NCIS:LA - 'Lohkay'

There's a guy running down the street, being chased by another guy running down the street. Then the first guy gets hit by a car and the driver of the car kidnaps him, but he dropped his bag. The second guy catches up, picks up the bag, looks inside it, and then looks after the car all upset-like. Well okay then.
Kensi andDeeks are going to a fiscal-responsibility seminar, and Kensi is begging Sam to help her not go - then when Deeks comes back in the room and Kensi leaves, he tells Sam he doesn't want to go either. This is not going to end well...
Sam answers the phone all freaked out, and says everything is not all right then storms off.
Eric broke his 'previous record' for sliding across the room in his chair. Okay then. Then Sam runs in and says that he needs them to look up something for him about an accident and they get worried when he tells him it's personal - they don't want to get in trouble with Hetty.
Someone's nephew was in an accident and is missing - but I didn't catch whose it was... Then Granger is all 'this is a job for the cops' and Sam goes 'no, I'm doing it'. Kensi and Deeks offer to help, then Hetty shows up and also says no, but Eric comes in and says he found the accident and there's a known terrorist-ambassador guy in the car behind the one that hit the nephew, by the name of Habib. How convenient... 

Where there's a celebrity, and a terrorist, around every corner.

Apparently the guy being chased stole a laptop, and the guy chasing him was the owner of the store he stole it from. But the guy got the laptop back.
Sam goes to visit his friend, the uncle, who works in a laundromat, and as they're talking, a black van drives past outside and starts shooting at them. So Sam shoots through the window and then jumps outside, shooting, and kills the shooter, but whoever was driving the van got away.
The shooter was a member of a terrorist group, naturally, and the uncle thinks it was the Taliban who attacked him and kidnapped his nephew. He escaped them when Sam had taken him to the USA, but they'd killed his entire family.
Clannen showed up late *gasp* and Sam decides he's going to take his friend into protective custody.
Deeks and Kensi go to the nephew Amir's house, and banter about how they know each other pretty well, but should get to know each other better (according to Deeks) and he knows everything about her, or claims to, so he read her memoir. Is that a thing? She has one? Nope, it was her diary hahaha and it was on her desk, so naturally he read it.  

And then he said this EXACT line!! Love it!!!

So when Kensi shoves him to the ground, he finds a gun under the bed.
Eric and Nell find another something suspicious, it's video from the electronics store with Amir talking to someone - didn't catch the name, possibly it was the shooter from the laundromat. Or some other evil henchman. It's hard to hear when the volume is down really low.
Sam goes to visit his friend in the 'safehouse' (which looks more like a 'safe shack' to me..) and asks if he knew anything about the people Amir was consorting with. The uncle says there's no way Amir could be mixed up with something shady, and Sam says he could have been trapped. The uncle says that Amir has a girlfriend, but he (the uncle) doesn't really liek her, because she's 'too American' and is a bad influence, therefore must be involved somehow.
Kensi is still mad at Deeks, he defends himself because he's a detective, and therefore he gets paid to snoop. She's now calling it a journal, thinks he got the idea about the financial seminar from the book and says maybe she's writing a book and he scoffs at the idea and she gets mad, then says he should tell her something about him that no one knows.
And then - HOLY CRAP - Deeks slowly, and with lots of prodding, admits that HE USED TO BE A STRIPPER. I AM DYING!!!! She mocks him, he defends himself, and says "It was very liberating - and humiliating" hahaha so she pulls out a few one dollar bills and waves them in his face and then slaps his butt. MAN I LOVE THOSE TWO!!!

Magic Mike 2, anyone??

The girlfriend, Nicole, says she had no idea about Amir being involved with anyone, other than he had bruises he didn't explain, but she doesn't like his uncle because he's too old-school and uptight.
Callen and Sam stake out a building, and see the shooter's brother leaving, then they follow him and see him go into a restaurant of some kind. Sam follows him in and he's talking on the phone, then the guy sees sam and takes off through a back door, so Sam follows (while Callen waits in the car) and they discover that he had left through a back window, so Callen pulls up and they speed off after the guy. Interesting, Callen's a better driver... But the bad guys somehow get behind them and shoot at them (right after Sam warns Callen about scratching the car, they shot out the back window - oops!) Then they do an awesome 180-turn in the middle of the street and shoot at the bad guys, killing the driver, and arrest the other one. Callen pops the trunk, he finds it full of semiautomatic weapons. Uh-oh.
In the midst of all that madness, Eric and Nell found emails on the stolen laptop from Amir to the terrorists, including a bunch of dates and places, including when the shootout at the laundromat took place. So he set up his own uncle. And there are a bunch of response emails, including the word 'ambassador' and the phrase 'death to all infidels'. And when Nell says that, Granger says the funniest line I think he's ever said:

"These guys really need some new material."

OH MY GOD!! The man has a sense of humour!! Who knew!! And he was so deadpan, of course, which made it even funnier - at first I didn't even realise that he'd just made a joke!
Back at Ops, Callen and Sam bicker about who's going to pay for the replacement window, and then Deeks, who is watching the traffic video from the chase, says "Wow you've got some sweet driving skills here" and Sam gets all huffy and admits it wasn't him - which, naturally, makes Deeks and Kensi shocked.
Hetty says that Sam's been making bad judgement calls because if his personal involvement in the case, and Callen looks all worried and she thinks there is going to be an increase in homegrowm terrorist cells.
When Kensi and Deeks go to talk to the girlfriend Nicole again, first bickering about the tickets for the symposium, which Deeks can't get a refund for, they see that the door has been kicked in, and she's in the process of being kidnapped by some scary guys. Kensi and Deeks take them out, but the girl Nicole gets shot in the stomach the process. Things get even more serious when Deeks finds a photo in the pocket of one of the terrorists - of Sam and Yousef, the uncle. Sam's face is circled, and the address of the laundromat is written on the back. They realise that the hitman was going after Sam.
Speaking of whom, we see him at the boatshed (apparently that's where Yousef was being held) and the agent who was supposed to be there is gone - Yousef is there, and so is Amir, because Amir called and Yousef told him where he was. Then suddenly there are a buch of guys pointing guns at Sam and say they're finishing unfinished business. Because finishing finished business would just be silly.
Nell, Hetty and Granger see that the GPS on Sam's car is parked outside the Boatshed, and all the security cameras have been disconnected - except for one. They realise that the boatshed has been breached (does this mean they need a new secret hideout?!) and Sam is hanging from the celing by his wrists being tortured. Hetty and Granger have different priorities - he wants them to trap and arrest Habib, she wants to rescue Sam, and - I'm paraphrasing here - 'to hell with Habib and the others'.

I know another Granger who needs to 'sort out their priorities'... Hehehe

The bad guys give a speech about how Amir wanted to kill Sam because he was the reason Amir's family was killed, because his uncle saved Sam from the Taliban. Then Habib turns on amir because he says he is a 'coward' for turning on his own family (the uncle) and that he's gonna kill him too. SO WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS WHOLE THING?!! This is why you don't hire hitmen... Idiot. Callen, Deeks and Kensi decide not to wait for a SWAT team, and Calllen mentions that he's going in through the basement (Causing Deeks to say 'We have a basement?!') and then Deeks and Kensi stage an argument outside, distracting one of the guards, while Callen sneaks in through a trapdoor (which he lifts about a foot before he can see out of it, like nobody would notice that, if they'd been in the room?!) that is apparently over the water, and in the floor of the interrogation room. How have suspects never noticed that was there?!
He and Deeks and Kensi storm in and shoot bad guys, and Sam pulls himself up by his arms and kicks a bunch. Why couldn't he have done that before? I mean, really. He's so strong..
All the evil terrorists are dead, but Amir says there will be more (dude, you're surrounded by agents, not a good idea to be making threats) and then Sam offers to place him in witness protection (OK maybe it was a good idea? Seems counterintuitive).
Then Amir freaks out and grabs a gun out of nowhere still intent on shooting Sam, his uncle tries to wrestle it from him and it goes off, shooting Amir in the stomach. Which, if you recall, was the same injury his girlfriend sustained earlier, but she survived and he didn't - because he was a bad guy. And that's how those things happen in Los Angeles. 

Land of the predictable plot lines...

Also, in the midst of all this, I realised that they actually have boats in the boatshed. Small ones, kayaks, really. Do they ever actually use those?! I don't think they use those.
Yousef is sad because now his whole family is dead, but Sam reminds him that they'll always have each other! Aww..
Hetty tells Sam that she forgives him for getting 'too involved' and shares a very expensive bottle of something with him - which, naturally, she will take out of his next paycheck. Oh, Hetty.