HIMYM - 'Ashtray'

HALLELUJIAH!!! With this episode, I'm finally done catching up - on How I Met Your mother. I still have (yep, I keep a running tally) 2 episodes of CSI, 1 Glee, 3 Big Bang Theory, 1 Bones, and 1 SNL left to watch. Good greif, here I am on the Friday reading week and have done nothing. Haven't read, either. I should probably get on that, too. 

I've been too busy doing this ^

Ted has a message, which is weird because he still has an answering machine! The Captain randomly called him. UH-OH!
He could be pissed. Or murderous. Or neutral. Because Ted got back together with Becky (the Boats Boats Boats girl), and Barney wasn't there, even though he thinks he was. Then Lily invited him to the gallery and the Captain showed up. And started interrupting everything Ted said. Then Ted did the same, and high-fived a waiter.
The Captain invited them over to see his new painting, says hello to his 'one true love' and kisses a photo of someone, and then Ted confronts him about possibly being mad about him and Zoe - so the Captain points a harpoon gun at him O.O
Then once everyone leaves the room, Ted looks at the picture of his 'one true love' and it's Becky!! Double uh-oh. 

Boats boats boats!!! Of course the Captain loves her!!

So when the Captain calls back, he asks for Robin's number and Barney says Ted should not give it to him, goes 'wait a minute, could I sleep with someone else then?' has an out-loud mental argument, slaps himself, decides he and Robin are in fact not seeing other people, but gives Ted permission anyway, because Robin won't mind.
She shows up in the next scene, and minds very much. Then it turns out that Ted and Becky had shared a 'sandwich' before going to the gallery opening - which makes it a very different story from the one Ted told. The Captain was cutting him off because Ted couldn't finish his sentences on account of him being all 'sandwiched-up'. 

Really, with all the inappropriate stuff he tells his kids, he leaves out WEED?!!
And he screamed every time the Captain walked in. Teehee.

And Ted's inner monologue about the Captain being a jerk and him sticking it to his ex-wife (repeatedly) was actually out loud. Awkward!! And the Captain was actually hitting on Robin. And Ted was about to break the crystal ashtray that he earlier said was 'so expensive that it obviously meant he could afford an island to hunt people'. And The Captain had really pulled out and aimed a remote control, to PVR the Real Housewives.
He hit on Robin and invited her back to his bedroom and she said no, to call her in a year and a half, which sends Barney on a long rant about how their relationship is going to dissolve and he wants to be in a threesome...
So Robin calls the Captain and he actually wanted to talk to Lily, but got their names mixed up. (Also, when she asks him if he can hold, he says "Dropping anchor" teehee!) Marshall says Lily won't mind giving out her number, but it turns out she does, and she starts crying and tells her version of events - Ted was 'sandwiched up', and Robin was drunk. And Barney still wasn't there.

"NO, Barney - just, no!"

 Ted actually didn't high-five the waiter, he hit the tray and knocked over the waiter. And the photo that the Captain kissed and called his 'love' was a photo of his boat (Becky was just in the corner). Lily wanted the Captain to buy an elephant painting to replace the blah 'fancy' one in his bedroom, but he hated it and said she was 'just a kindergarten teacher'. So she pulled out the old Aldrin Justice move on him and stole the ashtray. So Marshall and Lily argue.
Barney is sad that he wasn't in the story, so Ted says 'OK fine, you were there' and that he pulled the play from the Playbook on the art consultant (apparently an old Prussian army uniform and an oil painting of yourself are household items)

Because everyone has one of those just lying around. I have 3 in my basement.

and he totally nailed her. Naturally.
Lily is sad because she never pursued her dream of being an artist, and Marshall consoles her but she's really sad and says she'll return the ashtray, which she does but he didn't know it was gone. So that wasn't why he called. He actually bought the elephant. And is going to sell it for 4 million dollars. Because the painter is now hugely famous. SO he hires Lily as his new art consultant!! Hooray!!
And we get to see one more play from Barney's book lol (apparently the art consultant did actually run off with some 'archduke' that night lol typical Barney, changing the course of time with one well-crafted story).