor, but lately he's just gotten... weird. Also I don't like the short hair. And he's not cuter than his brother! Dave wins.
Oh hey! It's Seth Rogen!! Yaaaaay cameos!! That was a really short monologue.

Maybe because James can't read...

Oh thank god they're making fun of the live Peter Pan show. It's such a weird idea. Especially with a girl as Peter. And they brought back Aidy as Tonkerbell and it's hilarious. Franco's imitation of Walken as Captain Hook is actually really good! Good for him!

Tonkerbell is back.. And she has a boyfriend!

All the characters from Star Wars are really old.. And Han Solo left the Millennium Falcon's blinker on. I wasn't aware you had to signal a turn in a spaceship.

The next part is hilarious - it's an MTV Nativity scene - rappers as the 3 kings (Taran did an awesome Eminem, James as Sean Paul, Keenan as Rick Ross), Justin Beiber (Kate) as Joseph, and Beyonce (Nicki Minaj) as Mary. And then, of course, Kanye as Jeezus, and Jay actually made us all laugh.

I thought they fired Mike O'Brien? As an actor, at least. Why is he always in the pre-taped sketches? Beck is playing an asshole who keeps asking people uncomfortable questions, then Mike as to 'grow' a person to prove that he has another friend, and then train him to be a human... But they see through his identity because he asks about what the deal is with hashtags.

The next bit is about a pair of people stuck in the forest, trying to cross a bridge and the troll (James) who lives in the bridge wants to kiss them. But Kyle says he can't kiss Aidy, his fiancee, and Cecily steals the scene with her random character Kathy-Anne who lives with the bridge troll and complains about her life. So he kisses Kyle (I'm slightly jealous of either of them...) and then decides he's bisexual and I didn't really see a point of the whole scene.

UPDAAATE! They started with a bit about Michael pretending to be surprised about the details of the Eric Garner case. He suggested that they play the videos in photo-negative so that the victim would be white and the cop would be black. That's not a bad idea... Anthony Crispino thinks Mariah Carey sounded like Drew Carrey - and that 'he forgot whose line it was anyway, sooo...'
Then they bust out a poorly-timed Bill Cosby joke that even makes Michael Che uncomfortable. And Bobby's voice went pretty high on that, I was impressed by that, if not by the joke itself.
Leslie's back! Commenting on a new dating website set up to cater to stoners. She's telling Colin that she would try anything once, and that she's very 'open'. He actually laughed because he wasn't surprised. And Leslie keeps talking to him, called him a 'Peppermint Patty' and he keeps pressing his lips together to keeps from laughing - IT'S OK TO LAUGH, COLIN!
They then decided to have Nicki play Kim Kardashian. No one will ever top Nasim's impersonation!!! Apparently all her naked photos were supposed to be educational/public service announcements. And Colin enjoyed them.

Take notes ladies - this is how it's done. (With bonus Seth)

Pete has too much stuff in his brain to remember a new password. So James is directing various things to leave - like Kyle doing a great Chris Kirkpatrick impression doing the Bye-Bye-Bye dance. And Jay brings out his Will Smith impression to do the Fresh Prince theme. Nicki played herself singing only the first two lines of Anaconda. That was a pretty good sketch. I wish I could selectively throw things out of my brain so I could remember important things - like FOR SCHOOL!

Nobody needs the word 'rhombus', anyway.

James is playing a dude who's pissed off that a four-year-old beat him in an election for mayor. He apparently has bigger muscles than this kid - and hated Frozen and 'only thought the parts with Olaf were funny'. This guy's really intense - and then James started laughing. Priceless.

The not-porn-stars-anymore are back! And advertising yachts (which they pronounced yuck-its)
And James and Seth are the random dudes - Seth's character is named James Franco.  And they pronounce Sunseeker Yachts as Seersucker Yaks. Very nice. I don't get why they always put those sketches at the end of the episode - they're always funny.

This episode was hit-and-miss. But I love when Leslie interacts with Colin. She either makes him really uncomfortable or makes him laugh so hard. And I love it either way.

SNL - Chris Rock

Apparently Chris Christie (Bobby) thinks of himself as a Kevin James-type. And apparently he's 'everywhere' *Cue shot of Emily looking behind the couch for him*

The first time I ever heard of Chris Rock was when he was in Madagascar... So every time I hear his voice, I see a zebra in my mind.

AFRO CIRCUS AFRO CIRCUS!!

Making Boston Marathon jokes, dude? Really? Who approved this monologue, exactly? (Also, the audience seems pretty uncomfortable too). And Twitter agrees.

Sasheer (a.k.a. Janelle) is making a dance tutorial video and Kyle is her adorably in-love-with-her friend... But she doesn't consider him a boy. Poor kid. This '15-year-old' is taller than her dad (Chris). And I think he was standing in the way because when Jay (her brother) came in the door you couldn't see him.. I've said this before, but Kyle playing a young kid is always adorable.

Fauxmercial for the GoPro... colonoscopy edition? Kyle, Beck and Taran are a bunch of 40+ extreme athletes talking about getting colonoscopies. It's so weird.

Technology has come a long way.

 Woody Harrelson is hosting in 2 weeks! I have a theory that he's just Matthew McConaughey from the future who invented a time machine and sent himself back in time. Also, I've been watching Cheers lately, so that's a nice coincidence.

Since the host is a black guy, they're doing that talk-show sketch where Keenan interviews black people on how they think Obama is doing. Also why do white people like kissing their dogs on the lips??? And they're still talking about that dude who ran into the White House. I'm glad, because that was just ridiculous.

To be perfectly honest, I don't like Price that much just on principle - he's always been such an ass to Weird Al Yankovic, and I mean COME ON IT'S WEIRD AL!!! You can't hate Al!!  Also I think he (Prince) tries too hard to be 'different'. Changing his name to that symbol thing... Why are you wearing three-lens sunglasses, dude?? You do not have another eye on your forehead!!
Weird Al totally gets him back though.. About halfway through this awesome song: 

SNL is giving Prince a longer-than-normal chunk of time to perform. So I'm taking this opportunity to mute the TV and listen to some Weird Al. Priorities.

Side note: remember that guy Hozier who was the musical guest when Bill Hader hosted? I'm still obsessed with that song he performed. It's called 'Take Me To Church'. So thanks for that one, SNL!

UPDATE!! Michael really likes the new Pope and so do I! But for different reasons.
Pete is back! As the 'resident young person'! Aaaaand... talking about his dick. Sending pictures of said dick to his mother. Oh good grief. She must be so proud. And then he mentioned his dad coming back, as a joke... Who died in 9/11... That's just awkward. Especially considering the 9/11 jokes in the monologue. What the hell is up with this??
Michael flubbed a joke, but then recovered very well!

Also he apparently only voted for Mayor Bill DeBlasio because he liked his son's afro. That's good a reason as any!

Jay Pharaoh is wonderful at everything he does. How has that man not been nominated for an Emmy by now??

I didn't know who Katt Williams was when I first saw this impression, but now I do and it's spot-on.

The Shark Tank sketch is back and... Good greif! They're asking for money for ISIS, what the hell? And Chris Rock has roped my boy Kyle into this offensive crap, too! WHY?! (Although they did point out that the whole ISIS/ISIL thing is confusing). But then they turned them over to the Secret Service, so... I guess it's all ok now?

Apparently, realizing you like Taylor Swift is the leading cause of vertigo in adults. She even got Leslie!! This is very dangerous!! (But luckily, there's now a pill for that).

Beck as a doctor reminds me of Chris Parnell as Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock.

I'm so confused by this next sketch, it's basically Chris and Leslie as a married couple getting ready to go out (and being driven by Uber) and fighting a whole bunch... Apparently Sasheer is their daughter. And at one point, I think there was a mix-up with the cue cards cos Leslie just walked away and then came back for no reason, stared off to the side for a minute looking confused and then there was shuffling and then they resumed. Awkward.

The next bit is a pre-taped bank robbery scene that's really intense and totally looks like something out of Criminal Minds or something. Kyle has a man-bun! But the robbers (Kyle, Bobby, and Beck) are all super considerate of everyone and this is actually hilarious. Their dramatic acting is totally convincing and intimidating and then they flip around to being super-nice and that sketch was A-plus. Well done.

Cecily and Kate now acting as women from the eighties teaching an instructional video on dealing with diversity in the workplace. I've definitely never heard the phrase 'diverse person' before. Cecily's voice is hilarious. BTW, apparently the solution is to 'out-diverse' people. Cos that's a thing.

Well that's it for this week! Best part - no second Prince performance! I'm kidding - the best part was definitely that bank robber sketch. For those of you who missed the Bill Hader/Hozier episode, it's on as a rerun next week! WATCH IT! It was great!!

SNL - Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey is one of my favourite funny people. He's Canadian, which is awesome of course, and he cracks me up so much, what with the voices and the faces and the improvisation. Full disclosure -  because he's on the show promoting the new Dumb and Dumber sequel, I decided to watch the original one today (I'd never seen it before).

...What the hell is he wearing??? A red jumpsuit and devil horns... Singing. Bobby's face is creepy. Apparently he's 'Helvis' hahaha I'm so confused.

That's quite the getup, dude.

 The first fauxmercial took me a few seconds to realize it wasn't an actual commercial - Jim does a surprisingly incredible impression of Matthew McConaughey. They parodied that car commercial he does. Although I don't get why he does. And neither does Matthew/Jim, apparently.

 

Also I wanna wish congrats to Leslie Jones, who's officially a new cast member!! Yaay!! This is clearly along the lines of that family reunion sketch that Christopher Walken did back in the day. HE DID 'ALLLLRIGHTY THEN!!!' And Keenan does an AMAZING impression of him - Kyle's isn't bad, either! Vanessa and Beck have the Ace Ventura hair and it's pretty awesome. And THEN JEFF DANIELS SHOWS UP!! And asks him if he 'wants to hear the most annoying sound in the world' which made me laugh so hard because a) I'd just seen the movie today and b) apparently Jim improvised that line in the movie, and knowing that, Jeff's reaction face was hilarious.

It's the real Harry, playing a guy named Lloyd, talking to the real Lloyd. I'm so confused.

Lincoln commercial Part 2 - his kids in the backseat tell him he's only driving 5 miles an hour, and he asks whose kids they are.
I definitely thought the next sketch was going to be one of those 'Merryville Brothers' sketches - the music was the exact same! But I guess they didn't have Bill anymore, so it wouldn't be right. Anyway, it was still pretty funny - all these creepy figures in a cemetery where Sasheer and Pete are hanging out, and two of them are just random dead guys named 'Paul and Phil' (Jim and Taran) and they just keep singing their own names instead of the creepy song, so all the other things get mad at them. Especially Keenan - as a tree.

Paul and Phil! He wants none of your crap, guys.

 Once again, they fooled me with the commercial thinking it was a real one - until Keenan as the Allstate Insurance guy started talking. And then Jim/Matthew drove out of his driveway and ran him over. Whoops. *Lincoln* 

Iggy Azalea...MUTE MUTE MUTE MUTE. Can't stand her. Incredible that they've had 4 episodes and already managed to put on the two musicians that I hate the most right now. If they have Miley or Beiber by Christmas, I'm done.

UPDATE TIME!!! This just in: Ebola is silly, everyone freaks out over it. And Colin is a homebody just like me (teehee). Vanessa is brought on as their new 'romantic comedy expert' and she manages to enact a stereotypical meet-cute rom-com in like 2 minutes with Michael (70 seconds, according to him).
[Side note - is romantic comedy expert a real job? Because I would totally do that. I would be amazing at that job.] Colin's laughing at his own jokes this week and I'm loving it.

DRUNK UNCLE!!! YAAAAY!!!! But I'm so sad he isn't interacting with Colin - NOBODY EVER INTERACTS WITH COLIN!! Nevermind, he's now interacting with Colin, and apparently he likes him better. "More like 'whoreoween'" for once I agree with him a little bit... And he would like to apologize for not being 'a graveyard smash' - with a spot-on voice. And Colin prevents him from being racist. Well done, Colin.

Yeah, little bit.

The next sketch is a 'Secret Billionaire' show where Cecily has to figure out which of 4 guys is actually rich. And Jim is an old guy and it's hilarious. But a little creepy. He's a secret member of the Illuminati (oops).

DAMMIT these fauxmercials are TOO CONVINCING, I keep stopping paying attention. Taran is leading a team of people to check out a haunted house. And Leslie is just like 'nope, there's no such thing as ghosts' and then she's the first one to take off. Aaaand lock herself in the car. To be honest, that'd totally be me in that situation. All the scoffing when it's safe, then as soon as there's a noise, I bust out my not-at-all intimidating karate moves and scream.

I missed the beginning of the next sketch (I was making popcorn, sorry...) but it's a kinda Walking Dead thing where Jim's son Pete is a zombie but he keeps trying to convince the other people that he's not actually - and keeps hitting him with things - I think Pete is gonna start laughing. And then he bites Jim (who else saw that coming?) and he kinda sounds like Scooby Doo when he says 'Brains?'

Pete's dreams are coming true right now. (That bat was totally foam)

The next bit is a costume party where Kate is dressed as the girl from the Sia 'Chandelier' video - and so is Jim - and then they just dance around the whole studio!! Including with Iggy haha and Lorne! Lorne who starts laughing and looks like he doesn't know what to do. Jim is so tall and gangly and I definitely didn't need to see him in a leotard....

Ooh guess what! Commercial for Dumb and Dumber To!! I can't wait, it looks so funny... And how did Jim get the rights to wear a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey when introducing Iggy for the second time?? (MUTE MUTE MUTE). I mean I hate the Leafs (Go Habs Go!) but I like that a red-blooded Canadian represented our national sport - and our national laughingstock at said sport - on an American show.

Cecily and Vanessa playing what they do best - gum-chomping ditzes advertising things. And Jim's the Halloween Store owner who was possessed by a demon. That was relatively short and pointless. But the bumper card right after was him leading a llama through a lobby. And that was pretty awesome. (I'll post it here once they throw them up on their FB page in the next few days.)

LLAMA!!! Reminds me of the MB20 video for 'Real World' where Rob is leading a camel through a bowling alley.

All in all, this was a hilarious episode. I love Jim, and the sketches were better than normal! Happy Halloween everyone, I'll see you next week for Chris Rock and Prince! :)

Happy Halloween!! I can't tell which is the real Jim...

SNL - Sarah Silverman

I'll be the first one to admit, I don't really... *get* Sarah Silverman. I mean I don't have much of an opinion on her either way. Apparently she hasn't been on SNL since she was a featured player/writer 20-some odd years ago, so it's kind of a big deal that she's back.

I think it's a little too soon to be making jokes about ISIS... They're fucking horrible. And disgusting how they use social media to recruit/brainwash young people, which is what this sketch is making fun of. (Not going to get political here). Although I love Jay Pharoah's impression of Obama. And ZING now they make fun of that guy who managed to run all the way across the White House lawn and through the freaking front door. Did you hear about that? It was ridiculous.

Darrell's voice sounded louder and more announcer-y this time through the opening credits. Good for him, clearly he's been practicing!

Sarah says people consider her a 'blue' comedian which is maybe why I've never really been that fond of her? She has kind of a dude's sense of humour. But even if she's not that good, Maroon 5 is on the show tonight, so that's bound to keep me happy!

This is apparently one of her jokes... Ummmm... yeah...

And now Sarah is sitting on the laps of random audience members and getting them to compliment her after she compliments them. Which is awkward for the people in the audience, but actually kinda cute. And I like that they're actually involving the audience, rather than just cast members dressed as random people. OK this poor woman... She's been sitting on her for like 4 minutes... And I think she's now threatening to hold the stage hostage. HAHAHA they cut in footage of her from the 90s talking to the host as that aforementioned audience-plant, this is actually kind of clever. (Also the questions have absolutely nothing to do with her, or anything she's an expert in, such as dinosaurs)

Side note: how old is she??? Apparently 44. Which is insane. She looks like, 25. What the hell.

They're making fun of The Fault in Our Stars... But the girl (Sarah) has ebola and Taran meets her and is like 'ummmm no thanks bye'. And the World Health Organization rated it 'plausible'. Does SNL suddenly have rights to a bunch of popular songs? Because I never noticed them using actual songs in their faux-mercials before.

The Fault in Our Stars 2: The Ebola in Our Everything

 Sarah does a decent Joan Rivers impression... this sketch is about her getting into heaven and meeting a bunch of famous people and making fun of them. Although I must point out that if it's OK for them to do impressions of dead people now, I'm very disappointed Maya Rudolph hasn't done another Whitney Houston impression since she died - that was one of my favourites!! OH MY GOD Kyle Mooney looked so exactly like Steve Jobs it took me a minute to figure out who it was playing him. For about 2 seconds I thought it was actually Steve Jobs sitting there. AND ADAM LEVINE!! Looks nothing like Freddie Mercury, but totally sounds like him.

LOOK AT KYLE!!! Also props to Kate for making an adorable Lucille Ball.

The next bit was (surprise, surprise) set to another song - 'Hey Soul Sister' by Train - and advertising... white people? Oh hey, a cameo by former featured player/staff writer Mike O'Brien! At least he still has a job...

Once again, Keenan's character that I have no idea how to spell (Reese Dewatt? Rhys Dewet?) hosting a TV show talking about old TV shows - this one is called 'Supportive Women' and is a soap opera where all the women are nice to one another instead of being backstabbing and evil. For example, Cecily put a powder in Sarah's drink behind her back, which turns out to be an antihistamine, because 'I noticed you were getting hoarse earlier' hahaha. And later Taran says he wants to kiss Sarah and she rejects him because he's married to her best friend Aidy - who then bursts in on them and says 'I believe you' and they just smile at each other. If they made this as a spoof-soap show, I'd totally watch it.

Full confession: As much as I like them, I've never actually gotten around to listening to Maroon 5's newest song... I asked for the album for my birthday, I swear!! But hearing it for the first time live is kinda interesting. Adam doesn't usually rock back and forth that much when he's singing, does he?

Creepy Freddy approves.

I think they took all the orange from the old Weekend Update background and put it in the new opening sequence.

Colin is adorable. This is not news. I love how dry he is (also not news). But his bantering with guests has improved enormously. Oh good, they're making more fun of that White House intruder!! The Reverend Al Sharpton thinks you can get e-bola through your e-mail. And that Colin's name is Kevin. I have to say, I like the difference of Colin's offhandedness compared with how Michael always seems really amused by his jokes.

Dare I say it, the only comedian more deadpan than Colin Jost is Demetri Martin *gasps*

The rules of words people cannot say are as follows: Michael cannot say 'toodleoo' because it sounds funny and Colin can't say 'bae' because he's 30. And I also advise against saying that because this:

Seriously though, is adding the one letter to make it 'babe' really too much effort???!! It doesn't even add a syllable!!

I don't really get this next thing.. Sasheer and Sarah and Cecily are a singing group on a riverboat, and in between verses they just talk about their really depressing lives... And I can't tell if their wigs are actually purple on top, or if that's just the lights. Update: that is totally just the lights.

Taran picks up his 'sister' Sarah at the airport and she tells him she cheated on her boyfriend Jeff (Bobby) and right after that he pops up in the backseat... with an engagement ring. And the look on his face is priceless! They get stuck in traffic (which was such a cheap trick, they just froze the green-screened traffic footage behind the car). 'Unfaithful' is on the radio, naturally. BUT SERIOUSLY SNL, YOU ARE RUBBING THE SONG RIGHTS IN OUR FACES. And then her parents also pop up in the back seat. And so does Adam Levine - playing himself hahaha. But going to Pizza Hut solves everything! Yaaay!
Also, I cannot un-hear 'There wiiiiiiill... bestuffedcrust'

Infauxmercial for a stupidly expensive blender where Vanessa keeps hiding the price from Sarah while she brags about all the things the blender can do 'It makes nut butters!'

This episode was so much better than last week's. Not that I don't love Chris Pratt, because I do, but the material this week was just great! (and I swear, the presence of Adam Levine only had anything to do with about 30% of it). Someone just pointed out there was no Pete in this episode and oh my god they're right! How did that happen?? They didn't fire him already, he was in the opening credits... Sometimes when cast members have been on for a long time, they kinda disappear random weeks, but that's usually because they're working on side projects... This is odd. Hope he's OK. I didn't see him during the goodbyes either, but hold on, just saw Colin in a T-shirt *fans self* my, what nice arms he has!!

Tune in next week for BILL FREAKING HADER!!!! THERE ARE LITERALLY NO WORDS FOR HOW EXCITED I AM!! SO PLEASE ACCEPT THIS LARGE QUANTITY OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although I might be a little late with my blog post next week because I'm Canadian and it's Thanksgiving so I'm going home and will be very busy. I hope I don't miss it.

SNL - Melissa McCarthy & Phoenix

We open, naturally, with a sketch about Kim Jong Un. Apparently he's more progressive with same-sex marriage than the USA - which is unrelated to the fact that he wants to bomb them. Aaaaand now he's talking about all the women he's slept with. And now his NCAA pool. And in between everything he says, there are shots of North Korean army people applauding. Holy crap they actually brought out Dennis Rodman!! Who I have been watching on Celebrity Apprentice for several weeks... He's as crazy as you'd expect.
Melissa McCarthy is having some trouble getting down the stairs in some crazy high shoes hahah 'are you sure that intro song wasn't shorter than last time?' And then she takes the saxaphone player's chair. And faceplants on the stage! Well, I must say that's probably a first for the monologues on this show.
Taran pops out in a vest and hat and bowtie because apparently they were supposed to be doing a musical number, but she can't stand up - HOLY CRAP THAT GUY CAN DANCE! He jumped and did a split midair!! And he can sing too!! How come he never gets any musical sketches?! PS it was his Taran's birthday on Monday (April Fool's day, coincidentally... Not surprised!) Happy Birthday Taran!!! Love you!!! :)

And he's engaged to Cobie Smulders from How I Met Your Mother!!! What a hilarious couple!!!

Bill Heder is a super-serious news anchor talking about a basketball coach who is even worse than the violent asshole who was fired from Rutgers University for swearing, hitting, and belittling his team this week. She's Tasering a teacher, insisting that the teams serve her meals.. And threw a toaster at someone. Well that was unpleasant. Parody of The Voice, Melissa squeals out a 'song' that I didn't quite understand.. Bill does a remarkable impersonation of Adam Levine! And everyone loved her kinda-singing but she kinda doesn't understand what any of them want from her. And she decides to go with Cee-Lo, even though he's not a judge this season! Ahahaha...
Next she's a chef who takes the ham bake-off way too seriously, and does a song and dance routine with Taran and Bobby dressed like pigs to try to influence the judges... 

Somehow pricelessly weird. Maybe it's Taran's face. Or the caption.

And then places 7th out of 8, which is good enough for her!
A fauxmercial for something that allows you to have an entire office workstation in the stall of the bathroom - which is a hilarious idea hahaha plus I love things that fit into a tiny space! Except then it's a 'fake' fauxmercial and at the end it says 'don't let it come to this. Stop texting and checking e-mail on the toilet. Nothing's that important. And it's disgusting.' Well said, SNL, well said!!
I have never heard of this band Phoenix. Is that me being out of touch, or SNL being all hipster again? Not sure.
But anyway, speaking of phoenixes (phoeni? I was never sure, that was my highschool mascot and we never knew how to pluralise it), here's the awesome second song off the new Fall Out Boy album - I give you 'The Phoenix'!!!!

AND OH MY GOD IT WOULD BE SO AWESOME IF FALL OUT BOY WENT ON SNL TO CELEBRATE THE END OF THEIR 'HIATUS'!!! *fingers crossed this happens soon*
As for people I love almost as much as Pete Wentz (really close race guys), here's Seth Meyers!! I think I missed a joke somewhere, because Seth made a cute smiley face at the camera and the audience loved it.
Jacob the bar mitzvah boy is back!! So cute!!
I was too busy enjoying Seth's cuteness to remember any of his jokes to quote.. But now we have Charles Barkley on as a guest to talk about the NCAA tournament! And about that one player who broke his leg HORRIBLY (I saw the video, and photos, and it made me - someone who regularly looks at decomposing bodies - feel nauseous) he says 'You know how he broke his leg? He jumped. If you hurt yourself that badly just from jumping, basketball may not be the sport for you'.
OH MY GOD DRUNK UNCLE!!!! He's my third-favourite recurring Weekend Update guest, after That Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started A Conversation With At A Party, and this guy:

STEFON!!!! I can never get enough of him!!!

At one point, Drunk Uncle just looks at his glass and starts singing: 'I wanna know what love is...' Seth interrupts and then 'I want you to show me!!!!' AND THEN OH MY GOD DRUNK UNCLE HAS A BROTHER AND IT'S PETER DINKLEDGE FROM GAME OF THRONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS PRICELESS!!!!!

"People are all 'Tumble me, Tumble me'" and then they both started singing and I had to bury my face in a pillow to stifle my laughter and not wake up my roommate. Damn you, SNL, for being on so late at night!
The next sketch is a ripoff of Wheel of Fortune and Bill is the awesome host and Melissa is the Vanna White replacement who doesn't know what she's doing and flips over all the letters on the board when she's trying to find the D's because she doesn't know where anything is, but she manages to do it all while flipping back and forth and gesturing and it's just so silly - especially Bill's reactions to everything! Then she flips over everything because she's trying to 'concentrate' and Fred goes 'I'd like to solve the puzzle' and Bill says 'I'd imagine you would' haha and he guesses the wrong quote.. what a dumbass.
Melissa goes into a bank and asks Jason for a loan so that she can start her own business - to eat pizza. She wants to eat people's leftover pizza, as her job, and keeps repeating her full name and trying to hand him a pen to sign a cheque. I am so confused. Somehow I'm both hungry for pizza and really nauseous at the same time. So she leaves (after shoving a slice of old pizza in her mouth) and then Fred walks in with a box of pizza and says he wishes there was a better way to get rid of old pizza instead of just throwing it out - then Jason stares at him and goes 'oh my god' and back in she comes! Takes the pizza and runs out - in slo-motion, no less.
Kate and Cecily are hosting a fake 90s era show about how women should act to impress men at parties. I love it when they let the new girls carry the sketch! These two are golden! And apparently topics that will attract men include sports scores, blazers, travel mugs, and sports rumours. No wonder I don't have a boyfriend! I have definitely never talked to a guy about travel mugs - or done their next tip, which is 'cupping his elbow in both your hands while raising one knee'. What the hell?!
That was a pretty awesome episode - not quite the 'best ever' as Taran tweeted earlier, but pretty damn good nonetheless!!!