Wednesday 21 March 2012

CSI: Miami - 'Rest in Pieces'

The title of this episode gives me the feeling I'm going to lose my lunch... Good thing I haven't eaten lunch today!
We open with the very horror-movie-esque visual of the sun setting (rising?) over a giant feild of dirt. Then (dun-dunnn) a hand pokes up out of the dirt and begins clawing at the ground around itself. Eventually, a young man (late teens? Early 20s?) emerges, covered in sand and gasping for air. Which makes me wonder - Was he buried alive? For how long? He must've been unconscious if he was buried so close to the surface with nothing tying him up, or keeping him captive... But if he was unconscious, how did he not die by inhaling a bunch of soil? (All this pondering has been going on while I have the video paused, waiting for it to load.) He's stumbling around and gasping and choking and keeps screaming 'CHELSEA!!' - I'm guessing she's dead. Or he's gonna die. I hope not the second option -.-
How can nobody hear him? He's on a beach, there are houses... The sun was apparently rising, cos it's daylight now and we can see that he's covered in blood... Was he stabbed? Shot? What the hell's going on? He's crossing a road, there are cars! For Pete's sake, someone STOP and help him, he's covered in blood, don't just honk!
Ok then we see Horatio standing on the beach next to a pile of dirt and blood but not looking at it -.- Oh Horatio you are such a thoughtful one. Walter tells him that the kid's going to the hospital, he was stabbed in the stomach (hence the bleeding and gasping) and then they see a second mound of dirt - it's Chelsea. She's dead. Killed by the exact M.O. as that bastard serial killer, Esteban, that they've been chasing all season. Tm goes 'this sonofabitch needs to be stopped' and then a helicopter interrupts Horatio's delivery of his sunglasses line, which was no doubt 'And stopped - he will be'. The chopper blows up a shitload of sand and contaminates the crime scene and pisses off H who runs over to investigate and finds some rich old lady who informs him that it's her land and she's Esteban's grandmother, and she's there to protect her business from all this 'bad publicity'. But she seems kinda cooperative, says she'll follow their investigation wherever it leads, not like the rest of his family who wishes to protect the bastard O.O
YEAAAAH!!
Frank's talking to Esteban in a lineup and he's being a jerk (as per usual), sucking on some lollipop which Frank pulls out of his mouth and sticks in his pocket, only to have the jackass refer to that as 'police brutality' and me go 'PFFFT'. Then they bring in the poor kid who was all beat-up, turns out Chelsea was his girlfriend, and she'd had a tough life, used to be a prostitute - and she was only nineteen :( The guy identifies Esteban as the guy who attacked them! GOTCHA!
Frick now the grandmother's getting indignant cos he was the only Latino in the lineup, which is apparently 'racial profiling'.
Uh-oh Tom and Walter were still at the crime scene when they see a crab running around with a human fingerbone - not Chelsea's. And they dig up a second body, skeletized. Damn, where's Bones when you need her?? Luckily, Tom knows his stuff! It's a guy - Walter is confused cos all of Esteban's victims were female. But just because it was found on his family's land doesn't mean he killed the person. But the guy was killed by being shot in the head - and the bullet matches a gun belonging to Esteban's father, Diego!!
They're driving, and they're going to arrest him... And they find him arguing with his mother. She says he has 'no spine'. I was gonna go with 'no heart' but sure, let's just imply that his torso is entirely empty. Guy says he owned a gun, sure, but years ago (why do people always say they 'lost' or misplaced their guns? You'd think they would want to keep track of something like that...) Horatio says 'years ago' is exactly when this guy was killed, HAHA! So Frank arrests him and somehow manages to hide the glee in his voice. And Horatio 'has a look around'. The backyard is weird, it's got a bunch of moss and old-looking stuff which looks almost rundown. Then Horatio takes a seat and happens to find something in the firepit - a women's shoe heel that's been burned, and the grandma denies that it's hers.
Eric knows nothing about shoes so he calls in Calleigh and they find a shoe online that matches the description of the heel. Eric wants to talk to Elizabeth his friend the hooker and Calleigh says it's not a good idea but he does it anyway. She says the shoes were actually hers, but she loaned them to her friend Chelsea and then starts crying once she figures out what happened. Eric tells her what they've discovered so far, and I think if he keeps bringing her in on these cases she's gonna take matters into her own hands. He asks her to testify and she agrees... And hey the prosecution lawyer is Samantha's boyfriend, played by Ryan McPartlin (aka Dr. Awesome from Chuck)! I'm glad he's got a recurring role on another TV show I watch, he's so cute!
Ohdamn bitch defense lawyer is acting like Delko has a personal relationship with Elizabeth - he's protecting her from a dangerous life, what the hell's your problem??!! It's the only evidence connecting the bastard to the murder! IT STILL EXISTS THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE DIDN'T KILL HER!!! YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE TRUTH BASED ON AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SITUATION!!!! Aaaagh this kind of thing makes me so pissed, even on TV. I want to punch something.
Leave it to the girls to save the day - Calleigh and Natalia go back to the beach and sift through the sand in order to try to find evidence tying Diego to the second, male body.  It's really bugging me that we don't know who this guy is... Anyway, they find a lapel pin that matches the yacht club Diego belonged to years ago. Natalia confronts the mother, she takes off and then confronts Diego - evidently she knew about the murder all along -  and he breaks a bottle and chases her down. She calls Horatio, who arrives to find her sobbing and kneeling over Diego, who is bleeding. I have a feeling he's not gonna make it.
Damn why do commercial breaks arrive in the middle of something suspenseful, then when the show comes back, it's something completely different??! Tom's doing some sciency stuff related to the skeleton from the beach. He says he'll have a good DNA sample but nothing to compare it to - then Horatio says 'here, compare it to this blood from Diego'.
Walter and Ryan at the hospital find a lollipop in Diego's pocket, like the one Esteban was sucking on earlier. Ryan takes a closer look at it (Walter's teasing him) and realises it's plastic and there's something it. Cue David, the cute tech guy, who informs them that it's some kind of fancy data-storage device containing.... Code, and Ryan apparently 'knows code' lol they're so competitive I love them. The code contains an address that they go to AND THEY'RE BEING WATCHED BY A SECURITY CAMERA!! Creepy! It's this big warehouse-type building which is half-empty, and there's a really old car and some random stuff that we can't see in the other half.. Ryan finds stairs and downstairs is soundproofed and full of surgical stuff O.O It's the 'killing chamber' ugh I usually have a pretty strong stomach but this is making even me squirm - particularly all the victim's eyeballs in a jar. There were more than 6 there though! Esteban/Diego/whoever only killed 3 women (that they know of!).
Horatio gets his labcoat on, and he finds something inside the lid of the eyeball jar - a bit of a latex glove, which Natalia analyses. Then we're back in court (Hi McPartlin!) and Esteban snickers when the jar of eyeballs is mentioned - then his bitch lawyer stands up and asks as to its 'relevancy' - first of all, that's not a word, lady, and second of all IT'S WHAT TIES THE VICTIMS TO THE CRIME SCENE, SO DUH! Also, I think they should admit his sick little snicker (everyone saw it) as evidence as to what sort of twisted, sadistic bastard he is. TADAAAH HORATIO'S NAILED THE BASTARD!!!! The DNA on the glove bit was Esteban's!!!! So he's going on trial - and then going to jail! Wait they have the death penalty in Florida, right? And Esteban jumps up all indignant but haughty-like and proclaims for all to hear that 'this will not stand' and starts shouting about how he's sent tons of gifts to the judge, etc -.- But then Horatio tells the grandmother that Diego's gonna live but she can't go see him...
AND THEN Natalia figures out that the skeleton was Diego's father and his mother's wife - she was the one who killed him, using her son's gun and then he was buried by her and Diego. And she shot Diego, she didn't lock herself in the bathroom like they told Horatio, she had left the door unlocked - the evidence doesn't lie. But she goes on the run and Horatio yells at her over the phone while she's drinking champagne on her private plane. That family is utterly insane and murderous. And it closes out with a shot of Diego lying in his hospital bed, and this song that I love and we play at my work by Florence and the Machine - epic song for an epic episode :)

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