SNL - Justin Beiber

So. This is my opinion, and it's probably one that's going to get me in trouble with people, especially on the Interwebs, but here it is. I think Justin Beiber is overrated. I don't think he can act, and he used to be able to sing half-decently, but since his voice dropped, it's too raspy and sounds weird. He's pretty attractive, but I still don't really like him. He also seems a little too full of himself. I mean, he made out with a mannequin head on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. WHO DOES THAT?! Well, and then Jimmy did it too haha but I love Jimmy, and it wasn't HIS idea, soo... He can get away with it. I am kind of mad that SNL is letting him host AND be musical guest, because 1) that will only serve to inflate his ego further, and 2) he really isn't overly talented at either of those things, certainly not up to the calibre that the 'host of SNL' title implies. I do, however, have to forgive SNL for this, especially after they allowed the love of my life (a singer, no less) to host two weeks ago (Adam Levine - AND HE DID A DAMN GOOD JOB OF IT!!!), and Bruno Mars (who I also adore!) back in the fall - altho Bruno began his monologue by saying he didn't think he'd do well, and then proved himself wrong. 

Come back soon, Bruno!!

And I have to shake my head at my darling Jimmy because when JB was on his show, he referred to this episode of SNL as 'the Justin Beiber show' and I was like 'REally?! Does he need you to feed his ego?! Not at all!!!'. But there you have it. I definitely think this is going to be one of the rare SNL episodes where the sketches don't focus around the 'host', where the cast members are going to have to carry the jokes, because otherwise it would be a total train wreck. But anyways. Here we go.
The opening sketch is about the power outage at the Super Bowl, where they're trying to update on a situation where there really is nothing happening to update on. And they keep plugging 2 Broke Girls. And now they're throwing to a commercial of Bill in a pedo stache dancing, which is frightening me a little, because they ran out of proper commercials. 

According to the SNL Facebook page, Bill won the Internet with that sketch. He's too creepy. But he should win in general, just for killing EVERYTHING they make him do!!! Love you Bill :)

Taran is all pissed because they keep throwing to him on the sidelines, and he has nothing new to say about the situation. This is a fascinating sketch, and it's hilarious because Beiber is not in it.
I hope they can get the audience to quiet down, otherwise there won't even be a show. Just screaming. Thank god my TV has a mute button. He's combining Black History Month and Valentine's Day, by talking to girls in the audience about African-American progress... And Keenan keeps correcting him. And he's looking off to the side, which is awkward. OMFG WHOOPI GOLDBERG IS IN THE AUDIENCE!!!! AND THE SCREAMS WERE EVEN LOUDER FOR HER - as they should be!! They have GOT to keep up this whole surprise-famous-people-in-the-audience-during-the-monologue thing. Cos that is freaking awesome. 

Whoopee, it's Whoopi!!!

THE CALIFORNIANS!!! There may be hope for this episode yet... I love these blonde people who give specific directions to everywhere! And then always ask 'what're you doing herrr?'. OMG I think Bill's wearing a fake hand. He might lose his hand.. Especially considering he is holding a power saw. Beiber is a ragamuffin that was sleeping in their bathtub. His voice isn't bad, but he keeps staring at the cue cards and not moving his head at all, plus he keeps fudging his lines lol. This might bother me. OMG when they did that thing with the dramatic music where the camera focuses on just one person and they look all shocked, they flipped to Bill from 2 different cameras like 6 times in a row and I LOST it hahaha he's such a pro.
OK my friend just put this in perspective for me - she compared Beiber to Kristen Stewart. But then I realised that Stewart is worse lol. Because she's actually supposed to be an actress. And at least he's capable of smiling. 

How are you feeling, Bella? Sad? Happy? Angry? Bored? Asleep?
Melancholy? Oh, who are we kidding, it's always melancholy..

Now we have Justin playing himself. Shocking. And they've got a Harry Potter-esque idea where they made a bunch of 'body doubles' to protect him and Jason is mocking him secretly, because all they have to do to sound like him apparently is say 'swaggie'! And then they sing compared to him, and the real Beiber is vocalising WAY too much - HOLD A NOTE FOR LONGER THAN 2 SECONDS, I DARE YOU!!! Then he goes 'well that one kind of looks like me' and HAHAHAHA it's Kate as Ellen!! Then Jason carries him into the hallway singing the song from The Lion King. I'm glad they're at least pointing out how ridiculous he is. 

They look the same to me...

Now they're mocking the Real Housewives franchise with a commercial about how everyone has their own reality show - including the Real Houseplants of Beverly Hills hahaha.. Also Beiber managed to do a 2-word line in an Austrian accent. So I'll give him that one.
Note to Global execs: OK I get it, Valentine's day is coming up. Does there really need to be a condom commercial literally ever commercial break?! Like seriously.
That's why they had Whoopi show up earlier - to introduce the 'musical' guest. Who claims to be talented with many instruments, and yet won't play his own guitar O.o Weird. And NOW he has no problem looking into the camera!!! But during the monologue he was all 'Oh what's that to the left of me, that's apparently very interesting, because I keep looking at it!' I'm creeped out. He keeps looking at me. I'm hiding behind my laptop screen. AND WTF IS THAT SHIRT MADE OF??? 

Is it vinyl? Is it alligator? Is it mesh?! Who knows?!!

At last!! Seth!! At least the host usually doesn't show up during Weekend Update... He called Wolf Blitzer a drone, and said Alicia Keyes' rendition of the national anthem was the longest ever at the Super Bowl, because it ended 2 and a half minutes into the first quarter. LAWL!! And Richard III's best friends from growing up hate him (shocking, considering that's the character) and apparently Richard called Vanessa's character ugly!! How could you do that!!! 

I mean really, King Richard??!! She's gorgeous!!!

Also Seth made fun of Honey Boo-boo and then made a shocked face as the audience was like 'whaa?' Also a survey shows that the first thing people judge their date on is how good their teeth are, followed by the quality of their grammar. And then Seth goes "Good news for whomever has both" and grins at the camera. *Sigh* he's so pretty!!!! I actually blew a kiss at my screen when he said that. I'm not ashamed.

Lucky indeed, you beautiful creature...

And then he said the one thing that I've been thinking ever since the news about the Monopoly iron being retired and replaced with a cat - "So, the next time you play Monopoly, you can be the iron. Because no one is going out and buying a whole new game." I'm pretty sure my family's Monopoly game is older than I am. Touche, Mr. Meyers. Touche. (I don't know how to do the accent on Blogger... Don't judge me) A Grease parody where Cecily and Justin went on a date. And he opened the car door but he tried to push it not pulling it open... So he's stupid. But she loves it!! Ahahaha.. Also, I noticed something, he has a cigarette or something behind his ear, and it fell off at one point, but then was back when it next panned to him - continuity!! Clearly he picked it up. And he tells her he's 11. Which, aside from his height and abs, I totally believe.
OMG THEY BROUGHT BACK THE MILEY CYRUS SHOW!!!! And they updated her hair lol.. Which I find hilarious, because when the REAL Miley Cyrus was on the show, she played Beiber haha...

With the new hair, she's now trying to be 'edgy and adult and sexy' and I'm laughing because of the mockery of one more of the famous people I can't stand.. Beiber's playing the president of her fanclub, and he called himself a douche and a lesbian. I LOVE YOU, SNL WRITERS!!!! But then he said "I heard he got caught smoking weed, and he's really sorry and people make mistakes and he's never going to do it again" and the audience screams. Damn. Plus she admits to being married and Billy Ray didn't even know about it LMAO ok Beiber nailed being obsessed with her. Although he didn't quite get the fast-talking-500-question-asking thing down, I understand that that would be really hard - no one is really as talented as our Vanessa!!
I also love the costume department becasue they put Beiber in his old hairdo for the next sketch, he's Nasim's boyfriend who is visiting her family and Taran is her brother who is kind of a douche, but then Justin ended up saying 'glice' instead of 'glad' or 'nice' and Taran keeps mocking him for it. Also, Beiber's managed to pull of a mild Southern accent, and then he and Nasim both started cracking up because Taran's just SO OVER THE TOP!!!! I LOVE IT!!! Also he looks like such a child compared to Taran lol cripes, I never realised how big he is!!
Damnit there's a sketch about him delivering a 'special Valentine's Day message from Justin Beiber to you' which of course sent the audience screaming. But then there's a twist. His friend Taco (Bobby in a onesie) who is 'always there'. Innnnteresting... 

(He sent her a picture of his crotch)

AND OMG (commercial break) Cascades paper towel brought back their commercial featuring ALEX BILODEAU!!! For those of you who are American, he's this gorgeous (even my mom thinks so, which is saying something) Olympic moguls skiier and Michael Buble lookalike. I love him. And not just because he was the first Canadian to win a gold Olympic medal on home soil. EVER. Although that was really freaking awesome. 

You'd have to be crazy not to find him cute!! Plus, he's a total sweetheart.
I'm proud to recognise him as my fellow Canadian.

Anyway, back to 'the Justin Beiber show', he's also not playing his own piano. I CALL BULLSHIT!!!! Also, maybe the mannequin on Thursday was the warm-up for him making out with that microphone that's hanging from the ceiling. O.O A little disturbing.
OK Lorne Michaels, I officially forgive you. You've more than made up for Beiber by bringing back Principal Frye. I LOVE HIM. 

"Attention teachers and students..."

"If you get shot by an arrow on this Valentine's day, that is not Cupid. There is a hobo with a crossbow sitting on the other side of the parking lot!" And Beiber's nerd voice was actually hilarious. He plays the president of the dance-planning committee who is talking (along with poor Nasim, playing his girlfriend) about abstinence. And according to Principal Frye, "The last abstinence-themed dance didn't work, because someone just gave birth in the photo booth. And I have confiscated the pictures."
OK I must give Beiber props for the generous hugs he gave all the cast members afterwards. That seems pretty humble, good on him. Plus, I mean, who WOULDN'T want to hug Seth?!!
And then the TV gods have smiled upon me once again, because right after, they showed the Alex Bilodeau commercial again. HALLELUJIAH!!
PS - shoutout to my pal Katie for helping me with my Beiber zingers tonight :P