Big Bang Theory - 'The Contractual Obligation Implementation'

Is it just me or are these episode titles getting unweildy?
The guys are supposed to help women become more interested in science. TADAAHH!! (Enter Emily hahah)

Not this one, either.

Sheldon is all 'no this is stupid' and Leonard is all 'oh really, you want ME to help YOU do stuff, but you won't help anyone with anything?!' Point Leonard. Then Sheldon calls Leonard and Howard 'tools', but in the context of 'I use you to do stuff', not... the other, more insulting one.

Sheldon comes up with the idea of targeting middle-school girls so that they'll be interested in science before they grow up and go to high school or university.
Apparently the girl Raj is dating does have a name - it's Lucy, and he's asking the 3 girls how he should take her on a date, because of her social anxieties. Apparently, you're supposed to bribe people when you ask them for advice - Sheldon gave the girls T-shirts, Raj brought wine and fondue... I need to start asking my freeloading friends to pay up!
Penny keeps accidentally revealing how skanky she is by making 'jokes' - which are based on real events! And then the girls decide to ditch work on Friday to go to Disneyland. Amy is reluctant at first, saying her mother told her that playing hooky gets girls addicted to reefer and jazz music.
The guys go to Howard's old midle-school to test-drive their ideas, and a big scary kid bumps into Howard, but he says nothing - in spite of being an adult and having 'ages' since he was stuffed into a locker.
When the girls are en route to Disneyland, Bernadette suggests they go to the place that does princess makeovers - and then she gets jealous when all the girls decide they want to be Cinderella. Damn, all this talk of amusement parks is making me REALLY want to go to Disney World, or at least Canada's Wonderland...
Raj decides his date is going to be at the library... Since they're awkward. And it's going to be a texting date. Which the audience can hear! How cute!
Leonard tries to be cool and the girls in the audience are REALLY unenthusuastic hahaha - his attempt includes using the word 'whaaaat?' and Sheldon stands up and says "Hello female children. Allow me to inspire you with the story of a famous female scientist - Madam Curie." He then tells the tale of how her own discovery killed her, and says "With a little hard work, I see no reason why that can't happen to any of you." Then he turns around and asks if they can go now hahaha... The girls are super-bored and texting each other. And when Leonard was their age, he wanted to be a rap star - "Like Snoop Dogg, but with a healthy respect for the police." LMAO I could never picture that happening, but I wish he would do some more freestyle!!
Lucy and Raj are having an awesome time, and he blames 'autocorrect' for making him gush about how much he loves prom, instead of trying to say 'I love sports' hahahaha oh Raj...

Say it with me: CUTEST COUPLE IN BBT HISTORY

Leonard is continuing to talk about his childhood and says that the cello sounds like a suicidal bumblebee - then Sheldon interrupts them and says that he's instead going to get ACTUAL 'girls in science' to talk to them - and so he calls Bernie and Amy, who are dressed as Cinderella and Snow White, respectively. Penny is Sleeping Beauty.
Then Lucy's phone battery is dying, so she says she has to go, but would like to try one more thing that scares her and give him a kiss goodnight - but when she leans in, she gets six inches from his face and goes "Panic attack! Maybe next time!" and runs out. Awww
Howard and Leonard love their girls dressed as princesses, but Sheldon keeps ignoring Amy's request for a kiss to wake her up hahaha poor Amy.

THEY'RE SO PRETTY I'M SO JEALOUS!!! Too bad I couldn't find a picture of Penny...

HIMYM - 'The Fortress'

Barney and Robin are having important discussions about their upcoming wedding, and he explains why his bed is on train tracks - because it would send women outside when he didn't want them to spend the night. Also, that flashback is a lie, because he used to only have ONE pillow on his bed, for that very same reason. PLOT HOLE!!!!

ONE pillow, people - ONE!!!

Where did all these pillows come from? Unless Robin brought them with her, since 1) Barney's resistant to change, and 2) her apartment didn't match his colour scheme.

Robin suggests they find an apartment of their very own, which he says will be difficult to find an apartment where he hasn't slept with anyone. This will be interesting. Marshall's bummed out because he hasn't seen Lily since she got her new job with The Captain. But there's a show called 'Woodworthy Manor' (basically Downton Abbey) that Marshall and Lily love watching together, and Lily keeps having to dash off to do stuff for the Captain. And then she stumbles in drunk from work and goes to watch with Marshall, but then gets called. Again.
Barney has a floating-head-projector that he uses only for 'really important stuff' like telling Ted Wendy's made a spicy version of the Baconator. And now he wants to 'bestow' on Ted his apartment fortress. Ted says no, and then locks him in the closet where the projector is and he freaks out!! So he doesn't have anyone 'worthy' to sell the apartment to, and Robin gets mad so he sends her and the bed off to who-knows-where ahahaha clever man!
Lily and Marshall were supposed to have a date night, but she got called out to work again, and Ted convinces Marshall to watch Woodworthy Manor without her.
Robin went behind Barney's back and set up an open house for his apartment, so he's mad, and Ted is pretending to be a British guy named Emsbury who is interested in the apartment (also keeps unnecessarily telling people 'I'm a cricket player who secretly hates his life') and when Lily shows up to partake in their charade, Marshall and Ted decide to pretend they are a couple instead, because Ted's 'been there' for Marshall lately, and Lily hasn't. Marshall tells her off repeatedly by pretending that she's a homophobe, and then snaps in a sassy manner.
Barney keeps pointing out the horndog-friendly, patent-pending aspects of his apartment, and turning off everyone who was interested in buying it. Lily decides to turn the tables by insulting Marshall (and another plot hole, she points out the giant plasma TV - BUT BARNEY DOESN'T HAVE A TV, HE HAS A BLANK WALL UPON WHICH IS BLINDINGLY PROJECTED TV STUFF!!! Come on, that was one of my favourite jokes from the episode where Lily stays over at his place!)

Ignore the arrow - LOOK AT THEIR FACES!!! That's them being blinded by Barney's INSANELY BRIGHT WALL-TELEVISION!!!! How could they forget such a crucial joke?!!!

Then Ted starts hitting on one of the prospective buyers of the apartment, and Barney shows off the key-phrase-activated fire sprinklers. Ted and the woman start making out in the closet and they are projected into the room for everyone to see and freak out about!
One couple decides they do still want to buy the place, and Barney gets upset and leaves. Then Marshall gets mad at both Lily and 'Emsbury' for abandoning him, and watches the latest Woodworthy Manor without them and spoils it.
The couple decided they were going to renovate everything in the apartment and pretty much destroy it, so she gets all protective and kicks them out! Then she tells Barney that she doesn't want to force him to change, because she fell in love with him the way he was. 

All together now: Awwwwwwww....

Lily and Marshall make up (even though he accidentally insults her cape) and she tells the Captain that she will work 'tomorrow' because she needs to spend time with Marshall. And Ted's alone. But then that lady from earlier shows up - and off he goes!
Robin and Barney use the escape hatch in Barney's apartment to escape watching Woodsworthy Manor. It sounds so boring - I LOVE IT!!! Hahahha

HIMYM - 'Weekend at Barney's'

I see what you did there, people-who-write-the-How-I-Met-Your-Mother titles. I see it loud and clear. (wait, you can't SEE something loud... Nevermind.) 

Remember this, guys? Well, it was before my time, but it's such a pop-culture phenomenon, of course I've heard of it!!

We open on a beach. With women. Because according to TV, there are never any men on beaches. Other than on Baywatch, but that was just David Hasslehoff. And he's not really anything to look at.
Marshall and Ted are sitting on a porch, talking like the guys from Weekend at Bernie's. Barney's dead. So is my Internet connection. This could take a while.
They make him 'wave' to a girl who runs up to retrieve her beach ball, and she totally buys it. Aaaaand then Barney wakes up screaming 'WEEKEND AT BARNEY'S!!!!' hahaha - apparently his 'plays' from his playbook keep coming back to him in his sleep and freaking him out. Robin comforts him and says she wants to marry him because he burned his Playbook, and so he relaxes and says he couldn't think of anything better - then he wakes up again screaming 'WEEKEND AT BARNEY'S 2!!!' and Robin goes 'DAMNIT BARNEY!!!'
Lily and Marshall are talking about art and Robin and Barney keep making up fake events they have to go to, in order to escape the conversation - clever - and Ted is returning his RSVP card to their wedding by hand rather than by mail. He wanted to save money on stamps. Also he's taking the psycho Jeanette. Lovely.

Whatever happened to their 'Crazy Eyes' theory?? Couldn't Ted have seen Jeanette's crazy eyes when he met her, and avoided the whole thing??

Speaking of whom, she destroyed his apartment because there was spam e-mail in his inbox from a 'woman' - and now SHE'S dumping HIM. WTF??!! But he decides to win her back - which makes Barney and Robin upset.
And then when Lily and Marshall are on their way to the art gallery, he buys Skittles - and something ominous is gonna happen. But that gets cut off by Ted getting on the elevator at Jeanette's apartment, along with an old, pipe-smoking sea captain - clearly Barney - who stops the elevator, tries to strangle Ted, and then tells him to listen to his 'one' rule (apparently he has like twelve) that 'New is always better'. So he gives Ted the real Playbook (the one he burned was 'ceremonial') to try and find a new girlfriend.
Apparently there's 'no food allowed' at the gallery, so Marshall is glad he got the Skittles - and he was voted 'most outgoing' freshman, sophmore, and senior years. And he tied with a guy he hates in junior year. But he isn't making any friends at the gallery. And he keeps sitting on sculptures.
Barney is advising Ted through an earpiece as he runs through numerous plays at the bar. And makes him practise saying 'my penis' over and over again because apparently he had the wrong inflection on it hahaha - I can't believe those lines ever work on anyone!!!
MARSHALL MENTIONED ANDY WARHOL!!!!! Even though the context was "wow, for a gay guy, Andy Warhol sure liked cans" (not your best work, M-dog!) I am still happy because I FREAKING LOVE WARHOL!!!!



PS: if anyone wants to win my love FOREVER - get me this shirt :P
Or anything else Warhol-related, I'm not picky. I have fallen in love with the
website Etsy, there's SO MUCH COOL STUFF THERE!!!!

Also, Ted gets into an argument with 'himself' at the bar because he doesn't want to say the line Barney told him to ('my penis' again) and looks insane.
Marshall is sad and hates the artist at the gallery - who then asks for a minute of silence to honour his dead grandmother (he dedicated the show to her) - and LMFAO HE DROPS THE SKITTLES MAKING A LOT OF NOISE!!! So everyone glares at him and HAHAHAHA he just stands there!!!
Robin walks in on Barney's 'ops center' and goes "Oh my god, is that the Playbook?!" to which he replies "No, Robin, that is a couch... Oh wait, you mean the Playbook on the couch?" then she storms out and he chases after her, but misses Ted being confronted and kissed by Jeanette at the bar. Oh crap.
When he catches up to her, he has nothing ready to say yet, so he tells her to keep walking, and then he tells her that all his amazing ideas that took a lifetime to make up, like 'Weekend at Barney's' and she points out what a stupid idea it is to be an alive person pretending to be a dead person who is pretending to be alive.
Lily and Marshall are talking and he apologises to her for making a mess of things, she forgives him, and when he brings up the TMNT joke he made earlier, the artist overhears him and they become BFFs!!
Barney makes a speech to get Robin to fogive him, it's about how he lies really well, and loves her - an emotional speech which is undercut (in typical HIMYM style) by the hilarity of him pulling various magic tricks out of his jacket!
Uh-oh... Jeanette found the Playbook. And THAT is when she threw all his crap out the window and set it on fire. She blew up the Playbook with the fireworks Barney had given Ted for one of the plays. Wow she really destroyed EVERYTHING - including his red cowboy boots! Damn that's depressing... But on the bright side - NEW SET FOR TED'S APARTMENT!!! And he finally decides he's going to 'settle down' hahaha. Good call, Ted. 

This made me laugh... Josh Radnor's hilarious.

Big Bang Theory - 'The Monster Isolation'

Raj went to Cambridge which was awesome because it looks like Hogwarts, and he has 2 games - stars, and rhyming. But then the girl he was with (the adorable one with the tiny nose, that he met at the comic book store Valentine's party - remember her?) says she has to go to the bathroom and sneaks out. Poor Raj!

OH MY GAWD FUN WITH FLAGS IS BACK!!!!! There are no words to describe how much I love this recurring joke!!! He has Penny on as a guest hahaha because she's a 'flag virgin', but 'not a real virgin', as he shares with his audience. Penny tells him to look more relaxed, and this is the result: 

He's relaxed all right...

Raj is depressed because of getting ditched on his date, so he's drinking, avoiding work, and his apartment is full of trash. Apparently you can order live lobster for delivery online! Fascinating!!

This is kind of unrelated, but Bernadette's outfits are so incredibly cute, I really wish I had more sundresses...

Amy used to have a bunch of flatworms addicted to marijuanna, which makes no sense because she's a neurobiologist and flatworms don't technically have brains... She tells Sheldon to go thank Penny for helping him with his body language and he takes that to mean 'go thank her right now in the middle of our Skype conversation' hahaha

Penny opened the door before Sheldon got to do his knocking, so he worked it into the conversation - she was really happy that he thanked her, and then invited her to a play her acting class was putting on, but he didn't want to. Then Amy said he should go, to be nice, and so he went and said that he would go, but begrudgingly.

At the comic book store, the guys let Sheldon know that Raj is upset and never leaving his apartment because he has no luck with women. Then the girl shows up and talks to Stewart, Howard confronts her and she gives him a paper to give to Raj - which he does. And Raj is in his underwear and a Red Lobster bib. Well then.

And I won't be able to get that mental image out of my head for a week....

He says he doesn't want the number, but then chases after Howard down the street saying he's changed his mind.
Amy got fired from the addiction study because she threw the monkey's feces back at them, and when they get ready to leave for the play, Leonard makes Sheldon empty his pockets of his Nintendo DS, PSP, and GameBoy. Also he had a Rubix cube and an Etch-a-Sketch down his pants.

The girl (who still doesn't have a name, BTW) goes to Raj's apartment (I don't know how she knew where he lives), and tells him that she's sorry for running out on him, that she's socially anxious (I said 'awww' when she said that) and he convinces her that he's 'broken' too, so she should go on just one date with him because it'll be OK. Awww!!!

Sheldon is disappointed there are no actual streetcars in A Streetcar Named Desire, and he Amy and Leonard agree that Penny is actually very talented. Which is weird, because I thought the joke was that Penny was a terrible actress, and that's why she never got hired. Other than that time she was in that commercial for hemorrhoid cream with that lady and they were riding those horses.

That facial expression. That's clear talent, that is.

NCIS: LA - 'Red' (Part 1)

So they haven't resolved the whole Russians-with-nukes thing yet, but they're starting another 2-part plotline. Seems legit. Actually, seems like typical NCIS stuff.
In Idaho, in lots of snow, a guy crashes his car and stumbles out. The car catches on fire and he finds a payphone and calls 911, but in typical horror-movie fashion, it's not working. Then he staggers back into the snow and screams at someone that he's a Marine, and tells whoever is following him to come and find him. And he gets shot.
In headquarters, there's a box on Deeks' desk, but it's addressed to Kensi - but she says she's giving him the box, he's all confused and everyone is smiling like they know there's a joke going on, when he goes to open it he's interrupted by Eric. As they go upstairs, Sam and Callen say to one another that Kensi is 'very good'. And even Hetty knows about the box!

Everyone's sharing secrets.... Except Deeks.

There was a man with terrorist ties, named Santoso shot execution-style on a back road near LA, and his shoes were missing but he was not robbed. Then the same gun was used to shoot the Marine we saw earlier, in the same manner - thousands of miles away. Sam and Callen are dispatched to Idaho and the 'red team' will meet them there.
Kensi and Deeks are investigating the site of the first murder, and she's explaining to him what exactly the 'red team' is, apparently all the colours are members of a particular squad that fly all over the place and do everything with their team members - although he gets distracted when she says that they 'sleep together'. Oh Deeks... They found the missing shoes, and apparently the killer walked backwards in his own footprints leaving the scene.
Our boys meet up with a guy named Gallagher in Moscow, Idaho (which they say is probably colder than the other Moscow, to which I say 'bitch please, I live in Canada'). Also Granger's there.

At first glance, I totally thought this was a screenshot of Elisabeth Shue (aka Finn) from CSI.... They're both blondes, with sunglasses, and navy vests with letters on them.

They meet up with the rest of the red team, including an Australian woman named Keats, another agent named Kai, a forensics/cook guy named Dave Flynn and their team leader Paris Summerskill. Naturally, Paris is pretty, and she and Callen share a *look* when they shake hands. Ohhh boy.
Plus when Hetty video-called the team, Eric acts all dorky and stammery not talking normal. But she called to report she had nothing to report. Which was odd.
Granger has to share a berth 'room' with Callen and Sam (I can see that is going to be interesting) and he gets stuck with the top bunk!
Eric slept in Ops all night and has a very sore neck when Nell wakes him up at 5:00 a.m. He tells her that he found Santoso's car, and it was a rental that was linked to a hotel. When Kensi and Deeks go to the hotel, they find evidence that at least 3 other people were staying there - and there are tons of empty boxes of ammunition in the room. Uh-oh.
Callen and the pretty agent-lady are talking in the kitchen, both of them with those voices actors on TV use when they're supposed to be 'feeling chemistry' with people they just met. 

Look at how intensely he's looking at her!!!

They review the crime scene from when the Marine was killed. His pockets were searched, but nothing was missing other than his cell phone. They theorize that he had tried to use it first, after he crashed, but dropped it. So it's back to the scene, with a metal detector! Also they both think that Granger's up to something.
Callen, Paris, Sam and Danny are on their way back to their headquarters, when a giant truck T-bones their SUV and rams it into a snowbank. Now, I know accidents happen in bad weather, but this guy kept ramming them when they were clearly stuck. So he's clearly evil. Sam punched out the sunroof and shot the truck. When it backed up and they were able to escape the car, they all shot at the truck and went over to it - but there was no driver! What the hell?? Then the three turn around and Danny in the driver's seat of the SUV is pinned and bleeding. Damn.
Apparently he had a ruptured spleen but was sent to the hospital and is OK. The real driver of the truck was also executed, apparently he was carjacked and left at the side of the road.
The Marine's phone has a video on it taken at the airport when he was on his way to Idaho, that includes a suspicious-looking man who covered his face when he was on the camera. They suspect this man killed the Marine for 1) being a Marine and 2) capturing him on film! Therefore he's probably a terrorist, but he's not Middle Eastern, so he's the worst kind of terrorist - an American.
The same man was captured on a security camera leaving Santoso's apartment with several others carrying suspicious-looking duffel bags. When Hetty sees him, she says "Bugger".
They identify him as a man named Spears, who is a known terrorist and cooperates with the Iraqi military. They find out that he and his scary team on scary people are pretending to be TSA agents and planning an attack that involves an airport. So the team beats them there and chase them around in cars and 2 guys pop out of the back of the van and shoot at the NCIS agents with automatic weapons - but Sam rams the van and they manage to kill all the bad guys  - except for one who is injured, and Spears, who gets away. Hence the necessity for Part 2.
Back at Ops, Deeks still hasn't opened the box, and Kensi says it's a gift for him because she forgot his birthday, and it's 'everything he ever wanted' but he decides not to open it, so that he doesn't get disappointed. Now I'm confused. OPEN THE DAMN BOX ALREADY DEEKS!!! You know I hate suspense. 

I wanna know!!!!!!!

Hetty has called in someone to work in Danny's place on the Red team while he recovers, and when the new guy shows up, Hetty says "Bugger" again, and Paris is all shocked and then punches him in the face. His name is Roy Quaid and he has ugly long hair and is very tall. Then she goes to the shooting range and shoots the head out of a paper target-man. Methinks she has some anger issues... But then she has a flashback to running down an alley and he's laying on the ground shot in the chest. Ohh...
They find a recording of Spears on the phone with someone who sounds like Mike Tyson, saying for him to go to a hotel and stay there and he'll get smuggled back 'over the boarder'. They split up and the Red team plus Roy go to the hotel, and the NCIS: LA team goes to try to track the phone. And that's the end of the episode, naturally.

WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THAT BOX?!?!?!?!

I NEED TO KNOW!!!!! Forget the terrorists, they better resolve THAT next week, or I will be really mad.

NCIS: LA - 'Wanted'

I see 'Wanted' as the title for this episode, and my brain immediately goes '... Dead or alive'. Well then. Cue the Bon Jovi music.

Lol. This poster.

This episode was brought to us by our very own Chris O'Donnell! (He directed it, he didn't carry it to my house. Unfortunately.)
And we're flashing back to 'previously on NCIS: LA' when we last dealt with Sam's wife, the hitwoman, and the Russian guy who was in National Treasure and had me practising my Russian accent while watching. I love doing accents. Oh yea, remember the 3 nuclear bombs that went missing? Now they're going to deal with that.
A Russian guy is going for a stroll in the park and sits down on a bench and reads a letter that was hidden under the bench. He looks vaguely familiar, he might be the hit man they dealt with the last time... Then someone comes up behind him, and stand him in the back of the neck with an icepick, sits down beside him, stabs him again in the chest, and cuts off his finger. And we watch him die. That was incredibly unpleasant. And Sidorov is watching all this on a video and smiles at it.
Deeks and Eric have recurring nightmares about Hetty and a burning monkey. Deeks is afraid of headhunters and would be a gigolo if he weren't in law enforcement. Because Kensi is filling out a survey from a bridal magazine and so Deeks is mocking her and thinks she wants to make a baby with him. Ohh this is going to be funny.
The team is also watching the video, and they realise that the killer did it on camera on purpose. The victim, Varlamov, also had Cryllic letters carved into his forehead. It translates to SLON. Which is Russian for 'elephant'. And Callen and Sam have a random discussion about Babar the elephant. 

My childhood is coming back to haunt me...

The Russian guy they interview says
1) he wants to know how Callen and Sam managed to last longer than any of his marriages
2) Babar is totally the elephant the carving references...
3) it doesn't actually mean 'elephant', it's an acronym which loosely translates to 'bitches love a sharp knife' and
4) the finger was cut off because Varlamov had had a tattoo on his finger identifying his as a theif and the people he'd worked with didn't want him identified as one of theirs anymore. Which means the Russian bad guys are back in town. And Sam realises they're probably going to come after his wife.
He rushes off in a panic and nearly got hit by a car in his rush because he can't reach Michelle on the phone. Nell tells Deeks and Kensi that the bad guys are most certainly back in LA, and that they shouldmeet the other team at Sam's house, but Hetty interrupts and says there's a CIA agent on the case that they have to 'babysit'. 
We see Michelle at her house, she is safe and vacuuming with headphones in (oh lord, the noisiness isn't good) and when she's facing the TV she sees the reflection of someone outside the window, so she sneaks into another room and picks up a lamp to bash in the head of - Sam. Hahahaha why didn't he use the front door! He has a key! So they get into an argument about the vacuum and the headphones, so Callen laughs and ducks outside. 

I don't blame Callen for not getting involved with this fight  - Sam is
big, but Michelle's a total badass!!

Deeks and Kensi are doing an excellent job of distracting the CIA agent - you know me, I LOVE the witty banter!! He calls Hetty a garden gnome, and you know he's going to pay for that!!! She knows EVERYTHING!!!
Nell takes the survey to Eric and apparently he would be a Renissance performer if he wasn't in law enforcement. I would pay to see that. Then she realises the type of 'partner' survey it is, and acts awkward and leaves ahhaha.
Sam is still really worried, Callen tells him it's not necessary, and then a random guy in a car pulls up and Sam goes "We arrested that guy for murder!" Then he goes around behind the house and gives Michelle a hug, Sam goes all jealous-husband on him and screams "Oh hell, no!" and tackles the guy. I also recognize him but I'm not sure where from. Apparently he's CIA, which is news to Callen and Sam.
Deeks prefers being called 'stealthy' to 'sneaky' and apparently has an uncanny Margaret Thatcher impersonation. Callen and the other CIA agent, Sabatino, show up and they say that he didn't actually kill anyone. And now they have to work together. Much to Snyder's chagrin, 'they' includes Deeks and Kensi haha. And they figure out that Sidorov was watching the hit go down from a public library.
Sam and Michelle, under cover, so to their so-called 'safe' house. And the sidekick Greshnev is in there. He says she has 24 hours to complete the hit on Kirkin that she was originally hired for. He leaves, and Sam follows him.
Sabatino is 'not' hitting on Kensi, and thinks there is something going on between she and Deeks. Speaking of our shaggy-haired amigo, he's grilling Snyder about who shot JFK and whether or not there are aliens in Area 51. And both pairs are talking about how it would be to be Kensi's partner because she's so hot. Don't you boys have a job to do?
Deeks gets all jealous so he goes into the library and tries to convince Kensi to drive with him, she says no because she needs to act as a guide. And then Deeks makes fun of the agent for having a tie on haha.
Sam is following Greshnev, and gets pulled over by 2 pairs of cops, they search him and cuff him with no explanations, they find his guns - and also an icepick in his glove compartment. Covered in blood. And Sidorov pulls around the corner and drives past, grinning.
Hetty comes to see Sam in jail, but says she can't bail him out because he's safer in jail and can't risk tipping off Sidorov. Poor guy! He's really upset because now he can't protect Michelle. So now it's up to Callen to protect her haha he goes "If this is one of your master plans. now will be a good time to let me know!" But she has no plan - he has to come up with one.
Kensi has one though! Even though her 'Kensi logic train' doesn't make stops in Deeks' neighbourhood. Her plan is to 'kill' Kirkin and bring him into protection, so that Sidorov can be arrested when they go to pay off Quinn. And they have to get to him by going undercover. He apparently liked blondes - blonde men that is. Cue everybody looking at Deeks.
This has got to be the funniest undercover mission ever, Deeks has to go to a nude men's spa... And talk to Kirkin. But they shove him underwater after he opens with "Hi, I'm working with the LAPD and NCIS, we want to kill you". 

Not his finest moment.

Kensi's terrified because she can't her him anymore (his earpiece was ruined by the water) so she's about to go in when a re-dressed but very soaked Deeks comes tumbling out, and tells her he needs a hug HAHAHA - but also that Kirkin is willing to go along with the plan. Also he's itchy.
Michelle is all worried about Sam, but Callen tells her he's 'in a safe place'. That's kind of ambiguous there Callen, if I were her I'd be like 'Do you mean HEAVEN?!!'
Sam convinces a guard to let him out of his cell, and then attacks him.
The team is in a bar, and Michelle comes in (I thought the point of a hitman was to be as inconspicuous as possible?! She's wearing giant gold hoops!!!) and shoots Kirkin. Kensi videotapes the hit and sends it to Eric so he can make it public. Then Nell comes in with bad news - Sam escaped prison. Hetty gets on her 'damnit I told him not to do that' face, but says nothing.
Then Michelle goes outside and sits down. Callen and the CIA boys are watching her - but Sidirov tells her that the money is on a plane, he wants her to leave town, since Sam is in jail. She looks noticeably shocked. Then, somehow, Greshnev makes the CIA agents, and a public shootout in broad daylight ensues. Seriously!! I know they're bad guys, but they want to risk killing innocent bystanders?! Well, I guess with their nukes they don't really care who they kill, so nevermind. Snyder is hit, Sabatino rushes to him, and Callen loses the Russians in the crowd. Greshnev takes Michelle at gunpoint and walks off with her in one direction, while Sidirov carjacks a truck and speeds off in the other. Callen runs after Greshnev and he gets shot at. Then Greshnev says 'you're not going anywhere' to Michelle and accuses her of setting the whole thing up, but suddenly drops dead of 2 bullets to the back - courtesy of Sam. Apparently he tracked them using Michelle's phone. And I'm guessing just found the gun lying on the side of the road. PLOT HOLE!!
Also, I want to know how the Russians managed to plant the evidence in his car in the first place, I mean come on, he has to have a better security system than that installed!!!
Apparently Snyder was killed, because Sabatino is choked up and Granger is passing along his condolences. Aaand they still haven't found the nukes. Something tells me that showdown will make a hell of a season finale. And he is still hitting on Kensi. Classy move, after the death of your partner, buddy...
Then when he leaves, she says "Promise me you'll never do that?" Deeks is confused and then she says "Get yourself killed." He assures her it's ok, because he has a natural aversion to death, but when she turns around there are tears in her eyes, and he gets all serious and agrees. But not for long, because next he says "If I do die, promise you'll cryogenically freeze me and put me in your living room?" She asks what that would be good for, and he says the bedroom would be better. Typical Deeks!!! Love that guy!! Then when she leaves, he calls after her, in response to one of the questions on the survey, that she smells like "sunshine and gunpowder - two of my favourite things..." and my confusion over what 'sunshine' smells like exactly is overruled by my heart going AWWWWW!!!!! But she doesn't hear him. 

SO MUCH SHIPPING IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!!! DEY SO CUTE!!!!

Hetty is mad at Sam and once again Callen takes the smart road and doesn't get in the middle of it. She tells him off, and says he should spend some time with his family while he can - because 'this is far from over'. OOOH OMINOUS CLOSING LINE THERE HETTY!!!! Can't wait for the next episode tonight!!! Although it probably will have nothing to do with this plot. For some reason. 
But this was an epic episode. It was an epicsode. Can Chris O'Donnell please direct every week?!!

You know he's a Very Serious Director because he's wearing
 his Very Serious Director Glasses!!!!



Bones - 'The Doom in the Gloom'

Bones, bones, bones, bones, bonsey bones bones bones.... Why do I have the 2 1/2 Men theme song stuck in my head? Who knows.
A lady looks dead and then stands up, bleeding, staggers off and opens a door - which then explodes into a fireball and blows her backward. Yeesh that's an insane way to open an episode.

Sweets and Booth are watching martial arts movies, and then Sweets gets a call saying an apartment is ready for him to move into. They say they'll miss him (and his blueberry muffins) and then Booth gets a call for a case. As they're leaving, he picks up Christine and says he'll miss her, and even though I know he's not going *anywhere* (as in, he'll still be on the show), I still got a little teary-eyed at seeing him and the baby!!

She's so precious!!!! (I'm aware this picture is old)

They find a crispy body in a shed that Bones determines is female, and the head is missing, because a shelf fell on her when she was thrown backward by the blast - and somehow her head would up in a toilet. The burnt shed looks as though someone may have been living there.

There was also a gun found in the shed, and the victim was wearing a fireproof vest.

Crapola. Daisy is back. And she's asking about Sweets and his living situation. Bones says 'there are 2 other psychologists in the building, so they can all pretend to be scientists together'. And then she says that Sweets is the only person that she, Booth and Christine like the same amount. Hahaha I remember how she didn't like him when they first met... Cam identifies the victim as an ex-marine named Deanna, who was discharged after fighting with another Marine.
Hodgins does a very clever experiment that proves the fire was started by the same shot that killed Deanna. Sweets and Booth talk to Carlene, the Marine that she fought with, and apparently the two of them had been friends before, then Deanna became all paranoid and talking about the downfall of society - Carlene didn't believe her, so Deanna took a swing at her. Carlene said she'd called Deanna several times in the days before she died, trying to apologize and make up for their fight, but Deanna was 'off the grid'.
Then Daisy and Bones find that Deanna had a healed fracture to her femur caused by a Civil-War-era cannonball. Hodgins wants to do another experiment, but Angela's brilliant calculations render this unnecessary. And Daisy gives a good burn to Hodgins when he criticizes Sweets for not wanting to sleep alone - and she says "Isn't that why you married Angela?".
Booth is all suspicious about Sweets' eagerness to move out, and he calls pomegranate juice 'shrink juice'.
Bones finds that the victim had syphillis, and then they find a retired doctor living near Deanna who was stockpiling lots of lead and was a 'survivalist' who also believed the end of the world (or the government) is coming soon. Apparently the doctor hadn't been back to his house since Deanna's body was found, and had bought a bunch of land out in Virginia. 

I am officially using this meme for everything now. My childhood has returned via the Internet!!

Hodgins makes his own cannonball to corroberate Angela's calculations (she was dead-on) and when he lit the fuse it just kind of fizzled out, and then when they were all looking disappointed it EXPLODED and knocked the cannon back a few feet and the ball itself launched the length of the lab. Fascinating.
Booth and the SWAT team go out to Virginia and find a bunch of booby traps protecting a military-grade bunker and Booth (not wearing a helmet, typically) opens the bunker and out comes - a goat! And a chicken! And then some people, who are coughing, and very non-threatening. One of them is the nicknamed 'Doc-pocalypse', and he's shouting "I can explain everything!"
Apparently everyone was underground for a week as training for the impending downfall of society - and the doctor and the victim had the same syphilis. He also had been the one to treat her when she had been injured by the cannonball, to prove that they were prepared for treating each other's trauma.

Yup.

Deanna was killed while the 'preppers' were already locked in the bunker underground. Daisy and Sweets have a touching conversation where she tells him that he's 'wonderful' for moving in with someone he knew would support him during the difficult time, and not caring if people thought that made him 'weak'. When he is sweet and returns the favour calling her 'wonderful', she responds with "I know." Modest as ever. There was an anomaly in Deanna's clavicle which indicates she was injected, from a large-gague needle, with benzodiazepene (not sure of spelling haha) which was from veterinary stock. There was the same drug found in the stock retrieved from the bunker, it was used to knock her unconscious.
Angela created a schematic (and a virtual Hodgins!) of the bunker to find an alternate exit that the killer could have taken. There was a hatch on the roof of the bunker, but it was covered with soil that would have fallen inward and would have needed to be replaced back on top of the hatch afterward - it wasn't. 

3 experiments in one day?? Hodgins must be ecstatic!!

Booth had a Eureka moment and figured out that the door was booby-trapped. They reconstruct the rig, and instead of the gun with the explosives, they make it full of a gelatin mixture - but then when they go to test it Cam opens the door accidentally and the 'gun' covers Booth in goop. Ew.

Poor Booth!! He looks like he just met Slimer from Ghostbusters...

When they talk to the 'engineer' from the prepper group, he says he could have built it, but didn't, and he had trained the wife of the doctor to do his job in case something happened to him.
They find traces of the explosive elements on her fingernails. Apparently she didn't even care that Deanna had been sleeping with her husband, she was more mad that Deanna was disagreeing with them and defying their rules. Well, she's got her priorities...
Angela found a burnt up note in the shed and recreated it - it was a letter Deanna wrote to her friend Carlene saying that she was sorry for the fight they'd had, and so Angela shows it to Carlene and they both start crying.
Speaking of crying, Bones makes a little toast to Sweets about his departure, and tears up, saying "Oh, I'm getting emotional" like the robot that she is, being shocked about that! And then Booth cuts Sweets off when he tries to make a sweet thank-you speech. Awww I would have loved to hear that, I love when Sweets gets all sappy!!
Sweets has all his stuff packed up - apparently he only owns 2 duffel bags, what the hell? - and his roommates come to pick him up and they're both girls. Ohhhh Sweets. Ahahaha they think Bones and Booth are his parents, and that Booth is 'hot'. 

Well, they got one thing right...



Glee - 'Girls (and Boys) on Film'

This episode has the 500th song - and I would like to point out that they haven't even reached 100 episodes, so that ratio is a bit much... I love music as much as the next person, but let's have some plot development with good old-fashioned dialogue!!
Not to mention, there are some of those songs we could have done without entirely - remember the painful awkwardness of Finn singing 'you're having my baby' to Quinn's parents?!
However, the opening black-and-white-gravity-defying-room number with Will and Emma was awesome, until Will woke up. Poor guy :(
The theme of this episode is.. movies!! Sam does a Nicholas Cage impersonation, and Kitty is a bitch. I did NOT miss her last week.
The assignment is to do a mash-up of your favourite songs from your favourite movies - competition of guys vs. girls. Hmm... The Princess Bride is my favourite movie, but there are no singing songs in it!! Just the theme music!
Mr. Schue doesn't know how to find Emma, Finn decides to inspire him to go after her by shouting 'Come on, Stand and Deliver! Zero Dark Thirty!' after him. Hehehehe!!!
Finn asks Sue, and she lectures him on why she hates him, but doesn't know where Emma is. So he and Artie have an epic conversation where Artie invents the term 'lady-manhunt' and says they need to search every "gas station, residence, farm house, warehouse, henhouse, outhouse, and doghouse". Which already had me cracking up, but then Finn's next line put me over the edge:

That's right. The creators of Glee know memes.

They decide to try to talk to her parents instead. Even though a lady-manhunt sounds like more fun. Continuing with the movie theme, I could have sworn that line about searching things came straight from Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive.
Blaine and Britney suggest that they do a girls and guys movie-song to start the week - 'Shout' from Animal House. And they're running all through the school singing and dancing and they army-crawl out of the library for some reason, which reminded me of another Internet sensation:

THIS KITTY!!!!! Meet Lil Bub, she's so damn cute!!!

Santana is snowed in at their apartment, and she hates Kurt and Adam's Downton Abbey impersonations. Then she gets all bitchy about Rachel spending so much time in the bathroom, they have a fight where Rachel tries to kick her out, and they next squabble over movies - all of which are pregnancy-themed. FORESHADOWING?? I think so!!
Then suddenly Blaine and Kurt are on a roof and singing a song from Moulin Rouge. I'm not sure I follow. But that set is stunning. And Kurt is crying during the movie, plus Santana mentions that he and Blaine had wanted to sing that song to each other at their wedding - Aww!!! Adam looks awkward and I want to tear up now. She also voices her suspicions about Brody being a psycho, because he's made of plastic, and she found $1200 cash while she was 'rooting through all the pockets and drawers in this apartment' hahaha. She also found a pager. And there's only one type of person who carries both - a drug dealer. Or a high-class hooker, I was thinking...
Finn and Artie (in red-haired wigs, which is brutally hilarious) tell Emma's parents that they need Emma to come back because the 'Stop Ginger Bullying' club she started is running out of money. They are informed that they don't 'smell like gingers' and that redheads smell like pennies. Which is odd, because I never really thought about it, but pennies totally do have a distinct smell. Unfortunately, I don't have any ginger friends to test that theory on. Emma's dad points out that "the kids at this school don't seem to think about what school they want to go to until a week before they graduate. That's weird."
Brody hasn't come back yet, so Rachel calls him and he says he's stranded at a friend's house and he has to go. And now Kurt is on board with Santana's drug-dealer theory.
The boy's team KILLS an awesome tribute to Top Gun and Risky Business with a mash-up of 'Danger Zone' and 'Old Time Rock & Roll' and if I wasn't already in love with half the guys on this show, that combination would have cemented my affection...

Only Canadians will know who I'm talking about, but I saw Marianas Trench
in concert, and they did the same Risky Business outfits... It was epic.

The girls are up next, and as they're in the washroom getting ready, Kitty pulls Marley aside and apologises for saying behind her back and to her face that she's 'fat, poor, and mousey, and boring, and dresses like Zach Galifianakis'. That's a lot of disses to cram into one breath. Marley looks upset, so Kitty swears not to tell (with bitchily crossed fingers, of course) if Marley spills to her - which she does, about Ryder kissing her and how it was good but she still likes Jake.
Kitty gives her typically skanky advice: "Boys are like lumps of coal. They're dirty and cheap and they get hot when they're rubbed. And some turn into diamonds, so collect as many as you can." Which is a perfect segway to their mashup of 'Diamonds are a girl's best friend' and 'Material Girl', complete with lots of fake bling and black feathered fans.
Kurt's practising his pirouettes at school when Adam comes in, and says he hates it when the 'snow comes out and the snow melts, and all the snowmen look like they have scoliosis' hahah and then Adam (politely as possible) confronts him about how in love he was with Blaine. So they decide to find a sappy movie to watch together.
In the third Oscars reference this week (first was Kitty calling Marley the girl from Les Mis, then Zero Dark Thirty), Will tells his departing class that they're going to watch Lincoln next week ahahah
Finn says he needs to go to Emma and make a grand romantic gesture - so he does, a la John Cusack in Say Anything when he and the New Directions stand outside (complete with boombox and trenchcoat) and sing 'In Your Eyes' and I cried like a little baby. 

"Are you crazy?!" "Crazy for you!" OH THE CUTENESS!!!

They agree that they need to 'get to know each other again' since he was away for too long (STILL no mention about the kiss!).
Santana confronts Rachel about the pregnancy test which, naturally, she found while digging through the bathroom garbage. After seeing that, I feel the need to wash my hands - so gross!!! Rachel doesn't actually answer anything, just says that she's scared.
Then Jake comes clean about the fact that all the Valentine's stuff was Ryder's idea, but he came up with something on his own - doing pottery together while he sings 'Unchained Melody' incredibly beautifully and I'm over here absolutely MELTING!! So lovely!!! Where are my Kleenexes?!
However, amidst all the cuteness I couldn't help but think of this...

"No Ghosting!!!" Tony Hale would not be impressed.

I love Community!!! But then, Marley and her indescisiveness go and ruin it by picturing herself with Ryder in the same setting - and as much as I love him, and her, and he also sang the song wonderfully (but Jake was a teensy bit better), this whole alternate-reality made me pretty uncomfortable. Her too, apparently, because she freaks out and gets up, and then confesses to Jake that she knew it had been Ryder all along, and then that Ryder had kissed her (which is weird because they showed him when she said that and he was still smiling, but whatever...) and he gets up and storms off and she is left there crying and can't even hold her face because her hands are covered with clay.
Mr. Schue concludes that everyone wins, because Artie needs everyone in his 'microbudget' movie. Will pulls Finn into the hall and thanks him for helping him get Emma back, then Finn asks if she said anything about him, and Will goes "why would she" and Finn says "because... I kissed her" and Will slowly turns around with his 'I'm-really-really-mad-now' face that we've only seen once before, when he found out evil Terry was lying about being pregnant... 

WHY IS EVERYONE CONFESSING IN THIS EPISODE?!!!!

Finn bumbles through the situation and why it happened, refers to OCD as ACDC and I'm thinking RUN DAMNIT RUN he says he was trying to calm her down and he didn't mean to and Will looks less mad and Finn says that he tried to tell him but he couldn't because he knew it would screw everything up and Mr. Schue should just punch him or whatever because he's really sorry. And then Schue does his own version of Jake's walking-out from earlier.
Then the gang does an awesome version of FOOTLOOSE!!!! Complete with awesome red-soled Converse! Such an epic song!!! It's one of the ringtones on my phone teehee!! It's definitely my favourite musical movie (unless you count Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). And by that I mean the awesome Kevin-Bacon-punch-dancing-filled original, not the ridiculously not-awesome, angst-filled new one.

This guy's the only good thing about the 2011 Footloose...

But even so, he's still no match for Kevin Bacon!!!!

One of the best songs EVER - I can't believe they haven't done it already!!
I totally loved the movie-themed episode, even if it was undercut with a lot of depressing drama. I hope they do another one like this soon! I'm such a movie junkie, it was a brilliant idea. That or a parody episode - I love those too!!! However, I didn't like the ending that much, I mean no conclusion to any of the problems, Jake didn't even confront Ryder but then they went and danced together? Unlikely. And usually the final song suits the tone of the ending, this one did not at all, because the song was so happy and upbeat and everyone (well, Marley, Jake, Ryder, Finn and Mr. Schue) would have actually been angry and upset. AND IS RACHEL PREGNANT OR NOT??? AND IF SO, WHO IS THE FATHER?!!!
Damn I hate cliffhangers. At least I only have to wait 2 more days for the next episode!