NCIS: Los Angeles - Matryoshka, Part 2

I am a bad fan.

I had a lot of assignment-y-type things due on Tuesdays through February, and as a result I would procrastinate and be doing them at the last minute. So I kept missing NCIS: LA. And then, when I got behind, I was just like 'ehhh I'm too tired to blog about it and catch up.' Bad. Shame on me.

So I'm gonna attempt to marathon all the things and catch up and yeah. (Even though I have a class presentation tomorrow, and one the day after that, and an assignment due the day after THAT.)

Anna is flirting with some dudes in Russian, in a bar. And then when she switches to English, she no longer sounds Russian. As per usual.

She lures one of the guys outside and then pushes him into a van, which just so happens to contain Sam. Hey this prison guard guy they kidnapped looks slightly like San Francisco Giants catcher Buster Posey! I'm gonna call him Russian Buster from here on out.

Real Buster has nicer hair, though. 

Everyone back at Ops (except Granger and Hetty) are super-worried about the risks being taken by Callen and Sam in Russia. Granger's all 'meh who cares if they die they die' and Hetty's like 'my team is invincible, what are you talking about'.

Someone sneaks up on Anna and she whips out her gun, but it's just a Hetty iPad attatched to a Segway.  Which is totally necessary. You know, she couldn't just use a phone or something. or Skype. Hetty would never use such a plebian method of communication.

I'm inclined to point out that Sheldon did it first. And better. 

Anna refuses to refer to Arkady as her dad. Oh good! She has daddy issues! Something else for her and Callen to bond over!!

Back at Ops, Eric and Nell run some simulations of the plan, and Nell delivers some badass wisdom on Granger when he says 'life isn't a video game'. Cos "In a video game, you get to start over."
Hey Granger, when have you ever played a video game?? They're fun. You hate fun.

For some reason, Anna is wearing a blanket, over her regular clothing to sleep - and then she falls asleep on Callen's shoulder like two sentences in to his description of the plan?? How ridiculously contrived is that?

For some reason there's some sketchy guy they need to investigate, and Granger decides to send Eric out in the field. ERIC?! And how dare you, sir, tell him to put on pants! He's clearly allergic to fabric beyond knee-length!

HAHAHA WE GOT ERIC FLEXING AND WEARING COMBAT PANTS AND OH MY GOD

Anna asks Callen what he 'thinks of her'. And he gives the only correct response - "That's... kind of a... broad question." Blah blah blaaah, bonding over absentee fathers, yadda yadda 'maybe broken is normal'... Gag me with a spoon.

The guy Deeks and Kensi were going to talk to does indeed start shooting, and Eric freezes up, but then he plays the hero, pulling out a flashbang that dazes the guy long enough for Deeks to shoot him. The others are impressed with his strategy, meanwhile I'm impressed with his aim! I think I kinda like Badass Beale.

Oh my god, they block the transport carrying Arkady and the CIA guy with a COW hahaha that's definitely something I've never seen before.

Nell is really proud of Eric for what he did earlier - and he looks at her with super-honest eyes and says he was scared that he - DAMNIT GRANGER YOU HAVE THE WORST TIMING, THEY WERE HAVING A MOMENT HERE!!!!

Granger, interrupting ALL your personal conversations.

They can't get out of Russia because the CIA guy is hurt so that would attract suspicion. He says he knew Callen way back in the day. He gets them to a safe house (which has a weirdly cryptic walkie talkie on the side of the road that claims to have an IED planted under it if he doesn't give the password. There's an old man at the house who has a meaningful look at Callen.

Callen finds a bunch of nesting dolls at the house, and one of those coins that his father had handed out to refugees in an earlier episode.

They have no choice but to leave on horseback, which Arkady is none too pleased about.

Callen and the old guy have a deep conversation without saying much at all. And then they get interrupted by the folks who are there to help them escape. DANGNABBIT! What's with all the interruptions?!! He says "I'll tell you another time". But you won't see him again!

HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!

CALLEN HAS A FIRST NAME

IT'S GRISHA

AND HE HAS SOME MIDDLE NAMES TOO

You know, I'm not gonna lie, it's not the kind of name I would have expected for him. I was expecting something tough, like Gregor or Gabriel or Gryffindor.

But Callen will be Callen and he will be a badass no matter what his name is. I'm just so glad he knows! (But really, wouldn't that reveal have been best saved for like, a season finale or something?? I mean it's the ONE big mystery this show's had since Day One...)

NCIS: LA - Come Back

Oh my god! So remember how Kensi had that fiance who turned out to be a bad guy?? Well my roommates and I have been watching Scandal lately, and the guy who played her fiance was a double-crossing male hooker. Why does he always play sketchy dudes??

KENSI AND DEEKS ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER!!! YAAAY! Eric is excited for them and it's adorable.

Hetty owns a building where something sketchy happened, and then she sends Kensi and Deeks off cryptically to be on protection detail for someone - DUN DUNNN IT'S JACK, HER EX-FIANCE!!

Hi. Remember me?

Sam and Callen start bantering about something that Sam was writing on his computer that Callen accidentally read over his shoulder. They track down a car belonging to a Mabel Perkins, it's at a chop shop, and suddenly Callen and Sam are outnumbered by some thugs (also a squirmy little evil guy with an electric drill) but they make short work of them.

Jack had been acting as a guide for a dude named Riggs who was documenting historical sites and artifacts, but then working with some sketchy people who were probably planning to steal it. Jack alerted Hetty, and then someone tried to kill him. Hence the protective detail.

Nell used to have the nickname of Indiana Jones (how adorable is that) and then Eric mentions her needing a whip and she gets a little TOO excited about that.

I've got a costume idea for Nell's next Halloween...

Also she may or may not have spent a summer following a band around. I love it when the nerds get some character development!

Jack's married and Kensi does a terrible job of acting like she's fine with it. Granger shows up at the safe house unannounced and that's how you get shot, bro.

Replace 'ants' with ' getting shot' and yeah, basically. 

Callen and Sam show up at the motel where the shooter's car came from, and the guy at the desk lies to them, runs away, shoots at them and then gets shot by them... Because... I dunno. I'm lost.

There was a text on the dead guy's phone from someone called Geb (not Jeb) Callen asks 'as in Bush?' But no, that one's name would be pronounced Jeb-exclamation-point. John Oliver has taught me well. 

Something-something undercover meeting with the Riggs guy, yadda yadda I'm too tired for this stuff... Riggs and a shady Egyptian dude show up at the meeting point, call Sam on a phone, spy on him, and then speed away? What the hell was the point of that... 

Jack doesn't know what Netflix is. Because he's literally been living in a cave, remember? Poor guy... Life without Netflix *shudders*

For real Granger, announce yourself before knocking!! You should know better than that! 

Also Riggs is dead. Oopsie.

They think Jack might have betrayed everyone and told the bad guys where he was to save his family. And now he's getting all reminisce-y with Kensi. And then people start shooting at them, cos he's a dumb-dumb double-crosser and put her in danger. BTW that actor's name is Matthew Del Negro and he REALLY plays a type. The bad guy stands over Kensi waving a gun, Jack says 'no kill me instead' and then they all kind of stand around waiting for the backup to arrive just in time. 

Also it turns out Jack's brave would-be sacrifice was all for nothing, because Hetty placed his family under protection as soon as it appeared he was in danger. Sheesh. 

This woman thinks of everything. 

And then she gives Kensi a hug and makes her feel better. Awwe.

Deeks said 'Granger Danger' hahahaha I love it. And Jack approves of Deeks, which is a stupidly symbolic gesture cos I don't think it really mattered if he liked Deeks or not... Since, you know, Kensi's an adult and all...

And she ended the episode by saying 'always' and I JUST watched the last Harry Potter movie on Friday and Alan Rickman is dead and AGHHH now I'm reliving it Kensi why would you remind me of something so painful?!!?!?!!

NCIS: LA - Angels & Daemons

Callen's girlfriend Joelle isn't his girlfriend anymore, and she has another boyfriend ALREADY?! So naturally, Callen decides to run a background check on the guy... Also Sam is grumpy cos Callen ducked out of their carpool.

Have I told you recently that I love Eric's hair? Cos I love Eric's hair.

Tres chic, Mr. Beale.

There was a dead guy found in the marina, who wrote a book, that Sam read, (listened to) and also he was the head of a tech firm at some point and made a lot of moolah. His name was Overson, and his former partner in the tech company sued him and got no money, so now he's living in his car.

Nell doesn't like boats, neither do I. She goes to investigate Overson's boat with Kensi and Deeks, gets in some sass while she's at it. OK so Deeks made a clever joke about mishearing 'Silicon Beach' as 'Silicone' but when Kensi corrects him, she stresses the 'beach' part - twice. That's not the part he got wrong, girl. Strange choice of emphasis.

Apparently Overson was interested in backing an app that allows the anonymous posting of secrets (basically like Whisper, that stupid app that Buzzfeed keeps pushing on us).

Yup.

The girl at the company teared up when Kensi told her about Overson dying - I think they were more than coworkers...

Something something, they find the Powell guy who was supposed to be living in his car, something something, holy crap it's only 10:17??

Sam can maybe read minds and then guesses the colour Callen was thinking of. It was blue. Funny, I would have guessed gray. Callen likes gray. But he does wear an awful lot of blue (probably because it sets off his eyes!)

There's a secret code that Overson found embedded in one of the apps he was supporting, that somehow compromised national security (don't they always). This is the thing called the 'daemon' - hence the episode title.

It's the Flibbit (mock-Whisper) app that it was hidden in! The one with the redhead girl who was crying earlier. Someone needs to go undercover. That sounds exciting! Eric wants it to be him, but boo, it has to be Callen. Undercover Eric might have been fun. Kind of an adorable Chuck-esque type of flustered? Man, I miss Chuck.

Nell can be Sarah.

The lighting in Ops makes Eric's hair look green. Weird.

Sam tries to relate to the redheaded girl Jessica, about how they're both often overlooked (her cos she's female, Sam cos he's a racial minority). Callen loves the slide at the company. I could never use a slide at work - it would mess up my nice work clothes. You think they could ask for a slide at Ops? Actually, Granger would never allow it. It's a fun thing. Granger hates fun.

Kensi and Deeks go to talk to Powell's lawyer, but right before they reach him (they weren't hurrying, they were talking about puppies), he gets shot. Sniper-style.

Guns! Shooting! Excitement! 

Nell figures out that the shot came from the building that houses the Flibbit app office. Well isn't that convenient! The security guard gets in a fight with Sam, then he says that the programmer guy is a Palestinian cyberterrorist. But Callen was with him the whole time. It's a different person, a girl, who we've never even met. Also Deeks uses the word 'keytar'. 

Clearly, only psychopaths play the keytar. 

Also I'm pretty sure senators have better things to do than be on a stupid secret sharing app like this. At least I would hope so. 

Wow, they really got their money's worth out of that slide in this episode, didn't they? Turns out the lawyer sold the daemon to the bad guys who were Pakistani terrorists. There were three of them working at the app company - but none of them killed Overson. It was Powell. 

Callen had bought a ring for Joelle? Oh, poor sad Callen. Or maybe not. I can't tell. He's a good liar. 

NCIS: LA - Core Values

I didn't notice that 'kayak' was a palindrome. I love palindromes. And so does Eric. Awwwe. Callen just said 'Egad'. I'm dying.

The guy who collapsed, bleeding, at the beginning of the episode, was a marine who had radioactive poisoning. His wife is pregnant, and he told her he had taken on a second job - but he hadn't gotten that one, it was actually at a nuclear plant. Keeping secrets! Bad marine man!

We get in some more Callen jibes - "Maybe one day we'll discover that kale is poisonous and yoga's bad for your spine". I like his thinking (I hate kale, but you knew that already).

I'll take two of these. One for me, one for Callen. 

Oh hey! My dad and I both had a 'Hey I know that guy' moment - but about separate actors - mine was this guy, who played FBI agent Peter Elliot on CSI: Miami (I'm gonna refer to him as Peter) and dad's was about this guy who's playing a scientist. We both said each of them are always the bad guy... I wonder which one it'll be this time?

Kensi and Deeks both go undercover at the nuclear plant where the poisoned marine had been moonlighting, he as a security guard, she as a janitor. It's weird though, he was observing a group of protesters outside the plant, and one of them was talking into a megaphone, and he sounded exactly like Deeks.

Deeks wants to have a moustache, Kensi disagrees. He compares himself to Albert Einstein.

Well, I mean, they both rock the poufy-hair look.

But just because one can pull off a beard, does not mean they can pull off a moustache. Let this photo of Toronto Blue Jay Russell Martin be exhibit A:

And click here if you need proof that Russell looks his best at his beardliest. (That's totally a word)

Someone left a note for Sam to meet him in secret, it was the scientist guy. He said one of the pools under which the radioactive material is stored was significantly drained and the plant is a 'disaster waiting to happen'. And Peter wouldn't let him tell Sam & Callen.

Granger went to talk to the poisoned Marine, and they had the exact same tone of voice. One of them has radioactivity poisoning, and the other one is just a boring person. I'll let you guess who was who.

The fuel rods of radioactive material were exposed because of the drop in pool level - and there was a two-hour 'glitch' in the video feed as the pool was being drained. There's no backup. And that was the night that the guard was poisoned.

So my dad was right at first, the scientist guy is the one who shut off the valve and turned off the alarm and the backup pool-filling stuff. The guard went in and looked around on his rounds while the water level was low and that was how he got exposed. Poor guy, just doing his job, wrong place wrong time. Scientist-guy says no one was supposed to get hurt, he was just trying to make it obvious apparent to the public how the plant was unsafe. But it's early in the episode, so clearly we're not done.

Just as Kensi and Deeks are leaving the building, the small shed-type building behind them explodes. It held the backup generators for the cooling system. The team finds a bomb wrapped around a pipe that sends water into the cooling pools, so when it goes off it'll cut off the water and expose the fuel rods.

There was a reason they showed the protesters outside - their leader was the one who came in and planted the explosive. He had told the scientist-guy that he was a professor of environmental studies and the scientist guy was dumb enough to believe him and get him a fake ID to come in and study the pools.

Callen and Sam manage to pry the charge off the pipe and Callen runs it outside and dumps it in some barrels of water - but then the scientist points out that that wouldn't have effectively emptied the pool (it would have taken too long) so everyone freaks out and Sam realizes it's a diversion - he planted a much bigger explosive under the pool that would create a hole and drain the pools. I would just like to say 'underneath a pool containing tons of radioactive material' is a really dumb place for a utility room.

This new bomb has a pendulum that would detonate it if it swung too much.

"I'm disassembling a bomb"

Hetty calls in and says to pull the first responders away, she thinks the perp is trying to hurt as many people as possible - and then Sam has an idea to yank the blasting caps out of the plastic explosive VERY CAREFULLY and throw them at least 6 inches away from the explosive before the cell phone connects, but they can't be holding the thing or else they'll lose a hand. THIS SOUNDS LIKE A BAD IDEA TO ME.

Deeks and Kensi find the perp sitting outside at a cafe (cos he wouldn't go back to his secret lair to set off a nuclear disaster, oh no, he's right out there in public) and ruin his phone, then pull guns on him, but then he pulls out a BACKUP phone and tries to take a woman hostage, it all happens very fast but basically he dials the number and calls, then they shoot him, Kensi and Deeks freak out "It's connected!" Sam and Callen pull out the blasting caps but have to run just as a guy in a bomb suit shows up and yanks the whole thing away from the plastic and dives on it as a small explosion goes off beneath him (just the caps, not the plastic, thank god)

Sam and Callen run back in and tell him he has 'some big stones, my man' and thank him, then he takes his helmet off and OH MY GOD IT'S GRANGER?!! Sam looks like he immediately wants to take back the 'big stones' comment and I don't blame him. But holy hell, I think that was the most exciting thing Granger's ever done. Or second-most, after showing up at that insane cult place and ending that standoff. That was pretty badass.

The next scene Kensi and Deeks are in the hospital, the wife delivered her baby but the husband's lungs are filling up with fluid and he can't breathe anymore. So for some random reason (my dad questioned this, I mean there are nurses EVERYWHERE) the lady decides to hand her baby to Kensi and Kensi looks as freaked out as Rachel from Friends the first time she held Ben.

"This IS how I would hold a football..."

But then she and Deeks sing 'Twinkle Twinkle' to him and everything is all right... Except that his father is dying in the room right behind him and that's sad as hell, but instead we're just supposed to focus on Kensi and Deeks and a baby (because if this isn't foreshadowing then I don't know what is).

NCIS: LA - Cancel Christmas

[NOTE: Sorry, Student Emily was drunk on happiness over finishing her last exam tonight (and of the following sassy photo of Josh Donaldson in a Santa hat AND a sweater bearing his own likeness) that she forgot to pay attention to the time and missed the beginning of NCIS:LA today.

Hopefully you can't blame me for being distracted by this. It's pretty great.

So she had to wait until it got uploaded online. As a result, she's now writing this after midnight, as Sleepy Emily, and is referring to herself in third person. This should make for an interestingly nonsensical recap.]

Christmas! Christmas is coming!! That little tiny toy train close-up at the beginning is kinda ominous though. So is the song slowing down and everything getting blurry. And then a dude gets hit by a truck. Yeouch.

NELLRICK ARE DANCING!!! Not in a romantic way - but with giant candy canes! SO CUTE!!! But Granger doesn't like it. Because he hates fun. And cute things. He might be allergic to them.

See?

But it's OK, Hetty delivers some shade. #HettyTheBest

Janvier (the one-armed psychopath that wants to kill Callen) sent Callen a Christmas card. It's the only one he got, other than Sam's. Sam takes offense to their proximity to one another. Is that a thing? You need to not put cards from murderers next to ones from your friends? 

Joelle makes an appearance! AND CALLEN GOT ONE OF THOSE CAR-RUDOLPH KITS!!! I LOVE RUDOLPH!!! 

Don't believe me? These are my socks.

And I own this shirt. His nose lights up. I'm a dork. 

Deeks and Kensi are having issues with their mothers who both want to cook Christmas dinner. Sam's grumpy, cos he doesn't want to have to work anymore - and he's mean to Eric. But Kensi thought he was adorable, and Kensi is right! Yaaaay Kensi! 

Dead dude was a North Korean spy. Deeks wants to go work on the case, but Callen declines. Also, I really love Deeks. 'Knuckleheadedness' is totally a word, Sam, even if my spellchecker doesn't think so. They find a dead guy who's not actually dead, he's just passed out. 

Deeks is talking to a Santa-bikini-wearing charity-gathering girl who saw the guy die at the beginning. Apparently 'tannenbaum' is the Christmas word for bingo! I will be using that this season. Deeks and Kensi are having their coupley discussions about lingerie in the middle of the street. As one does. 

WTF Granger, why are you in such a rage?! Because 'terrorism doesn't take holidays' apparently. What a grumpypants. Eric snuggled sugar cookies into Ops, because Eric is wonderful. I don't usually love shortbread, but they had some at my school cafeteria the other day and it made me SO HAPPY!! 

Kensi wants to raise a baby tiger and Kensi just said the word 'bitches' like what is happening here? But baby tigers are damn cute. 

Exhibit A (Hiiiii Joey Bats!) 

Someone turned the gas on in the dead guy's house, and Deeks and Kensi run out but it doesn't go KABOOM like I was expecting it to. Disappointing. 

Some girl fake-cries in front of Callen, then tries to attack him (why do bad guys always make grunting noises right before attacking someone?) and he takes her in for questioning because she poisoned the dead guy right before he died. (Was that Jeanette McCurdy?? It looked like Jeanette McCurdy) and the guy they found in the motel had just gotten out of prison so he asks to borrow some clothes, Granger says 'no' because Granger is a Grinch.

I see the resemblance. 

Also I'm calling him 'Grinchger' from now on. Got it? Good. Callen is nice and offers to help him. Good guy Callen. Eric is rambling on on the phone to Deeks, and he's having a sugar high it's kind of adorable. Deeks takes a fun hypothetical conversation and turns it into a confession about the IA investigation. Your timing is bad, Deeks, and you should feel bad. 

But somehow Kensi had figured it out?! Smartypants Kensi!!! Proud of that girl. It turns into a really cute conversation where he says he needs to kiss her and she says no cos they're working and waahhh why don't I have a boyfriend... 

The girl's mom shot Grinchger in the ass, apparently, and he carries around a photo of her for some reason. He offers her a warm beverage (because that's what you do when someone is sad) and says it has poison in it, because he too hates the holidays.

Callen dropped off the just-out-of-prison guy, is all nice to him, but then they find out that he actually knew the girl and took off from the house with their dog. Nell and Eric want puppies. I want to see Nell and Eric with puppies. The cuteness overload would be worth it. SMART DUDE he had the names of spies embedded in the chip in his dog, took it to a shelter, and got them to read the list. 

Callen tracks him down and puts him in a cage, has some more witty banter (I love you Callen) and they take him to set up a meet with the bad Korean buyers.  

OK I understand that going undercover and tackling the Korean spies was necessary, but did Deeks really have to dress as Santa?! He's gonna scar all those kids for life!! Sam shows up with his son, who was supposed to wait in the car, but didn't. Which might have been a good idea, because as Chuck taught us... 

He's instead super-interested in becoming an NCIS agent. Which Sam is not OK with - even if he's alright with him being in the Navy? 

Kensi wants Deeks to bring his Santa outfit, and they manage to solve their mother problem, inviting them instead to Sam's house. Hetty has a back-up gift for Callen for Joelle, because Hetty thinks of everything, and then NELL AND ERIC SHOW UP DRESSED LIKE TOY SOLDIERS!!! And Granger catches them and tells them to have fun. SO DAMN CUTE!!!! THEY'RE LIKE TEENY PRECIOUS ELVES!!! 

Except they're not elves they're soldier/nutcracker thingies, but who cares THEY'RE SO GOSHDARN CUTE!!!! 

Callen shows up at home, Joelle loves that he got her a gift, she set up a nice dinner for them - and then proceeds to tell him she is going to break up with him at New Years?! Because she worries about him too much?! Joelle you heartless fiend, who has that conversation on Christmas?!!!! 

Merry Christmas, friends!! I, for one, think we can be thankful this didn't end on a cliffhanger! See you in the new year!! 

NCIS: LA - Internal Affairs

So Deeks was arrested, and taken to jail, and some guy comes in and smacks/chokes him while a lady-detective from Internal Affairs was trying to interview him. Ugh.

Boyle (the dead cop) was the guy Deeks explained earlier had put a gun in his mouth, he ended up shot by a hooker he'd assaulted... Supposedly. And the guy attacking Deeks in the interview room was Boyle's old partner.

There's no caption, but you get the gist. 

So the team is gonna investigate, naturally. Deeks kept asking the woman interviewing him for some kind of coffee. So full of the sarcasm and wittiness, as per usual. And Callen may or may not be having relationship issues.

Some dirty cop guy named John Quinn escaped from prison. The police are tearing up Deeks' house and his mom is freaking out. The dead guy's partner, Steadman, was a degenerate gambler and had a female partner who then was killed during a drug bust, which is a little too convenient for Steadman...

Deeks' mom comes to visit him and mentions the fact that he'd had to shoot his father in order to protect her, which is really freaking sad, but didn't we already know that?  

Or is that just a really common character background story? I am confuse!

There was a girl named Julie, a.k.a. Tiffany, who Deeks' cover persona keeps sending money to - she was a hooker who used to be Deeks' informant. She was the one who had supposedly killed Boyle - but says she didn't, she was working with Quinn to bust Boyle, she says Quinn must have killed him - and Deeks helped her get back on her feet because he was the only cop she could trust.

Unless Deeks pleads guilty to the murder he didn't commit, he will be put in a county jail. And Kensi is pissed. She lectures Hetty and says she doesn't care how she does it, she has to get Deeks out. That was... kind of insane.

Kensi and Mrs. Deeks share a nice touching moment - but while Deeks was being interrogated, the lieutenant in charge of the IA department (he'd stopped Steadman from attacking him earlier) comes in and helps him escape. Well this is unexpected - and exciting!

I love a good plot twist!! 

Deeks goes to the house of Quinn's girlfriend, who Sam and Callen had talked to (reluctantly on her part) the day before - but Steadman beat him there and is attacking the girl, Monica - then Deeks is a smartypants and says the stash of whatever he was looking for is under the trap door in the floor of the interrogation room.

Then he brilliantly gets the door open and tells Monica to dive through it, he follows her and they get away! Steadman runs outside - right into the rest of the team. And Kensi points her gun right at him, all badass-like until the rest of the team calls her off - then she realizes where Deeks is and she runs and embraces him which is adorable. And then this happened:

Callen: How come you're never that happy to see me?
Sam: I carry my joy inside
Callen: What does that even mean?
Sam: Means you won't be getting a hug anytime soon.

Those two are the absolute best. I think Granger said it best

Oh, and it turns out Quinn hadn't escaped at all - Hetty had him relocated and faked his escape, and she got the 'stash' and had it planted in Steadman's garage.

But Deeks actually did kill Boyle. Wow. Didn't see that coming. Hetty basically tells him he should break up with Kensi if he can't tell her about the whole killing-a-guy-to-protect-a-hooker thing.

Big Bang Theory - The Platonic Permutation

Sheldon has an extra ticket to an aquarium dinner on Thanksgiving, because he bought one for Amy but then they broke up. Too bad everyone else already has plans!

So he has to take Amy instead - this is shaping up to be hella awkward.
Bernadette, Emily, Raj, and Howard show up to help at a soup kitchen, which is nice of them, and hey, now we've established how close Emily and Bernadette are!

Apparently Penny doesn't know Leonard's birthday! This is an embarrassing twist.. Penny's birthday is December 2nd, by the way, this is news. His is in May but she doesn't know when!

Howard will do nothing but complain. He's a greedy bugger. Amy's steering wheel seems comically large, and Sheldon wants to know if she's had coitus with any other men.

Leonard knows everything there is to know about Penny, which is hella impressive - but he read her journal! Sneaky bastard! But within like 10 seconds there, there were two things that reminded me of How I Met Your Mother - hatred of the word 'moist', and the mention of a slutty orange vegetable.

Moist. Moist. Moist. 

The rest of the gang at the soup kitchen abandons Howard to go work 'up front', while he's stuck doing the dishes. That can't be fun. It's the worst job in the world and now he doesn't even have his friends to talk to.

I feel you Leonard, I often use the word 'GAAAHHH' when I'm excited. I will admit it sounds weird out loud, though. 

Elon Musk is randomly at the soup kitchen, because that's what famous people do (also I had no idea what Elon Musk looked like) and Howard starts sucking up to him because he's a big fan, and he lies about being there voluntarily. 

Ohhh Amy, the game is totally 'fuck marry kill' but I get it, you had to keep it PG for TV. And oh hey, Spongebob reference! 

Any Spongebob reference is a good one. 

OH MY LORD LEONARD IS WEARING THE ORANGE SLUTTY CARROT LINGERE!!!! MY EYES!!! 

Poor Amy, she was doing so well and now suddenly she's all confused in the feelings department and now she wants to be Sheldon's girlfriend again. And he rejects her and now she's sad and now I feel sad too. Poor Amy. 

But hold on, isn't Howard going to be exposed to Elon Musk as a big fat phony?? This is the problem with these damn 19-minute episodes, I always feel like one of the plots doesn't get wrapped up properly.

And would you look at that, now I'm all caught up! 

Big Bang Theory - The Spock Resonance

Wil Wheaton is back! And so is Leonard Nimoy's son - who is doing a documentary they want to interview Sheldon for.

Bernadette wants to redecorate the house, and Howard is resistant. Now he's guilt-tripping her because his dad left and his mom died and he doesn't want to change anything because everything reminds him of them.

Aww... Nimoy's son looks just like him! And Sheldon loved Spock because he lived in a logic-based world without irrational emotion. Did you know there was a wall safe behind the whiteboard behind the giant DNA model? And a floor safe? And a security camera in Aquaman?? (Cos Leonard didn't).

No, apparently Adam doesn't count as Nimoy DNA. Only the napkin does! I'm so glad they did a callback to that, that episode was one of my favourites ever. The dialogue about Sheldon having a Wil, (a miniature Wheaton) and an actual will, 'in which he wills his Wil back to Wil' was pretty great!

Look, it's little Wil! 

OH MY GOD I FORGOT PENNY AND THE GUYS DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO AMY!!!! They found the ring in his safe and he told them, all matter-of-factly, and Penny lost her shit, much like I did when it was revealed in the season 8 finale.

Instead of 'What would Jesus do?', Sheldon decided to model himself after 'What would Spock do?' - so maybe he isn't naturally devoid of emotions, it's a learned behaviour. And he gets upset when Penny points out that he has emotion, just like the half of Spock that was human. Bravo, Penny.

Not all houses have a space to crawl under them from the outside, some have foundations that are built into the ground... And Howard wants kids, but Bernadette doesn't, and he tells her father that WHILE they're under the house. Not a smart move.

Raj is hilarious. So is Bernadette's dad.

Sheldon decides he's off to propose to Amy, but then he sees her kiss some guy outside her building. So he turns around and leaves.

Big Bang Theory - The Helium Insufficiency

Apparently telling someone their face is 'pleasingly symmetrical' will soften the blow of bad news. Note to self.

There's a worldwide helium shortage - how the hell does that happen?! And Sheldon and Leonard need some or else a Swedish team will perform the same experiment before them. Oh dear. Also, Barry Kripke won't give them any of his because he's an ass, but we already knew that.

Stuart is using some kind of non-name-branded Tinder. Now Amy's using it. This is funny, everyone else is making her choices for her.

Oh my god, the sketchy guy they're buying helium off of is played by Michael Rapaport!! The blonde cop guy who Phoebe dated on Friends! The guy with the most Brooklyn-iest accent I've ever heard!

Weirdly enough, I remember the actor's name more often than the character's. (It was Gary)

And Sheldon gives him a vocabulary lesson - "All these years I've been using 'stalemate' when all along I meant 'impasse'. I feel foolish."

Also, because everything reminds me of The Princess Bride, this scene reminds me of The Princess Bride, because that's the movie that taught me the word 'impasse'.

"We are at an impasse"

Amy and her friends are sitting around making fun of all the guys who come up on her app - and for some reason they're all really unattractive. Are there no hot douchebags on this app?! Also Stuart - whose name appeared onscreen and reassured me that I am, in fact, spelling it right.

For some reason Sheldon and Leonard dressed the helium tank up as a person in order to sneak it into the lab... Because that's super convincing. Also they think it was stolen from the government, so Sheldon starts freaking out.

Turns out Amy already went on a date!! And they're right, Tinder would make a great drinking game!! Penny squealing over Amy's date sounded like my roommate when they found out I met a cute guy at a bar and got his number. (It was Halloween. He was dressed as a Power Ranger. Good times were had by all.)

Sheldon and Leonard decide to give the helium back to the guy, and he charges more money for it, but then Kripke wants to get partial credit on their paper if he gives them his helium, so they go back and get it again. And now they're buddies with him, because he's one of those adorably smart bad guys. That was a nice ending.

The Big Bang Theory - The Perspiration Implementation

I still can't believe they're on Season 9 of this show already. It seems like just last year Amy was being introduced (and that was Season 4).

I also can't believe how freaking far behind I am. Ugh. Might have to do one of those 'catching up' posts because I don't have the energy.

Howard is lazy, and attached his FitBit to a robot arm so that it would fool Bernadette into thinking he's exercising. Leonard has a Scrabble Dance.

I, too, am very fond of the word 'touche'.

As are these lovelies.

Stuart wants there to be more girls in the comic book store. Not likely to happen while your creepy regular customers are still there, buddy.

The guys decide to take up fencing, and Barry Kripke(!!) is their instructor. But it's serious business, apparently, not glamourous like in a movie. RAJ LOVES THE PRINCESS BRIDE!!!!!! I LOVE THE PRINCESS BRIDE!!!!!!

Best. Movie. Ever.

Congratulations, Raj, you are now my favourite.

Apparently Stuart himself is the problem with his store. Makes sense. And now Howard and Raj are both making Princess Bride references and I AM SO GIDDY! Sheldon wants to slap people across the face with his glove when they insult his honour - which, honestly, I think is a policy that should be resurrected.

Kripke is interested in Amy, and Sheldon gets mad and challenges him to a duel - but three years from then.

Poor Stuart, we all know he's a nice dude but he lacks the confidence to master social graces that wouldn't scare them away. And now Amy's trying to make him feel better but kinda accidentally made him think she was hitting on him. Sheldon randomly decides to pick up a woman at a bar, because literally he went 'oh there's a girl'.

Barry asked Amy out via text - AND sent her a dick pic. BAD Barry. BAD! But she said no. Good Amy. Making smart choices. Leonard and Bernadette are bad friends, abandoning Amy and Sheldon together in the hallway so that they have to talk.

That's just awkward...

Bones - The Promise in the Palace

OH MY GOD IT'S THE TODD!!!!! From Scrubs!! In the opening scene! He's one of the guys who was biking through the forest and found the body.

That dude. Whose underwear I have seen entirely too many times.

Christine lost her first tooth, but Brennan doesn't want them to pretend to be the Tooth Fairy - BTW when I was a kid, my Tooth Fairy was hella cheap. She only gave me a dime per tooth, and a quarter for molars. These kids are getting whole DOLLARS?!!

Angela's handsome photographer mentor friend is handsome. And Cam thinks he might be interested in *something more* than just a mentor-mentee relationship. Oh great, another reason for Hodgins to be jealous.

The victim was not a magician, but rather an escape artist, and yet she still worked at a place called the Magic Palace, which I swear is the same name all TV shows use when they need a name for a secret magician's clubhouse.

I'm pretty sure, when they were scrolling through faces very rapidly on the Angelatron, that one of those was just Olivia Wilde...

She could totally be the dead girl, right?? 

Clark is back. He likes magic - Brennan does not. Aubrey thinks that Brennan might have a point about the Tooth Fairy thing, simply because she's smart and an advanced thinker.

OK I know the whole 'zoom and enhance' thing on crime shows is ridiculous, but right there it was also unnecessary - Angela and Aubrey were looking at security footage from an ATM, and they saw the victim go into a building directly across the street. So Angela 'zoomed and enhanced' the building's address number - BUT YOU KNOW WHERE THE ATM IS, SO YOU COULD HAVE JUST USED A MAP!!! Oy vey.

Clark is trying to do magic tricks to impress Brennan, but she doesn't give a damn.

The son of the guy who owned the Magic Palace got jealous because his dad taught Clarissa, the victim, his old tricks, but he thought they were supposed to be passed down to him. So he stalked her for a few days, and saw her kissing some random dude.

OMG hahaha Cam had her signals crossed - Angela's hunky photography mentor wasn't crushing on Angela, he was crushing on her, Cam!! And he's British! But she says no-go, cos she just got out of a long relationship with Arastoo... Awks. But she smiled! Good for her!

You go, Cam! Be happy!! Move on!!

Wait, are you telling me Booth sits reading in a chair beside, and slightly lower than, the bed, rather than, oh, I don't know, ON the bed?? Beds are the most comfortable place to sit reading, hands down. But I guess you'd better not rumple those perfect sheets, eh?

Clarissa's roommate's boyfriend is a caterer, and he was using some kind of fancy truffle oil (which Booth only knew about because Mr. Foodie Aubrey pointed it out) which Clarissa had a reaction to, because truffles are a fungus, and Clarissa was allergic to fungi.

Sucks to be her, because mushrooms are a fungi and they are delicious

The roommate doesn't have an alibi for the night of the murder, but they quickly brush over that, because she was moving to Las Vegas to work in a casino, so the owner of the Magic Palace got ad because he'd invested so much in her and she was taking off... So he killed her. But he was so sad when they arrested him, kept screaming 'Why did she break her promise?'. I almost feel bad for him.

Bones relented on her Tooth Fairy stance, and gave Christine a dollar. Awww... And Booth did a fancy trick thing that I don't understand and Bones doesn't understand, but he somehow replicated a paper that had 'three US attorney's signatures on it'

And Cam called the British guy!! Yaaay!!! 

Bones - The Senator in the Street Sweeper

Nooo don't run over the little raccoon! Oh, it ran away. OK. We're good. Except there's a dead body in the street sweeper - as promised by the title. Ewwww.

So, wait, the murderer just left a dead body on the side of the road? Where anyone could have stumbled upon it? That's dumb.

Duh. Everyone knows this. 

Booth wants to put a TV in their bedroom, and Brennan disagrees because she thinks it'll get in the way of their sexytime.

Jessica (the redheaded intern) has apparently been watching Battlestar Galactica with Aubrey, which first made me say 'awww' but then made me roll my eyes because they're just instilling all of Sweets' traits in him - he was a sci-fi nerd, too. But she swears that's all that's happening, no Netflix and chilling for them, I see.

Brennan is, for some reason, comfortable talking about their sex life in front of Caroline. Hahaha love Caroline so much.

As implied in the title, the dead guy was a senator. Aubrey wants to be a politician and I love it. He's so ambitious!! He also mentioned Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, a classic movie that has been at the top of my 'movies to watch' list forever.

How can you not love Jimmy Stewart?! 

Caroline's boss wants Aubrey to run a background check on Jessica, which is kind of awkward being that she's kind of almost his girlfriend (I think?) and hopefully he doesn't fund anything too sketchy.

Brennan does an imitation of Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, and I'm starting to wonder if the writer of this episode is a fan of classic movies. 

Oh dear. Jessica was a member of Greenpeace and was present when a bomb exploded near a protest  - even though they hadn't planted it - and also was on the road with the band Phish, where there were a lot of drugs, and she says "I know, I had a great time" and he made this face

This is one of the great facial expressions in the history of facial expressions

So Aubrey seems all uncomfortable about the fact that she's being all honest and that it's technically his job to tattle on her, but they he's like 'OK let's just pretend this never happened' and oh Aubrey I'm so disappointed in you... 

Then he tells Caroline (half of) what he found out, realizes that she assigned him this task to show him what he's getting himself into and what followed is the funniest conversation I've seen in a while. I couldn't find it in GIF format, so bear with me.  

Caroline: You have a bright future ahead of you, but first you need to find yourself the right kind of woman

Aubrey: You asking me out? 

Caroline: Chere, you couldn't handle me.

Aubrey: *awkward snort/laugh*

Can we get a spinoff of these two, please??

The senator ran on a platform of supporting coal miners, and then was about to sign a bill about reducing coal emissions. Which naturally upset a lot of coal miners, including a big giant dude that Caroline tried to prosecute for something before, but the witness disappeared.

Bennan is all proud of herself because she figured out that Jessica and Aubrey were seeing each other but now having problems. The senator made a sketchy 2000$ withdrawal every month and also used to go see a young lady at a restaurant on a regular basis, including the night he died. They think he was having an affair, but Brennan figures out the girl is his daughter!!

The senator's wife is somehow now going to take over his seat, because apparently that's a thing, and she's been accused of poisoning him, since she was a diabetic and had access to the kind of needle that had been used to poison him. And the axe used to hack up his body. as was the senate majority leader.

Apparently if you cut yourself on coal, your skin will turn blue. The senator was going to vote against the party, and his assistant was having an affair with his wife so he was the killer.

Brennan got Booth a TV! It's a nice big one, now they're bickering over the remote cos they're adorable.

Speaking of adorable, let's see that Aubrey face one more time