Bones - The Brother in the Basement

The beginning is basically a flashback to what happened before the case the team investigated in the last episode - they're shown torching the van with Jared's dead body in it. Except for the fact that the guy in the van is CLEARLY not Brendan Fehr.
But whatever.

Jon is not pleased with the continuity errors. 

I completely forgot that Cam and Booth had romantic history! So obviously she knew Jared. So she's sad. Aww poor Cam. 

Brennan wants her job back!! We all knew that was coming but still, it's pretty nice. She and Aubrey go with Miller to Miller's missing partner's house. Aubrey goes into the fridge (of course) Brennan chastises him for looking for a snack (of course) and then this happens:

We know you too well, Aubrey.

And then they find A FINGER!! EWWWW

I thought I was done being grossed out by this show, but Cam removing the bone from the inside of a finger, and then inserting her own (gloved) finger inside the skin made me gag hardcore. The finger belonged to the missing agent's fiancee.

The bad guys are all mocking Booth for hemorrhaging - nice partners in literal crime you have there, Booth. He ends up taking matters into his own hands and cauterizing the wound with silver nitrate - Don't do that at home, kids! - and he screamed and I cringed.

Aubrey and Miller find two dead bodies being ravaged by vultures in an abandoned barn, doused in battery acid. One is identified as the fiancee of the missing agent but we don't know about the other.

HOT NERD ALERT!!!
Sorry. This handsome guy showed up looking for Angela, Brennan waved him off as a stripper or something, and then he held up a brace-wrapped wrist and informed her he was a digital forensic scientist with the FBI, but "I usually wear my glasses, if it helps. Also I have carpal tunnel and two cats at home named Stephen and Hawking." CATS!! The man has CATS!!! I'm in love already.

I, too, has a kitty. 

The other body is finally confirmed to be Bannerman, Miller's missing partner. And the new guy, Dr. Metzger, starts sniffling like he's going to cry and awwww... Angela feels bad for him, Hodgins is suspicious that the two of them are talking (of course).

Oh snap, Booth's sketchy criminal pal just got a text saying Booth can't be trusted and he has to kill him. Dun dunnn...

Christine calls Brennan because she's all worried about Booth. Aww. Sad. There was a sketchy blue van following Bannerman around in a few weeks before he disappeared. The driver was a member of the Aryan Brotherhood because this only thing this episode was missing was white supremacists! Said asshole for some reason has a problem with Caroline. But apparently he was a CI for Bannerman. Caroline and I are equally disgusted.

They figure out that Miller and Bannerman were a couple, and he had left her for his fiancee. Oooh. Messy.

Brennan offered Arastoo an unsolicited compliment (awww) and they figured out that the person who beat Bannerman to death was wearing brass knuckles! They gave us an interesting fact - contrary to their name, brass knuckles usually aren't made of brass, rather steel. But this person must have an injured hand. Ohhh dear. Not the hot nerd!

The other two bad guys turn on Booth and the head honcho, something about the 'deal' being cancelled. Apparently the main guy had refused to kill Booth, but the others saw the text messages and decided the money was what they wanted so they try to kill him instead. Bastards.

Caroline should know that Brennan never does what she's told - and that includes not going into interview rooms if her husband's life is in danger.

Here's something I don't get - one of the bad guys was shooting an automatic weapon at Booth, and Booth locks himself in some kind of boiler room and opens the window to try and get out. The window shows that it's broad daylight and they're in the basement of a building that looks to be downtown somewhere, with tons of people walking around. So nobody on the street heard all the shooting?!!

Booth is a smarty pants, using the old 'hide from the bad guy and make it look like you've escaped, then sneak up on him from behind' trick. And then he emerges from the basement just as Brennan shows up outside. Timing!

So after Angela and Hodgins leave in the perfect image of married bliss, Cam and Arastoo have a little heart-to-heart, and I'm pretty sure they're breaking up. Also pretty sure he's leaving because he doesn't want to be an intern for the rest of his life. That makes me very very sad, even though I never really liked him that much... But I love Cam and I love the fact that he made her happy. How many more new interns are we gonna need?! They're dropping like flies (not literally... Except Vincent. And now I'm sad)

Miller is leaving, but she brought Aubrey a peace offering. That's sweet. His favourite whiskey is the cheapest kind, and it causes Caroline to choke, which is adorable. I love that their dynamic is starting to mirror that of her and Booth.

Bones - The Loyalty in the Lie

Bones premiere time!!!
The last time this happened, you bastards ripped my heart in  two, so let's not have that happen again, shall we??

I still miss you, Sweets

Brennan had her baby, a little boy named Hank, and he's precious of course. Their genes would make the most adorable children ever. Hank's also wearing a Flyers onesie and HAHAHA this just happened:

@David_Boreanaz And the #Flyers are big Hank Booth fans. (And we guess Seeley Booth too...)

— Philadelphia Flyers (@NHLFlyers) October 2, 2015

Cam's hair is long again, and she's considering hiring Arastoo as the replacement for Brennan. But oh dear, can you say conflict of interest??

They find a body with a gun burned into it, after someone set a van on fire. And Angela is freaking out because the gun belonged to Booth and that theoretically means the body is Booth and MY GOD WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT NOT HURTING ME DEEPLY

Just kidding, Emily Deschanel tweeted this photo of a Booth hospital bracelet so he's not dead. But he's still missing. And his wedding ring was found at the house - in the box where his gun should be, but isn't. So something hinky is going on here. Seems kinda early for a lengthy montage interspersed with flashbacks, but there it is...

Brennan runs into the room and says "It's not Booth!" But we knew that already... And so she uses that moment to look down on Arastoo because he missed the lack of an injury that indicated it wasn't Booth. And I also think this is the first time I've heard her refer to him as 'my husband' so many times in one scene.

Aubrey has sprouted a backbone and nearly bites the head off of some Internal Investigations lady who comes in referring to the missing man Booth as 'a suspect'. Uhh... It's not possible that the dead guy could have stolen Booth's gun? Or that Booth gave it to him for protection??

Same woman is now taking Brennan on, and I hate making this generalization when meeting a new female character, but OH MY GOD SHE'S SUCH A BITCH (who is just doing her job BUT IN THE MOST BITCHY LEAST SENSITIVE MANNER POSSIBLE)

Oh my god the dead body is Jared.. As in Jared Booth. Which makes me sad, because I really liked him and wanted him to come back at some point buuuut I guess that ain't gonna happen. Also explains why Booth would have given him his gun.

Oh Jared. We hardly knew ye. 

Someone sent Booth a Boy-Scout coded message that Aubrey translates to 'GO' from a burner cell, that was bought by Jared. Wow, they managed to get back the actress who played his wife after all that time, only for her to be throwing rudeness in all directions - but her I will let off the hook because she just found out her husband was killed. This is mourning rudeness.

Arastoo was going to propose to Cam, Angela found out, but he was embarrassed after missing important things in the case, so he thinks she'll say no, but then she accidentally sees the ring box and so he shows her the ring but doesn't ask anyways, and then Hodgins walks in and thinks he's proposed but they have to correct that assumption and he just leaves all awkwardly. Ah, classic Bones.

Oooooh, preeeeetttty

Aubrey and the II lady go to interview one of Jared's army buddies, who tells her "I resent you putting your garbage assumptions on him." GOOD FOR YOU SIR.

Stereotypical scene of Brennan looking into her old office with a longing face, and Angela bringing her yogurt (because that's what women eat when they're sad, right??) and them discussing Booth which then cuts away to a shot of Booth lying bleeding (from a gunshot wound?) in an alley.

David Boreanaz has been sharing hilarious 'theories' on what happened to Booth on Twitter

Booth is off looking for his socks! The sock thief ...

— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) October 2, 2015

Booth is off writing the great American Novel

— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) October 2, 2015

Booth fell out of the car on the freeway and he's bleeding out! Need gauze

— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) October 2, 2015

All their evidence leads them to a giant fancy mansion-type house where they go in with a SWAT team and then, even though the majority of the house is pristine, there's a room with 3 or 4 guys all shot dead inside it, and blood everywhere. Oh dear. None of them is Booth, but I'm SUUUUURE stupid II lady will want to keep calling him a 'suspect' again.

So it was a robbery gone wrong, and the lady said "we will get who ever is behind this. And one of them is Booth." Aubrey did that clenched-jaw thing he does that's kinda hot but also makes him look like he's about to smack someone.

BTW it should be mentioned that Caroline is back and I love her so much, She did some digging on Agent Miller (from II) and her partner had also gone missing - a fact she seemed happy to leave out.

It was a 5-man team who broke in, and they stole about 2 million dollars. But now they've figured out that Booth has been hurt and is bleeding and needs help. Somehow he managed to find a bathroom and he's cleaning himself up, but is clearly in a lot of pain - and with some unsavoury characters. Also with Jared's army buddy who Aubrey interviewed earlier. And a looooot of money.

Aaaaaaand 'To be continued.'
RUDE!!!

One more time for me, Jon... 

Bonus: This happened during the West Coast airing of the show. I love those two

@David_Boreanaz I thought you would know. #checkingthesubshop

— John Boyd (@johnny_boyd) October 2, 2015