NCIS: LA - Blaze of Glory

Second new episode in as many weeks? You're being too good to us, CBS. We're not worthy. (Especially me because I have two essays due in the next week and I haven't started either of them... Oops)

'A course deviation anomaly' sounds like a REALLY BAD THING. There's a missile that is launched and then not responding to the controls. It blows up a boat. Explosion within the first 30 seconds is always a good start to an episode. Although I like to think that's what you get for being so excited about missiles...

Deeks buys all his holiday stuff several days after the holidays (me too buddy, me too. Although I just buy post-Valentine's Day chocolate to comfort myself about being alone). Eric's Irish accent is amazing.

Though let's be honest, all of Eric is pretty amazing,

"No time to lose, Callen." Um, Hetty? You're aware there are six other people in that room? Is this a code, or do you just trust the rest of them to not lose time?

Turns out there were drugs on the boat - out of the whole boat, they only find 2 tarps-full of remains, but there manages to be a significant piece of evidence of criminal activity?!! I CALL STATISTICAL ANOMALY!!!

Somebody got invited to a fake event, and that set them up for something unpleasant.

Overheard while arranging the boat wreckage to get the serial number:
Sam: "G's in the wrong place"
Callen: "Where do you want me?"
Sam: "Not you, the letter." *smirks*
See, this is the problem when your first name is just an initial. *Ahem* LL Cool J *AHEM*

So the guy who owned the boat is alive, and a dentist. And Eric is eating?!!! IN OPS?!!! ST. PATRICK'S GREEN M&Ms?!!!! THE HORROR!!!!
I might be the only one to make this connection, but I was still reminded of this video:

Apparently the dentist's teenage son has been living on the boat (must be nice), but he's safe too. He says his old roommate was crazy and hated him and also was a hacker. Then the kid cracks a joke about 'needing hazmat suits' before they investigate the roommate's room. Which, yeah, actually, you should have a coverall suit before entering any potential crime scene...

Callen and Sam, tailing a suspect, get pulled over by some police officers - and Callen's immediate reaction is 'not again' hahaha I guess that happens far too often.

Deeks compares Kensi's room to that of the extremely messy college student. The kid's laptop literally blows up Kensi's flash drive - yeah I'm thinking he's good with computers.

Someone really young and smart and very blonde has higher clearance than Nell, and Eric likes her and Nell is SUPER JEALOUS. Her name is Blaze, because she was 'conceived at a Bon Jovi concert' and Deeks goes 'been there' and EXCUSE ME Deeks, I think I need some context to that remark... Also she said 'porn' and Eric kinda stammered at it. Also, Blaze is played by Becca Tobin a.k.a. Kitty from Glee and this genius girl is like the polar opposite of Kitty. (Aside from the face.)
ALSO OOOOOHHHH I SEE WHAT THEY DID WITH THE TITLE THERE

"We're going uup-UUUUP IN A GLAZE OF BLORY!!! We have switched the G of Glory with the B of Bla-ay-ay-aze!"

This just in, Sam is afraid of clowns. And all clown-related puppetry. And I super don't approve of Callen telling that Malee girl that some guy being creepy, stealing her phone, texting himself so he'd have her number, and doing shit she didn't like is 'maybe he's just flirting with you'. NO CALLEN!! BAD CALLEN THAT IS HARASSMENT YOU DO NOT TELL HER THAT THAT'S ALRIGHT BEHAVIOUR. BAD CALLEN.

I'm really not impressed with you right now, Callen. Aren't you supposed to be a good guy?

Eric refers to Blaze as 'like a little sister', 'not his type' (Nell approves of this, clearly he likes the redheads!) and he says he's just 'educating her'. Then he hugs her and Deeks goes 'yeah that's real educational'. Nell agreed. I love sassy Nell. Her jealousy is feeding my Nellric starvation.

So Blaze and Josh (the hacker guy) go to play chess on the pier, and Kensi and Deeks show up and pretend to be a bickering couple (Canadian couple? He called soda 'pop'). Then her backpack gets stolen.

"I can't feel my spleen!" Best fake Deeks injury ever. 

Couldn't find a proper GIF, but all I could think of was Cosmo going 'Ah! My spleen!'

But wouldn't the suspect recognize them as that same couple from the pier? They stop the Josh guy attacking Blaze (because he caught her talking on her earpiece) and then she kicked him in the nards. YOU GO GIRL!!

HOLY SHIT that Josh bastard attempted to DRUG AND RAPE MALEE?!!! SEE?!!! CALLEN YOU BASTARD YOU OWE HER AN APOLOGY!!! IN REAL LIFE THAT KIND OF HARASSMENT COULD TOTALLY ESCALATE TO A SEXUAL ASSAULT!!!

Aaaand apparently she was lying about the whole thing (including her identity) so she could date Wyatt (that's the dentist's son) so that she could steal some kind of software he'd written. AND NOOOO she killed the dentist!! Which is really freaking sad because we learned at the beginning of the episode that Wyatt's mother had died fairly recently. What is with this heartless show turning kids into orphans?!!

Also Blaze has disappeared. Not good. They let this defenseless 18ish-year-old drive around town on her own?!! On a freaking VESPA?!! Come on, that's some sloppy work.

Oh hey Granger, nice to see you in a whole SECOND scene of this episode.. Lots of running, Blaze is a hostage, more running, another hostage, there was an error in uploading the software, so it's not dangerous anymore. Sam, Y U NO shoot her, instead of running up behind her and then say 'drop the gun!' Oh well, she's dead anyway and the software is safe. *Whew*

Eric is passing up on ice cream to go meet Blaze and some of her friends. So he can 'mentor' them. WE SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU, BEALE!!! Poor Nell gets sad and goes back to Ops - where he then shows up to surprise her! Awwe! Turns out Blaze is going to Quantico. And she thought Eric could be friends with her dad. Awks. So he apologizes to Nell and she just giggles. She lets him fly the drone she's programmed. Now if that's not a sign of trust, I don't know what it. And I don't know if this whole 'control' thing is a metaphor for their relationship or what, but I don't want to know what happens if that thing hits the ceiling. Aaaand he crashed it. AND THEY DIDN'T KISS! But she kinda propped her head on his shoulder, so I guess that was cute too. Nerd love is the best love.

SEE WRITERS?!! THIS IS A GOOD AMOUNT OF NELLRIC INTERACTION PER EPISODE. MORE OF THIS PLEASE!!!

However can we please touch on that slimy bit of writing where the potential rape victim was lying about it the whole time?! And where Callen didn't for one second apologize, or feel an ounce of remorse for going 'oh he was probably just flirting'?!! CREEPY INAPPROPRIATENESS IS CREEPY AND INAPPROPRIATE NO MATTER THE CONTEXT CALLEN, DAMNIT.
Learn from my favourite dead shrink:

And that goes for harassment too.

Wait a second, we still don't know who the hell was on that boat, do we? Or was I just not paying enough attention... Sometimes that happens.

Bones - The Psychic in the Soup

BONES IS BAAAAAACK!!!!
I had no idea when they went on Christmas hiatus that they were going to be away for so long. It bummed me out a great deal. And I have classes 6:30-9:30 p.m. on Thursdays this semester, so I can't even watch it when it's actually on. Poo.
BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE THERE'S A NEW EPISODE AND I'M SO EXCITED!!!!! 

By the way, for those of you following along at home, I have amassed a large collection of (primarily Jon Stewart-related) reaction GIFs, and I intend to use them as frequently as possible. I apologize in advance. 

Except I'm not sorry at all because Jon Stewart is amazing. 

B & B's house suddenly looks WAAAY different in the establishing shots than before. Christine has an imaginary friend, and he needs his cake on a plate or else she'll get dirty. 

It's Sweets' birthday. And I'm weeping already. That was fast. 

Nothing is wrong with Aubrey. He clearly is just a walking IMDB, like me. (Filing away in my brain bank the fact that the original title for Texas Chainsaw Massacre was 'head cheese').

DUUUUUDE I have been watching a lot of Parks and Recreation on Netflix lately - shoutout to my friend who got me a subscription for Christmas! - and John Boyd (Aubrey)'s voice sounds ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE ADAM SCOTT!!!

Weird coincidence. Also: they both have great hair.

Oh my god, Sweets was only 29 when he died? That's only 8 1/2 years older than me... Also I see they've added John Boyd to the title sequence! I guess he's gonna be sticking around for a while!! (Unsurprisingly, he's eating. What a dude).

Dr. Fuentes is back, and he can't do a skull-puzzle as quickly as Christine. Maybe they should just hire her as a squintern. OK and Angela suddenly doesn't need a reconstructed skull for identification? They've sped up her process so much, pretty soon she'll have an ID before they even find the body...

And now Aubrey is reciting bible verses? Did we really need another genius with an eidetic memory on this show?! AVALON IS BAAAACK!!! Clearly the victim was a psychic. That shot of Booth holding pillows under his arms was adorable. 

Awww Aubrey's father walked out on him and his mother. And he is astonished that Avalon figured it out. He's also got a bitterness to him in regards to psychics, moreso than the usual 'ugh not this again' attitude that the scientists do. I think his mother might have spent a lot of money on psychics...

AUBREY'S SARCASM IS KILLING ME. And this Taylor dude is clearly such a fraud. He's making weird hand gestures. Hand gestures are the sign of fake psychics. 

Pay no attention to that man behind the podium,

Dr. Fuentes is hiding something!! And I recant my earlier theory about Aubrey's mom - Cam got the storyline about the family member spending money on psychics.

So far we've got psychics, familial fallings-out, fraud, and now an affair? Is this an episode of Bones, or The Mentalist? I've always found that that show had a scandal for literally every suspect...  Hodgins 'actually kind of likes' Avalon (what a lovely lukewarm sentiment!) and she's contacted Sweets and this is hurting me too much, just... Stop... Talking!! Dead Sweets is sad? DAMNIT NOW I'M SAD!!!! 

Does Aubrey even have an office? Why is he eating in the conference room? Maybe his desk isn't big enough for all that food... And Booth got the donuts. Awwwe. "It felt weird not to get them." "But it'd also be wrong not to eat them, right?" I like your logic, Aubrey. I think that shot of him taking a bite is the one they used in the credits. Aaaand now I want donuts.

Bonding and crime-solving over baked goods. That's my boys.

Refreshing!! A Christian on a TV show who isn't a giant homophobe!! Now let's hope he's not a murderer... And Fuentes was hiding his smuggling of prescription medication to Cuba for poor sick people and oh my god that's the most noble thing that a Jeffersonian employee could ever possibly be fired for. Damn, just when I was starting to like him...

A bug autopsy is a thing! Angela gives a beautiful impassionate monologue telling Hodgins that psychic powers could be a scientific thing. And she changes Hodgins' mind and he apologizes to Avalon and he loves Angela and I want to cry again.

I will be using this one a lot if they keep talking about Sweets...

Avalon is so sassy. He may not like psychics, but I think Aubrey and Avalon would make an epic team. I CALL SPINOFF IDEA!!!!

Brennan approves of the smuggling, says she would do the same thing. So there's that. 

How does someone get hit in the head with a hammer and not need to go to the hospital?! 'She was very much alive, and cursing me out' SO?!! You've never heard of a concussion?!!

AND BRENNAN SENT THE MEDS OFF TO CUBA ANYWAYS!!! STICKING IT TO THE (WO)MAN!!!! So I guess Fuentes is staying!

Apparently there's a message about Sweets' car? Wouldn't Daisy look through it for any belongings?? And how did Angela know about it being sold that day? 

Oooooh so it was the girlfriend all along. Not the one with the hammer, the other one. But she was the fourth person interviewed!! Good job Bones writers, breaking pattern to mess with our brains hahaha. But it was kinda-sorta an accident. Maybe? I don't know. But she hid the body so she's still in trouble. Her poor kids.

I absolutely love Booth playing along with Christine. He's such a good dad. I swear to god this is an entirely different house. I know they renovated hardcore, but the layout is entirely different. And Christine wants them to read her a love story - seriously, this kid is three?!!

I mean the actress is 5... They can't expect us to believe that

Sweets used to give out presents on his birthday and I'm crying again. Oh that precious boy. He finished his 'birthday gift' like 6 months early? What a coincidence. It's the book he wrote about B & B's partnership. And 'Buddy', Christine's imaginary friend, wanted them to read THAT story - HOLY SHIT HER IMAGINARY FRIEND IS SWEETS. CHRISTINE IS PSYCHIC. CHRISTINE IS COMMUNICATING WITH SWEETS. OH MY GOD.

This episode was amazing. I don't know what else to say. I miss Sweets so much, but I love Aubrey. There was some good emotion, some good banter, and I was glad to see Avalon again. I'm also glad they didn't just dismiss the Sweets thing so easily. I hope they keep mentioning him, it really bugs me on TV shows where a character dies and they just move on like 2 episodes later like nothing happened. 

And let's all sing 'da lime in da coconut' one more time, for our dear pal Sweets. Happy birthday, you beautiful perfect man. *sobs quietly*

NCIS: LA - Fighting Shadows

Hey! Late post (sorry) but this episode looked super interesting in the promos, so I'm really pumped! Let's do this!

Some dudes are selling explosives in the desert and they're asked what their target is and they answer 'Los Angeles'. Hey! What a coincidence! That's where this show is set! The FBI stops the bad guys and go to arrest them (turns out one of them was undercover) and then *KAPOW* the van blows up! Well, explosives tend to do that...

Pictured: Jon Stewart reenacting the explosion. I need to use these GIFs more often.

Kensi and Deeks are working out in public, apparently she's called him a 'sex machine' and then some woman was taking pictures of them. Kensi wants to know if she's just being paranoid, although a good way to counteract that is to avoid being cute and coupley in public...

Turns out the C4 wasn't hooked up to a detonator, and it was on loan from the Department of Defense. So they have no clue how it blew up (and killed 3 federal agents), but they want to cover their asses. Fair enough. (Although really they couldn't have just given them FAKE explosives? Considering they didn't have time to do anything with it anyway?) Hetty pairs Deeks with Callen and Sam with Kensi AGAIN, to Deeks' astonishment. He thinks it has to do with them being a couple. Personally, I just think Hetty enjoyed their banter as much as I did last episode, and wants to see more of it. I'm also still thinking about smorecakes...

I would pay to see a Deeks/Callen sass-off. I honestly don't know who would win.

Oh yeah, Callen still has a girlfriend! That we never see... And Callen is not a dummy, Deeks, the dude obviously knows that you guys are dating. Eric 'took a while' to figure it out (no surprises there, he's taken forever to catch on to the fact that Nell likes him).

It's amazing how much emotion a person can show with only a flaring of the nostrils. The female FBI agent from the beginning of the episode is clearly up to no good, but she's making a good show of being sad.

Sam finds out that the C4 didn't blow up AT ALL. Which is kinda funny. There was another bomb in the van, remotely detonated when the agents were within blast radius. And the killer, according to Sam, left his watch behind because he was 'sending a message'.

WOOOAH ERIC THERE ARE NO SECURITY CAMERAS IN THE DESERT?!! I HAD NO IDEA!!!!

I think Captain Obvious' secret identity has been revealed.

Hetty knows about the woman taking pictures in the park, and Hetty wants Deeks and Kensi to stay apart. Deeks says ok, but follows that with an 'off the record, no' because of course. And Hetty is keeping secrets, which Nell is a part of. It's all very suspicious.

Sam is giving Kensi the big-brother/dad pep talk about having children and she's freaking out about that (which I find HILARIOUS given that the whole reason Kensi disappeared to Afghanistan last season was because Daniela Ruah was pregnant - with Eric Christian Olsen's nephew, no less).

Deeks is such a good liar. He's all 'YOUR BROTHER IS DYING' one moment, and then after the terrorist tells them what they need to know, he casually goes 'oh yeah, you can keep your kidney. He's fine.' I thought usually Callen got to take care of the suspect deception? How did Deeks manage to get the reveal??

Kensi and Sam go to an auto shop and find the guy who set off the detonator. And he tells them the attack is not the only one they're going to have that day. And Kensi's hair looks amazing. I'm so jealous.

Back at the boatshed, Callen and Sam volunteer to interrogate that guy, leaving Kensi and Deeks in the same room together. And she gets kinda huffy because he won't tell her what she wants to know, and goes to leave, and then he stops her and they have that touching moment from the promo where he says 'We're good. Nothing is gonna tear us apart' and then he makes her say it back and it warms my heart.

But, you know, in a good way.

Eric has caught on that there's a secret thing that Hetty is keeping secret. Ha apparently also feels bad for chess pieces - and he and Nell play board games together! Awwwe that's so cute!

Auto shop guy's nephew was taken in by the FBI and somehow turned into a terrorist by them? And then also killed by them? I am confuse.
Because the FBI people have thought up some really devious terrorist plans, so he therefore he thinks they're all evil so he's going to carry out one of their plans, to prove a point?

If coming up with hypothetical terrorist attacks makes someone evil, we need to lock up
James Patterson real quick. That dude's insane.

The woman following Kensi around is from LAPD Internal Affairs. UGH. Internal Affairs people are the WORST. Does anyone remember that asshole from CSI: Miami ??

This asshole is Agent Rick Stetler. I hate this asshole.

Eric's nana is good with computers. Awwe. I NEED MORE OF HIM!!!

Sorry, turns out the nephew isn't dead, just in jail. THIS IS ALL SO CONVOLUTED. And he goes from 'Oh no I didn't mean to do something bad, my uncle wants nothing to do with me, I'm sad' to 'Oh my uncle is trying to kill people? Hell yeah I'm with him all the way' in like 0.75 seconds. So the nephew was 'turned evil' by the FBI, then the uncle decided to become evil after that, and then the nephew wants to be evil WITH the uncle, now that the uncle is evil. Me? I'm getting a headache.

Hetty Lange just uttered the phrase 'Higher purpose, my ass' and it was wonderful. They found the missing tow truck and it's heading for the FBI office. Nobody is moving out fast enough.

The uncle apparently coerced some young boys to do the dirty work for him. And Callen is so good at arguing. His monologues are like Jeff from Community, only less meta. And with less winking.

Sam and Kensi catch up to the boys with the bomb, and they don't notice? Even when Sam hops onto the truck? And the FBI agents are all standing around aiming to kill them, Deeks gets hysterical over Sam, and THAT TRUCK IS WAY TOO CLOSE IT WOULD TAKE OUT A HUGE SECTION OF THE BUILDING ANYWAY. And Sam told them there was 'still hope for them' but holy crap they're still going to jail right?!!

Has Deeks been crying? Deeks looks like he's been crying... And Hetty seems less bothered about them 'ignoring her request' than you would expect... Somehow 'they' (the LAPD) are 'hunting' Deeks and 'will use everything they can' against him... Which means Kensi. And I don't get it. Why are they hunting him? What did he do to bring this on?? Other than the fact that they're together, obviously that would be their 'ammunition' but WHY WOULD THEY START TAILING HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?!! SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!!! Hetty ends the episode in typical Hetty fashion, with a 'bugger'.

All I can say is, FREAKING INTERNAL AFFAIRS!!!!

I don't know how, but I really want to blame that bastard Stetler for this. Screw that guy. 

NCIS:LA - Savoire Faire

The manly men are having a pissing contest about who's been shot more, and Kensi only has been once, but it was with a vest, so it 'doesn't count'? I call foreshadowing...

There's a dead guy at the beach, and Eric does not have a beach body. Granger does not have a joking face. But he wants Sam to do burpees to prove that he's fit to be back at work.

The victim was an Afghani soldier in some exclusive DEA training program. I need to pay better attention at breifings...
The lady they're supposed to be talking to about this is absent from the crime scene, and the guy who's there is not helpful. So Callen threatens him with Hetty's scariness.

NELL AND ERIC ARE TALKING!!! He wants to know if she's busy, and she is all impatient with him (What's up with that, Nell?) Eric has female friends. Shocking! Although they all owe him favours, hmm..

What kind of favours has he been doing for them, I wonder?

The AWOL Agent Richards is tracked to a bar by the clever Eric and Nell, and Kensi and Deeks track her down. Apparently the other soldiers in her program have also disappeared - and it very much looks as though they're the ones who killed the dead guy.

Hetty uses the royal 'we'. And Eric and Nell are watching her super-awkward car accident of a phone conversation. Nosy children.


SARCASTIC CALLEN MAKES A RETURN!!! A guy from the army that they're interviewing says the Afghanis are not at all suspicious, and that they wouldn't do anything wrong. Sam and Callen aren't buying it, so he asks "Are you insinuating I knew something about this?" 

"I'm sorry if I was insinuating it, I meant to be very clear."
Callen, you beautiful sarcastic bastard, you!

Eric, you can't believe everything you believe on social media!
It turns out one of the other soldier guys was nearly kidnapped, and the other one was successfully kidnapped (in a white panel van, no less). 

Literally the only kinds of cars criminals on TV ever drive. It's like they don't care about the environment.

Agent Richards is still drinking, on a work day, which she's apparently been doing every day for the last month. But I don't get it, the program only blew up in the last 48 hours - what was her reason for being an drinking before then??

Callen and Sam are realizing they have like nothing in common. Not even breakfast foods. And I have to say I have more in common with Sam - I prefer champagne to beer (although barely) and waffles over pancakes. But I like baseball way more than either of their favourite sports. So there.

Go Jays!

Deeks has an interesting sense of style... We think. And apparently a black shirt and baseball hat says 'Milwaukee'. The missing soldier bought one. I'd say it's more suspicious wearing long sleeves in sunny LA, but Sam and Deeks do it all the time, so nevermind. 

A point for Callen here: he and I have the same roll-em-up attitude toward shirt sleeves.
His forearms are much more impressive than mine, though.

Sam and Callen track down the missing guy just at the same time as the bad guys in their van show up and start shooting.
That's one of the problems with having painted-out windows on the van you use for your criminal activities - you can't see giant Sams coming up to your front door to bash the window and drag you out. But he got into the van and they all got away (although I doubt Eric will have a hard time tracking it down with his magical cameras, considering it's all shot up).

The jihadist who Sam pulled out of the van is a 'lousy consolation prize' according to him (I coulda sworn that guy was driving, but whatever...). Eric is very impressive and wants someone to acknowledge this.

Deeks likes pancakes! He makes s'morecakes - pancakes with marshmallows and chocolate chips - and Callen is scared that he has more in common with Deeks than Sam. Now Deeks is jealous that no one is acknowledging how impressive he is - which Eric and Nell and Granger all overhear. The jihadist apparently 'got rid of' his girlfriend... Is she dead? Did he just dump her? They need to track her down...

Meanwhile, I'm still drooling over those s'morecakes...

SAM SAID TOUCHE!!!! THIS IS A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN!!!! Also I have noticed that Kensi does the same half-pushed up sleeves things as Callen - maybe they should be partners!

They manage to catch up to the third soldier, who is still on the run. He didn't know that the first guy was dead, either.

Turns out that girlfriend isn't dead, and neither is the second soldier. And they just shoot the bad guys and that's the end of that. And when Sam says 'take care of yourself', he really means 'don't do anything stupid'. But he says it with affection.

MONET! Callen and Sam both like Monet. Hetty tells them this. She finds his paintings a little 'dainty' (hahahahahahaha) but that's what they have in common. Which is precious.

In Hetty's book: Tea = not dainty, Monet = dainty. Good to know.

And Nell thinks she didn't do a good enough job of profiling, but I wish they took this end scene with her and Hetty and made it one with her and Eric instead... I really really really need more of those two!!!!

SNL - Chris Hemsworth

I was at home this weekend and super confused (i.e. kept forgetting what day of the week it was). So I missed SNL. Oops. But never fear! I'm back!

I really miss Amy Poehler's Hilary Clinton impression. Kate's not bad, but her voice sounds too much like.. her regular voice. And what is this stiff-grabby hand gesture she's making?? I feel like I've seen that before...

I knew it!!

That's the first single-person cold open I've seen in a long time!

I think I know why that third Hemsworth brother isn't famous - he's shorter than the other two.

Apparently Chris found it really hard to become famous - they told him he was too tall, too handsome, too blonde, and his muscles were too big. And if a jacked Australian with a perfect face can make it, anyone can. How inspiring!

That poor man.

Taran and Chris are 'twins' in a fake kids show, and they try to switch places but everyone figures out that they're not the same person, because they look different and Taran is less handsome and they list ALL the differences between them.Including that Chris has blonde arm-hair and Taran's is dark and goes down to his hands... And their butts are differently shaped. Creepy teacher noticing these things about her students is creepy.

THEY'RE TOTALLY THE SAME!!!

They're doing a sketch about the show Empire in which they added Chris as the only white character. And Sasheer keeps hitting people with a broom.

Che cameo!

Now there's a sci-fi sketch on a spaceship in which their captain is a chicken. And Cecily doesn't agree with the chicken's leadership. And Chris is in love with the captain (whose name is Emily!) and he clearly has to improvise what he's saying because she keeps turning away from him. I think it's probably scared by all the audience - and he's lucky it didn't peck at him. And the chicken sacrificed herself to save the ship.. And turned into a roast chicken dinner. Who the hell came up with this sketch?!! It's so random...

A+ chicken acting. If that's even a thing.

Finally, a sketch about how ridiculous Iggy Azalea is - played by Kate McKinnon on her own 'show'. And she keeps having random people on who she's been feuding with, and Chris is her cousin who's teaching her all about hip hop. Jay is TI (one of his less accurate impressions, but still not bad) and keeps placing his headphones randomly on his head.

"If you don't know what to rap, just make a gun sound."
Kate's mannerisms are spot-on.

I have no idea what's happening here.

WEEKEND UPDAAATE!!! Colin's grandma may or may not be racist. Delta charges a 45$ 'cash-survival' fee. Leslie's baaack! As the 'relationship expert'. And flirting with Colin. He made her laugh, but he's just smiling. They're so cute. I ship it. And she's mad because she can't scare anyone anymore. IT'S REALLY COLD OUT!!
And now they're doing that thing where they go back and forth on the same story - an asshole doctor candidate for president said that 'homosexuality is a choice'.
And we finally get a proper Colin smile - when he 'steals' one of Michael's jokes and says that he has a small penis.

This makes me so happy!!! He tries to keep it in but he can't!!!

IT'S THE GIRL YOU WISH YOU HADN'T STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH AT A PARTY!!! She's talking about ISIS and Boko Haram. I think. I love this girl. She's so funny. And I didn't know that you could bring democracy to Syria via Instagram. I vote this is the best Update of this season so far.

Now Bobby's interviewing The Avengers, and Thor is such a party guy - taking selfies, doing the running man, and screaming random noises. And Taran is Iron Man. Pete is a scrawny, homeless-looking Bruce Banner, who may or may not have eaten a guy. Beck makes his first appearance of the night, as Captain America. HE'S NO CHRIS EVANS!!

Derpy Captain America is derpy.

Kate and Chris are in a soap opera/dramatic movie where she's dying, and Taran is their director. Apparently he used to work for The Jeffersons, which he refers to as 'The Jeffers-sons'. So he keeps giving them acting tips which would belong on a ridiculous sitcom. (To their credit, Chris and Kate totally own the sitcom tropes haha)

Big Brother-style fake reality show where Beck and Chris are going to order food, then Kyle wants to get groceries, and Beck freaks out (in one of those to-the-camera asides) and asks him to order food as well. But then Chris comes back and goes 'wait, Brian (Kyle) was not in the living room when I went in the shower.  But now he is? What is going on here?' And suddenly it's like a dating show because he has each of them step forward and confronts them about them changing their mind. Apparently the show is called 'So You Think You Can Live With Brian?' I love this concept. Even if it's the fourth pre-taped sketch we've seen tonight.

They're not pornstars anymore - but they ARE advertising 'Dolgee and Gababba'. And Ceciley's character is supposed to be dead, so shhh...

Chris Hemsworth on a scooter, everybody.

I have no idea when their next episode is, or who's hosting, but I will probably forget about that one too... Oops. Until then, friends!

Big Bang Theory - The Colonization Application

Greetings! I am SO not looking forward to blogging after Bones comes back in a few weeks - that makes 2 in one day I have to make up for because of class. *Sigh* Here we go...

Penny apparently doesn't carry a purse when she goes out anymore - there's no way her wallet fit in those pockets, ladypants aren't built for such things - unless she makes Leonard pay for everything...

Sheldon and Amy have exciting news, and Penny and Leonard seem more apprehensive than excited... And the news is - THEY'RE GETTING A TURTLE!! That actually cracked me up because it was so out of left field.

ALSO THEY'RE FREAKING CUTE!!!

Emily may or may not have killed her roommate. Sheldon is afraid of puppies. And he applied to go be one of those Mars colonists - why am I not surprised?! Also, how can a turtle look Italian? (Those two things are related, I swear).

Leonard went to the 'dirty' store, and Howard spends too much at the Lego store. Raj is snooping in his girlfriend's nightstand and accidentally breaks it, so he's afraid she'll be pissed once she realized. Where did she get such a flimsy piece of furniture?

How does Penny have paint all over herself and not on her engagement ring?!! And why would they put on their bathrobes OVER the paint? Before showering?! Way to ruin perfectly nice housecoats. (Also I noticed that's not Leonard's usual one - did he get a new one? Does Penny have two?)

RIP old friend.

The turtle apparently bit Sheldon, so that's a no-go... Amy is still pissed, the gang warned him she would react that way, and so he makes her tea.

I love sarcastic Howard. We need more of him.

While Sheldon's brother was getting an STD, he was getting a PhD. BRILLIANT. OMG WE CAN SEE THE FOURTH WALL OF THE APARTMENT!!! THIS IS AWESOME!! And Sheldon threw a pie in Leonard's face in his 'I wanna go to Mars' video. How is that related?? Also he's very fond of the echo effect.

Emily gets mad, predictably so, and Howard and Bernadette are still on the other end of a video call, so they can hear the whole thing. Awkward.

Seriously Raj, assembling furniture isn't that hard.

It's weird that there's purple on Penny and Leonard's... painting... But none on either of them. Suspicious. [Edit: it's entirely possible that the purple, or red and blue that then combined, were on the parts of them that the bathrobes covered] 

Sheldon was gonna offer to withdraw his application, but then he decided to ask her to apply for the Mars trip too. And she reminds him that procreation would have to be part of the trip, and he's a little taken aback at first, but then totally onboard since he realizes that their hypothetical kids would be Martians. Awwww...

EMILY'S DEAD ROOMMATE IS TOTALLY IN HER CLOSET!!!!  (Just kidding).

They need an episode dedicated to that closet. Like this one.

Big Bang Theory - The Intimacy Acceleration

I'm such a bad fan, I keep forgetting when the darn show airs... Stupid evening classes.

Anyways, if you haven't seen the previous week's episode, stop reading right now and go watch it (or read my recap here) because I don't want to spoil the big thing that happened for you. Also, get tissues.

Amy is discussing that study about how people can fall in love after asking one another a series of questions, and then looking into each other's eyes for four minutes. I have to say, I read about that study and I think it's really fascinating... And now I kind of want to try it out on some unsuspecting male friend hahaha (although the eye-gazing might be a hard thing to manage). 

Not creepy at all...

Raj suggests that Sheldon try the experiment and I can see already that this is going to be interesting! I mean he's already told her that he loves her, how much more do we think HE is going to 'accelerate'?! But apparently he's doing the experiment with Penny. Well that's even more interesting!!

Now Amy and Leonard are going to do the experiment?! Why are you people messing with your pairings? This has A Midsummer Night's Dream written all over it... Good thing they decided not to.

Howard is freaking out at the airport because the airline somehow MISPLACED HIS MOTHER'S ASHES holy shit I know sitcoms always use the 'everything is going wrong' thing but holy crap that's horrible.

This is weird, I've also just recently heard of those 'escape room' puzzle challenge thingys, and now Emily's suggesting she, Raj, Leonard, and Amy go to one. They've taken plot points out of my brain. CUT THAT OUT!

OY that girl who is the host of the escape room was totally in another episode of this show!!! She was one of the 'goth girls' that Raj and Howard picked up at the bar in Season 3!!

She's the one on the left. (Not that anyone cares)

And poor Howard's bag with the ashes (that surprises me, you'd think that ashes would need to be transported via biohazard things.. or maybe not. I dunno) has apparently gotten picked up by someone else.

And Penny and Sheldon are actually kind of getting along and getting closer. This is nice! They haven't had many one-on-one bonding stories lately!

Not since this escapade, at least.

I always have felt so bad for the airline employees who get yelled at when something goes wrong - obviously it's not her fault that the bag was lost! She was in another city! It's the perfect alibi! Poor Howard has a serious guilt complex over not taking his mother to the airport. And I have a sudden urge to call my mom.

The gang at the puzzle room is solving everything too fast. So they just finish it (while the zombie guy is just kinda standing there and lurching at them). Because they're all geniuses, except for Emily. Although that did kinda look like fun.

Oh god the eye contact thing is so creepy (even though they're not supposed to talk, they are) even though Sheldon says he's comfortable around Penny and that's so sweet!!

Also it's Sheldon's birthday! Nobody has ever known when his birthday is!! That's awesome!! And he thinks of her as a sister and I'm welling up because I'm so incredibly sappy. It's been eight years! And she's still eating their food! Nothing has changed! But now they feel closer, and psychology has once again proven itself the 'doofus of the sciences'. She walked him home, that's hilarious. Aaaand the gang was waiting to yell 'surprise' haha I guess there goes their newfound closeness...