Glee - 'Diva'

Rachel's singing. And shrieking. And Kurt's getting sick of her ego. YAY KURT!!! Finally hahaha and he's doing it sassily too.
Emma can't make choices about her wedding, because she's 'a Libra' lol too true! We are tres indescisive! Finn's also really nervous about Regionals, and thinks Schue is going to want the Glee club back. And he's going to have an attitude competition, Emma is the celebrity guest judge - also it killed me to hear her say "The online urban dictionary says that a diva is not a trick-ass hoe, and she doesn't sweat the haters." HAHAHA! Now everyone is trash-talking (starting with Unique and Tina, then Marley and Brit joined in) Jake is so not loving the idea though, because he's a guy.
Then all the ladies (and Blaine) put on a feirce fashion show to Beyonce's 'Diva' and as much as I hate that song, the montage was pretty funny because the guys were helping them get ready and they kept slapping the guys away... 

At least no one was wearing those horrible 'glasses'...

It was a group number, but I didn't hear Blaine sing one note at all! And I much would have preferred to hear Emma's story of how she made the manager at the Cheesecake Factory cry by being a 'diva'!!
Rachel's caterwauling woke Kurt up an hour before his alarm clock, and he has a 'truth time' telling her that they became close because she became tolerable. And then he tells her that he was better than her. And when she brings up the 'Defying Gravity' diva-off, he tells her that he threw the note and she's like 'OMG NO THAT'S A LIE TAKE IT BACK' he gives her a sassy face and says: 

"Sorry, can't. It's Truth Time."

Tina gives Blaine a cold-remedy-kit and he does a Queen song to prove that he's a diva - although they should really fire whoever is in charge of syncing up the mouths in the video with the words in the song... Freddie's not impressed.
30 seconds after that musical number, it's time for another one, from 'special guest diva' Santana and a bunch of random cheerleaders from her school. Ryder seemed to really enjoy it for some reason.
Britney's mad that Santana's in town and didn't tell her, and Santana in turn is mad that Britney's dating Sam - and then introduces her new girlfriend.
Apparently the diva-off betweek Rachel and Kurt is going to happen at this underground, Fight-Club-type thing called Midnight Madness

Did they possibly steal that concept from something?
As well as that name, from every late-night sale in the history of ever?

Rachel's sassy gay henchmen are trashing Kurt and he stands up to them (surprisingly, she does too).
Then OMG PRODUCT PLACEMENT on Emma's desk, this lotion called Udderly SMOOth lotion, she has a bottle and so do I lol, it's incredible for dry skin, and cow-related, so obviously I love it.

Product promotion!! And no, they're not paying me....

Finn is sad because Rachel's in a new relationship and he's not over her, and Emma is lonely because Will's been away for so long, so they chat it out (at one point he calls himself a man-boy) and he helps her pick floral arrangements for the wedding so she checks it off her giant posterboard checklist. How cute.

Is it just me, or is there a little something going on there??

Santana is pissed and calls Sam to the auditorium to tell him he has no right to date her, bla bla bla bitchy stuff... Then she decides it's time to sing again. And it's not fair, she picked a song that's too high for him to sound good at it lol - then, Brit pokes her head in the door and sees them and looks confused. Santana leaves saying "This isn't over," and Sam tells her that she's the one who left, soo her loss!
Tina finds Blaine with a cold really cute - although I have to say his voice is hilarious. And she brings him Vapo-Rub, which unfortunately reminds me of this:

GET THIS IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

He invites her over to help her be a diva and he says he loves girls but not 'in that way' which you know is going to give her the wrong idea! And then he gets all sleepy from the medicine and lies down. Then she decides to have a Truth time of her own and tells him that she's falling in love with him - and he fell asleep. LMAO awkward bullet dodged there! So she unbuttons his shirt and sits on him and rubs Vapo-rub on his chest, which I'm not sure, but it may count as some kind of sexual harassment, if he was asleep at the time...
OMG EWWW THEN SHE LIED DOWN WITH HER HEAD ON HIS VAPO-RUBBED CHEST!!!

EW THAT SHIT'S GONNA GET ALL UP IN HER HAIR!!!

So all the sneakiness of the Midnight Madness thing happens with a full orchestra - I call bullshit! This is clearly school-sanctioned!! Despite the lack of proper lighting. And they have to sing one of the saddest songs from Les Mis, 'Bring Him Home'... And Rachel does her patented no-teeth-wide-mouth belt, waving her arms around unnecessarily, Kurt looks like he's going to cry or like he's praying. The audience naturally loves it. And they applaud - silently, as per the rules. Adam, as well as one of the sassy gay guys from before, vote for Kurt, as does over half the group, so he wins! Yaay! And Rachel's stunned.
Sue is wondering what's wrong with the Glee graduates, because they must have jobs, clearly they have some kind of employment, otherwise how would they pay the servants to service their teleporters which they must have, because they all keep showing up back there!! I cracked up. Good Sue monologue, as always. Then she tells Santana that she knows about her dropping out, and she wants to make her her 'heir' to the Cheerios coaching job. Oh damn.
Tina storms down the hall and rips the picture of her and Blaine out of her locker, then stomps up to him and tells Artie to leave, so he rolls away awkwardly. Then she tells him that she's done helping him out, because she's not in love with him anymore! Naturally, he's confused. Then the turns around and is suddenly wearing the pink Madonna bodysuit and Blaine and Artie are outside when she goes out to the courtyard (also, shouldn't it be winter?!) 

This thing. This awkward thing. Hide those legs, woman!

The henchdudes want to be friends with Kurt, but he tells them off and threatens them. Also, cute guy Adam's back! And Rachel's self-conscious straight-hair with bangs are back, which you know means Kurt's going to try to build her back up, and she'll become insufferable again. Typical.
Tina won the diva-off, which prompted Britney to go "She never wins anything!" and for some reason makes Finn and Emma hug.
Then Blaine apologises for taking Tina for granted, gives her a chocolate flower, and asks her to be his date to Mr. Schue's wedding. Aww!
Kurt tells Rachel to stop feeling sorry for herself, and got her an audition for Funny Girl, so she needs to practise. He's such a good friend!!
Finn walks into Emma's office to find her all flustered and upset because Will said the centerpeices were 'fine' which apparently means he hates them, and she's covered in flowers and can't figure anything out so she starts sobbing and throwing things on the floor and saying she can't get married again, and Finn grabs her shoulders and tells her to calm down - AND THEN HE KISSES HER!!! WTF?!! Then he just leaves. What the hell? And she's standing there sniffling and all wide-eyed.
Santana tells Britney to dump Sam and Brit says that she likes Sam cos he makes her think about stuff, like where air comes from, and why in every movie about Jesus he dies at the end. Also, Brit knows that she really isn't dating the other girl. So they kiss and make up, and Britney goes off to be British at Breadsticks with Sam.
Then Santana gets to sing again - 'Girl on Fire' by Alica Keyes, which I LOVE.. And maybe it's the video I'm watching, but the synching is off again, and it's really bugging me!! Aaand suddenly Santana's in New York. This will be interesting, especially if she decides to knock down the Diva-Rachel a few pegs. 

"I'm moving in!"

Cue the shocked Rachel, Kurt, and Emily faces - and fade to black.