Big Bang Theory - The Opening Night Excitation

Of course the guys are losing their minds trying to buy tickets for the new Star Wars movie, and of course this episode aired the night before the movie premiered - Sheldon almost prayed for tickets until Howard yelled 'Got em!'

But the movie premiered on Amy's birthday! Oh no!! "Surprise! She's even older now! Who could have seen that coming?" That would make a good slogan for a cake.

Better than this one, anyway... 

Sheldon has another dream where Bob Newhart as his friend Arthur shows up - dressed in a Jedi robe. He convinces Sheldon to spend Amy's birthday actually with Amy, and so he calls her in the middle of the night to tell her. How considerate.

Apparently you can mess with Sheldon by having a different person say 'come in' than the one he names when he's knocking. (But couldn't he solve that by saying *Knock knock knock* "Penny and Bernadette")

Sheldon is afraid of sheep.

AND OH MY GOD. HIS SUGGESTION FOR A GIFT IS TO HAVE COITUS WITH AMY. HOLY TOLEDO!!

Pictured: Penny's glass after Sheldon dropped that news. 

Hey! Wil Wheaton! Normally I'm excited to see him, but I kinda just want to get back to the other storyline... They've invited him to the premiere with them - but I'm kinda surprised, wouldn't sci-fi royalty like Wil Wheaton have tickets already?!

Professor Proton is disappointed by kids who refer to their private parts as 'junk'. Same, Arthur, same. I'm honestly surprised that Sheldon hadn't told his friends about his plans with Amy...

I wasn't expecting him to bust out Fez's dance, but at least he'd mention it casually...

OK, now I see why Wil wasn't invited to the premiere.. Everyone boos him for showing up in a Star Trek outfit. But seriously, sci-fi fans can't like both?

I love how giddy the studio audience gets whenever there's innuendo in a conversation between Sheldon and Amy hahaha - and here's a PSA for everyone out there, if Sheldon Cooper knows to ask for verbal consent, so should you!

Apparently Penny gave Sheldon bedroom tips - and he giggled? - Couldn't she have just made him read Cosmo? And now the show is drawing parallels between the guys, anticipating the movie, and Sheldon and Amy, anticipating their ... coitus. Very clever.

Sheldon enjoyed himself! Well that's surprising!

Big Bang Theory - The Earworm Reverbation

Sheldon has a song stuck in his head, and he's going insane over it - it's hilarious though because he just starts trying out random lyrics to go along with the tune.

Amy decides to ask Dave (a.k.a. the guy played by Stephen Merchant) out for dinner again. Even though the last time they went out, he fanboyed over Sheldon and Leonard...

Raj set up a fanpage for his band with Howard, causing Howard to freak out and want to quit the band, but then he changes his mind after they got a fan. So fickle, Howard. So very fickle.

Now Sheldon is sending himself a video diary of himself descending into madness. Also Amy invited Dave over to her house for dinner, which Bernadette says is "Very intimate - it's where your underpants live."

Now Howard and Raj are freaking out about everything their one fan is doing - he seems like a hipster type lol and they think he's so cool. Bernadette thinks it's creepy and stalker-ish. I concur.

Sheldon is still nuts. And now he owns a tuba! You know, it's funny, I think I actually kind of recognize the tune - I think I know the next line of notes but not what comes after that.

Apparently Nikola Tesla fell in love with a pigeon.

You do you, Nik.

But Sheldon remembers the song! It's by the Beach Boys!

Apparently Raj & Howard's fan picks his nose, which is gross, so they run away from following him at the lab.

Sheldon associated that song with Amy, and calls her 'the dryer sheets of my heart'... Aww this is sad.

Catchy song though

Dave kisses Amy, and she freaks out a little, and then Sheldon shows up at that precise moment. Dave freaks out, and Sheldon says he wants her back, and she says yes Dave keeps leaning into the door to offer advice hahaha this show is hilarious... and then they kiss! Yay!

NCIS: LA - Cancel Christmas

[NOTE: Sorry, Student Emily was drunk on happiness over finishing her last exam tonight (and of the following sassy photo of Josh Donaldson in a Santa hat AND a sweater bearing his own likeness) that she forgot to pay attention to the time and missed the beginning of NCIS:LA today.

Hopefully you can't blame me for being distracted by this. It's pretty great.

So she had to wait until it got uploaded online. As a result, she's now writing this after midnight, as Sleepy Emily, and is referring to herself in third person. This should make for an interestingly nonsensical recap.]

Christmas! Christmas is coming!! That little tiny toy train close-up at the beginning is kinda ominous though. So is the song slowing down and everything getting blurry. And then a dude gets hit by a truck. Yeouch.

NELLRICK ARE DANCING!!! Not in a romantic way - but with giant candy canes! SO CUTE!!! But Granger doesn't like it. Because he hates fun. And cute things. He might be allergic to them.

See?

But it's OK, Hetty delivers some shade. #HettyTheBest

Janvier (the one-armed psychopath that wants to kill Callen) sent Callen a Christmas card. It's the only one he got, other than Sam's. Sam takes offense to their proximity to one another. Is that a thing? You need to not put cards from murderers next to ones from your friends? 

Joelle makes an appearance! AND CALLEN GOT ONE OF THOSE CAR-RUDOLPH KITS!!! I LOVE RUDOLPH!!! 

Don't believe me? These are my socks.

And I own this shirt. His nose lights up. I'm a dork. 

Deeks and Kensi are having issues with their mothers who both want to cook Christmas dinner. Sam's grumpy, cos he doesn't want to have to work anymore - and he's mean to Eric. But Kensi thought he was adorable, and Kensi is right! Yaaaay Kensi! 

Dead dude was a North Korean spy. Deeks wants to go work on the case, but Callen declines. Also, I really love Deeks. 'Knuckleheadedness' is totally a word, Sam, even if my spellchecker doesn't think so. They find a dead guy who's not actually dead, he's just passed out. 

Deeks is talking to a Santa-bikini-wearing charity-gathering girl who saw the guy die at the beginning. Apparently 'tannenbaum' is the Christmas word for bingo! I will be using that this season. Deeks and Kensi are having their coupley discussions about lingerie in the middle of the street. As one does. 

WTF Granger, why are you in such a rage?! Because 'terrorism doesn't take holidays' apparently. What a grumpypants. Eric snuggled sugar cookies into Ops, because Eric is wonderful. I don't usually love shortbread, but they had some at my school cafeteria the other day and it made me SO HAPPY!! 

Kensi wants to raise a baby tiger and Kensi just said the word 'bitches' like what is happening here? But baby tigers are damn cute. 

Exhibit A (Hiiiii Joey Bats!) 

Someone turned the gas on in the dead guy's house, and Deeks and Kensi run out but it doesn't go KABOOM like I was expecting it to. Disappointing. 

Some girl fake-cries in front of Callen, then tries to attack him (why do bad guys always make grunting noises right before attacking someone?) and he takes her in for questioning because she poisoned the dead guy right before he died. (Was that Jeanette McCurdy?? It looked like Jeanette McCurdy) and the guy they found in the motel had just gotten out of prison so he asks to borrow some clothes, Granger says 'no' because Granger is a Grinch.

I see the resemblance. 

Also I'm calling him 'Grinchger' from now on. Got it? Good. Callen is nice and offers to help him. Good guy Callen. Eric is rambling on on the phone to Deeks, and he's having a sugar high it's kind of adorable. Deeks takes a fun hypothetical conversation and turns it into a confession about the IA investigation. Your timing is bad, Deeks, and you should feel bad. 

But somehow Kensi had figured it out?! Smartypants Kensi!!! Proud of that girl. It turns into a really cute conversation where he says he needs to kiss her and she says no cos they're working and waahhh why don't I have a boyfriend... 

The girl's mom shot Grinchger in the ass, apparently, and he carries around a photo of her for some reason. He offers her a warm beverage (because that's what you do when someone is sad) and says it has poison in it, because he too hates the holidays.

Callen dropped off the just-out-of-prison guy, is all nice to him, but then they find out that he actually knew the girl and took off from the house with their dog. Nell and Eric want puppies. I want to see Nell and Eric with puppies. The cuteness overload would be worth it. SMART DUDE he had the names of spies embedded in the chip in his dog, took it to a shelter, and got them to read the list. 

Callen tracks him down and puts him in a cage, has some more witty banter (I love you Callen) and they take him to set up a meet with the bad Korean buyers.  

OK I understand that going undercover and tackling the Korean spies was necessary, but did Deeks really have to dress as Santa?! He's gonna scar all those kids for life!! Sam shows up with his son, who was supposed to wait in the car, but didn't. Which might have been a good idea, because as Chuck taught us... 

He's instead super-interested in becoming an NCIS agent. Which Sam is not OK with - even if he's alright with him being in the Navy? 

Kensi wants Deeks to bring his Santa outfit, and they manage to solve their mother problem, inviting them instead to Sam's house. Hetty has a back-up gift for Callen for Joelle, because Hetty thinks of everything, and then NELL AND ERIC SHOW UP DRESSED LIKE TOY SOLDIERS!!! And Granger catches them and tells them to have fun. SO DAMN CUTE!!!! THEY'RE LIKE TEENY PRECIOUS ELVES!!! 

Except they're not elves they're soldier/nutcracker thingies, but who cares THEY'RE SO GOSHDARN CUTE!!!! 

Callen shows up at home, Joelle loves that he got her a gift, she set up a nice dinner for them - and then proceeds to tell him she is going to break up with him at New Years?! Because she worries about him too much?! Joelle you heartless fiend, who has that conversation on Christmas?!!!! 

Merry Christmas, friends!! I, for one, think we can be thankful this didn't end on a cliffhanger! See you in the new year!! 

NCIS: LA - Internal Affairs

So Deeks was arrested, and taken to jail, and some guy comes in and smacks/chokes him while a lady-detective from Internal Affairs was trying to interview him. Ugh.

Boyle (the dead cop) was the guy Deeks explained earlier had put a gun in his mouth, he ended up shot by a hooker he'd assaulted... Supposedly. And the guy attacking Deeks in the interview room was Boyle's old partner.

There's no caption, but you get the gist. 

So the team is gonna investigate, naturally. Deeks kept asking the woman interviewing him for some kind of coffee. So full of the sarcasm and wittiness, as per usual. And Callen may or may not be having relationship issues.

Some dirty cop guy named John Quinn escaped from prison. The police are tearing up Deeks' house and his mom is freaking out. The dead guy's partner, Steadman, was a degenerate gambler and had a female partner who then was killed during a drug bust, which is a little too convenient for Steadman...

Deeks' mom comes to visit him and mentions the fact that he'd had to shoot his father in order to protect her, which is really freaking sad, but didn't we already know that?  

Or is that just a really common character background story? I am confuse!

There was a girl named Julie, a.k.a. Tiffany, who Deeks' cover persona keeps sending money to - she was a hooker who used to be Deeks' informant. She was the one who had supposedly killed Boyle - but says she didn't, she was working with Quinn to bust Boyle, she says Quinn must have killed him - and Deeks helped her get back on her feet because he was the only cop she could trust.

Unless Deeks pleads guilty to the murder he didn't commit, he will be put in a county jail. And Kensi is pissed. She lectures Hetty and says she doesn't care how she does it, she has to get Deeks out. That was... kind of insane.

Kensi and Mrs. Deeks share a nice touching moment - but while Deeks was being interrogated, the lieutenant in charge of the IA department (he'd stopped Steadman from attacking him earlier) comes in and helps him escape. Well this is unexpected - and exciting!

I love a good plot twist!! 

Deeks goes to the house of Quinn's girlfriend, who Sam and Callen had talked to (reluctantly on her part) the day before - but Steadman beat him there and is attacking the girl, Monica - then Deeks is a smartypants and says the stash of whatever he was looking for is under the trap door in the floor of the interrogation room.

Then he brilliantly gets the door open and tells Monica to dive through it, he follows her and they get away! Steadman runs outside - right into the rest of the team. And Kensi points her gun right at him, all badass-like until the rest of the team calls her off - then she realizes where Deeks is and she runs and embraces him which is adorable. And then this happened:

Callen: How come you're never that happy to see me?
Sam: I carry my joy inside
Callen: What does that even mean?
Sam: Means you won't be getting a hug anytime soon.

Those two are the absolute best. I think Granger said it best

Oh, and it turns out Quinn hadn't escaped at all - Hetty had him relocated and faked his escape, and she got the 'stash' and had it planted in Steadman's garage.

But Deeks actually did kill Boyle. Wow. Didn't see that coming. Hetty basically tells him he should break up with Kensi if he can't tell her about the whole killing-a-guy-to-protect-a-hooker thing.

Big Bang Theory - The Platonic Permutation

Sheldon has an extra ticket to an aquarium dinner on Thanksgiving, because he bought one for Amy but then they broke up. Too bad everyone else already has plans!

So he has to take Amy instead - this is shaping up to be hella awkward.
Bernadette, Emily, Raj, and Howard show up to help at a soup kitchen, which is nice of them, and hey, now we've established how close Emily and Bernadette are!

Apparently Penny doesn't know Leonard's birthday! This is an embarrassing twist.. Penny's birthday is December 2nd, by the way, this is news. His is in May but she doesn't know when!

Howard will do nothing but complain. He's a greedy bugger. Amy's steering wheel seems comically large, and Sheldon wants to know if she's had coitus with any other men.

Leonard knows everything there is to know about Penny, which is hella impressive - but he read her journal! Sneaky bastard! But within like 10 seconds there, there were two things that reminded me of How I Met Your Mother - hatred of the word 'moist', and the mention of a slutty orange vegetable.

Moist. Moist. Moist. 

The rest of the gang at the soup kitchen abandons Howard to go work 'up front', while he's stuck doing the dishes. That can't be fun. It's the worst job in the world and now he doesn't even have his friends to talk to.

I feel you Leonard, I often use the word 'GAAAHHH' when I'm excited. I will admit it sounds weird out loud, though. 

Elon Musk is randomly at the soup kitchen, because that's what famous people do (also I had no idea what Elon Musk looked like) and Howard starts sucking up to him because he's a big fan, and he lies about being there voluntarily. 

Ohhh Amy, the game is totally 'fuck marry kill' but I get it, you had to keep it PG for TV. And oh hey, Spongebob reference! 

Any Spongebob reference is a good one. 

OH MY LORD LEONARD IS WEARING THE ORANGE SLUTTY CARROT LINGERE!!!! MY EYES!!! 

Poor Amy, she was doing so well and now suddenly she's all confused in the feelings department and now she wants to be Sheldon's girlfriend again. And he rejects her and now she's sad and now I feel sad too. Poor Amy. 

But hold on, isn't Howard going to be exposed to Elon Musk as a big fat phony?? This is the problem with these damn 19-minute episodes, I always feel like one of the plots doesn't get wrapped up properly.

And would you look at that, now I'm all caught up! 

Big Bang Theory - The Mystery Date Observation

Here's the thing - I have a grievance with the fact that this show has been whittled down to 19 minutes of actual content because of stupid commercials, but then they used a whole minute for a recap that didn't need to be nearly that long (they included unnecessary punchlines when they could have just hit the major plot points. Chuck and Friends used to be so good at that.)

Sheldon decided he needs a new girlfriend so that he will focus on his work again. He asks Howard and Raj to find him one and they get distracted, because that's what they do.

Jon recognizes this trope

Amy is wearing a short dress - all the way to her knees! And she finally gives Penny and Bernadette a few details about her new beau, and OH MY GOD PENNY AND BERNADETTE ARE TOTALLY LIKE MY ROOMMATES WITH THE SQUEALING and now they're planning to spy on Amy on her date - I hope mine would never do that...

Raj and Howard plan out a bunch of puzzles that a woman needs to solve before she can get his contact information. Funny - but in the real world I'm sure something like that would sit around for months if not years before anyone took a crack at it.

Oh my god! Amy's date is Stephan Merchant!! That British dude who you may all remember as the spindly-legged fellow from this video who is not Joseph Gordon-Levitt:

(But you should definitely watch that video because yes, JGL is the best part of that video, as he is in all the things)

Bernadette would make an excellent spy. She's got the equipment, but hardly the subtlety. It still seems weird to think of Leonard and Penny as married.

And OF COURSE Amy's date has heard of Sheldon! And he's a fanboy. Just wants to know everything about him. And meet him. This is the second time in three episodes that Bernadette has taken off on someone she was supposed to drive home. But she backed into Dave's car, and they came out and saw them, and freaked out over Leonard because apparently he's famous too.

Sheldon really didn't want the girl who solved the puzzle to be Jennifer Lawrence. Because she's not too busy to be solving puzzles on the Internet. But hey, it's another girl with similar hair! Played by Analeigh Tipton! I did not know she cut her hair... But he shuts the door in her face because she missed the deadline by less than a minute (and found electronic spectroscopy boring). There is officially no hope for Sheldon.

... Or for Amy.

Big Bang Theory - The Spock Resonance

Wil Wheaton is back! And so is Leonard Nimoy's son - who is doing a documentary they want to interview Sheldon for.

Bernadette wants to redecorate the house, and Howard is resistant. Now he's guilt-tripping her because his dad left and his mom died and he doesn't want to change anything because everything reminds him of them.

Aww... Nimoy's son looks just like him! And Sheldon loved Spock because he lived in a logic-based world without irrational emotion. Did you know there was a wall safe behind the whiteboard behind the giant DNA model? And a floor safe? And a security camera in Aquaman?? (Cos Leonard didn't).

No, apparently Adam doesn't count as Nimoy DNA. Only the napkin does! I'm so glad they did a callback to that, that episode was one of my favourites ever. The dialogue about Sheldon having a Wil, (a miniature Wheaton) and an actual will, 'in which he wills his Wil back to Wil' was pretty great!

Look, it's little Wil! 

OH MY GOD I FORGOT PENNY AND THE GUYS DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO AMY!!!! They found the ring in his safe and he told them, all matter-of-factly, and Penny lost her shit, much like I did when it was revealed in the season 8 finale.

Instead of 'What would Jesus do?', Sheldon decided to model himself after 'What would Spock do?' - so maybe he isn't naturally devoid of emotions, it's a learned behaviour. And he gets upset when Penny points out that he has emotion, just like the half of Spock that was human. Bravo, Penny.

Not all houses have a space to crawl under them from the outside, some have foundations that are built into the ground... And Howard wants kids, but Bernadette doesn't, and he tells her father that WHILE they're under the house. Not a smart move.

Raj is hilarious. So is Bernadette's dad.

Sheldon decides he's off to propose to Amy, but then he sees her kiss some guy outside her building. So he turns around and leaves.

Big Bang Theory - The Helium Insufficiency

Apparently telling someone their face is 'pleasingly symmetrical' will soften the blow of bad news. Note to self.

There's a worldwide helium shortage - how the hell does that happen?! And Sheldon and Leonard need some or else a Swedish team will perform the same experiment before them. Oh dear. Also, Barry Kripke won't give them any of his because he's an ass, but we already knew that.

Stuart is using some kind of non-name-branded Tinder. Now Amy's using it. This is funny, everyone else is making her choices for her.

Oh my god, the sketchy guy they're buying helium off of is played by Michael Rapaport!! The blonde cop guy who Phoebe dated on Friends! The guy with the most Brooklyn-iest accent I've ever heard!

Weirdly enough, I remember the actor's name more often than the character's. (It was Gary)

And Sheldon gives him a vocabulary lesson - "All these years I've been using 'stalemate' when all along I meant 'impasse'. I feel foolish."

Also, because everything reminds me of The Princess Bride, this scene reminds me of The Princess Bride, because that's the movie that taught me the word 'impasse'.

"We are at an impasse"

Amy and her friends are sitting around making fun of all the guys who come up on her app - and for some reason they're all really unattractive. Are there no hot douchebags on this app?! Also Stuart - whose name appeared onscreen and reassured me that I am, in fact, spelling it right.

For some reason Sheldon and Leonard dressed the helium tank up as a person in order to sneak it into the lab... Because that's super convincing. Also they think it was stolen from the government, so Sheldon starts freaking out.

Turns out Amy already went on a date!! And they're right, Tinder would make a great drinking game!! Penny squealing over Amy's date sounded like my roommate when they found out I met a cute guy at a bar and got his number. (It was Halloween. He was dressed as a Power Ranger. Good times were had by all.)

Sheldon and Leonard decide to give the helium back to the guy, and he charges more money for it, but then Kripke wants to get partial credit on their paper if he gives them his helium, so they go back and get it again. And now they're buddies with him, because he's one of those adorably smart bad guys. That was a nice ending.

The Big Bang Theory - The Perspiration Implementation

I still can't believe they're on Season 9 of this show already. It seems like just last year Amy was being introduced (and that was Season 4).

I also can't believe how freaking far behind I am. Ugh. Might have to do one of those 'catching up' posts because I don't have the energy.

Howard is lazy, and attached his FitBit to a robot arm so that it would fool Bernadette into thinking he's exercising. Leonard has a Scrabble Dance.

I, too, am very fond of the word 'touche'.

As are these lovelies.

Stuart wants there to be more girls in the comic book store. Not likely to happen while your creepy regular customers are still there, buddy.

The guys decide to take up fencing, and Barry Kripke(!!) is their instructor. But it's serious business, apparently, not glamourous like in a movie. RAJ LOVES THE PRINCESS BRIDE!!!!!! I LOVE THE PRINCESS BRIDE!!!!!!

Best. Movie. Ever.

Congratulations, Raj, you are now my favourite.

Apparently Stuart himself is the problem with his store. Makes sense. And now Howard and Raj are both making Princess Bride references and I AM SO GIDDY! Sheldon wants to slap people across the face with his glove when they insult his honour - which, honestly, I think is a policy that should be resurrected.

Kripke is interested in Amy, and Sheldon gets mad and challenges him to a duel - but three years from then.

Poor Stuart, we all know he's a nice dude but he lacks the confidence to master social graces that wouldn't scare them away. And now Amy's trying to make him feel better but kinda accidentally made him think she was hitting on him. Sheldon randomly decides to pick up a woman at a bar, because literally he went 'oh there's a girl'.

Barry asked Amy out via text - AND sent her a dick pic. BAD Barry. BAD! But she said no. Good Amy. Making smart choices. Leonard and Bernadette are bad friends, abandoning Amy and Sheldon together in the hallway so that they have to talk.

That's just awkward...

Bones - The Promise in the Palace

OH MY GOD IT'S THE TODD!!!!! From Scrubs!! In the opening scene! He's one of the guys who was biking through the forest and found the body.

That dude. Whose underwear I have seen entirely too many times.

Christine lost her first tooth, but Brennan doesn't want them to pretend to be the Tooth Fairy - BTW when I was a kid, my Tooth Fairy was hella cheap. She only gave me a dime per tooth, and a quarter for molars. These kids are getting whole DOLLARS?!!

Angela's handsome photographer mentor friend is handsome. And Cam thinks he might be interested in *something more* than just a mentor-mentee relationship. Oh great, another reason for Hodgins to be jealous.

The victim was not a magician, but rather an escape artist, and yet she still worked at a place called the Magic Palace, which I swear is the same name all TV shows use when they need a name for a secret magician's clubhouse.

I'm pretty sure, when they were scrolling through faces very rapidly on the Angelatron, that one of those was just Olivia Wilde...

She could totally be the dead girl, right?? 

Clark is back. He likes magic - Brennan does not. Aubrey thinks that Brennan might have a point about the Tooth Fairy thing, simply because she's smart and an advanced thinker.

OK I know the whole 'zoom and enhance' thing on crime shows is ridiculous, but right there it was also unnecessary - Angela and Aubrey were looking at security footage from an ATM, and they saw the victim go into a building directly across the street. So Angela 'zoomed and enhanced' the building's address number - BUT YOU KNOW WHERE THE ATM IS, SO YOU COULD HAVE JUST USED A MAP!!! Oy vey.

Clark is trying to do magic tricks to impress Brennan, but she doesn't give a damn.

The son of the guy who owned the Magic Palace got jealous because his dad taught Clarissa, the victim, his old tricks, but he thought they were supposed to be passed down to him. So he stalked her for a few days, and saw her kissing some random dude.

OMG hahaha Cam had her signals crossed - Angela's hunky photography mentor wasn't crushing on Angela, he was crushing on her, Cam!! And he's British! But she says no-go, cos she just got out of a long relationship with Arastoo... Awks. But she smiled! Good for her!

You go, Cam! Be happy!! Move on!!

Wait, are you telling me Booth sits reading in a chair beside, and slightly lower than, the bed, rather than, oh, I don't know, ON the bed?? Beds are the most comfortable place to sit reading, hands down. But I guess you'd better not rumple those perfect sheets, eh?

Clarissa's roommate's boyfriend is a caterer, and he was using some kind of fancy truffle oil (which Booth only knew about because Mr. Foodie Aubrey pointed it out) which Clarissa had a reaction to, because truffles are a fungus, and Clarissa was allergic to fungi.

Sucks to be her, because mushrooms are a fungi and they are delicious

The roommate doesn't have an alibi for the night of the murder, but they quickly brush over that, because she was moving to Las Vegas to work in a casino, so the owner of the Magic Palace got ad because he'd invested so much in her and she was taking off... So he killed her. But he was so sad when they arrested him, kept screaming 'Why did she break her promise?'. I almost feel bad for him.

Bones relented on her Tooth Fairy stance, and gave Christine a dollar. Awww... And Booth did a fancy trick thing that I don't understand and Bones doesn't understand, but he somehow replicated a paper that had 'three US attorney's signatures on it'

And Cam called the British guy!! Yaaay!!! 

Bones - The Senator in the Street Sweeper

Nooo don't run over the little raccoon! Oh, it ran away. OK. We're good. Except there's a dead body in the street sweeper - as promised by the title. Ewwww.

So, wait, the murderer just left a dead body on the side of the road? Where anyone could have stumbled upon it? That's dumb.

Duh. Everyone knows this. 

Booth wants to put a TV in their bedroom, and Brennan disagrees because she thinks it'll get in the way of their sexytime.

Jessica (the redheaded intern) has apparently been watching Battlestar Galactica with Aubrey, which first made me say 'awww' but then made me roll my eyes because they're just instilling all of Sweets' traits in him - he was a sci-fi nerd, too. But she swears that's all that's happening, no Netflix and chilling for them, I see.

Brennan is, for some reason, comfortable talking about their sex life in front of Caroline. Hahaha love Caroline so much.

As implied in the title, the dead guy was a senator. Aubrey wants to be a politician and I love it. He's so ambitious!! He also mentioned Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, a classic movie that has been at the top of my 'movies to watch' list forever.

How can you not love Jimmy Stewart?! 

Caroline's boss wants Aubrey to run a background check on Jessica, which is kind of awkward being that she's kind of almost his girlfriend (I think?) and hopefully he doesn't fund anything too sketchy.

Brennan does an imitation of Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, and I'm starting to wonder if the writer of this episode is a fan of classic movies. 

Oh dear. Jessica was a member of Greenpeace and was present when a bomb exploded near a protest  - even though they hadn't planted it - and also was on the road with the band Phish, where there were a lot of drugs, and she says "I know, I had a great time" and he made this face

This is one of the great facial expressions in the history of facial expressions

So Aubrey seems all uncomfortable about the fact that she's being all honest and that it's technically his job to tattle on her, but they he's like 'OK let's just pretend this never happened' and oh Aubrey I'm so disappointed in you... 

Then he tells Caroline (half of) what he found out, realizes that she assigned him this task to show him what he's getting himself into and what followed is the funniest conversation I've seen in a while. I couldn't find it in GIF format, so bear with me.  

Caroline: You have a bright future ahead of you, but first you need to find yourself the right kind of woman

Aubrey: You asking me out? 

Caroline: Chere, you couldn't handle me.

Aubrey: *awkward snort/laugh*

Can we get a spinoff of these two, please??

The senator ran on a platform of supporting coal miners, and then was about to sign a bill about reducing coal emissions. Which naturally upset a lot of coal miners, including a big giant dude that Caroline tried to prosecute for something before, but the witness disappeared.

Bennan is all proud of herself because she figured out that Jessica and Aubrey were seeing each other but now having problems. The senator made a sketchy 2000$ withdrawal every month and also used to go see a young lady at a restaurant on a regular basis, including the night he died. They think he was having an affair, but Brennan figures out the girl is his daughter!!

The senator's wife is somehow now going to take over his seat, because apparently that's a thing, and she's been accused of poisoning him, since she was a diabetic and had access to the kind of needle that had been used to poison him. And the axe used to hack up his body. as was the senate majority leader.

Apparently if you cut yourself on coal, your skin will turn blue. The senator was going to vote against the party, and his assistant was having an affair with his wife so he was the killer.

Brennan got Booth a TV! It's a nice big one, now they're bickering over the remote cos they're adorable.

Speaking of adorable, let's see that Aubrey face one more time

NCIS: LA - Defectors

I somehow accidentally had the described video on for the first five minutes. I have no idea how it got turned on, and I have no idea how I managed to turn it off again, but DAMN that stuff is thorough. "Callen sits back and looks at Kensi's desk." The only problem is, it pauses during the dialogue, so I couldn't tell if I'd actually managed to turn it off or not.

A guy got hit by a car after getting out of his car at a stoplight because his gas cap was open. The guy who hit him was suspected of being a terrorist. His wife(? Girlfriend?) looks like she's 12 years old.

Callen bought Kensi a self-help book because she makes a mess all over his desk all the time (but Deeks put him up to it)

Wow, this whole episode is about ISIS and its recruiting tactics. I can see why they didn't air it last week. Also ride-sharing apps are the devil. But that's nothing new.

The team goes to a house and pulls guns on an unsuspecting woman and her daughter, and holds said guns on her even after she explains her other daughter has been 'taken'. The daughter was probably recruited to ISIS. Oh dear.

Callen just said 'that's my girl' to Nell and I said 'awwwwwe'!!

I sense a big brother/little sister vibe here

The sister is obnoxiously ditzy-sounding. Like she'd fit in better with on a Disney Channel show. Apparently the missing girl, Zahra, was watching ISIS propaganda videos. She's flying to Turkey to offer herself as a bride. And she was approached by a modelling agency that may have been a front. Yeesh. Can't trust anybody!

Hetty knew Jackie O, and I am not at all surprised. Kensi has to go undercover as a model. How does nobody ever hear her when she's talking to Deeks through her earpiece?! She's not exactly subtle... Just like when she was digging through the file cabinet at the modelling agency and the creepy blonde lady catches her. Or when the guy who owns the modelling agency was having an affair in the back seat of his car and Deeks catches HIM!

Well that was an awkward conversation

Zahra wasn't on the plane she was supposed to be on, but some other girls have also gone missing and might be sent to Iran - or, they're with the creepy photographer guy from the modelling agency. And Zahra was locked in the trunk of a car.

Plus Kensi was smart and convinced the other two girls to go home. Kensi and Deeks start bantering and Callen and Sam exchange a look.

Except they're Granger in this scenario

Then Kensi and Deeks walk outside, still bantering, and there are two dudes in suits near his car, and then they arrest him, for murder?!!

And then he turns and looks at Kensi and says 'I love you' but it was in a weird tone, like 'Oh, yeah, by the way', not really a declaration of love as you're being led away in handcuffs kinda thing...

And oh yeah, that's where they leave it. No further explanation. Cliffhanger.

And we all know how I feel about cliffhangers...

SNL - Elizabeth Banks

This opening was great. Offering hope and solidarity with the people of France after terrorist attacks. A note of sensitivity that SNL sometimes misses. I also didn't know Cecily spoke French, and I'm very proud of her for her delivery, I could tell it was rough and at a few points she seemed on the verge of tears. But she did an excellent job.

Full disclosure - I missed this episode and I was disappointed about that (I love Elizabeth Banks) because my roommate decided I needed to go out with her and socialize. Can't really argue with her on that one.

Elizabeth Banks starts the show wearing a ball gown. God this woman is wonderful. And singing 'Flashdance (what a feeling)'?! She's my spirit animal.

Let's just say the first fauxmercial was creepy.

Black Jeopardy! These ones are always super awkward lol Elizabeth makes a good clueless college-age hippie girl lol. Of course the correct answer is that Tupac is still alive!

It's kind of hilarious when they make the girls into a little 90s-type girl group - Vanessa used to have a crush on the Menendez brothers? That's messed up, girl... THOSE WHITE OUTFITS THOUGH!!! And I don't blame Cecily for liking TRL-era Carson Daly. He's a cutie.

He looks like he just wandered onto the set and they gave him a mic

LMAO OH GOD THOSE HIGH-SCHOOL WEIRD DRAMA KID PEOPLE. There were definitely kids like that at my high school. They weren't performance artists though, they were visual art students. Just as obnoxious, but a little easier to ignore.
"It says the proceeds from tonight's show go to Neil Patrick Harris... He doesn't need that!"
And plot twist: Aidy says her mom's dead, and Vanessa's in the audience and is actually her mom...

UPDAAAAAAATE!!!! Now they're allowed to make fun of Trump! YAAAY!!! 'Jeb Hitler' actually made me laugh out loud and I got shushed by my dad. Oops.
BTW the Starbucks cup controversy is so much horseshit. This is all I have to say on the matter:
1) The fact that they're red already acknowledges the holiday season. They could have just been left white!

Such religion. So Christ-ly. 

2) THERE ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO CARE ABOUT IN THE WORLD, GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR OWN ASSES!!!!
Pete has some good points about the whole stupid 'Transgender people are only transgender so they can watch women pee' argument. Well done, Pete. (And he broke slightly hahaha 'Cecily has a beautiful singing voice... That was my favourite line')
Ughh... I love Kyle but I hate his character Bruce Chandling. The whole schtick is that he's a 'comedian' who isn't funny... But the bit itself isn't funny... So it's just uncomfortable. WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS?!!
Caffeinated peanut butter is a thing?! This is what I need for breakfast... Although maybe not after what Michael said about it. Ew. Apparently a 3-piece bikini in Russia is a shirt, pants, and a big heavy coat! That sounds like a Canadian 3-piece bikini. (It started snowing today. Ugh).

OMG yes a sketch about the stupid stories Ben Carson tells, trying to seem like he used to be all tough. Jay Pharoah's impressions are perfect. I love him so much. Belts can stop all the weapons! Why don't people wear belts all over? For safety!

Bobby as an awkward extra in a TV show... his character is accused of being a pervert, and speaking of 'extras', the new SNL cast member makes his first and only appearance all episode as the guy who closes the clapboard. Who are you and where have you been all week?! And he's like 'wait people are gonna think I'm actually a pervert?!' Seems like that episode of Drake & Josh where Josh plays a criminal in a re-enactment and everyone thinks he's the real criminal.

Woah woah woah, just take it easy, man! 

Wait, is Mike O'Brien still doing things? I thought he left? He cast himself as the worst Uber driver ever. Why the hell would she even get out of the car with him? Aww now they're friends and I'm so confused. Girl, you coulda just walked to your destination. Aaaand now they're getting rid of a dead body together. And taking his wife to the hospital. Weird. 

The next sketch is the best little sketch about perspective and first-world problems. Like "OMG I had to eat my sushi with a fork cos the delivery guy forgot to bring me chopsticks." Elizabeth taking two Ubers in one episode? Does she drive herself anywhere?! But at least they agreed to stop saying 'ghetto' forever. Yaaaay progress!! 

And she said 'God Bless Paris' during the goodbye. What a sweetheart. Love you Elizabeth Banks! Never change!! (And hopefully come back and host SNL over and over and over and over again!!)

NCIS: LA - The Long Goodbye

So they changed the episode that was supposed to air tonight, in light of the terrorist attacks in Paris over the weekend, because it was supposed to be about ISIS. Definitely a smart move on CBS's part, but the opening scene involved a bomb and a bunch of shooting, I'm not sure how that's much better.
And in terms of rearranging the episodes, I'm not sure how they will swing that with the non-case-related plot items being out of order. I'm (pleased, but) surprised they didn't just bump all the episodes forward a week and air a rerun this week.

Callen is a good friend, offering to help Kensi with a situation with a PSB ('Parking Space Bitch') at Starbucks. She's right though, sometimes women DO just want to vent without people offering advice or a solution! I wish my guy friends (and my mom) would understand that!!

Sam's old 'friend' Jada was the one who was attacked and kidnapped - she was on her way to the States to go into witness protection. There's something to do with a cartel, and she might have been running away from the NCIS folks because she doesn't trust them.

Oh, BTW, Talia is back. She and Kensi are undercover. As models. With the cartel.

DEEKS WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH CALLEN!!! I want them to be buddies!!! They're my faves. "What could you possibly have plans for, staring at the ocean smoldering?"

I am certain that Callen making this face would be my favourite thing ever.

Kensi finds a guy at the party who's on a laptop looking at photos of Jada, and she pretends to want to dance with him, but then Talia's connection gets all annoyed with her, and they kick his butt. Everyone else runs away, instead of trying to fight the girls.

For some reason, the girls are getting changed behind a screen. In the middle of Ops. Right in front of the guys. Do you guys not have a bathroom or something? This is seriously weird.

Sam's interrogating a guy who thinks he knows everything about what happened with him and Jada. Sam is about to get up and probably strangle the dude, but Hetty intervenes. Good timing, Hetty.

Callen and the team follow someone to a theater, where he takes part in a shady handoff with someone in a hoodie - except the guy in the hoodie isn't a guy at all, it's Jada! And she gets in a car and takes off!

For some reason Jada wants to go back to Sudan but this is so confusing, I mean she was on this show like 3, 4 seasons ago?? HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL THESE PEOPLE?!! They need to stop doing this!!! Sam wants to prevent her from going back to Sudan because he thinks she'll be killed.

Talia also has a PSB of her own, and she offers to have a talk about it. So sweet. Callen is still not taking sides. Love him.

The head cartel guy shoots the agent who was helping Jada, as she's about to get on a plane - and then Callen shoots that guy, but he tells Callen that he's not actually the Molina guy. Turns out the guy in the interrogation room with Sam was actually Molina. Jada's brother had told him that he was going to kill her. And literally no one is surprised.

Callen hands Jada his phone, with Sam on the other end, and he tells her that her brother's waiting to kill her. She chooses to leave anyways. Damn, this is sad. She's so lonely she just wants to go home even if that means death. Or else she's delusional about who her brother is.

Talia is now flirting with Callen, and agrees that he would give a good smolder. But nobody wants to hang out with Deeks. Poor Deeks.

NCIS: LA - An Unlocked Mind

I missed the beginning of the episode because I was at the library working on an essay. By the time I got home, too much had happened so I kind of didn't know what was going on. Soooo I forgot about it until today. Oopsie. (Darn schoolwork!)

There's a woman running in the woods, then she gets in a car and creepy people are following her, she gets in a car and there's another creepy person in there too. She punches that person and manages to drive away.

Deeks is surprisingly flexible. The lady at the beginning was the wife of a DARPA engineer named David who was a member of a weird church (a.k.a. a CULT) and Deeks & Kensi are going undercover!! Deeks is a good actor but he's also a bit of a perv haha and he thinks Nell is turning into Hetty.

If by that, he means 'tiny and badass', then yes. 

How the hell do a huge bunch of people just randomly decide they want to join a 'church'?! Do these people not have lives? Jobs? Families? The leader is very creepy and looks extremely familiar, he wants to see how 'open' Kensi is and I just threw up a little bit. (The guy who played him was a recurring character on Criminal Minds, but I probably also recognized him because he was in one of my favourite CSI episodes, 'Who Shot Sherlock'.) They keep saying "Welcome to the best part of your life" which should be a red flag right there.

Turns out the cult used to take in high-up executives from big corporations and then steal their companies' secrets. And now they've graduated to stealing defense secrets. Also, the one guy Adam, who's guiding Deeks was totally on another episode of this very show.

They put them in the pool and, naturally, Kensi and Deeks are singled out and they hold him underwater for an unnatural length of time even though he told them he was afraid of water after almost drowning as a kid (a lie) but of course, now his communication with the team in Ops is compromised. Why are those earwig things not waterproof?

The DOJ don't want them to 'poke the bear' of the church, or put agents under cover inside. Oopsie...

The defense contractor guy David has to do his 'work', which is picking up rocks from a field that were probably placed there intentionally - but when he talks to Deeks, someone else takes him away to the 'Discipline Arena' which sounds very medieval and not at all fun.

The women are even creepier than the men, they sit around glassy-eyed, drinking wine and apparently massage each other. Sounds like Real Housewives, but without the catfighting.

Deeks shows up at the Discipline Arena and they're literally doing 'Simon Says' until two of the guys start fighting. And it also involves them being told to slap themselves. Several times, Deeks makes a 'what the hell is happening here' face.

It's like this, but it's on Deeks instead of a baby. 

Sam and Nell get to go into the field, following the guy who owns the church and his shady dealings with shady Chinese people. Granger stands up to the DOJ guy and it's kind of badass. 

The women all start talking about how they're 'like sisters' and seriously, were these ladies rejected from American horror Story?? Because they're SO CREEPY!! And they drugged Kensi! Oh no! 

CREEPY CULT LADIES AND DUDE ARE TRYING TO RAPE KENSI GET HER THE HELL OUTTA THERE!!! 

David decides he wants to leave, Deeks volunteered to help him, and then chaos ensues. Deeks kicks a guy's ass using a rolled-up magazine but then David chickens out and Deeks is trapped (I think? It cut to commercial)

Yeah, he's trapped. A hive mind is an extremely dangerous thing. Eventually David comes to his senses, but not before everyone else's butts get whooped. 

Even Drugged Kensi is stronger than most sober people - she headbutts the leader and punches the creepy lady leader. 

Sam tells Callen that they've caught the Chinese guy, and Callen decides to rush into the compound because Kensi managed to contact them and tell them she'd been drugged. 

The FBI shows up, and the DOJ guy tries to stop Callen from moving in, then Granger goes all badass again, and this happens:

"We could use your help"

*FBI guys nod*

"And you... Stay the hell out of our way"

*DOJ guy looks conflicted*

But Sam lied. He hadn't found the guy. VERY CLEVER, SAM! 

Suddenly the cult members all have guns. That's not good. Deeks just straight-up tackles a dude and takes his gun. This is a really stupid place to have a compound, with no walls or anything, if you're afraid of people escaping. The dude Kensi head-butted shows up, he's gotten dressed but his nose is bloody, and he has his own gun. And it's shiny. 

He also tells the cult members to 'get the barrels and the lye' because clearly they have a process for these things, and it involves murder. He tells David that he's about to 'leave this physical plane' and right on cue, Granger shows up with the FBI agents and says 'welcome to my physical plane!' (If this was not airing on TV he would have followed up with 'motherf***er', I'm sure of it.)

Jon is a fan of Badass Granger

Not to be outdone, Callen slides in with a one-liner of his own - "Welcome to the worst part of your life."

The DOJ guy threatens to arrest Sam for lying to him, then all the other team members (first Callen, then Granger) tell him it was actually each of their faults for the lying. And then Nell (bless her!) pipes up with "I threatened Agent Hanna with physical bodily harm if he didn't lie to you. Made even more entertaining by the fact that she's standing next to him as she says it. 

All 5-foot 1 1/2" of her next to 6-foot something of him. (Hey, she's shorter than me!) 

Awkward moment when Kensi and Deeks are kissing in the boatshed and Hetty appears on the monitor hahaha gotta love her timing! But David and his wife are reunited and safe! Yaaay! And nobody had to shoot a bad guy this week! That's some kind of NCIS: LA record, right?!