Tina has more ideas, this time for a sexy man-calendar to raise money to send the team to Regionals. The guys are pretty much down (Sam got his impersonation out of the way early in the episode) except for Blaine, who Tina suggests should be 'a sexy Santa for December' WHEN is she gonna get the message?!
This is creepy, but funny. But still creepy.
Britney does a Fondue for 2 episode with Marley about how she's bulemic and is in love with Jake. Also, Lord Tubbington has an online gambling problem.
Then it turns out that Britney scored the highest on her SATs after guessing everything. And Sam got the lowest and Britney tells him he should just stick to being a sexy model, like 'A greeter at Abercrombie's corporate headquarters'.
Rachel is auditioning for a part in some NYADA senior's film, which requires her to be topless (weirdly enough, we know Lea Michele has no problem with that, considering she was in Spring Awakening...)
OK this is supposed to be a pic of her and Jonathan Groff.. But that doesn't really look like him!!
Then she sees her younger self talking to her and says she is starting to look like a porn star (HA!) and the two of them do a duet of 'Torn' by Natalie Imbruglia (remember that song?!) I used to think it was boring when I was younger, but now I love it! Although she changed back and forth so fast, that made me dizzy.
Finn takes down Sue when she confronts him about the calendar, because apparently he knows about the fact that she was in Penthouse. She told him he'd never find a copy of it, but then he leaves and she makes her 'oh crap I'm in trouble' face lol
You know. This face. We don't get to see it often, so let's charish it.
The guys do a workout to Nelly's 'Hot in Here' and Sam teaches them Booty camp for the guys, and Tina is complimentary about Blaine's butt, but WAY too specific... Also Artie is uncomfortable about it.
Brodie decided that the best way to make Rachel comfortable with her body is for HIM to walk around naked in her apartment - that she shares with poor Kurt. Then Kurt called her a Slutty Barbie and I applauded the TV.
I really just wanted to use this picture again.
Marley and Jake sing a Christina Perri song that I have only heard once before - my cousin showed it to me because she wants to dance to it at her wedding, and I absolutely love it! At the end, she is on the verge of saying she loves him but changes it to 'I love - this song! But I don't think it's right for Regionals.' CHICKEN!! Although they haven't been dating for very long, so maybe it's for the best.
Then Jake and Ryder are talking and Jake says he thinks he might love Marley and Ryder isn't even that jealous, he's just gonna try to help Marley and Jake figure out what they want. So he tells Jake to sing to her.
And here, I actually cried. Because Jake did an incredible, sweet, stripped-down (musically, not clothing-wise) version of Ne-Yo's 'Let Me Love You' and considering how much I already love that song, and the emotion that clearly went into singing it, and Marley's face as she blushed when he said it was for her... I bawled like a little baby.
Artie tells Finn he really couldn't bear being a part of the calendar because of how 'broken' he is, and it's so sad. Poor Artie.
Artie kinda reminds me of this guy... Anyone else see that?
Back to New York, and suddenly Quinn and Santana are in Rachel's apartment! To intervene! And make her respect herself!! You go girls! But, being Slutty Barbie, and Diva Rachel, she doesn't want to listen to them.
The guys are posing for the calendar and Artie is fine holding the reflective board. Sam is acting like a totaly diva, he has to go lift more weights because he lost his muscle-puff by waiting too long in between photos. Then Blaine goes to talk to him telling him to have more faith in himself for beign an awesome person, rather than just a pretty face. And Sam looks like he's gonna cry. Which means I want to cry!
Then Finn marches up to Sue with an envelope and says he found her Penthouse spread and she goes "I'm not ashamed of it! I would love to take a gander at that glorious taco" and I'm very very usettled by that phrase O.O but then she opens it and it's a copy of Highlights hahaha then he reveals that he actually was just recording her admiting that she did, in fact, pose for Penthouse.
He's that sneaky AND looks this good in a tux?! Are we sure he's not a spy??
Emma is back! She and Blaine are showing Sam that there's still hope for him to go away to various colleges, and all he needs to do for some is write an essay.
Rachel was going to do the scene, but then there were a bunch of crew members around and she felt awkward. So she asked for them to take their shirts off too, but they were all like fat or skinny nerds (all guys) so she says she can't do it. Then she leaves singing 'Love Song' (which makes me happy, I love that song so much!) and then she meets up with Quinn and Santana and they all sing together. Then Santana admits that she might want to move to New York.
Blaine show Sam a video that he made of all the members of Glee (including Mercedes!) talking about everything that Sam has done, both for them and for his family, and Blaine says 'there's your essay for college' and I teared up and they hugged and I think Blaine is feeling the same way Tina is feeling about him, but still, it was a really touching moment. Also Britney thinks that Sam was the first person ever to do a Sean Connery impersonation, and that he helped launch Sean Connery's career.
You can't be serious.
The crew is talking abotut the calendar and then Jake gives Marley one where he signed it saying 'I love you' I made the 'I'm gonna tear up' face but didn't actually cry. Then she said she loves him too. And Becky is hitting on Artie again, and it makes me uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as he looks haha!
Then they all sang a song that I've never heard before, but I loved it, and I loved the presentation, the black and white outfits... So classy.
Howard found a website that sells personalised action figures that look like people, Leonard wants one until Penny is less than enthused. Then he doesn't want one. And Sheldon doesn't want one unless it comes with Kung-Fu grip.
Sheldon is narrating his work on his board and then Kripke comes in. Even though his name is in the title of the episode, I was still excited to see him! Sheldon turns his board over to hide his work, then hides it because he doesn't want him to see the picture of the cool train on the other side! They have to work together. This will be interesting.
Don't look at my train!!!
Raj and Howard's dolls arrive and look nothing like them, Raj's is black and Howard's has a HUGE nose.
Sheldon has 'I'm unhappy and I want to destroy the world' music haha. Also Penny asks if he's OK and he says 'there is ominous music playing and I have an afghan over my head, I dont know what world you come from but where I come from, that means I am not doing OK!' The proper drink for someone who is in despair and outraged at the same time is hot apple cider with cinnamon sticks.
Yea he doesn't look OK. Looks like he's plotting to build a Death Star, maybe...
Kripke comes in and they trade work, but Sheldon gives him an envelope with blank paper. Then another one. BURN!
Raj and Howard decide they need a 3D printer, so they can make their own action figures.
Then apparently Kripke's research is way better than Sheldon's, which means that 'the mommy of the smartest physicist at the University is not my mommy, as I'd thought. It's his mommy!!' and Sheldon starts crying, so Amy hugs him, and it's awkward but really sweet.
Then Sheldon doesn't want to go to work because he doesn't want to face Kripke - and Leonard sees through Sheldon's plan of puttin the thermomoter in his tea. So Sheldon's not even smarter than Leonard now! And then Leonard middle-names him, so he agrees to go off to work. and Leonard is like 'OMG how did I do that?! I gotta remember how I did that!'
Howard manages to make a whistle with the 3D printer, and it only took 3 hours! And it works as well as a store-bought whistle!
Kripke thinks that the reason Sheldon's research wasn't very good is because he has a girlfriend, and is distracted by her... And then Sheldon busts out some very awkward sentences about how he and Amy are having lots of sex. Kripke is jealous and tries to give sheldon a fist-bump, which makes Sheldon do his 'are you serious?' face.
Then Howard shows Bernadette the dolls he made of her and himself, and she loves them...
So cute. So freaking cute.
... Until he tells her about the $5000 printer he bought in order to make them. Then she's pissed. And threatens to cut him off unless he sells the machine. So he's bummed about that.
Then Sheldon tells Penny and Leonard about the rumor he and Kripke started about his relationship with Amy, and Penny asks 'soo... are you ever going to sleep together?' and Leonard is like 'dude! We don't ask him those questions?' and then Sheldon actually considers it, and after a long discussion, says 'possibly.' Which causes Penny to make this face:
I saw it in the promo, and I was anticipating it so much... Does she look slightly sunburned to anyone else??
And she slaps Leonard several times and goes OH MY GOD hahaha but she also looks like she's about to laugh, hmm...
Howard sells the 3D printer to Raj (because that dude's rich, he can afford it!) and I'm praying that we get to see more of that thing, because it could lead to some fascinating storylines!
And Sheldon keeps talking to Kripke about how he and Amy were having sex the night before, and Kripke is a perv... Which somehow seems even more pervy with his voice than a normal person O.o
But this episode was hilarious nonetheless.
Even though I know they wouldn't (it's not 'mainstream' enough) but I really wish they'd done this Relient K song during this episode:
I mean, same title!!! It's no secret I love Relient K, to have Glee cover one of their songs would make me so happy :3 (unless they ruined it, in which case I'd be one pissed-off fangirl!)
Sam is running around talking to Blaine and saying there's something up with the Warblers, he thinks they're cheating, all because they were doing flips at Sectionals, and the fat guy has vanished. And then he uses Blaine's lip balm, because conspiracy theories make his lips go dry. I thought he had a huge stash in his locker?! Where's the stash?
They were late for the Student Council meeting, and Tina says that Sam spent the last meeting doing a Daniel Craig impression - which made me laugh SO hard, I love a good impression!! And Sam's are amazing!! I think it needs to be mandatory that, along with singing, unintentional racism, and Rachel-having-diva-moments every episode, there must be at LEAST one Sam impression. Every episode.
Tina is upset that prom is coming up and she never gets asked to the dance. Sam informs her she's kinda-hot, and then everyone votes in favour of a Sadie Hawkins Dance. Except Blaine. Also, apparently (among all other random and weird clubs) McKinley has a 'Too Young to be Bitter' club, where single girls (including the return of Lauren!) sit around and gripe about being single. I would so join that club.
Lauren: "Ever since I dated Puckerman, no one will ask me out." Sugar: "Probably because everyone thinks you have herpes.."
Kurt is at NYADA and now is all alone because Rachel is ignoring him to go hang out with Brodie. So someone tells him to join the Adam's Apples. Which means he's gonna be singing in a show choir AGAIN.
All the guys feel awkward over how to reject girls who ask them to go, or what they'd do if no one asked them. Puh-lease those guys are all gorgeous.
Beiste has 'heard' about Sue taking over the choir room (how could she not have, it happened over a month ago..) and Finn decides to turn the dance into a lesson, where the girls sing to the guys they want to ask to the dance. Kitty is all 'yea, I'm all over this assignment, I have someone I want to ask' and Marley makes this face O.O cos you know the bitch be talking about Jake.
Brody stays over at Rachel's and Kurt is all 'omg scandalous' and then she tells him not to join the Adam's Apples because apparently it's 'social and career suicide'. We have a diva moment, ladies and gents... Good thing the Daniel Craig impersonation cancelled it out!
Tina sings about the pain of 'unrequited love' and Artie thinks it's to him, Sam thinks it's to Unique and she's flashing back to all the times she and Blain were hanging out together and she likes him and I'm having flashbacks to Season 1 when Mercedes was in love with Kurt O.O SO AWKWARD!!! BUT SHE KNOWS HE'S GAY!!!! And not shockingly, he says no, poor guy and she looks shocked.. OMG WHYYYYYY?! (Side note: I knew that happened, because I'm on Twitter, but it makes me so uncomfortable still)
Kurt meets the leader of the Adam's Apples, a cute British guy named (what else?) Adam, and I was expecting the group to be all guys, but there are girls there too - apparently they really wantKurt to join them, but they are a ragtag band of misfits, half of whom look homeless...
He looks homeless in a really cute way...
And they sing an incredibly weird cover of 'Baby got Back' which apparently has caused a lot of controversy... I muted it.
Then Britney goes up to Marley and says she knows she likes Jake, and Marley says he hasn't tried to talk to her since she fainted onstage. Then Britney tells her to sing and dance it out and they do (in some GORGEOUS blue dresses, I might add) but the voices were really off from the video, I don't know what happened but it looked really fake.. Then when they're done, Marley yells 'JAKE' and everyone jumps then she goes over and kneels down (overdoing it a bit..) and says 'would you go to the dance with me?' and he grins and says yes! Awwww!!
But come on, who could say 'no' to that face?!
But Ryder looks sad, and Kitty looks pissed... Uh-oh. Then Britney pounces on Sam and asks him to take her, and he does a Yoda voice and says 'honour it would be' and I had to pause the video I was laughing so hard! Yess!! I can't believe it took them 2 seasons to discover that talent of his... Also then Ryder looks out the window and a Cheerio with a neck brace is waving at him. And he looks super-confused.
Kitty threatens Jake if he doesn't dump Marley, and then is all 'hey she's such a little virgin, if you go with me, I'll sleep with you' and I wanted to yell at the screen:
Gotta love Mean Girls.
But seriously. What a skank. Tina goes up to Blaine and apologises to him because she remembers that the reason he transfers from his OLD-old school to Dalton was because he was bullied at a Sadie Hawkins dance. So obviously the memory is painful for him. And then he apologises for embarassing her, and says he also doesn't want to go because he has a crush on a straight guy and he doesn't want to go to a dance where everyone will be romantic except him and Tina pesters him to tell her who it is - and it's Sam. Which would explain the look on his face when Sam asked for his lip balm earlier.
Sam is adorable and yelling about how the Warblers must be using HGH and includes time-lapse photos.. I gotta say, the awesome hair, the big blue eyes, the enthusiasm over conspiracies - does he remind anyone else of somebody??
Tadaahh!! And apparently, both are great kissers.
And then Tina and Blaine have a heart-to-heart and we see a flashback of YET ANOTHER Sam impression - this time of Arnold Schwarzenegger speaking Train lyrics...
"Hey soul sister. Ain't that mister-mister on the radio?"
I'M DYING!!! I want to hug whoever wrote this episode. Like seriously. And Tina says that she'll go with him, as best friends, and they'll have fun together. Awww!
Jake is talking to Puck about his girl dilemma, and they are using baseball metaphors.. And then suddenly Puck changes it to a cereal metaphor? I'm confused. Then Puck says to stay away from the 'Jesus-loving little devil', and "Don't worry about it, little brother from a differently coloured mother. I'll handle it." I HAVE MISSED THIS GUY!!
Kurt's talking to Rachel and says he has a crush on Adam from the Apples, (but won't tell her the name of the guy) and they both think Adam likes him, because he said Kurt looked like a young Paul Newman.
Not going to lie, I don't see a resemblance. Well, maybe the jaw.
Puck goes to talk to Kitty, and she says she doesn't even like Jake, she is just 'a hot bitch who gets what she wants' I am really confused as to why she wants him then... And she can't take him seriously because he can't spell, he says 'Leave my brother A-L-O-N.' And then she asks Puck to the dance and acts like a slut so he says yes. And then she tells him "My dates are always underwear optional."
Say it with me...
They get to the dance (which is snowflake-themed and 100x prettier than any dance I've ever been to) and I take it from his speech that Artie never got asked to the dance hahaha poor guy! They all the guys sing TLC's 'Scrubs' and I LOVE IT!! It's a good song to begin with, but they nailed it!
Then Marley and Jake are dancing (and she bounces around like I do when I dancce, which is adorable!) and she admits that she always assumes the best in people. And wants him to let her take things slow and she's all adorable about it, and then he looks kinda unsure. Damn.
Then Beiste finds all the single girls sitting alone, and gives them a pep talk so Lauren asks Joe to dance and Sugar asks Artie. And at the same time Kurt asks Adam if he'd like to get coffee sometime and they all say sure!
Then we see Tina and Blaine dancing and she still seems like she likes him and they're just having a good time and then Sam runs up and drags him away because 'I just got a big break in the case!' Then Sugar and Artie roll up and say that she can dance with them and she looks miserable.
And the girls sing 'Locked out of Heaven' and I'm so happy because I adore that song!! Also Britney makes a warning announcement not to eat the fake snow, 'because the glitter sticks to the roof of your mouth'.
Kitty and Puck are flirting, and apparently she genuinely likes him, which is odd because I didn't think she was capable of emotion... Also, he's never heard of Spellcheck. Which explains a lot.
Then Blaine and Sam go to Finn and tell him that they have tons of evidence - including a video of one of the Warblers having 'roid rage at the Starbucks barista. They know the Warblers are using performance-enhancers (a category which includes Four Loko hahaha). And he tells them this is super-serious to accuse them of something like that. Then, out of the shadows, steps the fat guy (whose name is apparently Trent, and Finn says he's like the 'sunshine of the group' hahaha) and he says he wants to go public about the steroids because the Warblers wouldn't let him perform unless he took them.
But he's the sunshine!! You can't kick out the sunshine!!
Rachel sets a table for dinner and Brody shows up, but 45 minutes late, because of the train, then she says that he should have left earlier (if that was the entire reason, that doesn't make sense for that to be his fault..) and he brought flowers and says that he didn't care it was cold, because he was going to get to see her. And he wants to dance with her.. And he's so sweet!!
Ryder is singing and looking at Jake and Marley and looking jealous, but then neckbrace-girl is watching him! And everyone is dancing - Brody and Rachel in NYC, Tina and Blaine, Sam and Britney (Blaine's watching them kinda creepily) and Jake and Marley. Brody says he'll get an apartment out there to be closer to Rachel (which makes no sense to me, because the school is so far away, she's the one who lives in a dumb place) and she tells him he should just move in there! Kurt's white-noise machine is going to be working overtime.
And then the Too Young to be Bitter club is all happy because of the dance, and Tina says she's found the love of her life (yes Becky, I think she is talking about gay Blaine, awkward!) and so they disband the club.
