Bones - The Brother in the Basement

The beginning is basically a flashback to what happened before the case the team investigated in the last episode - they're shown torching the van with Jared's dead body in it. Except for the fact that the guy in the van is CLEARLY not Brendan Fehr.
But whatever.

Jon is not pleased with the continuity errors. 

I completely forgot that Cam and Booth had romantic history! So obviously she knew Jared. So she's sad. Aww poor Cam. 

Brennan wants her job back!! We all knew that was coming but still, it's pretty nice. She and Aubrey go with Miller to Miller's missing partner's house. Aubrey goes into the fridge (of course) Brennan chastises him for looking for a snack (of course) and then this happens:

We know you too well, Aubrey.

And then they find A FINGER!! EWWWW

I thought I was done being grossed out by this show, but Cam removing the bone from the inside of a finger, and then inserting her own (gloved) finger inside the skin made me gag hardcore. The finger belonged to the missing agent's fiancee.

The bad guys are all mocking Booth for hemorrhaging - nice partners in literal crime you have there, Booth. He ends up taking matters into his own hands and cauterizing the wound with silver nitrate - Don't do that at home, kids! - and he screamed and I cringed.

Aubrey and Miller find two dead bodies being ravaged by vultures in an abandoned barn, doused in battery acid. One is identified as the fiancee of the missing agent but we don't know about the other.

HOT NERD ALERT!!!
Sorry. This handsome guy showed up looking for Angela, Brennan waved him off as a stripper or something, and then he held up a brace-wrapped wrist and informed her he was a digital forensic scientist with the FBI, but "I usually wear my glasses, if it helps. Also I have carpal tunnel and two cats at home named Stephen and Hawking." CATS!! The man has CATS!!! I'm in love already.

I, too, has a kitty. 

The other body is finally confirmed to be Bannerman, Miller's missing partner. And the new guy, Dr. Metzger, starts sniffling like he's going to cry and awwww... Angela feels bad for him, Hodgins is suspicious that the two of them are talking (of course).

Oh snap, Booth's sketchy criminal pal just got a text saying Booth can't be trusted and he has to kill him. Dun dunnn...

Christine calls Brennan because she's all worried about Booth. Aww. Sad. There was a sketchy blue van following Bannerman around in a few weeks before he disappeared. The driver was a member of the Aryan Brotherhood because this only thing this episode was missing was white supremacists! Said asshole for some reason has a problem with Caroline. But apparently he was a CI for Bannerman. Caroline and I are equally disgusted.

They figure out that Miller and Bannerman were a couple, and he had left her for his fiancee. Oooh. Messy.

Brennan offered Arastoo an unsolicited compliment (awww) and they figured out that the person who beat Bannerman to death was wearing brass knuckles! They gave us an interesting fact - contrary to their name, brass knuckles usually aren't made of brass, rather steel. But this person must have an injured hand. Ohhh dear. Not the hot nerd!

The other two bad guys turn on Booth and the head honcho, something about the 'deal' being cancelled. Apparently the main guy had refused to kill Booth, but the others saw the text messages and decided the money was what they wanted so they try to kill him instead. Bastards.

Caroline should know that Brennan never does what she's told - and that includes not going into interview rooms if her husband's life is in danger.

Here's something I don't get - one of the bad guys was shooting an automatic weapon at Booth, and Booth locks himself in some kind of boiler room and opens the window to try and get out. The window shows that it's broad daylight and they're in the basement of a building that looks to be downtown somewhere, with tons of people walking around. So nobody on the street heard all the shooting?!!

Booth is a smarty pants, using the old 'hide from the bad guy and make it look like you've escaped, then sneak up on him from behind' trick. And then he emerges from the basement just as Brennan shows up outside. Timing!

So after Angela and Hodgins leave in the perfect image of married bliss, Cam and Arastoo have a little heart-to-heart, and I'm pretty sure they're breaking up. Also pretty sure he's leaving because he doesn't want to be an intern for the rest of his life. That makes me very very sad, even though I never really liked him that much... But I love Cam and I love the fact that he made her happy. How many more new interns are we gonna need?! They're dropping like flies (not literally... Except Vincent. And now I'm sad)

Miller is leaving, but she brought Aubrey a peace offering. That's sweet. His favourite whiskey is the cheapest kind, and it causes Caroline to choke, which is adorable. I love that their dynamic is starting to mirror that of her and Booth.

SNL - Tracey Morgan

The show was hella late starting this week, I was so confused when I couldn't find it. I get that it's live, but I've never had that happen before.

They're starting with the CNN Democratic debate, which surprises no one.
SURPRISE ALEC BALDWIN!
SURPRISE LARRY DAVID!
This is off to an epic start.

Larry David's impersonation of Bernie Sanders is on point. Although Bernie Sanders seems like a walking Larry David impersonation. 

Alec Baldwin is amazing. 

Tracey's back! 

AND OH MY GOD SURPRISE ENTIRE CAST OF 30 ROCK!!! Pretending to be an old episode hahaha 'Remember, this is 2012'. That was so cute. I'm glad he's healthy again. 

Yessss Family Feud! I love these sketches! That awkward moment when the dad from one family is the ex-husband of the mom from the other. I've probably said this a dozen times, but Leslie is really really tall. And one of the sons (Michael) decided to defect to the other family. 

I am THRILLED they decided to do one of the 'Brian Fellows' Safari Planet' bits. I love this sketch so much, Oh my god they got a real camel in the studio!! AND IT STEPPED RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA HAHAHAHA

The next bit was a fauxmercial for ... fake cocaine... and fake poop spray. And I don't know what is happening. 

It seems early for the musical performance, but OK. Demi Lovato is alright, I don't feel particularly strongly about her good or bad. She has a good voice, but she's missing her other sleeve. 

Update time!!! They have many many good points about how ridiculous the presidential election campaign is. Colin for president! And hey, he inserted a baseball joke!! 

SURPRISE TINA FEY!!! "We can all sell our boobs now!" She made Colin touch her arm-butt and he giggled, it was so cute. And then she literally hopped off the desk and ran away lol. Everyone is just falling apart with laughter. I love it. 

The next sketch was one of those ones that would cause my dad to looks sideways at the TV and go 'oookaaaaay...' It wasn't funny and laboured too hard and too nonsensically for the punchline, so I won't even dignify it with an explanation. 

Now there's an interesting premise - a guy threatening another guy with "You wanna dance?" and actually meaning it literally hahaha 

Keenan and Tracey together are hilarious, with a talk show dedicated to asking the question "Where's Jackie Chan at?!" And don't tell the he's in Asia - "We checked with Asia, he's not there"

SNL - Miley Cyrus

Full disclosure - I kinda hate Miley Cyrus. Like seriously. I find her obnoxious and unnecessary. But she usually does a pretty good job when she's playing a character on SNL.

The one bad thing about SNL is the time it's on - I need to watch it and giggle as quietly as possible so I don't wake up my roommates. Also I've been watching baseball all summer (Blue Jays are the AL East champs babyyyy!!!) and the short commercials have spoiled me for regular TV viewing...

I think Taran has been practicing that Trump impersonation all summer - and he NAILED it! At last, we finally get his honest opinions on women!

Hang on a second, I thought Keenan was leaving the show after last season?! He's still here?? Does that mean we get more Keenan reaction shots?!!

He's more versatile than Jon Stewart!  I need a whole library of these ASAP

The best part of the monologue was that I could mute it and still get the jokes - she was singing a 'goodbye' song to all the news stories/people that wouldn't be relevant beyond this summer (Kim Davis, Pizza Rat, Colin making a cameo as the main guy from the Entourage movie). My personal favourite was a creepy-looking Bobby Moynihan as Jared Fogle, who literally turned around and removed his glasses and became equally-creepy Josh Duggar.
As for Miley herself...

I'm not convinced Miley Cyrus likes weed. #SNL pic.twitter.com/vI9DEAQGdK

— Lisa Vikingstad (@LisaVikingstad) October 4, 2015

Yup.

Remember when I said I could tolerate Miley when she's playing a different character? Well in the first sketch (a Grease ripoff) she's basically playing herself, in a poodle skirt. Nope.
Poor new guy, with her licking his face in literally his first episode, that looked hella awkward. What was that thing she smeared on his face, a cupcake?

REAL HILLARY CLINTON SURPRISE APPEARANCE!! She showed up in a sketch with Kate McKinnon as a depressed Hillary Clinton in a bar mentioning listing off all her shortcomings. Her voice is perfect. And Real Hillary Clinton's impression of Donald Trump might have been better than even Taran's. DARYL HAMMOND SURPRISE APPEARANCE!! As Bill Clinton. This is funny, he's obviously always in the building to do his announcing duties. I'm surprised he doesn't make cameos more often.

Quick side note: I've always liked Hillary Clinton. I think she's a good sport. But she's serious when she needs to be. Obviously VERY smart. Kind of a badass. She actually reminds me a lot of my grandmother (especially the hair haha)

Oh god they made poor Hillary announce Miley... What the hell is on her head?! Even her mic stand has dreads, good grief... She doesn't have a bad voice, but I can't stand her music so I'm muting her anyways. 

ok now I am convinced pic.twitter.com/stgXBEYDJW

— Lisa Vikingstad (@LisaVikingstad) October 4, 2015

Lisa, you read my mind.

UPDAAAAATE!!!!!! Colin being adorable as usual - still has yet to crack a smile. He reminds me of Tulowitzki from the Blue Jays - he barely smiles either, but when he does, it's a thing of beauty.

Awwwww

I like Kyle Mooney, but his Update characters are always weird. Like this one - Pope Francis. Also that accent was massively inaccurate. 

Really? You made Che read the segregation joke?? Based on the audience reaction, they felt as awkward as I did. To even things out, Colin got a racism joke too - and then Che said 'I begged you not to do that' and COLIN LAUGHED but it was off-screen. Boo.

Oh haaai there Pete! As the 'resident young person'. He doesn't understand politics, this bit was actually pretty funny. THERE was a Colin smile! A canned one, but still. I think Pete has gotten more comfortable this year, and I like it. Colin laughed off-screen again. Curses.

I had to go back and add this after I found it. Canned smile, but I'll take it

Well that was interesting timing, just when I was thinking 'wait is Leslie still around??' there she is! And of course she can make Colin laugh, by flirting with him. "I wish I was JOSTbusting!" I love Leslie. She ends the bit by screaming that of course she wants to have sex with him and he's laughing and on the verge of blushing. Gosh he's pretty.

The next sketch was one I rolled my eyes at - such a tired premise 'ooooh millennials are stupid and lazy and entitled blah blah blah'. At least we got some interesting Keenan reactions out of it. People on Twitter are calling it the new Californians and OH DEAR GOD NO DO NOT BESMIRCH MY BELOVED CALIFORNIANS

The next bit is a group of girl friends re-enacting the deli scene from When Harry Met Sally.... I love that movie. They did a pretty good job of re-creating the set, too. I've always said the set/prop/costume people on SNL don't get enough credit. Their attention to detail is awesome. Also Leslie is hilarious. But the background people aren't reacting properly - WHO WOULD NOT BE STARING WHEN SHE'S SCREAMING LIKE THAT?!!! And insert Kate as the 'I'll have what she's having' lady hahaha. Vanessa just wanted to show off her Billy Crystal impersonation, let's be honest.

The next pre-recorded sketch is HILARIOUS, it's Aidy and Vanessa as best friends who are in an accident and then wake up from comas and the whole world is in a sort of post-apocalyptic state, after literally every person on earth has been dragged into Taylor Swift's squad. Very nice.

Apparently Miley tried to get Kyle to marry her hahaha and she keeps offering them extra money. Every time he opened the door to his dressing room, time had passed, until eventually the only way to get out of it was for him to die. Which, I don't really get why he wouldn't wanna marry her but it's OK, I wouldn't want to either. 

Bones - The Loyalty in the Lie

Bones premiere time!!!
The last time this happened, you bastards ripped my heart in  two, so let's not have that happen again, shall we??

I still miss you, Sweets

Brennan had her baby, a little boy named Hank, and he's precious of course. Their genes would make the most adorable children ever. Hank's also wearing a Flyers onesie and HAHAHA this just happened:

@David_Boreanaz And the #Flyers are big Hank Booth fans. (And we guess Seeley Booth too...)

— Philadelphia Flyers (@NHLFlyers) October 2, 2015

Cam's hair is long again, and she's considering hiring Arastoo as the replacement for Brennan. But oh dear, can you say conflict of interest??

They find a body with a gun burned into it, after someone set a van on fire. And Angela is freaking out because the gun belonged to Booth and that theoretically means the body is Booth and MY GOD WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT NOT HURTING ME DEEPLY

Just kidding, Emily Deschanel tweeted this photo of a Booth hospital bracelet so he's not dead. But he's still missing. And his wedding ring was found at the house - in the box where his gun should be, but isn't. So something hinky is going on here. Seems kinda early for a lengthy montage interspersed with flashbacks, but there it is...

Brennan runs into the room and says "It's not Booth!" But we knew that already... And so she uses that moment to look down on Arastoo because he missed the lack of an injury that indicated it wasn't Booth. And I also think this is the first time I've heard her refer to him as 'my husband' so many times in one scene.

Aubrey has sprouted a backbone and nearly bites the head off of some Internal Investigations lady who comes in referring to the missing man Booth as 'a suspect'. Uhh... It's not possible that the dead guy could have stolen Booth's gun? Or that Booth gave it to him for protection??

Same woman is now taking Brennan on, and I hate making this generalization when meeting a new female character, but OH MY GOD SHE'S SUCH A BITCH (who is just doing her job BUT IN THE MOST BITCHY LEAST SENSITIVE MANNER POSSIBLE)

Oh my god the dead body is Jared.. As in Jared Booth. Which makes me sad, because I really liked him and wanted him to come back at some point buuuut I guess that ain't gonna happen. Also explains why Booth would have given him his gun.

Oh Jared. We hardly knew ye. 

Someone sent Booth a Boy-Scout coded message that Aubrey translates to 'GO' from a burner cell, that was bought by Jared. Wow, they managed to get back the actress who played his wife after all that time, only for her to be throwing rudeness in all directions - but her I will let off the hook because she just found out her husband was killed. This is mourning rudeness.

Arastoo was going to propose to Cam, Angela found out, but he was embarrassed after missing important things in the case, so he thinks she'll say no, but then she accidentally sees the ring box and so he shows her the ring but doesn't ask anyways, and then Hodgins walks in and thinks he's proposed but they have to correct that assumption and he just leaves all awkwardly. Ah, classic Bones.

Oooooh, preeeeetttty

Aubrey and the II lady go to interview one of Jared's army buddies, who tells her "I resent you putting your garbage assumptions on him." GOOD FOR YOU SIR.

Stereotypical scene of Brennan looking into her old office with a longing face, and Angela bringing her yogurt (because that's what women eat when they're sad, right??) and them discussing Booth which then cuts away to a shot of Booth lying bleeding (from a gunshot wound?) in an alley.

David Boreanaz has been sharing hilarious 'theories' on what happened to Booth on Twitter

Booth is off looking for his socks! The sock thief ...

— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) October 2, 2015

Booth is off writing the great American Novel

— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) October 2, 2015

Booth fell out of the car on the freeway and he's bleeding out! Need gauze

— David Boreanaz (@David_Boreanaz) October 2, 2015

All their evidence leads them to a giant fancy mansion-type house where they go in with a SWAT team and then, even though the majority of the house is pristine, there's a room with 3 or 4 guys all shot dead inside it, and blood everywhere. Oh dear. None of them is Booth, but I'm SUUUUURE stupid II lady will want to keep calling him a 'suspect' again.

So it was a robbery gone wrong, and the lady said "we will get who ever is behind this. And one of them is Booth." Aubrey did that clenched-jaw thing he does that's kinda hot but also makes him look like he's about to smack someone.

BTW it should be mentioned that Caroline is back and I love her so much, She did some digging on Agent Miller (from II) and her partner had also gone missing - a fact she seemed happy to leave out.

It was a 5-man team who broke in, and they stole about 2 million dollars. But now they've figured out that Booth has been hurt and is bleeding and needs help. Somehow he managed to find a bathroom and he's cleaning himself up, but is clearly in a lot of pain - and with some unsavoury characters. Also with Jared's army buddy who Aubrey interviewed earlier. And a looooot of money.

Aaaaaaand 'To be continued.'
RUDE!!!

One more time for me, Jon... 

Bonus: This happened during the West Coast airing of the show. I love those two

@David_Boreanaz I thought you would know. #checkingthesubshop

— John Boyd (@johnny_boyd) October 2, 2015