Bones - The Promise in the Palace

OH MY GOD IT'S THE TODD!!!!! From Scrubs!! In the opening scene! He's one of the guys who was biking through the forest and found the body.

That dude. Whose underwear I have seen entirely too many times.

Christine lost her first tooth, but Brennan doesn't want them to pretend to be the Tooth Fairy - BTW when I was a kid, my Tooth Fairy was hella cheap. She only gave me a dime per tooth, and a quarter for molars. These kids are getting whole DOLLARS?!!

Angela's handsome photographer mentor friend is handsome. And Cam thinks he might be interested in *something more* than just a mentor-mentee relationship. Oh great, another reason for Hodgins to be jealous.

The victim was not a magician, but rather an escape artist, and yet she still worked at a place called the Magic Palace, which I swear is the same name all TV shows use when they need a name for a secret magician's clubhouse.

I'm pretty sure, when they were scrolling through faces very rapidly on the Angelatron, that one of those was just Olivia Wilde...

She could totally be the dead girl, right?? 

Clark is back. He likes magic - Brennan does not. Aubrey thinks that Brennan might have a point about the Tooth Fairy thing, simply because she's smart and an advanced thinker.

OK I know the whole 'zoom and enhance' thing on crime shows is ridiculous, but right there it was also unnecessary - Angela and Aubrey were looking at security footage from an ATM, and they saw the victim go into a building directly across the street. So Angela 'zoomed and enhanced' the building's address number - BUT YOU KNOW WHERE THE ATM IS, SO YOU COULD HAVE JUST USED A MAP!!! Oy vey.

Clark is trying to do magic tricks to impress Brennan, but she doesn't give a damn.

The son of the guy who owned the Magic Palace got jealous because his dad taught Clarissa, the victim, his old tricks, but he thought they were supposed to be passed down to him. So he stalked her for a few days, and saw her kissing some random dude.

OMG hahaha Cam had her signals crossed - Angela's hunky photography mentor wasn't crushing on Angela, he was crushing on her, Cam!! And he's British! But she says no-go, cos she just got out of a long relationship with Arastoo... Awks. But she smiled! Good for her!

You go, Cam! Be happy!! Move on!!

Wait, are you telling me Booth sits reading in a chair beside, and slightly lower than, the bed, rather than, oh, I don't know, ON the bed?? Beds are the most comfortable place to sit reading, hands down. But I guess you'd better not rumple those perfect sheets, eh?

Clarissa's roommate's boyfriend is a caterer, and he was using some kind of fancy truffle oil (which Booth only knew about because Mr. Foodie Aubrey pointed it out) which Clarissa had a reaction to, because truffles are a fungus, and Clarissa was allergic to fungi.

Sucks to be her, because mushrooms are a fungi and they are delicious

The roommate doesn't have an alibi for the night of the murder, but they quickly brush over that, because she was moving to Las Vegas to work in a casino, so the owner of the Magic Palace got ad because he'd invested so much in her and she was taking off... So he killed her. But he was so sad when they arrested him, kept screaming 'Why did she break her promise?'. I almost feel bad for him.

Bones relented on her Tooth Fairy stance, and gave Christine a dollar. Awww... And Booth did a fancy trick thing that I don't understand and Bones doesn't understand, but he somehow replicated a paper that had 'three US attorney's signatures on it'

And Cam called the British guy!! Yaaay!!! 

Bones - The Senator in the Street Sweeper

Nooo don't run over the little raccoon! Oh, it ran away. OK. We're good. Except there's a dead body in the street sweeper - as promised by the title. Ewwww.

So, wait, the murderer just left a dead body on the side of the road? Where anyone could have stumbled upon it? That's dumb.

Duh. Everyone knows this. 

Booth wants to put a TV in their bedroom, and Brennan disagrees because she thinks it'll get in the way of their sexytime.

Jessica (the redheaded intern) has apparently been watching Battlestar Galactica with Aubrey, which first made me say 'awww' but then made me roll my eyes because they're just instilling all of Sweets' traits in him - he was a sci-fi nerd, too. But she swears that's all that's happening, no Netflix and chilling for them, I see.

Brennan is, for some reason, comfortable talking about their sex life in front of Caroline. Hahaha love Caroline so much.

As implied in the title, the dead guy was a senator. Aubrey wants to be a politician and I love it. He's so ambitious!! He also mentioned Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, a classic movie that has been at the top of my 'movies to watch' list forever.

How can you not love Jimmy Stewart?! 

Caroline's boss wants Aubrey to run a background check on Jessica, which is kind of awkward being that she's kind of almost his girlfriend (I think?) and hopefully he doesn't fund anything too sketchy.

Brennan does an imitation of Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, and I'm starting to wonder if the writer of this episode is a fan of classic movies. 

Oh dear. Jessica was a member of Greenpeace and was present when a bomb exploded near a protest  - even though they hadn't planted it - and also was on the road with the band Phish, where there were a lot of drugs, and she says "I know, I had a great time" and he made this face

This is one of the great facial expressions in the history of facial expressions

So Aubrey seems all uncomfortable about the fact that she's being all honest and that it's technically his job to tattle on her, but they he's like 'OK let's just pretend this never happened' and oh Aubrey I'm so disappointed in you... 

Then he tells Caroline (half of) what he found out, realizes that she assigned him this task to show him what he's getting himself into and what followed is the funniest conversation I've seen in a while. I couldn't find it in GIF format, so bear with me.  

Caroline: You have a bright future ahead of you, but first you need to find yourself the right kind of woman

Aubrey: You asking me out? 

Caroline: Chere, you couldn't handle me.

Aubrey: *awkward snort/laugh*

Can we get a spinoff of these two, please??

The senator ran on a platform of supporting coal miners, and then was about to sign a bill about reducing coal emissions. Which naturally upset a lot of coal miners, including a big giant dude that Caroline tried to prosecute for something before, but the witness disappeared.

Bennan is all proud of herself because she figured out that Jessica and Aubrey were seeing each other but now having problems. The senator made a sketchy 2000$ withdrawal every month and also used to go see a young lady at a restaurant on a regular basis, including the night he died. They think he was having an affair, but Brennan figures out the girl is his daughter!!

The senator's wife is somehow now going to take over his seat, because apparently that's a thing, and she's been accused of poisoning him, since she was a diabetic and had access to the kind of needle that had been used to poison him. And the axe used to hack up his body. as was the senate majority leader.

Apparently if you cut yourself on coal, your skin will turn blue. The senator was going to vote against the party, and his assistant was having an affair with his wife so he was the killer.

Brennan got Booth a TV! It's a nice big one, now they're bickering over the remote cos they're adorable.

Speaking of adorable, let's see that Aubrey face one more time

Bones - The Resurrection in the Remains

Don't have a kegger in an old church, it's bad juju.

Typical Bones doesn't like candy for children because she's a killer of fun. But gelatin is fine? Alrighty then...

BTW I've never watched Sleepy Hollow before, but I like Nicole Beharie, and I have quite a few friends who love it. And I don't know how they're going to mix the worlds of super-science Bones with supernatural Sleepy Hollow, but it's sure to be interesting.

Hodgins is wearing creepy demonic contact lenses... It's very creepy.

Plus, why would you cover up those baby blues? 

There's a dead guy underneath the other dead guy - but this one is in a coffin from the 18th century, wearing a British redcoat uniform. And his head is missing. BTW, when you drop a jack-o-lantern, the candle doesn't stay lit, nor in place.

WENDELLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Bones writers are being too good to me. Two Wendell episodes in like 3 weeks?!

BTW, changing the girl's hair colour and adding some peircings would not make the computer recognize her. It goes off of facial proportions. Yeesh.


Hi Abbie and Ichabod! You will be greeted with hostility, apparently.
Except from Angela, because Angela is wonderful, and nice to everybody, and she tells Ichabod she likes his jacket and he does this:

LMAO

I might need to start watching that show and skipping past the supernatural bits, just to watch him...

Brennan tells Ichabod that he and Abbie should get together. Even I know that's hilarious. Also the dead British guy is a bad dude. 

Evil book is evil, full of spells in a druid language, and the victim had it for some reason, Hodgins is all suspicious. Somehow a digital display can mimic candlelight. And the victim took the skull because apparently one of the spells can teach you how to reanimate the dead. 

*Spoooooky* 

Cam finds evidence that the victim was dead two weeks earlier - but she'd been seen since then. Also she might have been beaten to death with the soldier's missing skull.

Something about George Washington and Ichabod having the same handwriting... Time travel is impossible, apparently. And all I thought of when they were discussing 'iron gall ink' was that scene in National Treasure where the clue 'iron pen' leads them to the Declaration of Independence.

But anyways, the victim's friend killed her because she killed and brought him back and he didn't see anything on 'the other side', so he got mad. Kind of an anticlimactic end. Nothing spooky about it.

I just realized there was not a single scene with Aubrey in this episode. What the hell?!

Bones - The Carpals in the Coy-Wolves

OK so the opening scene was kind of funny, with a man taking his son hunting and berating the kid for not 'acting like a man' since the kid watches Project Runway - then they find a body and the dad is the one who screams. Very clever, Bones writers. But kid? DON'T SHOOT THE FREAKING EVIDENCE!!!

Brennan killed the guy in her books who was based on Booth and that's depressing... Remember to alert your spoilers, Booth!

Dr. Wells' hair/beard is super-long and with it, so is his douchieness. And he's mad that he has to deal with a new female intern who may or may not be attractive. Does he just hate everything?

Coy-wolves are apparently a coyote-wolf hybrid. Which is disappointing to me, because I was hoping they were wolves that were extremely bashful.

I mean, they COULD be both... 

Following the death of Agent Andy, Brennan is going to replace him with another, younger, more handsome FBI agent sidekick. Aubrey thinks she was inspired by him and I don't think he's too far off the mark, because that's BASICALLY WHAT THEY DID WITH SWEETS!!! *sobs*

Is he gonna keep referring to himself in the third person?? Cos every time he says 'Agent James' I'm tempted to add 'Bond'...

Wells is grumpy because he's been having issues... shall we say... 'pitching his tent' lately. Awks. 

BETTY WHITE!!!!!! I knew she'd been on an episode but I didn't realize it was this one!! I'm especially excited because I've been watching reruns of The Golden Girls lately. She's the best!! \

This is relevant. Betty White ain't no banana.

The dead guy might have been murdered over fantasy football. Why am I not surprised... Those things can get heated. And of course Betty White's character plays fantasy football hahaha

She also figured out Wells' problem oh my god I love this woman. 

An actual football player got in a Twitter fight with the victim, which is stupid. There are haters all over the internet and the famous people don't respond to it. BTW Booth still has it, and by 'it', I mean his aim with a gun. Badass. 

Brennan is feeling a little inadequate, because Dr. Mayer (Betty) is much more perceptive than she is. And Wells accidentally shot Hodgins with a tranq dart and now he seems kind of drunk and it's hilarious. 

The angry guy who was a part of the league's wife was sleeping with the victim, and he flips out when Aubrey and Booth go to talk to him, all because he was 'in the middle of a trade'. PRIORITIES, PEOPLE!! But it wasn't him, it was the other guy, the one who worked at a sandwich shop. Dr. Mayer figured it out because of the traces of ham that were left on the body. 

Aaaand Hodgins went out in the woods and shot Wells with a dart. IN THE HAND. I cringed and squirmed and it was gross. 

But Dr. Mayer (who apparently has been working for more years than Angela, Brennan, Cam, and Hodgins COMBINED, but I don't see how that works) gave Brennan some good advice about her relationship with Booth, so she agreed that maybe it was a good idea to bring Agent Andy back from the dead. AWWWE

Bones - The Donor in the Drink

Don't explain cremation to a 5-year-old... I'm still creeped out by it and I'm 22.

Aubrey is so darn happy to see Booth again, it's adorable. And he's reeeeally taken over Booth's office. Awkward. Of course Aubrey has a mini fridge, is anyone at all surprised by this??

WENDELLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My precious baby is baaaack!!!! 

Thank god for handlebar mustaches! They help make victim identification easier! He invented a flexible mailbox. I feel like Hodgins would totally rock a handlebar 'stache.

Oh my god! It's David! David Berman the actor, a.k.a. David Phillips from CSI!! Interestingly enough, there were two characters on that show with the name David, but the other one was referred to by his surname (Hodges) almost exclusively.

He's moved on quickly.

God, I miss CSI.

How the hell does a mortuary lose ashes?? That's just sad and awful. Major incompetence.

And Cam doesn't want to be pitied by all of her couple-friends. I know that feeling. But at least it's nice that they're making an effort to include her...

The dead guy was killed for his organs which were then sold on the black market. Ew. And OMG when Aubrey makes a sad face, he kinda looks like Ricky Velez from The Nightly Show. 

Like, a lot. 

Aubrey's going undercover as a guy trying to sell his liver. And the woman he contacts is Chief Vick! From  Psych! Tsk tsk, Karen. Working for black market organ dealers now??

Angela's been taking awesome artsy photos, and Hodgins is trying to set up a show to display them, but she's really not on board. His heart was in the right place, though. I love the two of them.

Bones is probably the only person who could get away with ripping open the shirt of a guy in a casket and screaming 'aha!' Because the funeral home was definitely trafficking in stolen body parts. Ewwww.

Aubrey brings Booth what he thought was the box containing Jared's ashes - it's marmalade. Which Booth then tosses in the trash and Aubrey then takes. He's the comic relief that Zach used to be, that Sweets was, that Greg was for the first 5-6 seasons of CSI. And I love it.

Chief Vick! I mean, Nina, why would you just pick up a random dead guy and believe that there's nothing sketchy about that. Meanwhile, Wendell is getting a seriously guilty conscience about the possibility of shutting down the black market for people who really need organs. You're good people, Mr. Bray.

And good looking too, amiright??

Awwww Aubrey gave Bones his old office back. I'm so happy! 

Holy crap, David's character was in fact the killer. (The victim's apprentice) and holy shit he'd donated a kidney? For money? To help keep their business alive?! Damn, that's desperate. 

So I gather from this show that Angela really liked taking pictures of stairs. And everything is in black and white, so you know it's *art*. In all seriousness, may we all find a partner as supportive as Hodge-podge. 

Turns out Jared's ashes weren't missing at all, Christine had used the box so that she could climb in and out of Hank's crib. Awwww... But surely such a resourceful child couldn't find a stool or something?

Bones - The Brother in the Basement

The beginning is basically a flashback to what happened before the case the team investigated in the last episode - they're shown torching the van with Jared's dead body in it. Except for the fact that the guy in the van is CLEARLY not Brendan Fehr.
But whatever.

Jon is not pleased with the continuity errors. 

I completely forgot that Cam and Booth had romantic history! So obviously she knew Jared. So she's sad. Aww poor Cam. 

Brennan wants her job back!! We all knew that was coming but still, it's pretty nice. She and Aubrey go with Miller to Miller's missing partner's house. Aubrey goes into the fridge (of course) Brennan chastises him for looking for a snack (of course) and then this happens:

We know you too well, Aubrey.

And then they find A FINGER!! EWWWW

I thought I was done being grossed out by this show, but Cam removing the bone from the inside of a finger, and then inserting her own (gloved) finger inside the skin made me gag hardcore. The finger belonged to the missing agent's fiancee.

The bad guys are all mocking Booth for hemorrhaging - nice partners in literal crime you have there, Booth. He ends up taking matters into his own hands and cauterizing the wound with silver nitrate - Don't do that at home, kids! - and he screamed and I cringed.

Aubrey and Miller find two dead bodies being ravaged by vultures in an abandoned barn, doused in battery acid. One is identified as the fiancee of the missing agent but we don't know about the other.

HOT NERD ALERT!!!
Sorry. This handsome guy showed up looking for Angela, Brennan waved him off as a stripper or something, and then he held up a brace-wrapped wrist and informed her he was a digital forensic scientist with the FBI, but "I usually wear my glasses, if it helps. Also I have carpal tunnel and two cats at home named Stephen and Hawking." CATS!! The man has CATS!!! I'm in love already.

I, too, has a kitty. 

The other body is finally confirmed to be Bannerman, Miller's missing partner. And the new guy, Dr. Metzger, starts sniffling like he's going to cry and awwww... Angela feels bad for him, Hodgins is suspicious that the two of them are talking (of course).

Oh snap, Booth's sketchy criminal pal just got a text saying Booth can't be trusted and he has to kill him. Dun dunnn...

Christine calls Brennan because she's all worried about Booth. Aww. Sad. There was a sketchy blue van following Bannerman around in a few weeks before he disappeared. The driver was a member of the Aryan Brotherhood because this only thing this episode was missing was white supremacists! Said asshole for some reason has a problem with Caroline. But apparently he was a CI for Bannerman. Caroline and I are equally disgusted.

They figure out that Miller and Bannerman were a couple, and he had left her for his fiancee. Oooh. Messy.

Brennan offered Arastoo an unsolicited compliment (awww) and they figured out that the person who beat Bannerman to death was wearing brass knuckles! They gave us an interesting fact - contrary to their name, brass knuckles usually aren't made of brass, rather steel. But this person must have an injured hand. Ohhh dear. Not the hot nerd!

The other two bad guys turn on Booth and the head honcho, something about the 'deal' being cancelled. Apparently the main guy had refused to kill Booth, but the others saw the text messages and decided the money was what they wanted so they try to kill him instead. Bastards.

Caroline should know that Brennan never does what she's told - and that includes not going into interview rooms if her husband's life is in danger.

Here's something I don't get - one of the bad guys was shooting an automatic weapon at Booth, and Booth locks himself in some kind of boiler room and opens the window to try and get out. The window shows that it's broad daylight and they're in the basement of a building that looks to be downtown somewhere, with tons of people walking around. So nobody on the street heard all the shooting?!!

Booth is a smarty pants, using the old 'hide from the bad guy and make it look like you've escaped, then sneak up on him from behind' trick. And then he emerges from the basement just as Brennan shows up outside. Timing!

So after Angela and Hodgins leave in the perfect image of married bliss, Cam and Arastoo have a little heart-to-heart, and I'm pretty sure they're breaking up. Also pretty sure he's leaving because he doesn't want to be an intern for the rest of his life. That makes me very very sad, even though I never really liked him that much... But I love Cam and I love the fact that he made her happy. How many more new interns are we gonna need?! They're dropping like flies (not literally... Except Vincent. And now I'm sad)

Miller is leaving, but she brought Aubrey a peace offering. That's sweet. His favourite whiskey is the cheapest kind, and it causes Caroline to choke, which is adorable. I love that their dynamic is starting to mirror that of her and Booth.

Bones - The Loyalty in the Lie

Bones premiere time!!!
The last time this happened, you bastards ripped my heart in  two, so let's not have that happen again, shall we??

I still miss you, Sweets

Brennan had her baby, a little boy named Hank, and he's precious of course. Their genes would make the most adorable children ever. Hank's also wearing a Flyers onesie and HAHAHA this just happened:

@David_Boreanaz And the #Flyers are big Hank Booth fans. (And we guess Seeley Booth too...)

— Philadelphia Flyers (@NHLFlyers) October 2, 2015

Cam's hair is long again, and she's considering hiring Arastoo as the replacement for Brennan. But oh dear, can you say conflict of interest??

They find a body with a gun burned into it, after someone set a van on fire. And Angela is freaking out because the gun belonged to Booth and that theoretically means the body is Booth and MY GOD WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT NOT HURTING ME DEEPLY

Just kidding, Emily Deschanel tweeted this photo of a Booth hospital bracelet so he's not dead. But he's still missing. And his wedding ring was found at the house - in the box where his gun should be, but isn't. So something hinky is going on here. Seems kinda early for a lengthy montage interspersed with flashbacks, but there it is...

Brennan runs into the room and says "It's not Booth!" But we knew that already... And so she uses that moment to look down on Arastoo because he missed the lack of an injury that indicated it wasn't Booth. And I also think this is the first time I've heard her refer to him as 'my husband' so many times in one scene.

Aubrey has sprouted a backbone and nearly bites the head off of some Internal Investigations lady who comes in referring to the missing man Booth as 'a suspect'. Uhh... It's not possible that the dead guy could have stolen Booth's gun? Or that Booth gave it to him for protection??

Same woman is now taking Brennan on, and I hate making this generalization when meeting a new female character, but OH MY GOD SHE'S SUCH A BITCH (who is just doing her job BUT IN THE MOST BITCHY LEAST SENSITIVE MANNER POSSIBLE)

Oh my god the dead body is Jared.. As in Jared Booth. Which makes me sad, because I really liked him and wanted him to come back at some point buuuut I guess that ain't gonna happen. Also explains why Booth would have given him his gun.

Oh Jared. We hardly knew ye. 

Someone sent Booth a Boy-Scout coded message that Aubrey translates to 'GO' from a burner cell, that was bought by Jared. Wow, they managed to get back the actress who played his wife after all that time, only for her to be throwing rudeness in all directions - but her I will let off the hook because she just found out her husband was killed. This is mourning rudeness.

Arastoo was going to propose to Cam, Angela found out, but he was embarrassed after missing important things in the case, so he thinks she'll say no, but then she accidentally sees the ring box and so he shows her the ring but doesn't ask anyways, and then Hodgins walks in and thinks he's proposed but they have to correct that assumption and he just leaves all awkwardly. Ah, classic Bones.

Oooooh, preeeeetttty

Aubrey and the II lady go to interview one of Jared's army buddies, who tells her "I resent you putting your garbage assumptions on him." GOOD FOR YOU SIR.

Stereotypical scene of Brennan looking into her old office with a longing face, and Angela bringing her yogurt (because that's what women eat when they're sad, right??) and them discussing Booth which then cuts away to a shot of Booth lying bleeding (from a gunshot wound?) in an alley.

David Boreanaz has been sharing hilarious 'theories' on what happened to Booth on Twitter

Booth is off looking for his socks! The sock thief ...

— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) October 2, 2015

Booth is off writing the great American Novel

— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) October 2, 2015

Booth fell out of the car on the freeway and he's bleeding out! Need gauze

— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) October 2, 2015

All their evidence leads them to a giant fancy mansion-type house where they go in with a SWAT team and then, even though the majority of the house is pristine, there's a room with 3 or 4 guys all shot dead inside it, and blood everywhere. Oh dear. None of them is Booth, but I'm SUUUUURE stupid II lady will want to keep calling him a 'suspect' again.

So it was a robbery gone wrong, and the lady said "we will get who ever is behind this. And one of them is Booth." Aubrey did that clenched-jaw thing he does that's kinda hot but also makes him look like he's about to smack someone.

BTW it should be mentioned that Caroline is back and I love her so much, She did some digging on Agent Miller (from II) and her partner had also gone missing - a fact she seemed happy to leave out.

It was a 5-man team who broke in, and they stole about 2 million dollars. But now they've figured out that Booth has been hurt and is bleeding and needs help. Somehow he managed to find a bathroom and he's cleaning himself up, but is clearly in a lot of pain - and with some unsavoury characters. Also with Jared's army buddy who Aubrey interviewed earlier. And a looooot of money.

Aaaaaaand 'To be continued.'
RUDE!!!

One more time for me, Jon... 

Bonus: This happened during the West Coast airing of the show. I love those two

@David_Boreanaz I thought you would know. #checkingthesubshop

— John Boyd (@johnny_boyd) October 2, 2015

Bones - The Big Beef at the Royal Diner

Mickey Mouse looks like the pelvic girdle. WHY DID I NOT WATCH THIS SHOW TO HELP ME STUDY FOR ANATOMY???!!!!
Also I missed out on this episode (and the Bones Bingo contest during it) because of a Jays game. Boo. (And then for the double-episode special they had on tonight, the Jays had the day off and I was like 'oh perfect' but forgot what time it started. Double boo.)

Bones just said that peri- and post-mortem fractures were going to be difficult to tell apart, which is the biggest lie ever, like seriously? How many times has she done EXACTLY that with ease?? Who wrote this??

Now we all know the word for plural pancreases. Huzzah.

This week, Aubrey continues to be cute. I think the victim is Bones-universe equivalent of Guy Fieri.

True story: this picture ^^ of Guy Fieri was once in my chemistry textbook. They were talking about the chemicals used to bleach hair, and apparently he was the most relevant example of someone with bleached hair they could find.  

OMG WOODY!!! By that I mean OMG KURT FULLER!!! He's the adorable weirdo coroner from Psych. And the jerk mayor's assistant from Ghostbusters 2. I love him. He was also in Wayne's World.

I MISS THAT SHOW SOOOO MUUUUCH!!!! *Sobs*

I love actors who are nerds about their own work. 

OK so the Royal Diner got a bad review from the dead guy, and his burgers (although how would the cook know that, the episode hadn't aired yet). And the waitress lady (who suddenly has a name, Joanne) is the blonde lady Jill Tracey who broke my heart over and over again on Scrubs. 

Oh geez Clark is back. Because even though he doesn't actually work in their department anymore, there are STILL excuses for him to pop up on a regular basis. Ugh. And it has to do with Arastoo. Nothing is wrong, apparently.

Also I was going to say, a lot of bone names rhyme with one another.
Hodgela are rich again!! Hooray! Also wasn't he also supposed to make a lot of money from that hot sauce he made with Finn last year? Whatever happened to that entrepreneurial venture?

And what the hell happened to this entrepreneurial cutie?!! 

Good guy bartender takes the keys of intoxicated patrons so they don't drive home drunk. Good for you sir. I'm sorry you got a black eye for your troubles.

Cam is a little TOO happy that the Jeffersonian didn't get all the money from Hodgins' magic rubber stuff. Clark hates when his colleagues use first names. I think he wants them to act like this:

A+ referencing job, me. 

I absolutely love Aubrey because of how excited he gets about things. It was rare when Sweets showed enthusiasm for something (see: sci fi, death metal) but Aubrey's all about life every second of every day.

Booth is buying Bones things out of guilt about lying to her. And he bought her a necklace that she gushes about how pretty it is, but all I see is a plain curved piece of metal. Am I missing something?

Ooooh Joanne slept with the victim... Awkward. And no more free refills for Booth. 

OMG BONES IS RAPPING. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS. 

And nothing rhymes with 'clavicle'. Darn. 

Bones - The Baker in the Bits

Hey hey hey, finishing up on the catching-up on Bones. Yay! This is the episode from last week (April 9th).

A guy who has clearly been stabbed is being chased by a guy with a knife, escapes by climbing over a fence, gets blown up. See, THAT is why you always pay attention to warning signs.

Booth is freaking out because he lost a photo, Brennan finds it, and shows off it's because of archaeology. The explosion was from a mine, it's illegal to blow things up after dark but that doesn't really help him now...
Vaziri is being weird, Brennan won't let him talk to Cam about personal stuff at work, because Brennan.

What happened to Cam with this attitude?? (Bonus: live Sweets)

Aubrey is eating again and apparently he believes in reincarnation. What a cutie.

Angela IDs the victim, he was an ex-convict, cos he had a prison gang tattoo. Also they finally figure out he was stabby-stabbed. Turns out Vaziri's brother in Iran is dying of cancer, and he wants to go back to Iran to see him even though he was expelled from the country and he'd be risking his life because he left before that happened so on a technicality he might be allowed back in.

The victim's girlfriend surprises Aubrey in a towel at the victim's house, and he's clearly been taking some lessons from Booth in the wry-delivery of bad news department. On an unrelated note, Hodgins has tied Angela up in bed but doesn't want to return the favour. Interesting... (She also doesn't want to do it again)

The victim, Connor, worked at a bakery, one that employs exclusively ex-cons. They all look stereotypically tough and muscular, because typecasting! Brennan correctly points out that if Aubrey went with them to visit the bakery, he'd "eat everything in sight. But not literally."

Pictured: Aubrey around any type of baked good. 

Cam and Vaziri argue some more, he says that leaving is the only choice he has because he has to help and he doesn't care if something bad happens to him. Which also means he doesn't care if he leaves Cam all alone. So she ends the argument by very formally calling him 'Mr. Vaziri'. Ouch.

Turns out the victim was involved in a convenience store robbery, and the clerk at the store got shot (not killed, but she was paralyzed) and even though the other robbers testified that Connor wasn't in on the plan to rob the store, the clerk's brother had been harassing and threatening Connor ever since he got out on parole. And he would come into the bakery and cause trouble (which I think is a dumb idea considering all the tough guys that work there had him outnumbered... But whatever). Aubrey does not support the concept of vigilante justice.

Oh lord. Cam and Angela are talking about ATP. As a former science student, I hate ATP. ATP is evil. Just thinking about that and cellular respiration and crap gives me a headache. Turns out Connor was on a lot of drugs at the time he died. His girlfriend knew about it, he was taking all her money to feed his drug habit.

Brennan think's it's silly for Vaziri to go back to Iran, Booth is also worried about it, Cam is resourceful and has spoken to a bunch of people (including the always-pleasant Alex from Homeland Security, but that conversation happened off-screen) who told her the same thing - THE RISK IS TOO DAMN HIGH!

Apparently Connor was also discussing robbing a place, to get more money for his drug habit. Angela does some computer magic, and something to do with parking meters, and they realize that he was casing out a check-cashing place. We have this adorable exchange between Hodgins and Aubrey:

SO MUCH HODGINS SASS. Poor Aubrey.

Then Angela looks at the staff list for the check cashing place to see if he had 'someone on the inside' and they recognize a name - which Hodgins show-offishly informs everyone "That's the victim's girlfriend!" Um, yeah, Aubrey already knows. He's the one who's already met her...

She still says she didn't help him.

Cam confronts Vaziri because he was looking for tickets to Iran on a work computer and left the browser open (subtle, dude) and he gives her a beautiful speech about how much he loves his country and needs to be there holding his brother's hand. Very touching and then they kiss and Hodgins walks in and it's awkward again.

Although I guess Cam has been on the RECIEVING end of her fair share of awkward moments.
About time she turned the tables. 

Angela works her magic based on some particulates, then Booth and Aubrey go to an abandoned metalworks plant, which, just from the angle they're shooting at, looks an awful lot like the abandoned factory from Season 1 episode 15 'Two Bodies in the Lab' (don't ask me why I thought of that randomly, probably because it was the episode Adam Baldwin AKA Chuck's John Casey was in). Are they recycling shooting locations? Shame on them,

Anyway, Aubrey is really creeped out by this place, and they find blood, and then they see THREE MORE SKELETONS in an incinerator - WOAH did not see that one coming!! And then Booth sees something even creepier, a bunch of tattoos that have been CUT OUT of people and strung up to dry. Now, CSI already did an episode like this way back in the day - someone was 'collecting' the tattoos cut out of people's bodies - but other than that, I must say...

To the writers of course. For that plot twist. I never 'Bravo!'-tea-GIF a serial killer. 

DUUDE I think the killer is the owner of the bakery. I think the victims are all ex-cons who worked at the bakery. Brennan suspects a weird ritualistic angle to the killings. One of the victims was a priest. (Priest with a tattoo? Rock on). The second victim was an ex-con who was in the same prison as Connor and some of the guys at the bakery. They think it's one of the guys from the bakery - because when he was a kid he'd belonged to the church that the priest worked at,

Booth and Aubrey have the bakery owner plan a meetup with the missing guy in a parking garage, he freaks out before he even sees them, attacks his boss, and Booth has to shoot - but only to injure. And now I feel bad for the boss guy - partly for accusing him of being a serial killer, and partly because he seemed to crushed to find out one of the guys he vouched for and trusted turned out to be a serial killer. Poor guy.

And the ending scene is with Cam and Vaziri this time around - he tells her his brother is getting worse, she gives him some research she did because she wants his brother to get better, he tells her he booked a flight and he's leaving in a few hours. She starts crying and tells him to come back to her and someone must have let an onion ninja into my room because I need a tissue.  So I guess we won't be seeing much of him for a while.
Although while we're on the topic of squinterns -  where the hell has Finn been?!! I need more of him!!

So that's it for last week's episode, hope you enjoyed it! I'll get tonight's episode done and up as soon as possible, I promise (just have to wait for someone to upload it!) I didn't watch it live because I wasn't finished this one yet and also there was a Blue Jays game on that I wanted to watch - turned out to be a massive disappointment. But that's how it goes.

Bones - The Teacher in the Books

Hey there TV fans, I've had exams and other crap over the past few weeks so I've fallen WAAAAAY behind on my blogs... But not to worry! Exams are now done, so I'll be catching up on Bones and BBT in the next few days! Just bear with me! Yay!

Aluminum is a waste when scrapping. Good to know. In case I plan on scrapping in the near future.
Maybe this is because I'm a bookworm, but abandoned libraries and bookstores always make me sad... Such a waste.

I mean... Look at all the lonely books... *Sobs into a pillow* 

Bones' publisher wants her to get Twitter and I find this concept hilarious. I mean at least let her start out with Facebook first... Hodgins and Cam are with me on the love of books. Aubrey mocks Hodgins' love of book-sniffing and I'm deeply disappointed. But he redeems himself by being afraid of a poisonous spider. How cute.

Angela's new magic software can map out someone's face based on their moles and freckles and such?? I call MASSIVE bullshit because 1) people use makeup to cover moles and such sometimes in photos, and also 2) with decomposition the SKIN MOVES so the measurements are different... Jeez.

The victim was a teacher (who knew?) and she was working with a group who taught in dangerous neighbourhoods. This is a cause close to Caroline's heart, she warns Booth about not letting it make the school look bad, because she is on their board of directors and doesn't want to see them closed because of some violence.

Caroline has a soft spot for something other than Booth! Who knew??

Aubrey has just caught up on Dr. Brennan's books, and mocks Booth's counterpart for not sleeping with Brennan's counterpart until the third book, because 'James Bond wouldn't have waited that long'. Well that is because James Bond was a scoundrel...

Touche. Moving on... 

He also says people are 'already talking about it on Twitter' but apparently the writers don't understand that people would've been talking about the books once they came out - they wouldn't wait for the author to get on Twitter herself. Is everyone as far behind as Aubrey?

For those of you who were wondering how many high school students it takes to lift a Smartcar - Apparently the answer is about 20. THIS SCHOOL IS NICER THAN MY UNIVERSITY, I CALL BULLSHIT ON IT BEING IN A ROUGH NEIGHBOURHOOD. Also the guy who worked with the victim - the actor has gone from being a high school student on Pretty Little Liars to being a high school teacher in less than a year. How old is this dude?

Caroline is laying down the law on these tough students who are talking shit while being interviewed. Have I mentioned I love Caroline?

Caroline does not have time for these shenanigans.

She thinks Aubrey is 'Sweet. Stupid, but sweet.' He does not disagree.

Bones isn't doing well on Twitter. She only has 10 followers - and hey, that's in like a day, it took me MONTHS to amass that many. Then again, she's a bestselling author and I was a random high school student at the time...

GAH YOU WRITERS ACTUALLY HAVE TWITTER, YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS - JESSICA COULDN'T HAVE RETWEETED BRENNAN FROM HER OWN ACCOUNT ON BRENNAN'S PHONE!!! And now Brennan knows how to selfie. She's more popular than me. Damnit. (Psst shameless plug, go follow me www.twitter.com/emmycsi )

Aubrey can selfie. He should've shown Brennan.

Also I don't think it's legal/ethical for high school teachers to communicate with students on social media. #Sketchy (Although I now have one of my former HS teachers on Facebook, and I follow my physics prof on Twitter). Aubrey, don't call Caroline a dinosaur. That will not end well for you.

HOW CAN YOU RESIST THAT PRECIOUS FACE?!!! 

She's stone cold, that's how. Starting to think I need a collection of Caroline reaction GIFs... 

Cam dropping truth bombs - "Being a teacher takes a lot of time, their day doesn't end when school lets out!" As the daughter of a teacher, I know this. Turns out the victim's boyfriend was cheating. Aubrey's hitting him where it hurts - saying he knows he's shorter than he claims to be online. Also is the 'Get Lost Hotline' actually a thing? If not, it should be. 'Tis brilliant.

Angela tells Jessica to stop enabling Brennan's Twitter habit. And I'm just surprised, with the length of some scientific papers' titles, that they'd fit in 140 characters. The older brother from the earlier interview owned the knife that hurt the victim's hand - he claims she cut herself to blackmail him to keep his little brother in school. I'm surprised that a cut on the hand would leave a mark on the phalanges, but then again - this is Bones.

OK so now they get the answers based on an eraser? Like ONE specific eraser? And based on the Smartcar? Ouch. Rough day for that little car. Because the other teacher was the one who did it - and the one who drove the Smartcar. He was also the second person they interviewed! Aha! He faked some tests to get himself a better job, she caught him and they fought.

This totally looks like a car a murderer would drive.
I dare NCIS:LA to change up their criminals' cars just once. 

And Caroline is now taking those brothers under her wing - this is adorable! They're tough, but she's tougher!

Pictured: total badassery. 

I hope they bring these brothers back later on! She insists on feeding them at the diner, even when they say they're full, she waves over the waitress, and I called it - she orders them some pie. PIE! PIE IS THE BEST!

Apparently Brennan is emoticon-type material (smiley face, wink wink) and she is sitting at the counter with her tablet so engrossed that she didn't even notice Booth was cooking RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. Oh my god, this reminds me of my mom ever since she got her new phone... LET THIS BE A WARNING. DO NOT GIVE PARENTS MOBILE DEVICES. YOU WILL REGRET IT.

Bones - The Psychic in the Soup

BONES IS BAAAAAACK!!!!
I had no idea when they went on Christmas hiatus that they were going to be away for so long. It bummed me out a great deal. And I have classes 6:30-9:30 p.m. on Thursdays this semester, so I can't even watch it when it's actually on. Poo.
BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE THERE'S A NEW EPISODE AND I'M SO EXCITED!!!!! 

By the way, for those of you following along at home, I have amassed a large collection of (primarily Jon Stewart-related) reaction GIFs, and I intend to use them as frequently as possible. I apologize in advance. 

Except I'm not sorry at all because Jon Stewart is amazing. 

B & B's house suddenly looks WAAAY different in the establishing shots than before. Christine has an imaginary friend, and he needs his cake on a plate or else she'll get dirty. 

It's Sweets' birthday. And I'm weeping already. That was fast. 

Nothing is wrong with Aubrey. He clearly is just a walking IMDB, like me. (Filing away in my brain bank the fact that the original title for Texas Chainsaw Massacre was 'head cheese').

DUUUUUDE I have been watching a lot of Parks and Recreation on Netflix lately - shoutout to my friend who got me a subscription for Christmas! - and John Boyd (Aubrey)'s voice sounds ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE ADAM SCOTT!!!

Weird coincidence. Also: they both have great hair.

Oh my god, Sweets was only 29 when he died? That's only 8 1/2 years older than me... Also I see they've added John Boyd to the title sequence! I guess he's gonna be sticking around for a while!! (Unsurprisingly, he's eating. What a dude).

Dr. Fuentes is back, and he can't do a skull-puzzle as quickly as Christine. Maybe they should just hire her as a squintern. OK and Angela suddenly doesn't need a reconstructed skull for identification? They've sped up her process so much, pretty soon she'll have an ID before they even find the body...

And now Aubrey is reciting bible verses? Did we really need another genius with an eidetic memory on this show?! AVALON IS BAAAACK!!! Clearly the victim was a psychic. That shot of Booth holding pillows under his arms was adorable. 

Awww Aubrey's father walked out on him and his mother. And he is astonished that Avalon figured it out. He's also got a bitterness to him in regards to psychics, moreso than the usual 'ugh not this again' attitude that the scientists do. I think his mother might have spent a lot of money on psychics...

AUBREY'S SARCASM IS KILLING ME. And this Taylor dude is clearly such a fraud. He's making weird hand gestures. Hand gestures are the sign of fake psychics. 

Pay no attention to that man behind the podium,

Dr. Fuentes is hiding something!! And I recant my earlier theory about Aubrey's mom - Cam got the storyline about the family member spending money on psychics.

So far we've got psychics, familial fallings-out, fraud, and now an affair? Is this an episode of Bones, or The Mentalist? I've always found that that show had a scandal for literally every suspect...  Hodgins 'actually kind of likes' Avalon (what a lovely lukewarm sentiment!) and she's contacted Sweets and this is hurting me too much, just... Stop... Talking!! Dead Sweets is sad? DAMNIT NOW I'M SAD!!!! 

Does Aubrey even have an office? Why is he eating in the conference room? Maybe his desk isn't big enough for all that food... And Booth got the donuts. Awwwe. "It felt weird not to get them." "But it'd also be wrong not to eat them, right?" I like your logic, Aubrey. I think that shot of him taking a bite is the one they used in the credits. Aaaand now I want donuts.

Bonding and crime-solving over baked goods. That's my boys.

Refreshing!! A Christian on a TV show who isn't a giant homophobe!! Now let's hope he's not a murderer... And Fuentes was hiding his smuggling of prescription medication to Cuba for poor sick people and oh my god that's the most noble thing that a Jeffersonian employee could ever possibly be fired for. Damn, just when I was starting to like him...

A bug autopsy is a thing! Angela gives a beautiful impassionate monologue telling Hodgins that psychic powers could be a scientific thing. And she changes Hodgins' mind and he apologizes to Avalon and he loves Angela and I want to cry again.

I will be using this one a lot if they keep talking about Sweets...

Avalon is so sassy. He may not like psychics, but I think Aubrey and Avalon would make an epic team. I CALL SPINOFF IDEA!!!!

Brennan approves of the smuggling, says she would do the same thing. So there's that. 

How does someone get hit in the head with a hammer and not need to go to the hospital?! 'She was very much alive, and cursing me out' SO?!! You've never heard of a concussion?!!

AND BRENNAN SENT THE MEDS OFF TO CUBA ANYWAYS!!! STICKING IT TO THE (WO)MAN!!!! So I guess Fuentes is staying!

Apparently there's a message about Sweets' car? Wouldn't Daisy look through it for any belongings?? And how did Angela know about it being sold that day? 

Oooooh so it was the girlfriend all along. Not the one with the hammer, the other one. But she was the fourth person interviewed!! Good job Bones writers, breaking pattern to mess with our brains hahaha. But it was kinda-sorta an accident. Maybe? I don't know. But she hid the body so she's still in trouble. Her poor kids.

I absolutely love Booth playing along with Christine. He's such a good dad. I swear to god this is an entirely different house. I know they renovated hardcore, but the layout is entirely different. And Christine wants them to read her a love story - seriously, this kid is three?!!

I mean the actress is 5... They can't expect us to believe that

Sweets used to give out presents on his birthday and I'm crying again. Oh that precious boy. He finished his 'birthday gift' like 6 months early? What a coincidence. It's the book he wrote about B & B's partnership. And 'Buddy', Christine's imaginary friend, wanted them to read THAT story - HOLY SHIT HER IMAGINARY FRIEND IS SWEETS. CHRISTINE IS PSYCHIC. CHRISTINE IS COMMUNICATING WITH SWEETS. OH MY GOD.

This episode was amazing. I don't know what else to say. I miss Sweets so much, but I love Aubrey. There was some good emotion, some good banter, and I was glad to see Avalon again. I'm also glad they didn't just dismiss the Sweets thing so easily. I hope they keep mentioning him, it really bugs me on TV shows where a character dies and they just move on like 2 episodes later like nothing happened. 

And let's all sing 'da lime in da coconut' one more time, for our dear pal Sweets. Happy birthday, you beautiful perfect man. *sobs quietly*